There are all sorts of issues with which women (and men, too, let's be honest) use to judge each other as parents. While I was lucky enough to encounter nothing but support and positive responses when I was breastfeeding both my children, people have questioned my decision to stay home with them while they are young, and someone I thought was my friend decided she wanted to end our friendship because my family chose to cosleep and she thought it was foolish and dangerous. So anyone who thinks breastfeeding is a litmus test for what makes you a good mother is seriously misguided.

However, as a breastfeeding advocate, I was dismayed by Rosin's article because I felt like she was portraying all breastfeeding moms as sheep who were simply doing it because it's "the cool thing to do." I was skeptical of her story about how she went to the playground and announced she was thinking about stopping nursing and all the other mothers wrinkled their noses and moved away enmasse, as if she had just announced she had MRSA. That is an attitude I have NEVER encountered.

I also noticed that in her analysis of the benefits of breastfeeding, she failed to mention that women who nurse lower their risk of breast cancer. It seemed like a big one to leave out.

I was also offended by her assertion that you can't get any "meaningful" work done while breastfeeding, because I think MANY women would disagree. And define meaningful.

Finally, it seemed to me like Rosin was doing exactly what she didn't want others to do to her and was judging other moms for their choices. Specifically her comment about natural snacks and wooden toys.

Here's the thing, though. I have never EVER heard a non-nursing mother say they chose not to nurse because they believed formula was just as good. Never. Women that don't nurse (don't, not can't) don't for 2 reasons. They or their husband think it's "gross" or they don't want to be inconvienced ("it's too hard"). And those 2 reasons are where the judgement comes from.

The only thing I can say to those that think it's gross or sexual in any way is that you are immature.

It's not hard. Once the kid latches right, it's easy. It's WAY easier to just put your kid on the boob in the middle of the night than it is to fix a bottle of formula. But it is inconvienent. You have to either plan to be home when your baby needs to nurse, have a bottle of breastmilk available or be okay with nursing in public. Also, family members that come over to see the baby will have to deal with you either feeding the baby in front of them or going into another room for 20-30 minutes. So what? The mother-child bond, especially in the beginning, is more important than grandma getting to give the baby a bottle or see her/him whenever she wants. I actually know someone who pumped instead of nursing because she felt bad that relatives that came over wouldn't get to see her son for very long because she needed to nurse him. She thought it was "rude" to go upstairs to feed the baby. Is it "rude" to leave the room to change a poopy diaper?

I nursed for 7.5 months. 5.5 of which I was at work pumping. And it sucked. I hated pumping. But I loved coming home from work and getting my son at daycare and nursing him. I loved being the only person that could provide that for him. I started weaning at 6 months because I needed to go back on a mood stabilizer - can't nurse on that kind of medication. I miss it and would have nursed for as long as my son wanted to.

As a grandmother - I nursed my own children for, probably 6 months but none of my grandchildren were breastfed because "it didn't work out" for my daughter and my DIL decided not to - my attitude is that it's most important for parents to be relaxed and loving and for babies to feel secure and loved than to get wrapped up in this stuff. However, having skimmed Kayris' response and gotten to ...natural snacks and wooden toys I had to go read the article.

Look, I have a whole passel of former in-laws who read Atlantic and act as though they're quoting Rocket Science Monthly or something, so I started out with an attitude. That admitted, I have to wonder if Ms. Rosin is a freelancer who gets paid by the word. She just went on the attack willy-nilly. I wonder if she even has kids at all, or if she's making that up, too.

Truly, no one can be as pissy and unpleasant as this person comes across and survive, can they?

As a first-time mother who spends most of her days nursing her 2 month old, I have had hours to give this topic some thought. Once we got the hang of it I too loved the fact that I could feed my daughter. But as someone who will have to go back to work in a few weeks I am saddened by the way this topic is framed. Breastfeeding is a choice, and I never ever pass judgment on mothers who for whatever reason are bottle-feeding their children. I am lucky, I work in an office where I can at least pump privately. But this whole "debate" masks the true issue that should be discussed in our country: how women are offered ridiculously paltry amounts of family leave. Is it any wonder how women feel judged and stressed and incapable of "doing it all" when most have to return to work in 3 months or less? And to mothers lucky enough to stay at home, no, I do not believe that my going back to work is a "choice" - in my case I stand to lose my pension and health insurance should I quit my job, not to mention the ability to contribute to our mortgage. The real discussion should be about flexible time, work-site daycare, and policies that allow moms to actually raise their children in infancy.

