Sorry - I'm generally pretty pro-mom, but I'm not sympathetic to these women and their husbands/boyfriends. My husband and I waited to have children until we could afford to support our kids. We have both taken on extra jobs to support the choices that we have made for our children (private schools) alternating times so that they children always have one or the other parent home in the evenings. We have great family times on weekends when we are all together. Yes, it's tough, but our children are doing well. And they are learning that you have to work hard to support your choices in life -- that whining doesn't get you anything but irritate the people who have to listen to you! So poor, poor mom can't stay at home and can't afford playdates because she has a gas-guzzling Durango and apparently there are no children for playdates nearby, and poor, poor dad now has to read to the kids and put them to bed -- sorry, this just doesn't cut it for me!

I respect the choices of SAHM and SAHD, and the sacrifices they make to stay with their children, but these immature whiners are NOT good poster children for people who choose to stay home. My SAHM friends were appalled by this article!

I resent the implication made by this article that if you take a full-time job you are not a full-time parent. This quote bothered me "She hasn't had to choose between her children and an income, yet still." My working isn't a choice of income over my daughter. In fact, it is very much a choice FOR my daughter. She wouldn't have health insurance if I didn't have a job. As much as I would love to spend my days with her at home, taking trips to museums, and attending play dates, how devastating would it be if I stayed home and something happened to my husband (like if he died or was seriously disabled)? What would happen then, if everything rested on him? There we'd be with no health insurance, no income, a resume gap, and bills to pay. I'm not taking that chance. I've seen it happen before and it's a nightmare. Sorry - no sympathy here. If you want to drive the Durango, you're going to have to go work. And that doesn't mean you're a part-time parent. It just means you're smart.

Thank you, ShaLO. It's nice to hear that having a job doesn't mean you're a part-time parent! This is an issue that is very timely and emotional for me, as I am due with my first child in September and will be going back to work. For me, keeping my job wasn't really a choice, but a necessity. True, if we had planned and saved better before I got pregnant I may have been able to stay at home. But you can't always plan everything perfectly in life. My husband has a great career, but he is just starting out in it and we can't live on his salary alone. Also, my job provides better (and cheaper) health benefits. I would like to hear from other mothers who work and raise children and are happy and confident and not crippled with guilt about it! I hope I am able to make the best of our situation and not unconsiously project feelings of inadequacy and guilt onto my child.

I thought the article was a little superficial and the author could have chosen better moms to quote. There ARE plenty of families that spend conservatively, have savings and still struggle to pay the bills. I know for my family, our BGE bills have at least doubled and gas is 4 dollars a gallon, but my H's salary hasn't gone up the same amount. I stay home with our two because it's important to us to have someone home with them, but also because the field I am in doesn't pay enough to make working FT and paying for daycare worth it. What's the point, when the majority of my salary would go to gas and daycare? We live in a house we have long since outgrown, buys clothes at sales and consignment, and my H's truck is 15 years old. It's just not fair to infer that all one income families are doing something wrong.

I hear you, Kayris - the costs have gone up on those items for two-income families as well, and we also don't have salaries that have gone up. The difference is that we two- (three-, four-) income families just don't get an article in the Sun where we say what martyrs we are! EVERYBODY is feeling the pain, and from the comments on the story it doesn't seem like anyone is very sympathetic to one group whining about how tough it is, as if everyone else has it easy except poor little put-upon SAHMs.

Betsy, I agree with you 100%, and I'm here to tell you that you can be a happy, confident working mother. I am a working mother of 2 young children. Guess what? I'm a full-time parent, too. So, you're right- having a job doesn't mean we're part-time parents. I am a mom first and foremost, and I don't check my "mom" badge at the door to my office!

However, I actually like working, and I don't feel at all guilty about that. I love my job, and I enjoy contributing to society through my work. I didn't go to college and grad school for nothing. I also want my kids to see that women can work, have families, and be fulfilled.

No doubt about it, you will find it somewhat difficult to return to work after having your baby. I think most working mothers (and fathers) do, given the bonds we have with our children. But you will also find that you and your family will find a comfortable routine and balance that works for you.

Best wishes to you and your family, and congrats on your new baby. Enjoy every minute!

Momto2, I've heard horrible things about families who need 2 incomes as well. I know someone who basically said that if you need 2 incomes to pay your bills, you're not smart financially. And that's just plain ridiculous. I think the article really missed the mark because it focused more on how much things cost (like the Durango reference) instead of what can be an agonizing choice for someone who being at home with the kids is important to, KWIM? Honestly, I have no sympathy for someone who has to go back to work so they can afford cable TV and two fancy cars and all organic produce and having to shop at Safeway instead of Whole Foods. That's not struggling. Struggling is reducing your expenses to the bare minimum and still having to choose between your BGE bill and groceries.

