It's another results show for Dancing With the Stars. I don't know about you, but I'm still hoping Tom "The Hammer" DeLay gets the boot. (Mixing metaphors already? It's going to be a long night.)

* Results start pretty quickly: Donny Osmond and Kym Johnson are safe, as are Mya and Dmitry Chaplin and Aaron Carter and Karina Smirnoff.

* Joss Stone performs. 

* There's a segment on the new training facility and how it brings them all together.

* More results, from those who scored 21: Mark and Lacey are safe, as are Natalie and Alec. But Debi and Maks are "still in jeopardy. That doesn't seem to mean that they are in the bottom two, though. 

* Selena Gomez performs after a break.

* Joanna and Derek are safe, as are Michael and Anna. After the break, Chuck and Anna learn that they are safe. Melissa and Mark are, too. Kelly and Louis? Same. Louie and Chelsie, though, are "still in jeopardy." 

* Next up for Star of Dance, the USC Trojans Marching Band (sorry, kids, but my heart belongs to the Oregon Marching Band) makes its way into the studio for a performance along with some dancers doing tricks and some stompers. 

* Joss Stone comes back to sing another song, reminding us all that, even though she's a fine singer, this show could easily be 30 minutes instead of an hour.

* Last results: Tom DeLay and Cheryl are safe. (Noooooooooooooooooo!) Kathy and Tony are not. 

* This leaves the three couples in trouble. Louie and Chelsie learn that they are, indeed, safe, as are Debi and Maks, so Kathy Ireland and Tony are out.

She says she wouldn't change a moment of it, and that it's been good fun.

They take their last dance, and I'm left wondering: Who is voting for Tom Delay?

What do you think about the results?

 

 

 

 

 

 

You can tell there are still too many people on this season of Dancing With the Stars since it feels like it takes 20 minutes for the introductions. Let's get rid of some more chaff!

Head judge Len Goodman is out tonight, but director Baz Luhrmann (of "Strictly Ballroom" fame) is there in his stead. 

The first star tonight is Joanna Krupa. She and Derek Hough are doing the jive, and he says the challenge is to keep it from looking frantic. They jive to "What I Like About You," and it is super fast (even faster than the average jive, I feel like) and mostly succeed at keeping it from looking frantic. They bring out the fun and the joy of the dance and clearly have a lot of chemistry (even though Joanna appears to be wearing about five of Dee Snider's wigs all at the same time).  Carrie Ann Inaba likes their gusto and energy, but her footwork was a little out of control. Bruno Tonioli says Joanna doesn't hold back, but with the jive, they have to be precise, and it wasn't exactly that. Baz says they are a great couple, tremendous and exciting, but he would like to see more "actual relationship." Scores: 6-7-7, for a 20/30.

Natalie Coughlin and Alec Mazo prepare for the quick step. In rehearsal, she is having trouble because she is so used to holding her breath (like she does when she swims) that she is looking kind of stiff, but they work it out. They dance to "I Want You Back," and while they're having fun on stage, she still seems a little uptight -- and her legs don't seem like she's extending as much as she could. Bruno says she needs to relax a little more because when she tenses up, her shoulders go up. "You could be amazing," he closes. Baz says that the quick step is so hard, and that in the first half, they could see her as an athlete thinking about approaching something that is difficult, but in the second half, she was in the moment and in the music. Carrie Ann says Natalie is one of her favorites, that she likes how she moves. Her only note is that Natalie should think of Alec as an extension of herself and not a separate entity. Scores: 7-7-7, 21/30.

Chuck Liddell decides to ignore Len's advice last week about getting in touch with his feminine side since he and Anna Trebunskaya are doing the tango. They decide to add some fighting moves to their choreography to see how it goes. During their performance (to "Seven Nation Army"), Chuck just kind of stalks around the floor -- it really barely even feels like he's dancing. Baz says he thinks Len would rip him to pieces, but he thinks you have to love watching him embrace that dance. Carrie Ann says she was a little frightened, and that sometimes they are just looking for impact, and he had that. Bruno says it was "savage and primeval and always a tango." Um, are the judges afraid to criticize him or something? I thought that was pretty bad. Scores: 6-7-6, 19/30.

Just for the record: Baz has given everyone a 7 so far. I just don't think Chuck was in the same league as the first two.

Melissa Joan Hart and Mark Ballas prepare for the jive. She wants to do lots of tricks, but he's worried she's not quite coordinated enough to pull them off. In the performance, though, they seem to hit all the marks, but it does seem kind of frantic. They crack up when it's over, so clearly they're having a ball. Melissa seems to be trying to evoke a little Lucille Ball vibe with the faces she was pulling, as well. Carrie Ann says she was worried last week that she wouldn't last long (saying she was very "beige," ouch), but this was great. Bruno like they are two glittering lady birds. He says that their tops were so busy that their feet fell apart here and there. Baz says it was a big improvement, but she needs to work on the footwork. Scores: 7-6-6, for a 19/30.

Really? The same score as CHUCK?

Michael Irvin and Anna Demidova are planning to attack the quickstep and add a lot of content after last week's 13/30. They definitely up their difficulty level, and had less of pro-dancing-around-star syndrome. He's just thrilled when they finish. Bruno says they delivered content. "That was a proper quickstep." Baz says he is confronting the challenge before them, and he's a natural performer, though his timing was a little off. Carrie Ann says this is a touchdown compared with last week and that they acted as a team. Scores: 7-7-6, for a 20/30.

Debi Mazar and Maks Chmerkovskiy are hoping to use their love-hate relationship to their advantage in the tango. She cries, he apologizes, they get over it. They dance to the Moulin Rouge version of "Roxanne," and she's definitely more comfortable than last week, when you could see her thinking out every move. And they're working the power and aggression sides of the dance pretty well, too. Baz says he loves the song and that they played out the story very well. Carrie Ann says she is the drama queen and worked it out on the dance floor. Bruno says she should always channel "the feisty ball-breaker ... keep a hold of him!" Scores: 7-7-7, for a 21/30.

