Lea wrote:

"My 20-month-old son is precocious from the word go...He also has a terrible temper. He pulls mine and my daughter's hair, screams a horrible high pitched scream when he doesn't get his way. I am very unaccustomed to this as my daughter was a very easy kid. I am not a pushover and I am a relatively strict parent, but I am at my wits end trying to take care of him while trying to run a business and take care of my daughter. Do little boys grow out of this??"

Molly Brown Koch, a local parenting coach and author who last advised us on how not to pass on bad habits, had this to say in response:

"Self-assertiveness is the hallmark of 2-year old toddlers. (Also known as "terrible twos.") They are not "terrible"; they are little warriors in their struggle for independence.  And they take any opportunity to wage war when they feel threatened by limits placed on them. 

"A terrible temper may be the result of extreme frustration.  It helps to limit the number of times he hears the words, "NO," "DON'T," "CAN'T."  One way to do this is to use positive incentives instead of threats of punishment, i.e.:  "You can have extra time to play after you put away your toys" instead of "you will not go out to play if you don't put your toys away."  Allowing children to make as many decisions as possible gives them the feeling that they have some control in their lives, which in turn minimizes their frustration.  

"Simple decisions about what to wear, which book to read to him, and which video he wants to watch may seem of minor importance to parents, but they are enormously important to the child's sense of self."

Koch also suggests parents consult the chapter on "Understanding the Toddler" in her book, 27 Secrets to Raising Amazing Children, for more on this issue.