"Our culture places a very strong emphasis on social skills and the capacity to effectively engage with others. However, not every child is likely to develop these skills and capacities at the same rate and to the same extent, nor is it necessarily important that all children do so.

"After all, we know that some of us are more extroverted and thrive on connecting with as many individuals as possible, while others of us are more introverted and thrive on solitude and introspection.

"Based on what you are telling me about your daughter, and the fact that she is only 6 years old, I don’t believe that there is anything to worry about. The fact that she connects well with her small group of friends suggests that she has already developed a high level of social agility. The fact that she gets anxious in a larger group probably means that she becomes over-stimulated by all of the interaction, and is simply not able to process all that is going on around her. It’s as if her social wiring gets overloaded as a result of all of the interaction and she winds up short-circuiting into shyness and tearfulness, unable to handle all of the "charge" that is building up. On the other hand, the fact that she was able, with some parental support, to return to the recent birthday party, even though she wasn’t completely relaxed, is, from my perspective, a very good sign.

"It would be easy to imagine that as she gets older, she will gradually become better able to navigate between small groups and large groups. Until then, it’s best to be patient with her, and slowly nurture her social self-confidence.

"With this in mind, at this stage in her development I would select camps that are likely to have smaller groups of campers and low staff-to-camper ratios. When it comes to large-group activities, such as birthday parties, I would do exactly what you’ve done, which is to initially give her the opportunity to manage on her own, and, if she can’t, to make yourself available to her so that she can re-settle herself and feel less overwhelmed. If she is going to engage in any extra-curricular activities or programs, I would also select those that have small group or class sizes.

"And I would be sure to talk to her both before and after challenging events in an effort to help her become more self-assured. Prior to an event, for example, you might ask her to predict how well she thinks it’ll go, on a scale of 1-10, and join in with a prediction of your own. Afterwards, you can ask her to evaluate how it went, on that same 1-10 scale, and see who made the closest prediction. Being "playful" about some of her nervousness and insecurity will probably take the edge off of it, and provide her with more balance and perspective.

"Finally, be sure to let her know that you love her, and to regularly take note of all of her strengths and assets, both in and out of the social realm. You don’t want her sense of self-respect or self-esteem to rotate exclusively on the axis of being 'the life of the party"—even if she never turns out to be comfortable in large groups, she deserves to feel good about who she is, and about the meaningful peer relationships, however many, that she does learn to enjoy and cultivate."