Louie Vito and Chelsie Hightower prepare for the jive, which Louie says he didn't even know about a week ago. They start out with Louie doing a huge turning jump off the stage (courtesy of his snowboarding background). He's a teensy bit stiff, but during the part where they are side by side doing fast footwork, he manages to keep up with Chelsie pretty well. Carrie Ann says he has so much joy in his dance, but he lost touch with the music a few times. Bruno says he can actually do it, and so he's going to give him a hard time because he has the ability to do better than that. Baz thinks they're a great couple, a great story, but he thought it was tremendous, joyous and what a jive should be. Scores: 6-7-6, for a 19/30. 

At this point, with seven of the 14 couples having danced, all the scores fall between 19 and 21. I think there's been a wider scope of goodness and badness than three points, but I'm not a judge.

Aaron Carter and Karina Smirnoff finished in first last week, so now they feel like they are under a lot of pressure preparing for the quickstep. At the beginning of their performance, Animal from the Muppets is playing the drums, and that's because they're dancing to the Muppets theme song. I LOVE THIS! They've got ridiculous energy, and their costumes (his green-GREEN suit and her fluffy light pink dress) seem meant to evoke Kermit the Frog and Miss Piggy without putting masks on them. Afterward, Gonzo is at judges' table playing the trumpet and confusing the heck out of Bruno. Oh, sure, this is all pretty cheesy, but I love the Muppets, so I'm running with it. Bruno: "Spectacular, spectacular! Talk about realizing potential! Mini Fred Astaire, you were." (OK, Yoda. That's not the green guy he's looking like.) He adds that Aaron was in control of the performance, and that's pretty amazing for week two. But now he has to live up to that. Baz says he's already growing, and that it was a real quickstep, a real show. Carrie Ann says that was truly a pleasure and that the contact in his hold was amazing. I think we're finally going to see a score outside the 19-21 range. Scores:  9-9-9, for a 27/30. Wow! That is an amazing score for the second week. Aaron says now the pressure really is on.

Kelly Osbourne was the story of the night (in terms of good dancing, at least) at last week's premiere. She's terrified that their tango won't live up to last week's performance, and the pressure is getting to her during rehearsal with Louis Van Amstel. In performance, she still looks kind of terrified, and she doesn't have that same effervescent smile she had working during last week's waltz. She seems to make a misstep and then can't quite come back after that. Seems like she's apologizing to Louis as they finish. Baz: "Oh, Kelly Osbourne." He says her story of self-revelation is amazing and that though there were mistakes, she kept on fighting and never gave up. Carrie Ann says she is building a technique baseline that is getting her through, even the mistakes. Bruno says when she got it right, it was like looking at Eva Peron, but it went awry with the errors, and her acknowledgment of them with a giggle. Scores: 6-7-6, for a 19/30.

Kathy Ireland and Tony Dovolani want to improve after last week's lackluster performance. She gets very Pollyanna and tells Tony she "loves criticism" and takes it as a gift. (Sorry, but I get the idea of finding it constructive, but loving it? No one loves being told they stunk.) They hope the quickstep will work out better for them. They still seem rather tentative to me, and somehow, their quickstep feels slower than the others'. Carrie Ann liked the full presentation more than last week, but she still finds Kathy reserved and careful and not standing out. Bruno says she is elegant and beautiful to look at, but they have to be engaging. Baz says the quickstep is an exciting dance, and that they need to bring that sense of attack to these performances. Tony kind of talks back to the judges in a way that indicates that he tried to get Kathy to dance closer to him and she wouldn't, but he's vague. Scores: 6-6 -6, for an 18/30.

Mark Dacascos and Lacey Schwimmer take on the quickstep and want to stay in third or higher after their strong start last week. Their quickstep actually lives up to its name and features some amazng moves from both of them. I want it to keep going when it's done, which is a good sign, right? Bruno says it was a great performance, "if you could only get your feet under control ... but you are a good dancer, and you can sell it." Baz says it was an incredible comeback after his first fall and that he could be a great ballroom dancer. Carrie Ann says it was ambitious and clean, but he needs to breathe more. I actually didn't notice the fall, but I see it on second viewing -- their feet weren't on camera when it happened, so it wasn't as obvious. Scores: 7-7-7, for a 21/30.

Mya and Dmitry Chaplin are aiming to never get a 5 ever again. They work and work and work on their technique, and Mya is especially trying to make sure she doesn't mix her tap-dance technique in there accidentally. Their dance is fast, cheeky, precise and energetic. Plus, Dmitry is dressed like a nerd, sporting some of the high high-waters I've ever seen. Baz: "That is the real deal. That is fantastic." He says they have speed and accuracy, claiming the dance and not being overpowered by the dance. Carrie Ann says Len would have hated the beginning, but haha, he isn't here. She loved their jive. Bruno says it was like seeing Josephine Baker and Clark Kent dance together. He liked it. Scores: 9-9-9, for a 27/30.

Tom DeLay and Cheryl Burke have to take on the tango for their second dance. He's having a tough time jerking his head to the music at the right time during rehearsal, and he also injured his foot, getting a pre-stress fracture, news of which actually broke before this season started. So the dance itself: At first, it's not the trainwreck it could have been -- but then at the end, he's looking a mess, and then he almost drops Cheryl in their final move. He's limping afterward and looking in a lot of pain. Carrie Ann says there is something oddly alluring watching them dance together, that he is providing a good frame for her. "You've got a gut, you've got to squeeze them together, sir," she says, and I have no idea what she's talking about. I'm not sure that Tom Bergeron knows what she meant, either, but he says, "I don't think historically that's been his problem." Wait, what is going on?? Bruno says he nearly pulled it out of the bag, looking distinguished and determined, but it fell to pieces at the end. Baz says it was a cliffhanger -- and that he had dignity and grace, which should be celebrated. Scores: 6-6-6, for an 18/30.

