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March 30, 2009

Au pair advice -- the Monday Consult

As the economy gets grimmer, more families are likely looking into hiring a live-in au pair visiting from another country to cover child care in exchange for room and board and a stipend. I asked Christine Connally, a Maryland-based community counselor for Au Pair in America, to give interested parents some things to think about. Here are her questions and answers:

How many hours a week do I need child care? "An au pair can work up to 45 hours per week and a maximum of 10 hours per day. While this stipulation is set by federal regulations governing the au pair program, it is a ground rule that’s also just common sense, as you want your au pair focused and alert during her work hours."

How many children can an au pair care for and how much will it cost? "Most au pair programs in the U.S. have one flat fee per family, not per child. Au pairs can care for families of all sizes. The minimum weekly stipend an au pair receives is set by federal regulations and tied to federal hourly wage limits with a consideration for room and board. The current stipend for an au pair working 45 hours per week is $176.85 and will increase in July 2009 to $195.75 when the regulated third increase in federal minimum wage goes into effect. Speak with your area’s community counselor if you have questions."

How much living space should be available for an au pair? "An au pair requires a private bedroom in your home that meets local fire code safety standards. It is important the space include a comfortable bed, adequate storage for clothing and personal items, a window and adequate artificial lighting. Remember, the room will be your au pair’s private living space for at least a year – if she is comfortable and happy, she is better able to focus on the important job of caring for your children.
 

What’s the proper way to address comings and goings; the use of common areas of my home; and other house ground rules? "Before your au pair begins living in your home, consider your family household habits and traditions that are assumed but rarely articulated. You probably have rules about where food can be eaten, taking shoes off, use of a car, private and communal areas of the home, acceptable hours for coming and going, noise levels and visitors. You need to convey your rules to your au pair before she arrives. Your community counselor will provide an orientation before the au pair arrives and meet with you and your au pair shortly after her arrival."

Can I expect our au pair to go on vacation with our family or attend special family holiday celebrations? "This is entirely up to the host family. You have chosen an au pair, in part, because you want someone living in your home that you can trust to love and care for your children. Choosing to include her in your family vacation or special family holiday celebrations is a great way for her to become an extended member of your family. This also gives you an opportunity to see her interacting with your children. However, be clear about your expectations. When you invite her on vacation or a family outing, let her know when she’ll be expected to care for the children."

If I hire an au pair and it isn’t working out, what do I do? "Most au pair agencies provide some provision to assist families whose au pair isn’t working out. At Au Pair in America, we provide full support services and if it is clear that issues between the family and au pair cannot be resolved, we work with the family to find to a suitable replacement within 24 hours. Keep in contact with your community counselor even if you are not having problems with your au pair. Usually it is a series of communication problems building up over time that can lead to separation from an au pair. These can be avoided by vesting yourself in a training period with the au pair – teaching her about how you want your children cared for; how to safely use the equipment in your home; speaking frequently with her in private; offering praise and constructive criticism; taking time to observe and hear how she is feeling. Adapting to a new culture, language and family is never easy!"

To find out more, visit Connally’s blog, or call her at 301-860-1314.

Posted by Kate Shatzkin at 6:08 AM | | Comments (25)
        

Comments

Ms. Connally makes very valid points here for any parent considering an au pair for their childcare needs.

However, any parent needs to fill in the gaps that most au pair agencies leave blank. Educate yourself, read about hosting an au pair, contact different agencies and speak to the counselor who services your area before you sign a contract.

Regarding the rematching, it might be confusing to a prospective host parent to say a host parent will be matched within "24" hours! Many times, busy counselors do not return your first phone call about replacing your au pair in the first 24 hours of your decision!

Replacing an au pair can take up to 4 weeks, and then you must wait for the new au pair to get her visa, etc., and that is typically another 4-6 weeks, so there will always be a significant gap in childcare once your family decides to replace your current au pair!

Doing your homework first is the key to a successful match! At www.aupairclearinghouse.com, we fill in the gaps for consumers so they have the best information about the au pair industry before they make this important decision - we are the nation's first consumer website on the au pair industry.

