I was talking recently with my sister, who told me of the exploits of her oldest child, an energetic six-year-old boy who was starting to play soccer. He was channeling his enthusiasm onto the field, and was regularly scoring goals, at least one a game.

I realized it was an experience with which I have been unfamiliar.

We’ve spent a lot of time on the sidelines of soccer games, and never seen a child of ours kick a ball into the net. Same goes for field hockey, for our daughter. Baseball has been a bit better, but if our son crosses the plate, it’s usually because he walked, and there were three more walks behind him.

I’ve tried to maintain a proper perspective about sports. Given their heritage and genetics, there’s little chance of our children becoming star athletes. But we want them to grow up active, healthy and well-rounded. Team and individual sports are going to be part of the equation, we’ve decided, so they get fresh air and exercise and learn the values of teamwork and participation.

We’re not going to be sideline-screaming, referee-berating parents. Winning and goal scoring are going to be secondary.

That’s why I appreciated the talk Coach Mike gave the 8-year-old basketball team that includes our son before their first exhibition game this month. Our son is just about in the middle of the team height-wise. He’s probably just about in the middle in dribbling and shooting skills as well.

Coach Mike told the boys that they each had to figure out what they were good at, and try to use and develop that skill. The biggest boys would be best at rebounding and getting the ball close to the basket. The smaller boys would be faster, and needed to dribble around the defense. Not everyone was going to be a point-scorer.

Our son seemed to take the lesson to heart. He hustled up and down the court, playing tough defense. He found the open spot, and tried to pass the ball to the right guy. At halftime, I congratulated his hustle, and gave a tip or two. Don’t stop dribbling too early, I advised. I bet you can get the ball closer to the hoop.

The first time he had the ball in the third quarter, he did just that. He drove into the key and put up a shot. It went in.

I finally got to experience that thrill – watching a kid score in a sports game. It was his only basket that game. But the team didn’t really score that many. Because it was an exhibition, no score was kept.

I was surprised, however, at how quickly my excitement faded. Not long after the ball went through the net, I heard Coach Mike’s words in my head. I liked the pep-talk lesson. So I tucked away the memory of watching my child score a lay-up, and returned to the reality of gently trying to help my kids figure out what they are good at.