Donny Osmond and Kym Johnson are aiming for speed and youth in their jive. They dance to "Secret Agent Man," and nothing says youth like a velour suit! But they are speedy and energetic and ... jivey. Bruno: "Secret Agent Osmond, that was Mission: Accomplished." Baz thought the dance was accurate and thinks it was fantastic that dance knows no age. Carrie Ann says it was an amazing performance and loves Kym's outfit. She adds that they just need to keep it up because they are rocking. Scores: 8-9-8, for a 25/30. 

It's going to be interesting tomorrow night: All but three couples got scores between 18 and 21, except for Aaron's 27, Mya's 27 and Donny's 25. I think it's going to be a fight to get out of the bottom three for a lot of people. What do you think?

 

What a doozy of a season premiere of The Amazing Race!

They're not messing around -- this season, the first challenge took place before the teams even headed to the airport. They had to find a license plate off a wall of hundreds of them that bore the marks of a particular town -- and of course, the marks weren't in English.

Eric and Lisa, the married yoga teachers, were the casualties, but they took it OK, saying that they'd removed the shame factor for the rest of the teams.

After that, the teams headed to Tokyo, where their next challenge was to appear on a version of a Japanese game show. I'll just call it Wheel of Sushi. There was a wheel, and teams had to eat whatever roll landed in front of them, but they couldn't leave until they took on the wasabi bomb, a giant roll filled with an wickedly insane amount of the pungent green stuff. (I'd had sushi earlier in the day and had freaked when one of the pieces had just a smidge of wasabi. Couldn't imagine what this roll was like.)

If the team had the wasabi roll in front of them, they had two minutes to eat it up or else forfeit. Maria (of the team of professional poker players who lied and said they worked with the homeless for a nonprofit) couldn't quite finish her roll in two minutes and, OUCH, had to do it again. But she survived that one. Brian (husband of former Miss America Ericka) also had to repeat and made it.

After eating the wasabi bomb, teams were matched up with 20 audience members and had to herd them through Tokyo's busiest intersection to the first pit stop. Maria and Tiffany ended up in some trouble after losing two of their audience members -- they came in last and incurred a two-hour penalty, but it was a nonelimination leg, so they were saved.

The next day, teams had to go to Ho Chi Minh City. For their first challenge, they had to fill up an area with mud around the base of a tree until it reached a certain point. They all got filthy, but everyone eventually got through it. Next, though, was the best challenge of the night: duck herding. One team member had to get about 100 ducks from one area, over a bridge to another area, and then back across the bridge and into their pen in 10 minutes. It was tough tough tough, but oh so amusing. (I mean, it wasn't cheese wheels rolling down a hill or anything, but I still laughed plenty.)

My favorite moment during that challenge was that Zev, who has Asperger's Syndrome, was so good with the ducks. They seemed to just know what he wanted them to do; one of the other teams called him the "Duck Whisperer."

Maria and Tiffany had to do a Speed Bump challenge, but they quickly caught up after delivering the ingredients of pho soup to a security guard, and Tiffany had actually raised ducks at some point in her life, so she got through that part pretty easily. Earlier in the episode, though, I had to laugh when, after lying to everyone else and saying they worked for a nonprofit, they were recognized in the airport by a hard-core poker fan. Whoops! No one will trust them now. Way to bluff, guys!

Gary and Matt, the father-and-son team, came in first, and last place was a race between Brian and Ericka and on-again, off-again couple Garrett and Jessica. Garrett and Jessica finished last, and that was OK.

What did you think of the premiere?

Save up all your witty comments about tonight's Dancing With the Stars -- let's dish tomorrow around 11:30 in the Second Ever Totally Amazing Reality Check Live Chat.

We'll be starting it up around 11 for people to begin submitting questions, but mostly we'll just be sharing our thoughts on the craziness that is DWTS.

Sykesville singer Drew Stevyns, who made the Top 10 on the most recent season of NBC's America's Got Talent, will be welcomed back by his hometown on Oct. 7.

Stevyns will appear in Century High School's Homecoming Parade.

Get the details here.

Greeting and salutations, fashionistas! I'm Kevin Van Valkenburg, and I'm probably the only straight male who admits he's watching Lifetime.

The episode begins with Ra'mon telling us that he's kind of glad that Johnny is gone because it makes the challenges a little more serious for everyone else. That's fair, although if you're crossword puzzle guru Will Shortz, you have to be disappointed that serious crossword puzzle enthusiasts like Johnny are once again forced to live on the margins. Nicolas says, once again, that he's not here to make friends, he wants to go to Bryant Park. I don't see a lot of people eager to make friends with Nicolas either, by the way. It's a shame Jennifer Aniston isn't here. I bet they could be pals, considering Nicolas copied her haircut from the third season of Friends.

In the ladies apartment, Irina is slipping into what appears to be a fancy macaroni necklace while Gordana expresses shock over being in the bottom three last week. Gordana is growing on me, to be honest. She's like the aging villainess in a James Bond flick. If she happens to fire a poison dart into Nicolas' neck while he's at the sewing machine, I'm willing to look the other way.

 

Heidi strolls onto the runway in a skin-tight black dress, showing off what are, hands down, the greatest pair of calves on the face of the earth. Seriously people, the woman has had three children (as of this filming) and still looks like she could stop traffic at LAX. I'm not even sure she's human, to be honest. I bet if you opened her refrigerator, you'd discover she doesn't actually eat real food, she just ingests bottled sunshine through a straw.

Cut to a Hollywood film lot, where L'Oreal make-up maestro Collier Strong and Tim Gunn inform our intrepid designers that, this week, they'll be making outfits based on movie genres. Nicolas and Gordana both cringe when Tim rattles of the list of categories, which includes Westerns.

"Western would be little bit tough for me because ... I'm not really American," Gordana says.

Seriously, girl? Aside from the awkward syntax and the icy, Yugoslavian demeanor, you could have fooled me.