Visit us and read about our reviews of all the 12 au pair agencies in the country, the most expensive to the least expensive, the Top Rated Agencies, breaking news, tips and advice, How to Avoid the Top Ten Mistakes Host Parents Make when Choosing an Au Pair, and more!

Edina Stone
Founder & CEO
www.aupairclearinghouse.com

The best, most impartial advice for a family considering an au pair for their child care is research. Visit the leading agencies' sites, call their national and local representatives, ask to speak to local families, etc. Since every family is different, you should gather your own information and make the decision that is right for you and your family.
As an employee of Au Pair in America, I truly believe that our program is worth the marginally higher upfront cost given the program's dependability, experience, thorough screening process, child care standards and preparation, and the impeccable 24/7 year round support it provides. But again, families are all different and for some, the absolute lowest cost is the only priority.
Rather than visit blogs that are affiliated with agencies that are nothing more than hidden sales tools, like aupairclearinghouse.com, take the time for due diligence and research what is most important for you and your family.

I wanted to clarify part of my answer about what to do if things are not working out. We (Au Pair in America) begin working with the host family (and au pair) on finding a replacement within 24 hours of the decision being made. Finding the right au pair for a host family is an important decision. How long it takes to find a replacement depends on a variety of factors, but it normally does take more than 24 hours.

Dear Mr. Liberty,

I take great umbrage with your following statement made here on this page:

"Rather than visit blogs that are affiliated with agencies that are nothing more than hidden sales tools, like aupairclearinghouse.com, take the time for due diligence and research what is most important for you and your family."

My website is not a "blog" nor is it affliated with any agency. I own and operate this site myself and it is outrageous that you would make such a statement with no facts to support your libelous comment.

In the past several months, I have contacted you at your agency (au pair in america) several times, in order to get more information on your company, and you have never returned any of my emails. We wanted to write a news story on your aagency. One of your counselors in NJ also tried to get you to contact me, with no success.

For the readers of this column, Mike Liberty works for au pair in america and is the media and press news representative.

Mr. Liberty - you are unprofessional, out of order and completely inappropriate and false regarding your comments made here.

I can only assume the reason you would attack my company in public and in this outrageous manner, is that you made this statement in response/or retaliation to our company's decision to rank your competitors, Cultural Care and Au Pair Care, above your own company.

However, this is NO excuse for you to act in such an unprofessional manner and our decision should in no way, be a reason for you to print such an untruth about our company.

As a businessman and as a trusted professional in the au pair industry, you do a grave dishonor to yourself and and the agency you work for, Au Pair In America.

I expect an immediate retraction of your libelous and false accusation.

Outraged

Edina Stone
Founder & CEO
www.aupairclearinghouse.com

Dear Edina, I think you should be upset - I have used your site and I think you are unbiased in your reviews. I chose Au Pair Care because of your reviews and tips. I am very happy.

I cannot imagine who mr. liberty thinks you work for! other than yourself. You wrote a pretty intense story on Cultural Care (2 lawsuits pending) that was rather tough.

So, I think Mr libery and Au Pair in America is suffering from a case of Sour Grapes! you did rank them number 3 or 4, but that was in a list of 12, so that is not so bad. I guess they feel "outed" since this is the first time a website is offering consumers another option and voice.

So, they are trying to shoot the messenger. It's business - don't be upset, he is totally unprofessional and readers will see this. He represents his company, so really, au pair in america is attacking you and your website. It is very unprofessional!

Aupair in america is the most expensive agency, about 20,000 or more a year, in the country and even mr. liberty makes note of this. Maybe that is another reason they are upset!

Anyway, keep up the good work, Edina, and readers - check out her site and see for yourself if aupairclearinghouse is a great resource for host parents!


SHAME ON YOU MR LIBERTY AND AU PAIR IN AMERICA!!!

I was a host father with aupairinamerica and I had two terrible experiences with two terrible au pairs - the counselor never returned my phone calls and her manager was young, rude and totally inexperienced!

We did switch to Cultural Care, then again, to Au Pair USA.

These agencies tell you what they want you to hear ladies and gentlemen! Mr. Liberty, where should host parents go for another look at agencies, except their own sites!

