]]> http://weblogs.baltimoresun.com/entertainment/realitycheck/blog/2009/11/dont_be_tardy_for_the_ok_nevermind.html http://weblogs.baltimoresun.com/entertainment/realitycheck/blog/2009/11/dont_be_tardy_for_the_ok_nevermind.html Real Housewives Fri, 06 Nov 2009 12:59:36 -0500 Greetings and salutations, PR fans. Before we get to the penultimate episode of Project Runway: 90210, a brief apology from me, your master of blogging ceremonies, Kevin Van Valkenburg. 

My "other" writing job (sports) and a tragic TiVo malfunction managed to get in the way of recapping the last two weeks, which made me feel incredibly guilty. After complaining about Michael and Nina missing multiple episodes this year, I essentially became them by letting other interests get in the way of what's really important: bad fashion designing recapped with bad jokes.

Bad form, that was.

And sadly, perhaps in an effort to punish me in absentia, Heidi and the Weinsteins decided to eliminate my two greatest comic devices, Nicolas and Logan. A part of me already misses Nicolas' crazy cackle, Logan's raw sex appeal, Nicolas' phony sense of entitlement, and Logan's ability to use his raw sex appeal to coast through 10 weeks of shoddy designs. 

It's pretty clear this has been a strange season for Project Runway. Sure, Irina has been a noble villain, serving as the producers' go-to designer for snark and sass in talking heads all season long. After all this time in Los Angeles, I'm starting to suspect she's actually Kobe Bryant's notoriously nutty wife, Vanessa -- seriously, look at the two of them here and here -- and that in the final episode, she'll strut off the stage in Bryant Park, slap a Kardashian (but hopefully not Bruce Jenner), and then sit down next to Kobe, Pau Gasol and the Beckhams.

There really hasn't been a counterweight to "Mean-a-Irina" (as Logan dubbed her last episode) at any point this year, which has made the season difficult to embrace. She and Nicolas traded a few barbs, but you mostly just prayed for mutual destruction whenever that happened. Personally, I would have loved to see Irina and Santino go at it for 12 weeks, if only because I'm certain Irina would have pointed out that Santino looks like a homeless orthodox rabbi, and Santino would have responded in kind. ("It's 5 p.m., do you know where Kobe is?") Alas, we'll just have to pray for a sequel to the Project Runway All-Stars show that aired earlier this year. By the way, you can order "Santino!" t-shirts off Rice's website if you like for just $40, which seems about $38 too much if you ask me, but who am I to say?

Let's get to the show, shall we? Time to find out who is going to Bryant Park!

The episode begins with Irina making excuses for why she's such a gigantic be-yotch. But instead of pointing out that she briefly joined forces with Althea to mock Logan's zipper turtleneck last episode, only to turn around and try to get Althea bounced on the runway by whining that her look had been plagiarized, she claims she's disliked by others because no one can handle her raw honesty. Also, for some reason, she won't get out of bed, preferring to lie there with the covers tucked to her chin so she can make evil eyes at everyone. (BTW, are we sure Logan isn't being held captive under those sheets? It would be just like Irina to belittle his designs but drug him and keep him in her bed to torture other designers like Carol Hannah.)

"I always say that I won't say anything behind your back that I wouldn't say to your face, but I guess people would rather you just say it behind their back," Irina says. 

Christopher informs us that boys' room is lonely, and then he laments the absence of talented male designers like Nicolas and Ra'mon, and marvels at the fact that he's still in the competition and they're not. If I were Epperson, and I was watching this while drinking away my sorrows at an Oktoberfest bar, I'd be pretty peeved Nicolas got name-checked and I didn't.

The Heidibot 3000 shows up to give us her usual cryptic spiel that always, always begins with a short " 'ello!" and ends with "byyyyyyyyye!" I don't know why it just dawned on me, but I'm certain that some poor failed screenwriter actually writes these little oracle bits for Heidi, because there is no way she's up late the night before crossing out words and making notes in the margins. Not with four kids, anyway.

Carol Hannah continues to win the award given out by my heart for "Most Adorable" by telling us her own heart beats really fast every time she thinks about going to Bryant Park. I'm starting to wonder if her earnest, Southern politeness might single-handedly redeem the entire state of South Carolina for Mark Sandford's "Appalachian Trail" non-hiking, and the whole Joe Wilson "You lie!" debacle earlier this year. She's basically Amy Adams from Enchanted, which is fitting when you consider Irina is obviously Susan Sarandon, the evil dragon queen.

The second thing I notice is that Erik say, "Sham-BO" instead of "SHAM-bo," like he just doesn't want to admit that it's supposed to rhyme with Rambo. 

Anyway, right off the bat Laura and Shambo get into this stupid fight over Laura's canteen, which had been given to Shambo when she sent Laura to the other tribe during the reward last week.

Suddenly, they're having a random meeting without Jeff, where they open a treasure chest, find blue buffs and realize it's the merge. Immediately, Foa Foa puts its strategy into effect and begins trying to connect with the folks from Galu.