The designers come forward and pick their genres as their names are called. Irina goes with "film noir," while Logan and Carol Hannah select "action/adventure." Ra'mon boldly picks "science fiction," and tell us he used to be obsessed with Star Trek as a kid. I'm suddenly giddy with the possibility of seeing a Lt. Uhura-inspired pantsuit. Althea and Louise take "film noir," Gordana grabs "period piece" and Nicolas follows that up by also taking the second "science fiction." If Nicolas manages to pull off a Darth Vader-themed evening gown, seriously, all will be forgiven.

Christopher also goes with "period piece" meaning that, Epperson and Shirin are both stuck with "Western," which is apparently the kiss of death in the fashion world. I don't know why they're so upset, though. The women on "Little House on the Prairie" sure did some inspiring things with ankle-length prairie dresses and bonnets. Those never go out of style. Just ask the Mennonites.

Time to sketch. This is a one-day challenge, which are always great because the pressure usually reduces someone to tears. Epperson and Shirin are trying to talk themselves into making dresses for a "saloon girl," which I understand because every woman in a Western is either Annie Oakley or a prostitute, and since Shirin correctly pointed out that the Macy's accessory wall "has no cowboy hat!" -- seriously Macy's, WTH? -- it's going to have to be prostitute. Surprisingly, Epperson goes the other direction and starts sketching a sassy, widowed Annie Oakley.

Cut to a clip of Carol Hannah and Logan flirting a little. In her talking head, Carol Hannah confesses that it's "really distracting" to sit next to Logan because he's really hot. Seriously, I caught some of that Models of the Runway show last week (don't judge me, ok?), and all the models were practically fantasizing about sneaking into Logan's dorm and having a 12-some. It was like watching jungle cats lick their lips over a baby antelope. Logan is pretty handsome and all, but it's just a reminder that if you're a straight guy who works in the fashion world and you can't get laid, you might as well throw in the towel and join the priesthood.

Ra'mon has the world "BORG" written on his sketch pad, and in my notebook I write "BORG = Auf Wiedersehen." Bad idea, Ra'mon. I saw those Star Trek: Next Generation episodes, and even the Lady Borg looked like they covered themselves in glue and then fell into a bathtub full of paperclips and Legos.

Tim Gunn arrives, and it's time to go to Mood. Ever wonder how everyone gets to Mood? I suppose they take like three or four separate cars, but since they never show the method of transportation, I always like to pretend that Tim drives everyone in a tricked-out pink school bus. In my mind, he honks at rude drivers, rolls his eyes when people cut him off, and laughs at episodes of This American Life while his scarf billows out the window in the warm California breeze.

Nothing eventful happens at Mood, so we cut back to the workroom. Someone has stolen Gordana's scissors, and for a second, I'm certain she's about to say, "So that's how it's going to be, Mr. Bond." Irina makes an awkward joke with Louise about sabotage, and my crush on Irina only grows. Ra'mon is dyeing his fabric green and says that he's going to make a suit that calls to mind a "human/alien/reptile" hybrid. Seriously, is he crazy? Doesn't he remember the movie Predator, when the ugly green reptile alien attacked Arnold Schwarzenegger and killed Apollo Creed? I know Arnold was an Austrian, but they speak German in Austria, and you know Heidi is not going to like being reminded of the big green alien who attacked her German-speaking neighbors.

Attention! Tim Gunn is back in the house, ready to crush your dreams. Gordana gets some advice from Tim while Irina disses Gordana in a talking head. (I now suspect Irina stole the scissors.) Christopher tells Tim he's making a dress for a "vampire bride," which sounds like a disaster to me, but all Tim says is that it needs sleeves. (Vampires don't want to be cold on their wedding night, apparently.) Ra'mon's alien skin dress could either be, according to Tim, "sublime or a big hot mess." Lastly, we come to Nicolas and I'm not kidding when I say that I think he's making a dress for Gozer the Gozarian in the final scene of Ghostbusters. It has the potential to be hideous.

Not as hideous as Ra'mon, however, because he decides during the model-fitting to scrap his entire design after it looks like Kermit the Frog raided Cher's closet. The day ends on an ominous note when Louise mows over her finger with the sewing machine and she drips blood all over the floor. Thank goodness Christopher's vampire bride isn't around, or we really would have a hot mess on our hands. 

Morning arrives. Gordana says she wanted to make a cigarette holder for her model, but has run out of time. ("Guess I won't be needing that light after all, Mr. Bond.") Ra'mon says he thinks he'll be somewhere in the middle. Nicolas, while he's fluffing his bangs, says he'd give his first born for a hot glue gun. (First born? Who is he kidding?) But speaking of children, Logan says he knows the judges will love his design and want to have his babies.

(Ok, I might have made that last part up, but that doesn't mean it's not true. Seriously, watch your back, Seal.)

Models and make-up. Everyone is freaking out. Irina, who has immunity this week, looks like she might need the free pass because she's frantically sewing as Tim Gunn threatens to have her dragged from the workroom.

Runway show. Heidi seems to have picked an outfit from the yoga class/western/disco hybrid genre, but as usual, she looks luminous. I'm not even going to get my hopes up that we'll see Michael Kors and Nina Garcia this week because I know I'll just be disappointed when they don't show.

And of course, they don't. Seriously, they're quickly becoming the Brett Favre of Project Runway. If they think they can miss all the early stuff, then swoop in at the end start judging like nothing has changed, they're sadly mistaken. If Zoe Glassner wasn't so lame, I might fall out of love with them forever. Costume designer Arianne Phillips and designer John Varvatos are here to try to pick up the slack. 

I don't know what's "film noir" about Irina's outfit, but it looks decent. In a strange turn of events, Carol Hannah actually has designed the perfect outfit for a James Bond villianess and now I'm hoping she'll win and get a celebratory make-out session with Logan. Shirin's prostitute dress seems like something you'd buy in a Halloween store. Christopher ignored Tim's advice and didn't give his vampire bride sleeves, but it looks, to me, like the front-runner anyway. Nicolas' Gozer dress isn't as bad as I feared, so he should survive. Once again, Althea can't seem to grasp the fact that her model is the one model whose breasts actually need more than scotch tape to hold them in place.