No agency is going to trot out their dirty linen, nor will they frame their "advertising" in a negative light. No business will do this - that is why thousands of U.S. consumers pay a subscription to Consumer Reports to get the truth about products before they spend their hard-earned money!

I have checked out aupairclearinghouse.com and there is a ton of content on that site from professionals (including a staff psychologist and au pair agency owners from the UK) and they are a real consumer news site.

Their advice helped me and my partner choose our third au pair company and to avoid the mistakes the au pair agencies refrain from telling you - you want "due diligence" check out this site!

Maybe that is the problem -finally someone, a third party, is reviewing and rating these agencies, and au pair agencies, they don't like it!! Or, Mr. Liberty does not like it!

I work in corporate America and I can readily understand Au Pair In America's defensive prosturing - they are afraid of getting called on the carpet and they will try and discredit any consumer report site or company, so, buyer beware -if "doth protest too much" there may be hidden truths that you need to search out with this company!

Or any au pair agency that goes on the attack against a third party consumer website.

What are they afraid of anyway? If they are the upstanding company they say they are, why not give edina stone an interview or just shut up and ignore her website.

I read Edina's comments here and there is nothing in her comments that should fuel such a fiery, snarky remark as Mr. Liberty found himself at "liberty" to make.

IGNORE him Ms. Stone - you have a great, and much needed site - keep up the good work and do what you need to do in your business - it is tough out there and you have to have a thick skin to survive in these economic times and in the business world where people like Mr. Liberty lie in wait to attack you without provocation and good cause.

It's the dirty underbelly of all business!

Wow, this is all so confusing! I currently have an au pair who is NEVER home.(boyfriend). I'm trying to find a new agency and wonder if any of you can comment on Expert au pair?

As the writer & editor of the most popular blog for au pair host parents, www.AuPairMom.com, I think that I can confidently vouch for the service that Edina Stone and the AuPairClearninghouse are offering to prospective host parents.

Ms. Stone's site keeps an eye on trends and issues in the au pair industry-- and yes, it is an industry. Hers is the *only* site that does this. AuPairClearninghouse is the *only* site that tracks agency press releases, news stories, and parent experiences to offer a more objective picture of the choices out there.

Ms. Stone often comments on AuPairMom.com, and the advice that she offers shows that she has a lot of sensible, personal experience with au pairs and host families.

I don't know Ms. Stone personally, and I don't know what her plan is for making money with her site, but I do feel confident that the is both knowlegable and independent. Hers is an important voice.

I am also now disappointed with AuPairInAmerica.

CV Harquail
www.AuPairMom.com

As a host parent with the leading au pair agency, and having done extensive research on Au Pair in America, I am appalled that Mr. Liberty would describe the costs of Au Pair America as "maginally higher" than other agencies. Perhaps to you, Mr. Liberty, $500 - $600 more than your two biggest competitors represents a "marginal" difference, but to the thousands of hard working parents who are struggling in this tough economy, $600 makes a real difference. I am blown away by your insensitivity to an issue that is hitting all parents at all points on the income spectrum. Your comments combined with the fact that your two major competitors have kept prices stable while your organization raised them during this trying time show just how out of touch Au Pair in America is!

My goodness, these comments have taken an interesting turn.

I don't have personal experience with an au pair agency yet. I am still in the research stage, and have seen the Au Pair Clearinghouse website. Since most sites have some sorts of advertisements or listed sponsors, I wondered how a site like this was paid for and a how a person could put so much time into it without getting something out of it. Perhaps Ms. Stone is lucky enough to have excess funds to pay for the site, and she is very fortunate to have the free time to devote to it. It is not like Consumer Reports Magazine, which is paid for by readers and accepts no advertisement. Her site is free, so it leads to the question of how is it funded? Depending on how it is funded, how objective is it?

I don't know that Mr. Liberty should have called out this website without any proof, but I do view the website with a little skepticism. I googled Ms. Stone after reading this blog and found that in one of her bios she claims to have 10 years experience working for an au pair agency, however she does not state which one.

There is some good information on the website, I just take it with a grain of salt as I do all information on the internet. The site has been helpful in my research about au pairs and agencies, but I certainly won't depend solely on this site, or on the internet, for all of my information.