Russell thinks he's got it in the bag: "I can already see I'm going to rule this group, I mean who gets grapes fed to them? The king does." Thanks a lot, Monica, for bringing us that sound bite from Russell with your actions at the feast!

Based on Brett's suggestion, the tribe renames itself Aiga, which means "extended family." How sweet.  Erik wonders, "What's Samoan for 'get the hell off my island'?"

We're not banking on huge fireworks on this episode, but it will be good to catch back up with a few of our favorites. Justine wanted to see Richard, Hung, Fabio and Harold; Liz is excited about Marcel, Richard and Harold.

Enough of the nostalgia. On to the reunioning! 

(Photo of the charming Fabio by Getty Images)

Enjoy!

For the first challenge, each person had to get as many people as possible to head down to the Washington Monument to participate in a public workout with Bob and Jillian. Immediately, I'm wondering whether any of you went and what it was like. It looks like it was filmed this summer some time.

Allen managed to wrangle a bunch of firefighters, but in the end Liz gathered more people and won the challenge. 

After a quick detour to speak with some congresspeople about childhood obesity and health education, it was time for the main challenge for immunity. 

For the first part of the challenge, the teams have to run a mile around Constitution Garden. Liz's advantage is to skip one of the four rounds, but she doesn't get to find out that the other three rounds are first. She decides to participate. The top six finishers, including Liz, have to grab pennies off the Watergate steps and put them in their "bank." The first three people who get pennies to the line in their banks make the third leg. Liz opts to skip this part with her advantage. The last spot comes down to Allen and Rebecca, and it's so close that Allison Sweeney is jumping up and down in excitement. Rebecca takes it, and she's excited, too.

First, we learn Kelly Osbourne and Louis Van Amstel are safe, and Lacey Schwimmer and Mark Dacascos are in the bottom three. (Of note: Lacey was ill last night, so Mark danced with Anna Trebunskaya.) Then, we get a performance by Colbie Caillat. What is it with women singer-songwriters flocking to "DWTS" this season?

Donny Osmond and Kym Johnson are safe, too. But Michael Irvin and Anna Demidova are, like last week, in the bottom three.

The first thing I notice is that Noelle, who was injured last week and couldn't compete, dances during the intro. I'm relieved for her, but I don't really know her style that well yet. But we'll see soon.

Have we mentioned yet that during the intro segment, when the tappers do their solos, they turn on the audio for a few seconds? It's ... necessary, but a little awkward. Maybe a little too loud or something.

Nigel Lythgoe makes a couple of announcements: First, Billy Bell, who had to drop out due to illness, can rejoin at the Top 100 in Vegas next season, and Brandon, who replaced him and then was immediately cut, can reapply next season. Both of those things are good news.

First up are Russell and Noelle. They're working with new choreographer Jamal Sims on a routine in which a lovey-dovey couple goes into a death match ... with tennis racquets. Intriguing. The performance is pretty fun and super-crazy-fast, but dance with tennis raquets is kind of odd. They have fun, though, which is fun for the viewer as well. The only thing that jumps out at me is that Noelle's still looks pretty happy and cutesy during some of the parts that are supposed to be death match. Adam Shankman says Jamal does a lot with character and that he felt like they were a little overwhelmed by the character and the speed a bit. Mary Murphy says Russell won the match, but yes, it is his style. She credits Noelle for showing no weakness despite her injury. Nigel says it was so fast that they didn't really "get hold of it." He also said he liked the Matrix slo-mo (which amuses me a little because I was thinking, "Hey, um, how long ago did The Matrix come out?" It was 1999, by the way).

Longtime Reality Check reader Bucky has graciously volunteered to guest blog about The Amazing Race, and I'm so glad because my typing muscles are more tired than the Poker Girls' hammer-swinging muscles. Take it away, Bucky ...

Last Sunday’s leg began with everyone racing madly to the airport, where they found the next flight (to Amsterdam) wouldn’t depart until midnight. I hate it when that happens. So, they all hung out and got to know each other a little better, including the Globetrotters recapping the water tower drama and Sam and Dan coming out to the group.

Everyone arrives in Amsterdam where they face a task of counting all the bells in a landmark bell tower. (Wouldn’t you have loved to see Mika climbing to the top of the bell tower and disclosing that, in addition to heights and water, she has a fear of things that ring?) All the competitors, save Ericka, count the bells quickly and in just one try…there are 62…and hand a little slip of paper with the answer to the bell ringer guy who gives them their next envelope of instructions. Ericka counts 46. When she hands the slip of paper to the bell ringer guy he laughs, right out loud and says, "What the heck?"

Ha Ha Ha. OK … no, he didn’t do that. That’s what I did, sitting on my sofa, cracking up.

 (Andre F. Chung/Baltimore Sun photo 2008)

This goes out to all you Brothers Voltaggio! fans: They tell The Baltimore Sun's Laura Vozzella about the attention from hometown Frederick fans, the rivalry and being recognized at the grocery store.

Here's the story.

 And an oldie but goodie: Facts about the Brothers V.!

Louis Van Amstel is wearing the craziest pants I have ever seen, bright blue fringed trousers. Like COVERED with fringe. 