Beth: You say the only reasons non-nursing moms don't nurse is because it's "gross" or "too hard". Then in the following paragraph, you say you had to give up nursing because you were put on mood stabilizers.

Women have LOTS of reasons for not nursing. I tried to nurse my first and couldn't because she couldn't latch on properly. I tried for seven days of hell and her being hospitalized due to jaundice, and I finally gave up. Both of us were immediately better for it.

I nursed my second for two weeks and then had to stop because I, too, was put on medication that could be transmitted through breast milk. Both of my children, now teens, are healthy, happy and had no ill effects from all that formula they consumed.

There's an entire generation of adults now that were bottle-fed. They're mostly just fine. Either way is great--whatever the mother and her doctor thinks are best. Let's not judge one mother or another!

I was lucky enough to have a half-time job when my kids were little, so I could go to work and not have to worry about pumping. My role models were my mother, who chose to breast-feed at a time when the pediatricians regarded that as old-fashioned and "unscientific," and my grandmother, who not only nursed all four of her children, but also nursed other women's babies when they did not produce enough milk.

*and whether [breastfeeding has] become a modern shackle of domesticity for women, something like the vacuum cleaner once was.*

Where are that Owl Meat guy or that Bucky guy when we need them?

How do you know whether a mom is one who *can't* nurse vs. one who has chosen not to? Is she required to tell everyone in order to avoid judgment?

My milk never truly came in, regardless of what I did (water! oatmeal! fenugreek! pumping before! pumping after!). I nursed as much as I could for 4.5 months even though my son never once got a full meal out of me. Part of why I stuck it out that long was because I felt like I had to, that I wasn't doing the right thing otherwise.

And I cannot tell you how many times I felt like I had to justify the fact that I was bringing out a bottle for my newborn. It might as well have been a giant Scarlet B. I had way too many conversations with strangers (or near-strangers) about something that was, frankly, none of their business. But I felt judged -- I was judged -- so the explanation fell out of my mouth hundreds of times. (Heck, I'm justifying myself right now.) I would rather have just fed my son in peace, but that felt like it wasn't an option sometimes.

I try not to judge others on this issue because you never know what someone else's situation is really like. But really, if a woman simply chooses not to breastfeed, why is that any of my concern in the first place?

Can't we all just cut one another some slack? Please? This parenting stuff is tough enough.

I'm a new mom and have been nursing my daughter now for 8 and half months. Things were very tough in the beginning and I was definitely ready to quit. However, my husband was very supportive and the hospital where I had my baby was also very supportive and helpful with the latching troubles, etc. Having said that, I was a formula fed baby and I think I turned out alright (smile), but the choice to nurse or feed formula is the mom's decision and should be respected either way. There was a time I needed to use formula in the beginning because I was having such a tough time and I felt very judged by people who saw me using a bottle. It was uncomfortable and unnecessary for others (particularly some non-mothers who had opinions) to judge me.

Parenting is already tough. Mothers should definitely be given slack on some things - its just too obnoxious otherwise in these already stressful times we live in.

Anonymous, while Bucky is quite civilized, you just don't want to hear Owl Meat start up on this, unless you're hoping to see the women here inflamed and insulted. (I suspect that the reason Bird has not contributed is that he realizes that this is a sensitive issue and he's not as thoughtless as the persona he presents.)

Besides - and perhaps most importantly - maybe....just maybe...this is a woman's issue and does not need commentary from men.

I have been breastfeeding my son for 6 konths, and plan to continue, but I found the article really interesting and enlightening (if a little wordy).

But wow, isn't it telling that I felt I had to preface that by saying that I am breastfeeding and plan to continue to breastfeed? And that the author also had to make the point that she breastfed her children, as if it's anyone's business and as if the article would have less credibility if she hadn't?

I did not nurse either of my children. My sister and sister-in-law nursed all of their children, primarily because of the purported health benefits. My two children, 18 and 15 years old, are far and away the healthiest of the seven grandchildren...minimal ear infections, no allergies, no ear tubes, no tonsil or adenoids removed.
I was judged by some as selfish but I chose to take the high road...nursing was not for me but why should anyone care or pass judgment on my choices? Live your life and let others live theirs!