We learn a lot about Eli (Liz's favorite cheftestant, but not for his cooking ability) early in the episode. That either means he's going to do quite well or go home. His food in previous challenges hasn't really stood out for being good or bad, so we're a bit concerned for his fate. We learn important things about Eli, like how he lives at home and calls to check in with his mom.

(Also, who noticed Jerkface Mike putting lotion on his tattoos in one of the first shots? Eww!)

Robin does pilates in the morning. She beat cancer, and now she's talking about winning Top Chef. We're skeptical. But she gets a sympathy vote from some viewers....we aren't as easy to win over.

Quickfire

Guest judge: Charlie Palmer. He's the pioneer of American cooking, sez Michael. He's worked with Michael AND Bryan, but he promises that he won't be swayed by their experience together. (Bryan's worked with him 10 years) The essence of the quickfire challenge is food pairings. The (product placement) catch, you may ask? Their dishes have to go well with Alexia chips – if you've been paying attention all season, they've been in shots in the stew room, the cheftestants have been eating them in the house, etc. (Liz: "Just cook them in Caphalon and put them in a Glad container and be done with it.")

(Fun fact: A few episodes ago, Liz and I ate the ranch flavor before we knew the chips would play such a major role in the show. And Liz has more coupons for $1 off a bag, but keeps forgetting to buy them at the store.)

Ash describes his food as: Clean, simple, awesome. He didn't include the eyeroll, but we did.

Fashion moment: Padma's white knee-high boots! And her belt!

The lackluster pairings: Robin, Ash and Jennifer, whose pork chops became overcooked as they sat patiently, waiting for Padma. Too bad this wasn't a high stakes quickfire. 

On the top: Eli, Bryan, Kevin. The winner: Eli! But he doesn't win anything -- no immunity, no $15,000 "chip," no Calphalon! No advantage, either. Poor Eli. Liz's celebratory dance at Eli's victory shook the couch.

Ash is bummed to be in the bottom and he's surprised. That's never a good sign. It's those who are clueless about their poor cooking who are easy targets.

Elimination Challenge

The cheftestants have to cook pork dishes for Chef Palmer's Pigs and Pinot annual charity event. It's about creating a pork dish that goes well with pinot noir. Knife drawing takes place for what part of the pig they will be cooking; Palmer winks at Eli for drawing the pork belly. They'll each have to make 150 tasting portions.

On a quick field trip before going to Whole Foods, they go to Aureole restaurant at Mandalay Bay where wingless wine angels get wine for you. The cheftestants show their true professionalism by just tasting the wine before dumping out most of it. Since they drew knives for parts of the pig they had to use, it's only fair that they get to choose which pinot noir they want to pair.

Bearded Kevin says he wants to win the challenge because he's a "pig guy" who has a pig tattoo. Oink.

What is with all the product placement today? Mention of the cars they ride in, GE logos everywhere, Swanson broth, etc. It seems like they're running out of content.

Back at the homestead, Eli's making dinner but Robin is annoying him by bickering over a dirty cutting board. Robin and Eli argue. She's not his mother. They're all hating on her. Eli takes his pan of scallops (Liz: Again, he's a man after my own heart) and shares with the other chefs so they can get their Robin hating on.

Moving on to the fast and furious cooking before Pigs and Pinot. Did anyone else notice that Bryan gets super sweaty when he cooks? He was really sweating it up in the quickfire, and again he's soaked. (Justine says she thinks it's hot. Get it? Ha.) Is it the extra pressure of the guest judge he's worked for all these years, or is he just a naturally sweaty gent? Michael V. says he's traveled more and is willing to take more risks. Bryan has stayed in one place and has "gotten really good at one type of food."

Ash is confident that this week he's going to cook his food, not anyone else's. We're not buying what you're selling, Ash.

JFM talks about how he's done so many types of cuisine so far in the competition, but one of the cuisines in his list - Asian – and he did that ONLY because he and Robin had to, and Robin was the one who knew everything about the ingredients. Lame.

Some brother battle with Michael trying to piss off Bryan over who gets to use the gigantic Glad wrap. Is product placement really what's tearing the brothers apart?

JFM complains about the setting for the tasting – he usually has sous chefs for this type of thing, apparently. At the events in your head, JFM? Is that where you get your very own sous chef?

Moving on to the event. The chefs are stressed because all the people come at once and they just want to eat. Aren't there any caterers left in the cheftestant bunch, or are they all restaurant folk? Dana Cowin of Food & Wine magazine and Toby are the other judges. Never thought we'd say this, but we miss Gail. We'd take her over trite Toby any day.

Eli's dish was good but the hoity-toity guest judge said it didn't go with the wine.

It seems like everybody's dish is going over well. It'll be the little stuff that trips them up, except Laurine's dish is "cat food," or so sez guest judge Dana. So harsh. Robin's doesn't give a pork flavor – maybe the meat is cut too thing, Tom postulates.

Judges' Table

Not the shock of your life, on the top: Micahel, Bryan, Kevin and Jennifer (For those of you keeping track at home, that's the final four we've been predicting for weeeeeeeks) They had the best dishes and the best pairings. They were spot on with what the whole event was about.

Toby made some kind of random comparison about hairy armpits on a cooking show. Ick.

The winner is Bearded Kevin! He gets to be a guest chef at the 2010 Pigs & Pinot event. He points out his pig tattoo. (Liz is going to make an appointment to get one tomorrow.)

On the bottom: Ash, Laurine and Robin (nice to see they didn't stretch to pull a fourth chef into the bottom when Eli and JFM's dishes weren't total screw-ups)

Robin's dish didn't have enough pork. The texture of the sauce was weird and gummy. Ash is surprised to be on the bottom. The dish wasn't strong enough for the wine. Padma asked him if he tasted it. Tom has some wise words about Ash: he second-guessed his first instinct, not trusting his gut. Laurine ran out of time to get her food done, and guest judge Palmer points out that she didn't even make a rillettes at all.

In the stew room, Ash shouts out that he forgot flavor. We knew that a long time ago, buddy.

Michael says Eli is the little brother they've never had. (Liz called him her “TV boyfriend.” She visibly swoons whenever he appears. Eli, if you're out there, please write her so she'll be quiet.)

Ash goes home! Surprise! The criticism sounded like Laurine's was the worst. The moral of the story: You can make cat food on Top Chef and not go home.

Next week: Restaurant wars! The brothers work together! Robin freaks out about and the VOlt brothers BOTH yell at her! Score!

On a side note, they were misleading about the brother tension in the previews of this episode. We were mislead by the clever editing. Darn you, Bravo! Way to get us all worked up over a little squabble involving some plastic wrap.

Predictions

Who's going home next: Liz says Laurine's cat food performance won't keep her around long. Robin may stay for the added drama, sad to say. Justine wants Robin out next because none of her food has been great. It's always been mediocre to bad.  

Favorites: This doesn't change from week to week, folks. Justine's sold on sweaty Bryan's hotness because that means he works hard. While Liz may swoon over Eli, she won't shake off her Bearded Kevin loyalties. They will soon share a pig tattoo, after all. 

How bald do you think Tom really is? When's the last time you had pork belly? If you had to host a charity food event with alliteration of the major ingredients, what would it be?