I was also a little dismayed at the number of commenters willing to judge the mom with the Durango. Perhaps she has a hefty sense of entitlement. Or perhaps that Durango is paid for and 10 years old.

I agree with workingmom. Betsy: my daughter is 11 months now. I went back to work when she was 6 weeks, and that's longer than some people get. It was extremely hard. For the first two months my heart ached whenever I left her. I felt physical pain! I didn't believe it then, but it does get better. I was lucky, however, that my office let me come back part-time to start, and then phase back to full time. It was less traumatic this way. I also continued to breastfeed. I pump at work (again, my job is accommodating, this doesn't happen for everyone) and nurse her when we're together. For us, this was a way to reconnect at the end of the day (and during the night). I'm still nursing, and that's one of the reasons why. So it can be done. Having a strong routine and being organized is the biggest thing...and having childcare that you trust. No place is going to be "perfect," because it's not Mom. But find a place that you can live with and that doesn't set off any mommy alarms. ALWAYS go with your gut instinct! Develop a close relationship with the caretakers and communicate with them. I still call my daughter's daycare during they day periodically. They give me updates and now that she's more vocal they'll put me on speaker phone and let me talk with her. I have pictures of her all over my cubicle, reminding me what I'm working for on the days where I do feel guilty and just want to snuggle up with her. I work for a reason. Yes, I enjoy having cable tv (and let's face it, it's pretty much my only source of entertainment these days. It's not like I'm going to clubs or the theater), but more than that, I like providing security for myself and my family. We saved piles of money prior to having a baby, but it wasn't enough. Unless you're wealthy, it's not going to be enough. Children are expensive, and the first year has been a struggle (even with me working), but we have made sacrifices, cut back, and always find a way to get by. We make our own baby food and are more likely to sit on the floor with the baby and objects from around the house (plastic bowls, measuring cups, books), then spend hundreds on toys. If you are financially able to stay home, that's wonderful! But if not, going back to work shouldn't be seen as a failure. It's not easy, but it is certainly not a failure. I am just as much a mom at work as I am at home. My duties don't stop because I'm away from her. Best of luck to you and above all else, whether you end up working or staying home, embrace your decision and HAVE FUN. Enjoy your baby and love him/her. Ultimately, the kid won't remember any of this...he/she will remember the kisses and the hugs, and all the love. It's about balance.

Working parents are absolutely parents, but there is nothing wrong with staying home to during the working hours to take care of your children. Some choose this for philosophical reasons, religious or parenting style choices, others for economic reasons, others for a combination of reasons. The commentary that SAHM (stay at home moms) are too "lazy" to have jobs and are all fat and sitting around are sadly out of touch with the reality that being a stay at home mom can be.

The real reality is that for a large number of women it makes very little economic sense to work, since the "extra" income they generate essentially pays for child care.

In my personal situation I was a working mother. Unfortunately, because of circumstances completely beyond my control (despite an excellent performance review and an approved detailed plan) I was forced out of my job by changes my boss deliberately made so that I would leave so she could give my job to her best friend who was recently out of work. It was devastating since I planned to work, but a cold hard reality evaluation on the cost of commuting, the cost of parking in the city, the cost of day care and the extended hours the job changes would require, made it not practical to work 46 hours a week, plus a 16 hour weekly commute to bring home approximately 100 a week (and a single day of daycare overages could wipe that out entirely) and that was 18 months ago -- with the raising cost of gas, I wouldn't even break even on the day care costs.

While I'm hardly lazy -- I work hard on a part time job as well as running two mommy groups and spending quality (and quantity time) with my child, being a full time stay at home mom can be very hard work.

I think that the commentators missed the point of the article, those mom's weren't whining, that was the spin on the article, they were explaining that a tightening economy has made them make changes. I didn't see one place in that article where anyone asked for permission or asked for a handout. They were asked questions and they answered honestly.

It is a fact of life that employers are tightening up. With my resume and experience I have NEVER been without a job for more than a week in 21 years and usually had more than one offer to chose from (most job changes were because I was approached). With my unexpected job status change, I have applied for more than 200 jobs with only two offers and both of them were for salaries significantly less than what I was making, so that they were not practical.

Moms working out of the home and moms staying home to be with their children both have hard jobs that never end. Neither is "better" than the other and both have challenges and I think rational people on both sides of the issue would agree with that... but you can't blame SAHM moms from getting upset when they are brutally attacked and called names.