All those discussions about marketing, ranking agencies, and self promotion are rather confusing when as a parent you are trying to find the best child care possible. Our family has been with Au Pair in America for more then 8 years and we had a great experience. What I learned over the years is that good personal interaction with your counselor is the single most important thing you need to make things work. All those agencies are doing the same job and the cost is not that different once you take into account the Au Pair living expenses – which can vary quite a bit from one Au Pair to the other (food, extra heat, water, car insurance, travel for family vacation…), but what matters is to have somebody ready to help you when you need it.
Over the years, we had ten Au Pairs, some stayed more than one year, others were rematches, most of them were terrific and a couple were OK. But for every one of them we had great support and advice from our counselor who worked very hard in case of conflicts – and this happened, it is human nature - and to find a rematch when we needed one. The rematch process is always stressful for everybody, you worry about not having anybody to care for your children, but every single time – only twice for us – we found another “in country” au pair who arrived in our home in less than 3 weeks.
My Advice to parents considering an Au Pair is to first talk to other parents who have Au Pairs and then meet with the local counselor. You will get a feel of how things are with the agency and then you will know how well the counselor will work with you. You should also consider why you want an Au Pair as a childcare option; in our case, it was the tremendous flexibility of having someone living with us that made the difference. Sure, you have to live with someone else in you house, but when you are stuck in a meeting at 6 PM there is no panic, you just call home and say you will be late! And there is something else; it is easier to get to know someone when he/she lives with you, making it is less difficult to leave your little one(s) with that person.

Interesting commentary - we are searching for the right au pair agency and indeed, we have used this company, Au Pair Clearinghouse. It is a very useful tool when doing your research!

I am starting a website business, and it does not cost much at all to "fund" it! It is probably the cheapest way to start a business. You pay 200 a year for your web to be registered. That is it. And yes, you will spend lots of your time to write good content to attract customers to your site - but that is part of your business plan. You can use adsense and affliate programs to help pay you a little on the way to success, and it appears that edina does use amazon to help bring in some monies, but I don't think amazon is funding her site!

I am planning to use adsense and perhaps another way of bringing in money until my website takes off. Is there something wrong with this? I don't think so. It is perfectly legit. Perhaps if edina was using adsense for a particular au pair company, I might find her site "suspect." But, she is not, as far as I can see.

This web attack by a big company, like au pair in america against a struggling, small consumer website, is offensive and counter to the American way of doing business.

It has turned me off and I think we will not consider au pair in america as one of our choices. The biggest turn-off is that Mr. Liberty has not apologized or commented further here - I don't think it is nice to attack someone on line and then ignore their request for an apology.

I apologize to everyone for any offensive comments I made yesterday with my post. It was not my intent to upset anyone or to cause a stir. I am not someone who regularly posts online, and will certainly not do so in the future. Again, my sincerest apologies if I have upset anyone.

Dear Mr. Liberty, Au Pair in America

Thank you for your apology. It is much appreciated.

Please note that earlier today, our website posted your company's current press release regarding your client satisfaction survey.

We work very hard at our business, are not funded by any third party and I do work long hours on the website, writing content that I hope host parents will find useful and unbiased. Our mission is to provide the best information to host parents so they can make the very best childcare decision for their families.

I thank all those who commented here and a special "thank you" to AuPairMom, one of the best au pair & host family blogs on the internet.

Regards,

Edina Stone
Founder & CEO
www.aupairclearinghouse.com

Hi Christine Connally,

I apologize for the turn of events that may have taken attention away from your excellent interview here with the Baltimore Sun.

Your blog, and comments on my site, www.aupairclearinghouse.com, demonstrate what a professional and knowledgeable counselor you are and your host families and au pairs are lucky to have you in their corner.

You did a great job with the interview, so enjoy - you should have been in the limelight, not me!

Warm regards,

Edina Stone
Founder & CEO
www.aupairclearinghouse.com

I could not agree with the comments of Mark S. more. Au Pair in America's attack of Au Pair Clearinghouse is outrageous! And while Ms. Stone graciously acknowledged Mr. Liberty's follow up post, I would point out that it was only after being forced by the opinions on this thread that Mr. Liberty offered his apologies. And given that he was obviously posting in his official capacity as press representative - where is the apology from Au Pair in America?