Michael Irvin and Anna Demidova are first, dancing the foxtrot. He's working so hard and definitely having more fun, but I feel like his arm movements are still too small and restrained and kind of awkward. Head judge Len Goodman says he's glad he made it through last week because his foxtrot was well done. Bruno Tonioli says his musicality has improved, but he needs to work on his posture and "funny arms." Carrie Ann Inaba says he was gracious, fluid and had content. She also likes the costume he designed for Anna. Oh, so Louis has Kelly to blame for those pants? Ouch. Scores: 8-8-7, for a 23/30.

Donny Osmond and Kym Johnson have the quickstep this week, and Donny's concerned because he had a tough time keeping up with Kym last week. I'm hoping neither of them gets an arm hooked in all the strips all over the top of Kym's costume. This week's dance, he keeps up much better -- there's less of the desperation he had going on last week -- and the style suits his style. Bruno says he's solid as a rock as a performer, but "nobody could cover up all the mistakes as well as you did." Carrie Ann says it was pretty good and his footwork was light, but he went wrong a few times. Len says he came out "full bore from start to finish, full of attack." He seems less concerned by the mistakes. Scores: 8-8-8, for a 24/30.

But Russell had his sights on Liz, and he got his way. She was a good competitor, but questioning Russell put her on his radar and a handful of moments of showing her frustration made a handy excuse for everyone else. But really, could you blame her for getting irritated when she was desperately trying to start the fire while Natalie and visiting-from-Galu Laura blabbed about Harleys and books? On the other hand, Russell wasn't wrong when he said that Natalie was doing the right thing trying to woo Laura since they're having such a severe numbers problem.

So is this alliance between Laura and Russell the real deal, or is she just stringing him along so he doesn't target him at the merge? Playing the men-are-superior card, whether she believes it or not, was probably the exact right move with Russell since he has a problem with women who question him.

So farewell, Liz. But now I can't wait to see what happens at the merge.

Erin started the episode lamenting about her disastrous Covergirl commercial from the week before. And for good reason, she was in the bottom two last week.

Tyra met the girls at their house to tell them that they needed to tidy up. She pointed out ants, dirty dishes, and scattered clothes. I was fully expecting Tyra to go on a huge tantrum about respecting the house. Instead she told the girls she was condemning the house, which would force them to take a trip to Hawaii. The girls quickly packed, boarded a plane, and were on their way.

After settling into their new ultra fabulous digs, and sharpening their claws – Erin and Brittany hate each other-- the girls met Sofia Beschen, a petite model and surfer, and Buzzy Kerbox, a surfer and model. The girls learned how to surf by the model-surfers. The girls were suppose to learn body control with their surfing lesson.

It sure messed me up. I was still out of town (but that vacation is over now, and I am back, readers!) and didn't even realize they were doing that special episode on Monday or that there wasn't a results show this week until I was catching up on the DVR yesterday. (Bad blogger, BAD!)

But now I am all caught up, and all I can say is: Wow. I loved the show introducing the Top 20 and giving them all a chance to dance in their style before the votes start coming in. The big group performance and all of the genre performances were fabulous and finally got me pumped about this season.

And the first competition show was pretty excellent, too. But again, what drama! I was so sad to hear that Billy Bell is out of the competition -- he was already one of my favorites, and I hope he's doing OK with whatever illness he is fighting. Noelle Marsh was also sidelined -- she injured her knee and was unable to compete, sitting on the sidelines with her leg in a giant brace.

I won't go one by one through the performances (though I will be back with that next week), but some of them were spectacular. I loved the goofy Dave Scott hip-hop routine with the caveman theme and the Sonya Tayeh fallen angel routine, in particular. I felt bad for Russell, who had to perform his foxtrot with the co-choreographyer, Melanie LaPlatin, instead of Noelle. Here's hoping she's well enough to return next week.

I'm hoping, too, that Nigel doesn't keep up with the whole "this empty chair is for Paula Abdul" thing for the rest of the season. I assume he's being so public about it because she really is coming to the show in one capacity or another, but who knows.

Besides Billy Bell, the person I felt the worst for was Brandon -- he doesn't make the Top 20, he watches the episode  in which he gets cut, he gets a phone call that he's in, rallies and learns a ballroom dance with a new partner in very little time, performs and then gets cut. What a roller coaster. Interesting that Nigel says they are going to try to change the rules to let him in the Top 20 in the future if he makes the cut since he kind of got screwed over by all this madness. Along with Brandon, dancer Ariana Dubose was also cut.

What did you think about this crazy week on SYTYCD?

We're getting down to the wire. Only seven cheftestants remain after last week's much-anticipated Restaurant Wars episode. Everyone seems pretty nervous in the previews for this episode, and there's always the chance someone we hate will go home, so we're excited. There was also a cameo by actress Natalie Portman (does anyone remember anything else she's been in besides Star Wars and Garden State?). Celebrity guests usually bring a curveball with them, so let's hope Natalie delivers.

Enough with the swooning over Natalie Portman. On to the cooking!