Ra'mon's dress looks like someone ran over a iguana with a lawnmower. Epperson and Louise might be in trouble, because her 1920s dress looks boring, and his looks like something Princess Leia would wear to the Ewok Sadie Hawkins Dance. I really like Gordana's gold, 1920s flapper dress. It's like what Marilyn Monroe would wear in a Croatian night club.

Logan, Carol Hannah, Shirin, Irina and Althea, are safe, if unspectacular. Phillips, Varvartos and Glassner give Gordana some lukewarm praise, but take digs at her originality. Glassner throws out some vague nonsense about "seeing Gordana's hands but not her eyes."

"What's different about this dress than my great grandmother's dress?" Glassner asks.

Gee, Zoe, you mean other than the fact that your great grandmother probably didn't make her dress in six hours with $150 of fabric? I guess nothing.

Nicolas feeds the judges some lines about how his model is an ice queen, contemplating overthrowing the universe, and sadly, they buy it completely. (What a joke. Barf.) Louise looks like she might cry after Heidi and Glassner thrash her French maid outfit. Christopher's vampire bride gets tons of praise, as I suspected. Glassner can't stop raving in particular. (Call it a hunch, but I'm betting Glassner is a huge Twilight fan, and will be imagining herself as Bella. and Logan as Edward, later tonight.) Ra'mon's dress is a disaster. It's like a lizard stepped on a landmine.

Decision time. Nicolas wins, which seems insane. (It's like Heidi been possessed by Zoul, the dog-like spirit from Ghostbusters who took over Sigourney Weaver's body. We need to get Peter Venkman on the phone.) Of course, my frustration might just have something to do with the fact that I hate Nicolas and now he has immunity for next week.

Elimination comes down to Ra'mon and Louise, and even though Ra'mon definitely deserves to go home based on this week, I'm still a little stunned when it actually happens. Usually the talented designers get saved when they put up awful, but ambitious, work up against boring work, but not this time. Louise still leaves the stage in tears.

Ra'mon's departure, however, is also a reminder of what makes Project Runway the greatest reality show on television. Unless your name is Wendy Pepper or Santino Rice, you can't sweet talk or fake your way through a challenge. You have to bring it every week. No excuses. (That means you, Nina and Michael!)

And so to Ra'mon, we reluctantly say:

Auf Wiedersehen, baby.

Oh, that dastardly Russell, he of the striking blue eyes, unfortunate propensity to walk around camp in unfortunate underwear and the unshakable faith that he's the smartest person in the game.

Sadly, so far, none of his tribemates seem to be stepping up to prove him wrong on that last thing. At least, not yet.

His smartest move was anticipating that there was a hidden immunity idol at camp -- and actually finding it without any clues ... and without any of his tribemates noticing, even though it was inside a tree literally next to where several of them were standing around.

I'm not sure yet whether this was a dumb or smart move, but early in the episode Russell decided to ally with Jaison. He decided he wanted to prove to Jaison that he was trustworthy, so he told him about finding the immunity idol. (Glimpses of next week, though, make it look like Jaison is hip to Russell's weirdness. Whew.)

There was only one challenge, and instead of puzzle-maze-swim-run-unlock-unscramble-raise-flag, it was of the beat-the-crap-out-of-each-other-and-try-to-make-baskets variety. It was rough. Jeff stopped the game a few times for questionable moves, then warned them that any future cheap shot would get them thrown out. Ben tripped someone rather spectacularly and got thrown out. Shortly thereafter, Galu won, and since it was a combination reward and immunity challenge, Foa Foa was headed to tribal council.

But first, Mike, who was really out of it after taking a hit in the challenge, was evaluated by medical and eventually removed from the game. That didn't mean there wouldn't be tribal council, though.

And in a twist, Galu got to choose a member of its own tribe to go back to camp with Foa Foa and stay with them through TC. They chose Yasmin.

In a totally bizarre move, back at the Foa Foa camp, Yasmin decided to start out her visit by lecturing them about how she was there to help them, to help them learn strategy so the tribes would be more evenly matched because so far, it was like taking candy from a baby. That went over just fabulously (and it went on forever -- she cannot read a room). Then she pulled Ben aside to lecture him about playing dirty and tackling her like she was a "dude." He said he didn't break any rules, and she again went on forever even though it was clear there was going to be no changing of minds.

Ben, also not the best strategist in the world, said she was from the ghetto and probably "ate ketchup sandwiches" and other phrases he probably should regret but likely won't. After all, he's an "outlaw." Whatevs. He proceeded to spend the entire night chopping wood and keeping everyone awake. Why no one told him to stop is beyond me, but they were all so annoyed.

But not so upset to think he should go. All eyes were on the oldest person left on their tribe: police officer Betsy. (NOOOO! Betsy is the only one we know for sure thinks Russell is a snake!)

When the votes came in at tribal, Betsy was out. Sigh.

Oh, right, I almost forgot about the other tribe. Shambo took the reward package -- a fishing kit -- out for a spin and 1) caught nothing and 2) lost the mouthpiece from the mask. She's so toast if Galu ever loses anything. (Speaking of Galu, I was taking a spin through the bios on CBS.com, and I hardly recognize anyone from that tribe other than the other Russell and Shambo. They have gotten so little screen time!)

What did you think of the episode?

During the election, there were Barack Obama candies, cookies and chocolate. Now Michelle's getting some attention via last Season 4 Top Chef cheftestant Spike Mendelsohn:

There's a new burger in town, and it's got Michelle Obama's name on it and turkey between the buns.

    The "Michelle Melt" at Good Stuff Eatery was unveiled Thursday by chef Spike Mendelsohn, a former contestant on Bravo's "Top Chef" competition. He developed it in collaboration with White House chef Sam Kass, who previously cooked for the Obama family in Chicago.