Thank you, Ms. Stone for your apology. I appreciate it and hopefully we can put any unpleasantness aside and move forward.

Warm Regards,
Christine

Mr. Liberty - why would you say that you never comment online and will not do so again in the future? Are you not the public relations person for an Internet based company?

Is Au Pair in America so out of touch with their customers (on the financial front he offended struggling families trying to pay bills and childcare costs) that they hire someone who "does not" post comments online?

How does a large company not know about social media, such as blogs, Twitter, Face Book, etc., where host families and au pairs commnunicate with one and another?

And HE questions Mrs. Stone's business plan? You have to be kidding!

As for your apology, Mr. Liberty, what a bland and white bread offering - it has about as much substance as your attack on the au pair clearinghouse website did.

Why didn't you address MS. Stone personally? She was the one who was asking for the apology!

As your company's PR man, you make Au pair in America look weak, ineffectual, sneaky and totally unsophisticated in the media, Internet and public relations arenas.

And, then you never responded to Ms. Stone's kind acceptance of your, um, "kinda - so-so" apology!

Your own counselor has more class and public relations expertise than you - and you are the public relations man!

Unreal. If you want to "out" a business, and then apologize for going over the line, you need to conduct yourself in a businesslike, professional manner - and your apology should have reflected that.

You were not just "innocently" blogging here on a Saturday afternoon in your own home, Mr. Libery, your comments were made in your professional capacity as Au Pair in America's Public Relations and Media person!

Therefore, your apology should have reflected that stature and position.

Your refusal to do so, says a lot about your company and how it is run.

As a businessman who worked in corporate America, for many years, may I make a suggestion:

Maybe you and Ms. Connally should switch positions.

Folks,
I've decided that the heated back-and-forth between Au Pair in America and aupairclearinghouse.com has gone on long enough. Both sides have made their points and their apologies, so let's move on.

I'll continue to publish general comments about hiring or living with an au pair, but I won't be able to publish any more related to this dispute. Thanks.

I wanted to respond to the mom who was asking about Expert Au Pair Agency. This is a small, new company that is based in St. Petersburg, Florida.

They have a "hands-on" approach to recruiting and screening au pairs and they have made the decision to grow slowly, so they can maintain quality of their au pairs and continue to provide the best customer service.

I recently had the pleasure of interviewing Mark Gaulter, CEO of Expert Au Pair and we will be posting the entire interview soon on our website.

An interesting piece of information I can share with readers here, is that Mr. Gaulter stated there is a rise in the number of both English and Irish au pairs applying to Expert Au Pair Agency. Historically, those countries were difficult to recruit from due to their strong economy, however the dollar is now very strong against the Euro and we are seeing more au pairs signing up! English and Irish au pairs are strong candidates to choose from because they have strong driving skills and excellent English. This is great news for host parents in America!

Take a look at this company at www.expertaupair.com - we highly recommend them. If you are not in Florida, they do service some parts of the East and West coast, so call them to find out if you are in their service areas.

Check in with us for the full interview with Mark Gaulter CEO of Expert Au Pair in the next week or so at www.aupairclearinghouse.com!

Edina Stone
Founder & CEO
www.aupairclearinghouse.com

As a host mom I must say that aupairclearinghouse.com and aupairmom.com have been extremely helpful. I used aupairclearinghouse.com when I started to research the different available agencies and because of, what I considered to be, unbiased and informative reviews I decided to use AuPairCare. I called around with a few agencies to gather my own information but I found that a lot of it was congruent with what I found on the site although AuPairCare definitely had the best customer service in my opinion. My family has been completely satisfied with the au pair that we chose from France and our local area director is very supportive and checks in with us regularly. I have used the advice on aupairmom.com along the way also and have found other host moms’ opinions and suggestions to be very useful. Thanks to both of you women for hosting fantastic web sites for current and prospective host families! Lastly, l’d like to recommend AuPairCare to other families as I couldn’t imagine a better experience with an agency.