Working moms trade off by having someone else influence their children (while not "raising" them, a day care provider who spends 1/2 of the child's waking hours with this, IS involved in raising them) with more economic freedom. SAHM parents trade off that economic freedom to be there constantly for their children and to be that primary influence.Both systems have benefits and drawbacks.

EVERYTHING has benefits and drawbacks and all choices have consequences. Very few of us have that magic mirror to know which choices are the right ones.

Cortney (one of the women interviewed for the article) is a young mom and she was strongly blasted for that... ironically today's Sun features an article on women who are blogging about their infertility. Yet another trade off. As our society encourages women to wait longer and longer to have their children (to have the "economic freedom" and "emotional maturity") more and more have to turn to fertility treatments to have their children (and many lose that economic freedom by blowing through their savings in a quest to have a child).

EVERY choice has consequences, and just because someone has made a different choice that you would have made, doesn't make them wrong and it certainly doesn't open them up the the personal attacks that were made in those comments. I think the major drawback to the internet age is that people have lost manners. Because they aren't looking at someone in the eyes, they lose the inhibitions of common courtesy and manners. Which I find VERY sad.

Where to start!! I've been fuming over that article ever since I read it, but mostly over the showcasing of an unmarried teen mother as their primary case study. What?! I'm no social conservative, and I'm sympathetic to whatever economic issues they may have. But what does this have to do with the tough decision that working/career mothers have when faced with having children (presumably after several years in the workforce)? Everything this young girl said struck me as immature and out of touch. You aren't playing house, here. How to pay for a 14 month old's fall wardrobe? Gee, I think I spent all of $20 on my 18 month old for summer clothes through a little smart shopping like clearance racks and consignment shops. Don't even get me started on the Durango...

My husband works full time and I work full time, part time from office, part time from home. I spend every morning before my daughter wakes up, every minute of her nap and hours after she goes to bed working on the computer so we can keep our incomes and make ends meet. It's a compromise that is well worth it. This sentimental idea that every mom should want to stay home and spend every minute of every day with their kids is silly and unrealistic. If you can and you want to fine, but there is no standard. It is a very individual choice where all the factors are weighed, both economic and personal. I didn't sense any of that inner conflict in this girl. Sorry to your colleage, but it was just a poorly researched and poorly written article and the Sun doesn't need any more marks against it right now....

Wow--this is a hot button topic!

My kids are all grown up now, but looking back I'm very grateful I never stopped working. Most of the time I was able to work part-time, which gave me the best of both worlds, except financially. In my line of work things are constantly changing, and working part-time meant that I could keep up my skills rather than play catch-up.

At one point I was feeling rather fed up with my job and muttered something at dinner about quitting my job. My older son immediately said, "Don't quit your job!" which was not the reaction I was expecting.

I found the article to be initially intriguing as I had just been out with a friend discussing the pros and cons of trying to be a mom and how to work too...how to fit it all in, and can we do it without the income...or at what income could we possibly make ends meet. While we did try to solve world peace, we didn't land there, but did resolve that we are simply doing the best we can every day for our children first and foremost. I think that everyone's comments have merits and I think that there will be many families that are or will be soon too challenged by the reality of our economy and how best to emotionally and financially provide for our children and maybe families too. None of this is easy.

I just finished "the book of mom" by T Wilshire. Talk about great tips for mom's with humor and insight! Have you read it? I loved it

Do kids really care if you stayed home or not? For example, years later when they remember making Christmas crafts with you each year will they remember that it was at 10:00 in the morning b/c you were a stay at home mom or was it in the evenings or weekends b/c you worked? When you took cupcakes to school will they remember that it was b/c you stayed home or b/c you got off work early to take them in? Will they care?

My mom stayed home with me and is about to blow a gasket b/c I am considering going back to work but I don't remember any of the time I stayed home with her. I do remember the trips to Busch Gardens in the summer, the girls' nights we had and chasing fireflies in the evening.

I also remember her crying b/c when my dad left she had no means of income. And back then, they didn't save for their daughters to go to college or spend money on sports equipment for girls.

And I believe I read somewhere that girls whose moms go to work are more likely to go to college- independence is a good thing.

I can't believe there are women on here that think that stay at home moms go to museums and play dates during the day. [edited]. It is the hardest job in the world and I would much rather be at work where I am not put under so much emotional strain during the day. I do not understand why I can stay at home and respect mothers who go to work but this woman who works has to demean and belittle STAM when obviously she hasn't done it or she wouldn't have said something so stupid. Have a nice day.

I find it hard to believe that, as stated in the article, it is more cost effective to work part time and pay for day care. Plus the expenses of work clothes, gas and lunch. It doesn't make sense economically for a part time job.