Father's Day Tuesday: Chasing Their Dreams
As promised, today is our first Charm City Moms Father's Day, which unlike the official holiday will happen every week instead of once a year. I'll invite guest dads to post and answer your questions.
Today's G.D. is Andrew Ratner, Today editor of The Sun and a father of three. He also writes a column on blogs you'll want to check out in the Ideas section of the Sunday newspaper. Here's his post:
My wife and I have a daughter (a 17-year-old high school senior) and two sons (a 20-year-old college junior and an eighth-grader, 13.) Probably like many folks with teenagers and young adult children, I am amazed at how fast parenthood can shift from little-kid concerns (that seem like they'll last forever) to big-kid concerns (driving, dating, college, work, freedom).
One of the toughest things for a kid who reaches 15-16-17 is that the world asks them "what they want to be." It's an unfathomable question for many. We're at least a generation removed from teenagers knowing they could always work at, and retire from, the big local employer - the carmaker, the steel plant, the textile factory - and make good money. For today's teens, with more opportunities for college, the work world seems to offer greater potential for some adventure, but also greater risk, fewer guarantees.
My favorite speech at the Oscar ceremony Sunday night was by the animator Brad Bird, who won for Ratatouille, his second golden statue in three years. In a backhanded way, he thanked his junior-high guidance counselor who tried mightily to caution Bird about his desire to "make movies."
"I only realized just recently that he gave me the perfect training for the movie business," Bird joked.
I assume many listeners reacted to Bird's speech by thinking the educator was in the wrong: Never dampen a young person's dream. But I think the counselor gave voice to a tension parents feel as their kids approach college and beyond: Should you always be thankful that your children have a dream to follow, any dream, and encourage them unflinchingly to do so?
Or should you provide the often-sobering wisdom and realism that you think is your obligation as a parent?
You could be well-intentioned in either case - but only one carries the risk of creating a lifelong resentment that may be revealed during your child's award acceptance speech someday.
(Photo of Brad Bird at the Oscars by Mark J. Terrill, Associated Press)
Categories: Father's Day Tuesday, Teens
Comments
I think it is always most important to follow your dreams. If you fail (meaning that you weren't able to fashion a living from your dreams) at least you had the chance to chase it. To me there is nothing sadder than someone having a lifelong regret about not following their dreams.
My daughter wanted a degree in creative writing, and while I recognize the unlikelihood of making a living from that degree, we encouraged her to go for her dream. As it turns out, she has changed her mind after 1 1/2 years, but at least she got to try it and won't have that regret!
Posted by: Susan | February 26, 2008 9:58 AM
Dreams are important, and supporting those dreams through encouragement and guidance is very much a part of being a parent. Even if the dream seems somewhat unrealistic, we can still quietly encourage our children to succeed as long as their dream doesn't turn into an obsession that blocks out their chances for success in other areas. I had friends when I was growing up who just knew they would be big movie or music stars, but they lacked the talent. Their parents didn't fill there head with notions of hollywood glamour, but you can bet that they were sitting in the front row of every play and concert thst their child participated in.
Posted by: Robert | February 26, 2008 10:59 AM
I don't think there is anything wrong with encouraging your children to passionately follow their dreams. Tell them not to hold anything back, and tell them to be prepared for success, failure, or a little of both. As long as you also make sure that they have been educated in the basics, they will land on their feet if their dreams are not realized. They may be crushed and stumble a little at first, but the process of striving for their dreams and dealing with the possible disappointment will be another valuable education for them.
Posted by: Brian | February 26, 2008 11:27 AM