Hi everyone,

I’m so glad to see other Au Pair Care families participating in this important discussion and referencing these great sites! I had never actually visited either but can really see why they are receiving rave reviews.

We have been an Au Pair Care host family since 2000 and have had the best possible experience with every au pair except for one (by no fault of the agency). I agree with Ms. Connally that research is important but I also think that speaking with other families and the local staff from an agency is really important. When we were first thinking about having an au pair we spoke to Au Pair Care’s headquarters staff who then put us in contact with our area director (who lives near us) so that we could get a good sense of what this person was going to do to help our family while the au pair was with us. One of our au pairs was homesick when she first arrived and our area director was so great at recommending things for us to do to counter this so that our au pair could feel safe and supported in our home.

All this to say that all the agencies basically have the same program at the same cost (except au pair in America which obviously has higher prices) but they don’t all have the same level of service. Over the years every time we had to say goodbye to an au pair we called cultural care to make sure that we should continue with Au Pair Care and they just had the worst service and seemed really interested in selling us an au pair instead of supporting our decision like Au Pair Care.

So, to all of you considering an au pair I too recommend Au Pair Care as we definitely think you can’t beat the service which is so important when you’re making the decision to have basically a stranger live with your family for a year. These are our kids so it’s not worth taking the risk that if god forbid something does happen you don’t have staff who will support you!

Sincerely, Anne

I think the heated nature of the exchanges is indicative a number of things, among them the importance of picking the right au pair agency, and the right au pair for you.

It's not easy to get it right. We got it wrong with the very first two au pairs that we hired (through Au Pair Care), and because we did, we just recently abandoned the au pair gig after slogging through it for one year. Maybe someone else would go for a third try, after the first two au pair experiences went sour, but we didn't have the stomach for it after our second au pair turned out to be a compulsive liar.

Anyway, for those of you thinking about getting an au pair, or even those of you in between your first bad au pair and whatever comes next, I would strongly, strongly urge you to talk to current and past au pair families who have had both good and bad experiences with au pairs before taking the plunge. They are absolutely the best source of information for you, not the au pair agencies.

If you're interested, you can read more about what our family learned from our au pair experiences at
http://llc.du.edu/cheinrich/adviceforaupairfamilies/.

As I write on that web page, our aim isn't to discourage people from doing the au pair 'thing", we just advocate for a well-informed, realistic, and reasonably skeptical approach when considering going the au pair route -- and a similar approach once you have chosen that route.

Thanks Jillian!

I am glad you enjoy my site and I am very happy to hear you enjoy AuPairCare! They are a wonderful au pair agency.

If you have an infant and are thinking about an au pair, please do call this agency first.

They have a Specialized Infant Program where they train au pairs in the care of babies!

They even include baby massage and sign language training.

It is a bit more in cost, but for the security that parents need when leaving an infant in the care of a young woman, the extra cost is more than worth it ($1000 a year more than their standard au pair).

Edina Stone
www.aupairclearinghouse.com

Best,

Edina Stone

I understand the frustration with aupair agencies. And in a lot of cases they are very justifiied.
I am a lead counselor with over 14 years of experience. Started a website to help parents with pre-screening aupairs, phone interview questions to cover (all) of your bases, setting up your expectations, effective communication during the program year.
Please visit www.aupairselectionadvice.net
Here you will find a lot of advice about how to find the right aupair, how to set up a good match.

Please don't be discouraged if you have had a bad aupair experience. There are a lot of good aupairs out there, it is just a matter of finding them among the bad apples - girls with alterior motives.
This is just free advice. My goal is to have as many as possible good matches in the USA. It's not a business venture, and I am not suggesting any particular agency. But just make sure that you are going with one of the 12 State Department designated legal aupair agencies.
I welcome everybody at
www.aupairselectionadvice.net

MV

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About Hanah Cho
Hanah Cho joined The Baltimore Sun in 2003, just a few years out of college. While covering everything from education to workplace issues to financial services, she also got married and became a first-time mom in December 2009. Now, she’s trying to juggle work and life demands without losing her sanity.

She lives in Columbia with her husband and infant son.

Kate Shatzkin authored Charm City Moms until June 18, 2010.
Follow @charmcitymoms on Twitter
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