Father's Day Friday: Letting things slide
Guest Dad Howard Libit, who last wrote on the blog about balancing long hours and little ones, is back with a little anecdote about his family's visit to our house. We've been laughing about how the sheer will of a 2-year-old can bring a parent to his knees.
Here's his post:
"When we're out in public, it feels like my wife and I are often caught in the dilemma of how to deal with our 2-1/2-year-old's behavior -- do we hold Elliot to the strict rules that we try to enforce at home (and risk a crying meltdown), or let some of the little things slide? Last weekend was no exception.
"While at another family's house, it became time to sit down for dinner. (Full disclosure -- we were at the home of the host of this blog, Kate). Kate's son and daughter (who are elementary-school age) came over to sit down for dinner, but Elliot didn't want to immediately join us. Not surprisingly, he was enthralled with the cars and trucks that belong to Kate's son.
"After a few minutes, Elliot walked over to the table, and he was lugging a huge garbage truck. I tried to gently persuade him that he needed to "park" the garbage truck on the floor behind his chair, or under the dining room table. (Yes, I know persuasion doesn't work with 2-1/2-year-olds, but I try anyway). Elliot refused and insisted on pushing the truck up onto the table, next to his plate.
"My wife and I quickly looked at each other, and we both were uncertain what to do. Of course it's against the rules at our home to bring toys to dinner. And Kate doesn't let her children do it, either. Since I was sitting next to Elliot, it was going to be up to me to take the truck away. And I just didn't have the energy or strength to do it. Elliot seemed happy, everyone else at the table was happy, our 4-month-old baby girl was calm -- I just didn't want to ruin everything by demanding that the truck be put away. I didn't want the tears and the yelling.
"Hopefully, Kate's children aren't trying to bring toys to the table after we let Elliot do it. And Elliot hasn't started trying to bring toys to dinner at home. So maybe kids are smart enough to realize they can get away with a lot more when we're outside of the house.'
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Comments
We had this sort of issue, too. I used to "cheat" my way around it, but it's really not a cheat. Other parents will recognize what you are trying to do, and support you.
So, e.g., you might say, "Elliot, I think Miss Kate also has the rule about 'no toys at the table'?"
And then look hopefully at Kate, who catches on.
And then Kate says, "Yes, Elliot, I am afraid we have the same rule here that you have at home. No toys at the table."
And the Kate smiles and maintains eye contact with Elliot. And then Elliot puts down the toy.
I think sometimes that a challenge like this is a child's way of finding out who's in charge in different settings. They need to know the answer, but don't know how to ask it.
Posted by: Nicole Schultheis | November 14, 2008 1:35 PM