    What makes a turkey burger qualify as a "Michelle Melt?" Fresh, organic, locally grown ingredients that promote healthier eating, and the same herbs that are found in the White House garden started by Mrs. Obama.

    The recipe: free range turkey burger, caramelized onions, Swiss cheese, ruby red tomato, crisp lettuce, South Lawn herb garden mayo, freshly baked wheat bun.

    Mendelsohn plans to donate proceeds from the burger's sale to D.C. Central Kitchen, which distributes food to homeless people. -- Associated Press

 Is Spike's restaurant, Good Stuff Eatery, not doing so well, so he's trying to get attention by making a gimmicky burger? Does he need more tax credits so he wanted to donate some more to charity?

 Liz and I haven't been there. Did you like it?

Photo: Getty Images

Liz and Justine here, still trying to get over the elimination of our favorite (OK, maybe not favorite. But he was at least the most fashion forward) cheftestant Mattin. The jaunty scarf made a brief appearance in mourning at Liz’s apartment as an homage, but we have to move on. This week looked promising in the previews, with someone’s equipment exploding in the kitchen and everyone hating on Robin. She hasn’t proved herself to us yet, and she’s got to do a lot to win us over as fans.

It seems as if the remaining chefs miss him, too. Jaunty scarf time! They wear scarves in memory. How cute.

Lots of people are hating on Robin in the beginning -- people are upset that Robin's still there. Jerkface Mike thinks Mattin was more talented than "many people who are still here." Perhaps him?

Enough with the hating and onto the cooking.

(Photo of the judges from bravotv.com)

Quickfire

Michelle Bernstein is the guest judge – she’s the first female guest judge but we don’t hear too much about her before the Quickfire starts.

The cheftestants must battle with the angels and devils on their shoulders by making a two-component dish that represents each side, e.g. the battle between healthy and unhealthy food.

Most of the chefs have good ideas, though Ash falls short with his custard because only one sets (and doesn’t do so completely). Otherwise, most of the plates look pretty good. A few stand out:

-Robin plays the cancer card and makes her dishes a battle over sugar.

-Michael V. (formerly of Maryland) does modern vs. traditional.

-Princess and the Pea Padma finds bones in Ron's food.

-Bryan chooses both desserts -- white and dark. They look good, but it might be a stretch even for him, since historically desserts don’t do well with the judges.

But some people missed the mark, and they were the least favorites: Ash, Bryan (NOOO!) and Laurine.

The favorites were Michael, Eli and Robin (When Robin was announced, did you catch the awkward shifting and other cheftestants shooting her dirty looks?)

Our jaws drop along with everybody else when Robin wins. She gets immunity for the second time, so she can’t go home. It looks like we’ll have to put up with her nonstop chattiness and annoying voice for at least another week. Darn.

One brief spark of joy to lighten the mood: Eli rags on the cancer but only because he went there!

Elimination

We are treated to a special guest appearance from Vegas entertainment staples Penn and Teller! They do magic! They show us how they do the classic shady street guy trick where you guess which cup the ball is hidden underneath (think of the crab game during Orioles games).

The chefs’ challenge is to deconstruct a classic dish. They have to take apart each element and allow the diner to put it together on the plate. By the time they've taken the last bite, they've tasted the whole dish in what it's supposed to taste like. (Thanks, Michael V., for the explanation.)

We also find out that Toby is back as a judge. Ugh -- the neighbors must've heard our groans. Last season when he filled in for Gail, he was trying to be the Simon Cowell of Top Chef with contrived lines that weren’t insightful, or funny for that matter.

Off to Whole Foods! (Google tells us the closest store to Vegas is in the suburb of Henderson, but who's keeping track of that stuff?)

Bryan calls his brother a show-off because he's baking his own brioche. Ah, sibling rivalry. We don’t get sick of it at all. Keep it coming, Top Chef producers!

Beardface Kevin says his toughest competition is the Voltaggio brothers. You betcha.

Back in the kitchen Jen has a meltdown over deconstructed meat lasagna because she’s “classically trained” and too good for deconstructing. She “doesn’t do” deconstructed food. It’s a cooking show, honey. Man up and be a well-rounded chef.

Eli's personal pressure cooker (damaged on the plane during his voyage to Top Chef) explodes and douses him and Bryan. Pork in the face!

Robin is acting too cool and pretty annoying because she has immunity. ("Go make some drunken prawns, you jerk," Liz said.) She’s bouncing all over the kitchen, giving us a taste of her inner monologue by narrating what she’s doing and saying anything that comes to mind. Mild-mannered Laurine is ready to kill Robin. ("I didn't like Laurine. But I like Bitter Laurine," Liz says.)

This is the first time this season Tom gets his Tim Gunn moment and checks in with the chefs in the kitchen. Jen is running away from Tom because she "doesn't have time" to talk to him. But he finally tracks her down. Perhaps she's too good for deconstruction.

The chefs seem to be divided into two camps -- those who are comfortable with deconstruction and two who aren't. Eli and Beardface Kevin try to help Ron because they don't think he understands what deconstructed means. Is it too little too late? Can Ron make a voodoo thing to make his deconstructed paella taste better like he did to keep the snakes away during the camping challenge last week?

Did you catch during the commercial break that there are 43,000 restaurants in Vegas, including one from Tom?! Liz and Jusitne area already planning a trip (in their dreams, of course).

Fun fact: Bearded Kevin might be compensating with his beard because we get a glimpse of his bald head!

When it comes time to serve their dishes for the judges, JFM seems out of his league, but Michael's Caesar salad with dressing encapsulated in some kind of edible orb goes over well (don’t know about you, but seems like there’s less molecular gastronomy now than in seasons past).

Bryan feels weird serving tiny food to giant Penn (the one who talks, for those of you who, like us, can’t keep them straight). They like Bryan's rueben (except Penn & Teller didn't think it tasted much like a rueben).

