The no gifts birthday party
A Twitter follower asks: "How (do you) encourage friends and family to give to charity in lieu of gifts at a kid party? We're racking our brains for a polite, workable way to do this. We hear people do both when asked, which doesn't solve the issue."
I sent the question to Bill Dougherty, a professor of family social science at the University of Minnesota, and one of the people behind Birthdays Without Pressure, a Web site (and group) that discusses how costs and expectations have gone up for children's birthday parties. (The site has ideas for simple birthday-party games and alternatives to gifts.)
Dougherty writes: "It doesn't work well to ask people to give to a charity in lieu of gifts--not for birthday parties. Here is what seems to work: Say in the invitations, and repeat when guests arrive with gifts, that you will give presents to a children's charity. That way, when people bring gifts, they know where they are going, and they don't have to do it themselves. They get to be generous to the birthday child and to the charity simultaneously."
He had another thought: "Consider present-free parties like the Obamas do (and other parents we've talked with). Children get plenty of presents from family. Why not make the friends' party just for fun. In that case, the parent can say "please, no gifts, and if you decide to bring one, we'll be donating it to charity."
"If gifts arrive, say thanks and move them out of view."
(Photo from Ron Chapple Stock)
Comments
I have done this for birthday parties with my kids a few times. Once I had a Clifford the Big Red Dog reading-themed party for my eldest son and in the invitations I said, "If you were planning to bring a gift, please instead consider bringing a children's book to be donated to Children's Hospital." Most people did just that. I think it is nice to make it tie into the theme of the party.
My youngest son, just celebrated his 3rd birthday and we invited a few friends and said, "No presents please, just your presence."
Posted by: Christine Connally | March 26, 2009 7:22 PM
I can't help but think that most kids would not really be thrilled by a "no gifts" birthday party. Opening the gifts and thanking each giver is something every child needs to learn, IMHO. (And no crying "I already have one of these!")
When kids are old enough to write their own thank you notes, that is another important lesson. We used to include a photo of each child taken at the party to make it a little more fun.
Posted by: Dahlink | March 28, 2009 11:10 AM
Actually, my child was perfectly fine with a "no gifts" party. He just wanted his friends to come over to celebrate his day with him. It turned out to be a great party, and we had a little higher attendance than in past years (probably because people didn't have to spend $20 on some junk toy that my child doesn't need anyway). I think children are learning a great lesson by having a party with NO gifts. My child gets plenty of gifts from family for Christmas which gives him the opportunity to say thank you...
Posted by: Ashley | March 28, 2009 2:22 PM
Donating gifts to charity is a great way to teach children empathy and altruism. So that the child doesn't feel that this is being imposed by the parents, why not let the child choose a charity that has meaning to him or her? Some great ideas would be an animal shelter, a children's hospital, or your church/synagogue.
When we had our daughter's birthday party recently, we asked for donations in lieu of gifts, and we made our daughter a keepsake of her party by having all of her friends sign a photo mat with a special birthday message, then we framed her favorite picture from the party. This was a much more meaningful memento than any new toy could be.
Posted by: Julie | March 28, 2009 10:34 PM