I think this OB is full of crap. My husband was a steady presence when I needed support, particularly with baby number two, who came so quickly it was scary. If anyone was distracting, it was the idiot male OB who said, "Oh, so we're not doing too well, are we?" when I was in the throes of an agonzing contraction.

They're his kids too, doesn't my H have the right to be there when his children are born?

This is worth a short discussion in advance, so everyone is in agreement. For instance, I had an unplanned c-section and in the midst of all the blood and chaos, the doctors suddenly announced the birth and insisted that my husband start snapping pictures. He also wasn't totally prepared for the cutting of the cord and declined. I really think he was too freaked out by all the surgical mess to know how to react. We should have had a "just in case" discussion. Incidentally, I'm very glad he was there, though. Even given the awkward circumstances, neither of us would change that.

I wasn't there for the birth of my daughter because I knew my mother-in-law would be a much more useful presence.

A husband and wife can't be all things to each other all the time. Wouldn't you rather have someone with you who has actually been through childbirth before?

My husband was great in the L&D process. I think I would have felt really alone without him since I was left in the room for considerable amounts of time. He acted as my advocate when Nurse Ratchett told me not to be so dramatic during contractions and he was very assertive for me (I'm not a whiner and my labor lasted exactly 4.5 hours start to finish so when I realized I was in labor it was the real deal and almost too late for meds.) I wouldn't have had it any other way.

I'm a man, and being there for the birth of my kids are the greatest moments of my life. I wouldn't want to have that replaced by a doctor coming down the hall saying, "It's a boy!"

I asked my H if he would have stayed in the waiting room, given the chance, and he said no. He wanted to be there, and it would have been more stressful to be waiting and not with me and wondering if I (and the baby) was okay.

I don't think there's anything wrong with some people not being gung ho about the birth process. To be honest, I didn't want to watch in the mirror when my kids were born. I just didn't need to see it. And the husband of a friend of mine stayed up at her head the whole time because he didn't want to see it either. But to say that ALL men don't have a place in the delivery room because SOME men shouldn't be there? That's a broad generalization and it's wrong.

I gave birth at a teaching hospital and when baby number two came, I had never laid eyes on the doctors or the nurses before. I can't imagine why it would be less steessful for me to give birth with a bunch of strangers while my H stayed in the waiting room.

My H (now ex-H) was in the delivery room with me and I was glad he was. It comforted me to have a familiar face to look at. He didn't want anybody else in there though (I was young and stupid and agreed) but the thing was, when the time came, I really wanted my mom there. She wanted to be there too - but alas, it was not to be.

I asked my father one time if he would have like to have seen his kids (or grandkids) being born. He perked up and said "oh yes!" I believe he regretted not being able to experience that. (My sis and I were born before fathers were allowed in L&D rooms - and I never dreamed he would have liked to see either one of us give birth!)

I am expecting my first and I could not imagine going through that without my husband. He can really calm me down when I'm freaking out. BUT, he honestly doesn't seem to jazzed on the whole idea. Let's just say... he can't even watch ER.

The best scenario is having your husband, and then another person there for BOTH of you in the delivery room.
My sister (a former labor & delivery nurse) was that key person. Doulas can also function this way, but there's something to be said for the intimacy-factor.
Honestly? I could have done without my husband there (especially when he opened a pack of peanut butter crackers next to my head during transition/8 cms, claiming to be "starving"), but not my sister--and when I hemorrhaged post-delivery, the room cleared out and my sister and husband were suddenly left alone with a newborn during the emergency. True, we have a very low mortality rate for births in this country (and I don't want to be a downer)--but you have to consider whether or not that annoying, cracker-eating husband is someone you'd miss seeing if you never could again:)

My first is due in a few weeks, and it's just going to be me and my husband in the delivery room. He is better than anyone at calming me down in stressful situations, and we really want it to be our moment. (Yeah, I know, who knows what the experience will really be like, but that is the goal anyway.)

And is it uncouth to say that I also want him there so I get credit for going through all that? :)

Not uncouth. To my mind, perfectly justified.

To SK -

I posted earlier about wanting my mom in the delivery room. She didn't really ask me if she could be there - maybe she assumed I'd need her there - but she passed away before her other grandkids were born - I don't know... it makes me sad to think she didn't get to see it and I'll never get another chance to share that with her.

I was shut out of the birth of my frst three children.. Fortunately, an obstetric nurse, who was also a friend, showed me my first baby after he had been cleaned up. I still remember those shining eyes! During the second birth, I was shut out again, and wasn't even shown the baby. At the third birth I asked to talk to the doctor about the birth and he never showed up. Again, the nurse pointed vaguely to one of the cribs and said the baby was asleep. it would have been better if I hadn't even come to the hospital. I asked to talk to the doctor and there was no response. In my view, the policies and practices were an incidious lie, a betrayal of trust, grand theft, and an institutional form of rape. These experiences were extremely damaging to my sense of well being a father and a husband. We were told that it was against hospital rules for the husband to be in delivery. It seemed, however, that a Roman Catholic doctor in town allowed husbands in delivery and didn't have any problems maintaining privileges there. A few years later I saw my granddaughter born. It was a beautiful bonding experience and there were no problems encountered because I was there. The nurse showed me each of the checks that the baby was given. There are lots of hunches about whether fathers should be in delivery, but pathetically little scientific research about it. It's too bad we can't have some studies of doctor and nurse characteristics as part of such research.