Jen's worried she might be going home as she finishes rushing through her plating. Ash is worried because shepherd's pie is an English dish, and mean judge Toby is British. Ash's doesn't go over so well, but they really like Jen's, especially the burny, melted cheese taste on top of the "lasagna."

They like Eli's sweet and sour pork (which he pulled off despite the pressure cooker malfunction), and we get a little note from Padma that they're a little big for bull's testicles (Toby uses that as a criticism. Tom looks thrilled with the food.)

Ashley makes our first foam and only of the night (Liz squealed with delight) with part of her pot roast. Bonus points! Bearded Kevin made chicken with mole sauce and they love it. They both nail their dishes.

Robin serves by herself, and the judges heavily criticize. Using "congealed" to describe a dish is never a good sign. But she has immunity so no matter what she served, she wasn’t going home.

Judges' Table

The judges’ favorites were Ashley, Michael, Kevin and Jen. Tom said Michael's salad made him excited about food! Tom was surprised that Jen did so well because she was an absolute mess in the kitchen.

The winner is: Bearded Kevin! Can the beard do no wrong? He wins a set of Calphalon nonstick cookware! He even said Ta-Da in a squealy little voice! (But it appears there's nothing in the box that he carries away because he does so very easily. Also, he shakes it around and there's no clinking.)

On the bottom: Laurine, Ron and Ash

Ash confesses that he only shepherd's pie he's ever eaten are ones he's made himself, so he tried to put in the flavor profiles he thought the dish would contain. But he missed a critical part of the dish: potatoes. He did have a potato parsnip puree but it was kind of gluey so he didn’t serve it. According to unofficial Top Chef rules, if you make something and it doesn’t turn out, don’t serve it. But that rule doesn’t apply when you’re cooking a British dish for a British judge.

Laurine's fish was overcooked. It wasn't the type of food that she does. Her fish was so deconstructed that it was hard to put it together. And it’s fish and chips. She took it to literally mean “chip” but the judges were looking for a deconstructed French fry.

Ron didn't have a good time with the challenge from the beginning. He overcooked things. Padma said he didn't manipulate the dish enough. And he failed to make it taste good. Somehow he had dry but soggy rice. (Also, Toby called it pie-ell-ah. Obnoxious. Thankfully, guest judge Michelle Bernstein puts him in his place.)

And the elimination goes to: Ron! He never seemed of the same caliber as the other chefs.

Predictions

Who’s going home next: Justine and Liz agree that Robin is, or at least should be, the next to pack her knifes and go. She’s not strong enough to win two quickfires in a row, and without immunity to save her she’s an easy target. Also, from the preview for next week, it seems as if our two least favorites (JFM and Robin) have to work together! We hope they make each other self destruct.

Favorites: No surprises here – nothing shook our faith in the top four we’ve been predicting for weeks and weeks. The Voltaggio brothers, Bearded Kevin and (Liz’s reluctant pick) Jen. Eli did well this week, but only time will tell if it’s enough to leave an impression on the judges.

Do you hate Robin and JFM as much as we do? Have you ever tried deconstructing a meal for your family’s Sunday dinner? How the heck do you deconstruct paella?

In this space last week, many viewers of The Biggest Loser lamented all of the cursing and putdowns emanating from trainers Bob and Jillian on the season premiere.

But this week, they seemed pretty toned down. While Bob put half the contestants through an intense workout (now with less belittling!), Jillian walked the rest through the kitchen, explaining to them how important it is to eat enough and make the right choices.

Also, hospitalized contestant Tracey rejoined the group, and chef Curtis Stone stopped by for some more food tutorials.

The twist this episode was that if the contestants collectively lost 150 pounds this week, no one would go home. Week 2 is historically one of the toughest for weight loss, as their bodies start fighting all the changes, so everyone was worried.

But in the course of two challenges, the contestants worked together and earned deductions. By the weigh-in, they only had to lose 115, which was still a sizable chunk. But they pulled it off, and no one went home. 

It was nice to see the contestants cooperating (though some were really thinking that Julio wasn't, um, pulling his weight, but he ended up losing 19 pounds) and to see the trainers pushing them hard but in a seemingly more supportive way. Don't you think?

It's the first results show for this season of Dancing With the Stars. Inquiring minds want to know, of course, whether we'll have to watch Tom DeLay awkward his way around the dance floor after tonight. (Please, no!) But even though this show is bloated, I'll keep it to the basics.

Kelly Osbourne and Louis Van Amstel reprise their Viennese waltz from last night at the request of the judges -- no surprise as far as I'm concerned. That was definitely the surprise of the show so far. 

Men are up first to learn the results: Louie and Chelsie are safe, as are Aaron and Karina. After a goofy segment about the "Losers' Club," more results: Mark and Lacey are in, as are Chuck and Anna and Donny and Kym. Also safe are Tom DeLay and Cheryl (WHAT? What is WRONG with you, AMERICA?) and Michael Irvin and Anna, meaning that Ashley Hamilton and Edyta are out.

Then, for some reason, we're forced to see the world premiere of Miley Cyrus' "Party in the USA" video. (Strangely, too, in this version of the song, it skips the verse where she's so excited about the Jay-Z song on the radio.)

Women's results start next. Natalie and Alec are safe, as are Mya and Dmitry. 

For the Macy's Stars of Dance performance, it's the cast of The Lion King. Whoa, the costumes are amazing. 

Back to results: Melissa and Mark are safe, and so are Joanna and Derrick and Debi and Maks. 

We take a break from the results for a dance tribute to "friend of the show" Patrick Swayze. First, Chelsie and Dmitry dance to "She's Like the Wind." Anna T. and Jonathan start their segment evoking the pottery scene from Ghost, dancing to "Unchained Melody." And of course, Cheryl and Tony re-enact the last dance from Dirty Dancing, to "I've Had the Time of My Life." That was very sweet. And tear-inducing. Rest in peace, Patrick.

Then the last of the results: Kelly and Louis are safe (I hope that's a duh), as are Kathy and Tony, which means that Macy and Jonathan are out.

