You raise some very interesting questions in your blog... how do I choose my mom friends? I started one of the mommy groups that you mentioned... having a mom's group allows me to connect with other moms and get to know them online and then translate that into in-person friendships. Am I going to be able to be BFF's with all 300 members (and growing) of the other moms? No, probably not, but I am going to be friendly with as many as a possible and enjoy their company and learn from their experiences as I navigate first time motherhood. Have I made some lifelong friends? Absolutely!

I don't think you can put a number cap on friends... some will drift in and out and be more involved in your life for a few years and then drop out as your lives diverge but they are valuable for the times your lives touch.

Having this connection helps ease the fears of motherhood, helps you connect with moms in your own generation (to offset the advise of older generations who insist that breastfeeding isn't natural or necessary or that they did x, y or z with their child and they turned out fine, despite scientific evidence of the dangers of x,y or z), it gives you a social outlet of other women with a common experience and helps mitigate the pain felt by losing touch with your childless friends because they just don't understand your new priorities.

I will say that the members of our group have experienced the phenomenon that you speak of (trying to talk to that existing group of friends at the playground) and because of it, we are definitely NOT like that... ask any mom at the playground at Centennial park after members of our group have done a "lose the fat and chat" and you'll find that our moms often walk up to the other moms and engage them in conversation and share our group. As the moms in the play area of the Mall in Columbia after a Family Fun Day and you'll find we often talk to them and invite them to meet us the next week and join us for lunch. This is one of the strengths of being a "mommy group" rather than just a group of mommy friends -- mommy groups are always looking for new friends to meet and join. We aren't insular and unfriendly... we WANT to meet other moms and have them join us.

Even the tagline of our group exhibits our belief in this we are www.marylandmommy.com... where your FRIENDS are!

I know this subject well. I never tried a "Mommy Group" and am now at a place where I have no time. My daughter started preschool at four and I was very anxious about whether or not she would make friends. Well, she had no problem, but I on the other hand did. First and foremost, I learned that one can only make friends with another mom and maintain that relationship if they like the kid and the kids work well together. I have met several parents who I liked as a person but could not relate to their parenting skills. Further, I need to be able to be myself as a parent around other peoples kids (I know your Mommy gives you soda all the time, but I will not!). I myself am currently in the place where I know the parents and kids I like, but just don't have the time. I feel more guilty about not fostering the parent/parent relationships than about my daughter having fewer playdates. For the few of us who have that real fear of the unexpected, the Mommy Zone is very scary and something that I imagine is going to be a continuous struggle. Happy Mother's Day Kate!

Boy your questions reminded me so much of my own questions 7 years ago.
I was the 1st of my friends to have a child. The only advice i got came from my Mother and Mother-in-Law which i deemed questionable at best based on the distance from my own childhood.
I tried most of the moms groups you have mentioned. 2 of which were state wide groups. I had a hard time connecting with moms who lived near me. I mean I really just needed someone to have coffee with and tell me it would be okay, lol!
I started www.ChesapeakeMommies.com for that reason. I wanted a group of women who loved near me. Who could give me the scoop on the best preschool or haircut place. Right now we have 270 members. Some use the group for online support cause there life is so hectic right now they just dont have "time" for more. Some meet weekly for walking group. And some do a little of everything like me. I am truly blessed to have this group.
They have been here to support me (like when my son had emergency surgery in Jan) they have been there to cheer for me (when i do something great) and they are there to lift me up when I am having those days thinkign I just cant get it right.
Moms Groups are a great place to find support/friendship/guidance and best of all you might be lucky enough to find a best friend for yourself and your child.

I joined a moms group in Federal Hill when I first had my daughter in order to socialize and exchange information. It was very casual and you could as involved as you wanted. Just before we moved to the county, I joined a county moms group so I could transition from city-centric activites to the 'burbs. Not being from this area, it was very important to me to make friends and I have been very blessed to have met some life-long mom friends this way. In addition to having kids the same age, we all have a lot in common.

It is true that you do tend to find like-minded souls among the bunch and stick with them rather than trying to befriend everyone.

Personally, I find way more support and great advice than I do competition.

Edamommy

I found that by joining a Mom's group, it was so much easier for me to form a real friendship with other moms.

In the past, I was often able to strike up conversations with other moms at the park or store, but it would end there. I just felt too awkward to ask to exchange phone numbers. "Hi, I'm Laura, I get lonely being home with my kids, want to be my friend?" just sounded desperate!!

In a Moms club, you know that the other moms there are also looking for friendship ~ so lots of that awkwardness is eliminated. I also like the many different online forums in the moms club that I joined (BaltimoreMommies), because it helps me find other moms with similar interests.

I think any time you get a group of women together, there's bound to be some disagreements and misunderstandings, but like a previous mom said, the support and friendship are far more evident. Also, by being a part of a diverse group of moms ~ all ages, working and SAHM, etc ~ I think it really helps you gain a better perspective about all the different parenting styles and choices.

Boy, if you want hear about mommy groups, then we should have a chat..

I have seen some of the most outrageous things take place via mommy groups, its truely shocking. Those in leadership roles bully around others into acting the way that they want them to, if someone decides they do not like someone else, that person is ostracised, treated poorly, to the point the person just wants to quit the group. I've seen it happen repeatedly.

I personally have a LOT of experience with many mom's groups, and there are some that really take it to a new level. I do not recommend joining an online community after having been treated so poorly by one group in particular. I have personally witnessed Leadership teams calling CPS on members,without finding out if their suspicions are true or not (i.e. basing thier call solely on a comment made in a post by the member).. I have seen tons of cyber bullying, these women talk so badly about each other behind their backs its really out of control.. I could really provide a whole new view of what mommy groups really are.. its really sad, and shameful if you ask me.