Yes -- you are probably harder on your first-born
Vindication. Growing up as the oldest child in my little family, I always felt that my parents were a little harder on me -- and expected more of me -- than my little brother. (Dad, don't read this.) And as much as I try not to, sometimes I think I'm a little harder on my daughter than my son, partly because she's more grown up and should be able to handle more responsibility.
Now researchers from Johns Hopkins University, the University of Maryland and Duke University have concluded that what may seem unfair to a kid is a natural pattern of parenthood. Their study in the April issue of Economic Journal analyzed survey data from the National Longitudinal Study of Youth. It found that parents were less likely to take into their homes or financially support first-born children who had dropped out of high school or become pregnant than they were younger children who had done the same things.
They also found that disparate discipline actually made sense, because it deters younger siblings from following the older child's bad example.
Do you agree? How do you treat your older children compared to the younger ones? And how's that working out?
Comments
I think people worry about all this too much. Really. I used to obsess, too, until I read the Little House books to my children. Laura's parents did everything "wrong," at least if the parenting books I had been reading were any sort of a guide. Yet, their child respected and loved them.
Everything I know about parenting, I learned from Ma and Pa Ingalls. And they never worried about whether they expected too much or too little of any of their children.
Posted by: suburbancorrespondent | April 18, 2008 8:47 AM
Yes, I know for many situations I treat the children (boy [4] and girl [2]) different, mostly because I feel like they are at different developmental stages. At least, that's why I think I do it. For example, if they are at the grocery store and they start running around screeching, I come down much harder and more firm with my son. Partly, because I know his joining in encourages her, but also because I tend to think he has a better understanding that I really disapprove of the behavior.
My own mom often said that when my three siblings and I were young, all she had to do was keep the oldest of us in line and the younger children would follow. Unfortunately, it doesn't seem to work that way with my own kids - the younger one is not the least bit deterred by the older one being disciplined.
Sometimes I wonder if it's because I unconsciously treat her different for being a girl? I try not to, but maybe the combination of her being younger and a girl (and kind of delicate looking, versus my son's heft) also plays a part.
I don't think it's about expecting too much from the older or too little from the younger, for me at least, it's about expecting a little bit more from the older than I do the younger.
Posted by: Annelies | April 18, 2008 2:22 PM