At the end of any given day on Rock of Love 2, how many different kinds of lipgloss do you think Bret Michaels has smeared on his face?

Yuck. 

Posted by Sarah Kickler Kelber at 5:15 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)
                    

I missed the premiere of Rock of Love 2 (and really, that's OK with me), but I just saw part of a rerun of the premiere and noticed a familiar face.

Megan Hauserman, who was the winner of Beauty and the Geek 3 with her partner Scooter, is now one of the Rock of Love girls. Well, OK then. I guess somebody's making a living as a reality TV star (among other jobs as I learned during an innocent Google search).

I missed the first half of the episode, but Megan was the first person to make the cut at the end of the first episode, so she must have made quite an impression on Bret Michaels.

Speaking of which, I guess things didn't work out with last season's winner, Jes.

Shocking!

(Photo of Megan and Scooter Courtesy of the CW)

Posted by Sarah Kickler Kelber at 8:08 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)
                    

Who would have thought that the winner of Rock of Love would end up being chosen by a Solomon-ish choice? But I am getting ahead of myself.

In the most recent episode, nutjob Lacey finally got the boot when it became clear that she was a total phoney and that her parents (visiting for the episode) didn't know her at all. That left rocker Bret Michaels with a top two of Heather and Jes.

I've been rooting for Jes for a while because she just seemed cool and down to earth, whereas Heather struck me as a manipulator and pretty darned trashy.

In the finale, each woman got a one-on-one date with Bret in Cabo. Heather's was first. She and Bret rode dune buggies, during which he started to feel pretty bad from his diabetes and mentioned that he needed to eat. Heather totally didn't get the hint and insisted on taking her turn driving. Then they had a nice dinner and, uh, went back to Bret's room.

For Jes' date, they made out all over a yacht, and during their dinner, he told her he was feeling pretty bad. She felt like she couldn't discuss her heavy issues with him while he wasn't feeling 100 percent, so she opted to let them lie for the time being. And she, too, spent the night in Bret's room.

(Oh, I skipped the part where Heather and Jes had to share a room at the hotel in Cabo and totally trash-talked each other before their dates about who looked like a stripper and who was getting "sloppy seconds" -- more classy behavior from both of them!)

Anyway, back at the house, it was decision time, and Bret asked them if they would mind both being his girlfriend. Heather said yes because she would do anything to be with him. Jes said no because she couldn't handle it. This -- and I think the more compassionate response to his diabetes issues -- made Bret decide on Jes.

And Heather? Heather was pissed. She stomped out and then unloaded in the limo about how she had been "taken advantage of" and called Bret a bunch of names.

You know what I'm not going to miss next week?

The reunion show!

Posted by Sarah Kickler Kelber at 10:40 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)
                    

Rock of Love has been fairly boring of late, I think largely because some of the show's most flamboyant characters were kicked off a few weeks ago. Apparently Rodeo and Brandi were adding much more to the house dynamic that it originally seemed.

The most (supposedly) interesting person left is Lacey, and she's just plain annoying. She's manipulating the house, she's bossy, she's a hypocrite. (The biggest example of this last is that she will scream and yell at all the other women about their animal products, but she never, ever says anything to Bret Michaels about his ankle-length leather or snakeskin coats. Last night, I noticed that at least part of the floor in the house they're staying in seemed to be covered in giraffe skin. But she uses her anger strategically and never aims it at Bret, who is among the biggest offenders.

Most everyone else is pretty boring. Jes is way too normal, pink hair notwithstanding. Heather is trashy and not that interesting. The remaining of the two Brandis is laid-back to the point of not really connecting with the audience anymore. Sam has so much baggage that I can't imagine Bret would pick her, even though they do seem to connect.

But I honestly don't care. As long as Lacey leaves soon, since I suspect she is being kept around for (supposed) entertainment value. The other women are so beaten down by her that they haven't done anything besides whine and mope for a while.

I suspect if she gets kicked out, the less whiny drama will ramp up again as the finals approach. 

Posted by Sarah Kickler Kelber at 4:34 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)
                    

After watching last night's Rock of Love, I have one thing to say. Most of Bret Michaels' mojo must be hidden in his bandanna because when he showed up to a challenge with his head unfettered, he looked simply terrifying.

And lest there be any doubt, the total trashiness of the premiere continued -- besides the fighting (I'll get to that), the main challenge of the episode was seeing which of the women was best at phone sex. (Yes, I'm serious, and no, I'm not going to discuss how they made that determination.) The winners of the challenge got to spend some time in the studio with Bret, "contributing" to his new track. Mostly, I just felt bad for producer Don Was, who had to edit the caterwauling and other nonsense into the track and make it sound not-horrendous.

Back to the fighting. Heather overheard Erin talking about her ex-fiance and decided to tell everyone Erin was still in a relationship and "here for the wrong reasons." Erin explained to Bret that she was broken up with the guy. Erin also got in a fight with Brandi and mentioned her "meth-scratched face." Turns out Brandi was in a car accident and had more than 40 stitches in her face. She did not take kindly to that comment (despite the fact that she had been throwing some choice terminology at Erin moments before -- mostly about how Erin's augmented anatomy made her look like she should be in the circus).

Lacey decided she had it with Jess and threw her in the pool for no reason. Lacey also got in a fight with Dallas (Hometown: Houston) about animal rights that looks like it's going to continue into next week. (Remarkably, however, Lacey said nothing about the crime-against-nature-and-fashion cow-print coat that Bret was wearing during eliminations.)

And at long last, Tiffany, the one who got kicked out before the show even started last week, begged her way back in the house and then got so drunk she couldn't talk, got cut, along with three others.

Say it with me: Don't threaten me with a good time! 

Posted by Sarah Kickler Kelber at 7:37 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)
                    

I didn't intend to watch Rock of Love, the new VH1 show in which Poison lead singer Bret Michaels tries to find a date or love of his life or whatever, but I stumbled across it, and then I couldn't stop watching. I mean, I even told the TiVo not record Entourage so I could watch the last half-hour, and I never miss Entourage.

So what kept me in? Oh, I don't know, maybe the white-trash insanity, the outlandishness of the contestants, and unbeatable quotability.

"We have a lot of strippers in the house," says one woman. "We also have a pole." (Yes, you can guess what happened next.)

"I broke my feet, and I was paralyzed for a while," says a contestant named Rodeo, who seems to be unfamiliar with the concept she is describing.

"I'm kind of like Jessica Simpson," said an unfortunate young woman named Jessica who more resembled Hatchet-face from Cry-Baby.

There was the five girls being cut by security dude Steve, seemingly based on looks alone. And Tiffany, one of those who was cut, begging her way back into the house and then proceeding to get sloppy drunk to an unreal degree. There was Magdalena complaining about the "manliness" of personal trainer Rodeo, while she herself sounded entirely male. One of two Brandis declared her friendship with "the other blonde" and the screeched like crazy for the entire episode, trying to get Bret's attention. And, of course, there was the declaration that of all the women on the show, only two still had their natural breasts.

I'd hazard a guess that on this competition, those two don't stand a chance.

Posted by Sarah Kickler Kelber at 8:10 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)