After the five minutes of bad theater are over, host Cat Deeley gets right down to business. Deeley, who has redeemed herself with a stunning red dress and gold necklace that looks like something Cleopatra would have worn, announces the first two couples: Kherington and Twitch and Joshua and Katee.

Deeley announces that both are safe. The two teams freak out and jump around with enthusiasm. (I wonder how they would act if they won the competition?)

Jessica and Will are first with the jive choreographed by Tony Meredith and Melanie LaPatin to "Choo Choo Ch' Boogie" from Five Guys Named Moe. Will is much more polished than Jessica. Judge Mary Murphy says there are a lot of missed connections. Overall a good performance, she says. Judge Nigel Lythgoe agrees with the other judges and basically says Jessica is the weaker of the two.

I'm not proud that I've seen almost every episode of every season of Flavor of Love, Rock of Love and I Love New York, but I'm still going to watch I Love Money.
 
The premise is simple -- contestants from VH1's dating shows milk their 15 minutes of fame by competing to win $250,000. You'll find it more entertaining if you remember this show isn't exactly Emmy material.
 
Not as familiar with the contestants as I (sadly) am? VH1 is airing the questionably named "Meet the All Stars" casting special all week. If you can't catch one of the 10 or 15 airings a day, here's the cast rundown before Sunday's premiere:

Petrozza and Christina were charged with creating their own restaurant. That meant each was allowed to craft their own menu and design their own dinning room. Christina seemed to have a better sense of what she wanted; Petrozza seemed to be a little indecisive. Chef Gordon Ramsay called the two into his office and told them that he was having second thoughts if they were right for the top prize.

How can you compare Cook to Carrie Underwood or even Kellie Pickler? You can't. She doesn't have the vocal chops or stage presence of either Idol-alumna-turned-country-music star. Heck, I don't think Cook could hold court with a number of the contestants on this season of Nashville Star.

Please, please, please somebody tell me what is so special about Ms. Cook?

DeAnna Pappas might have thought that former pro basketball player Graham would be the one standing in the end: But he wasn't. Jesse, Jason and Jeremy are on Grand Bahama Island for dates (overnight, perhaps?) with D. First up, Jeremy.

DeAnna wants to see Jeremy cut loose and have fun. Fun = a spin on Jet Skis. Then, they sit on the beach. But the date is not so fun. In fact, it's awkward. As in silence and staring. Time for dinner. More awkwardness. My boyfriend yells from the kitchen: "It's like The Hills! There's no talking!" Jeremy is reminding me more of a teenage boy with a crush on the cheerleading captain than the confident front-runner we all pegged him to be. Finally, he gets out what he's been wanting to say: He is falling in love with her. (I still don't buy the whole "I love you"-in-six-dates scenario.) Next comes the fantasy suite invite. For those readers not familiar with the show, host Chris Harrison "sends" a note asking the men if they'd like to spend the night with the bachelorette. Jeremy's quick reply is, "Should we go now?" He says his dream is that he's down on one knee, proposing to DeAnna. She's on "cloud nine." I am kind of bored. They disappear behind a closed door.

The show started where it ended last week. Craig said he was still recovering from hypothermia. He was totally dreading the first mission, and for good reason. The group was taken to an old, abandoned prison for the task, which required them to free themselves after being chained together. The key to their freedom could only be accessed if the group agreed to allow each contestant enough slack in the chain to reach it. The catch? Next to the key was an exemption. If any contestant took the exemption, he would then force the remaining contestants to sleep in the cold prison the rest of the night.
 

Host Cat Deeley comes out and immediately starts revealing which couples are safe. Chelsea T. and Thayne soon find out that their quickstep the night before isn't enough. They are the first couple in the bottom three. Judge Mary Murphy tells them that they got a really tough dance. She also tells them that the judges will take the contestants' past performances into account when making their elimination decisions.

Twitch and Kherington do a hip-hop routine choreographed by Napoleon and Tabitha D'Umo to "Can't Touch Me Now" by Busta Rhymes. They are dressed as fugitives and really get into character. They also master the difficult moves and are in unison for most of the routine. Twitch, a hip-hop dancer, does expectedly well. Kherington does a wonderful job keeping pace.

Nigel says they are brilliant dancers with a spirit and energy that go beyond dancers. "You danced it brilliantly," Nigel says. Mary says they are on the top 10 most-wanted list for So You Think You Can Dance. She also gives her legendary shriek of approval. Adam says the performance was "awesome." He says they do a good job knowing when to hit it and when to hold back. "All in all, awesome," Adam says.

Chef Gordon Ramsay thrust the three in to game mode when he challenged their pallets by having them re-create his signature venison dish from memory. He also brought their loved ones to the kitchen for a mini-reunion.

In the challenge "Midas Rush," contestants were split into two teams: the selfish against the selfless. Somehow, Paul, Alex, Mark and Craig were chosen for the selfless team (totally disagree with Alex and Mark). Victoria, Kristen, Clay and Nicole were chosen for the selfish team (totally disagree with everyone except Nicole.)

Both teams were tasked with carrying as many gold bars as possible to the top of a mountain in a certain amount of time. The first team to the top had the opportunity for an exemption. But a team earned more money for the overall prize with the more gold bars it transported. (So, basically, contestants were faced with personal greed versus overall team wealth.) 

Chelsea T. says Thayne is always smiling. Thayne says she is positive. (Yawn! Let's get down to the dancing!) The duo dances a jazz routine choreographed by Mandy Moore. The routine, set to "Untouched" by The Veronicas, is about a king and his forbidden love, Moore says in an interview. It's very dramatic. They wear turn-of-the-century, jazzed-up royal garb. She is good -- yet again. He is a little overshadowed.

Judge Mia Michaels didn't like the execution. "You weren't regal enough," she says to Thayne. Judge Mary Murphy says she didn't believe the chemistry between the two. She says Chelsea looked uncomfortable in high heels. Judge Nigel Lythgoe agrees: "It wasn't real. I didn't believe it." (Ouch! These are the insults I'm expecting to hear. Too bad the jabs are coming from the judges.)