"The 10-year-old’s capacity for understanding death will differ from that of the 5-year old who has a more limited life experience. But all children need to know the truth.  Dead means that something or someone is all done living. We will never see it (him) again. Sheltering a child from this reality only deprives the child of the opportunity to learn about life.

Preparing a child for the inevitable (nearing) death of a beloved pet is crucial to acceptance of the sad reality of the loss.  As your pet ages, point out the obvious signs. “Buddy Dog is getting old. Look at the grey fur on his face. That shows he is getting older.”  “Buddy Dog is having a hard time getting up these days. He walks much more slowly. His legs are not working as well as they did when he was younger.”

When your child asks if his dog is going to die, (and he surely will), it is your opportunity to say, “Yes, Buddy Dog is going to die one day. Everything that is alive will die someday. Buddy’s life is starting to come to an end. You can see that parts of his body don’t work so well anymore.”

When the inevitable death is around the corner, it is your choice whether to have your pet die at home or at the vet’s office. My suggestion is the vet’s office, as the death alone will be hard for the child to experience. Seeing the pet’s dead body may be more than the child can process.

“I am taking Buddy Dog to the vet’s office. He isn’t eating much, he sleeps most of the time, and he is having such a hard time getting up and walking. Let’s see what the vet says.”

I am not in favor of introducing the child to euthanasia. In fact, if at all possible, stay away from the concept of “putting the pet to sleep” (even though it is better for the dog), unless you are prepared for some sleepless nights with your child!  Children in their teens (11 and older) have the capacity to comprehend the compassion of euthanasia. Younger children may be overwhelmed by the deliberateness of the act.

Even though you decide to euthanize the pet, you prepare the child for the reality of the coming death with:

“The vet called to tell us that Buddy Dog has gotten very very old for a dog, and parts of his body are starting not to work. Yes, (in answer to the question), he is going to die soon. He is staying at the vet’s office where he is comfortable and peaceful.”

And the next day perhaps:

“I have such sad news to tell you. The vet called to say that Buddy Dog died last night. His body was all done working, and now he is dead.” When your child asks where Buddy is, the answer ought not to be that he went to “doggie heaven” or that he is “living in the country.” We honor our children’s intelligence by explaining that the vet put Buddy’s all done body in a special container and took it to the pet cemetery where he buried it.  Just as the concept of euthanasia is highly charged for a child, so is cremation. While you may choose to keep Buddy’s ashes, you will save yourself some tongue-tied moments if you keep those ashen memories in a very private place for the time being."

Tell us how you prepared your child to lose a pet. By the way, Charm City Moms contributor Kayris has posted some ideas about this subject on her blog.