That's not a big surprise. Tom Bergeron tells her that, "as a lover of live television, I was looking forward to seeing what you were going to say next week."

I guess we get another week of Tom DeLay, whether we like it or not. 

 

John-John Williams IV reports on last night's Hell's Kitchen ...

Chef Gordon Ramsay has a short fuse. (I swear he's a heart attack waiting to happen.) But last night he seemed extra stressed. Maybe it's the fact that the competition is down to six chefs? Maybe he needs more fiber in his diet? Who knows? One thing is for sure. I've never seen the firey Brit walk out of the kitchen during a dinner service until now. (I'll get to that a little later.)

The episode started with a challenge. (Surprise, surprise.) Ramsay put out a dish, asked the contestants to taste it and then re-create it without them knowing what ingredients were used. (Trust me. It's harder than it sounds.) The chefs were broken into three teams of two: Kevin and Tennille, Ariel and Van, and Suzanne and Dave.

Tennille and Kevin forgot to put the calamari garnish on the dish and put themselves out of the running. Suzanne and Dave barely won by correctly using passionfruit in their sauce. As a result, they were rewarded with a lunch with last year's winner, Christina. The other chefs had to prep Hell's Kitchen for a special couple's-themed dinner service.

 

While at lunch, Suzanne -- in her know-it-all annoying voice -- kept interjecting comments while Christina was giving the two advice. At one point, Dave basically told her to shut up. It was pretty funny. During the confessional, Suzanne compared herself to Christina, who was kind of annoying in her own right last season. All in all, the lunch went off without much drama.

When Suzanne and Dave returned to Hell's Kitchen, they were greeted with a little bit of a cold shoulder. (Personally, I think it was a case of selected editing.) Nothing much really resulted from that.

During dinner service, Ariel, Van, and Suzanne each had their share of mistakes.

Suzanne couldn't get her timing correct on appetizers, and slowed the entire kitchen. Van and Chef Ramsay got into it after Van was observed sweating into the scallops he was cooking. (Yuck!) Ramsay took Van aside and scolded him to the high heavens. And Ariel caught Chef Ramsay's wrath after she burned lettuce. Ramsay had enough. After screaming at the entire kitchen, he stormed out to the restaurant. (Now I'm not sure if this was planned. I suspect it was. But the antics definitely lit a fire in the contestants.)

The food started flying out of the kitchen to rave reviews. Suzanne surprisingly refused to plate food without Ramsay being in the kitchen. (This came back to haunt her when the other contestants chose the bottom two chefs.)

When Ramsay returned to the kitchen, he immediately kicked out Ariel, Van, and Suzanne from the remainder of the dinner service. Van lost it when he returned to the contestant's living space. There were so many curse words, the censor beeps could barely keep up.

Meanwhile, Dave, Tennille, and Kevin were steamrolling through dinner service.

Ramsay told Tennille: "That is the best I've seen anyone cook meat."

Ramsay also told the three remaining chefs that none of them were in danger of being sent home because of the excellent job they did. He then asked them to choose the bottom two chefs for the "Chopping Block."

Suzanne was a no-brainer. Dave got strategic and nominated Ariel. He later said that he did so because she is a "stronger chef" than Van.

Chef Ramsay looked dumbfounded when he learned of the decision to nominate Ariel. In true Gordon Ramsay style, he ignored the contestant's nominations and asked Tennille if she agreed with the bottom two. She said that Van should be in the bottom instead of Ariel. Ramsay agreed, and called up Van to join Ariel and Suzanne on the "Chopping Block."

Ariel said she was disappointed in her performance. Suzanne said her nerves were playing a role in her poor dinner service. And Van went into this rant about how he was better than his poor performance. Blah, blah, blah.

Ramsay chose Van to leave the show. He told Van to "keep your cool and let your food do the talking."

For the first time during the episode, Van was actually calm. He accepted his dismissal much better than I expected.

Meanwhile, Dave was steaming that Tennille told Ramsay that Van should be put on the "Chopping Block." He later said in the confessional that he was going to seek revenge. I can't wait!

 

Tonight, the women take the stage with their partners on the continuation of the ninth-season premiere of Dancing With the Stars. Just to freak them out a little, the female pros start off the show with a group dance to "She's a Lady."

Like last night, the stars will dance once with their partner, then do a "dance relay" with three other couples.

Debi Mazar is partnered with Maksim Chmerkovskiy, and Debi is thrilled. They're doing the salsa first. During the performance, Debi's clearly having a fantastic time, but you can still kind of see her thinking through the moves. Still, it's lots of fun. Host Tom Bergeron points out before the judging that he noticed she did the "Tom DeLay flirting with Bruno thing." Hahahaha! I bet he loved that joke. Head judge Len Goodman says her feet were flat, which led to a lack of hip action, but it was fun and energetic. Bruno Tonioli says she has a lot of potential, and that she can shake her, um, shoulders so well. Carrie Ann says she didn't have a lot of connection of the character to the dance and that she could see her concern about the moves on her face. Scores: 6-5-5, for a 16/30.

Melissa Joan Hart is hoping to prove that even though she is best known as Sabrina, the Teen-Age Witch, she is a grown-up now (and has two kids). She's partnered with reigning champ Mark Ballas, and their first dance is the Viennese waltz. It's very sweet, and unlike Debi, any nerves Melissa has are not showing on her face. In the rehearsal footage, we saw her working on her posture, and it was definitely an issue here and there during the performance, but overall, they did a nice job. Bruno asks if she is nervous, and she says yes. He says it was "prim, proper and adequate," but it lacked some magic, and her rising shoulders "ruin the line of the dance." Carrie Ann says she created a few distinctive moments, but she wasn't connected with the beat of the music. Len hated the "sweet and sickly" start, but he thought their hold was good, liked the movement, but, "your footwork was no good." Scores: 6-6-6, for an 18/30.

Mya says she's tapped since she was a little kid, but never done ballroom. Her partner is Dmitry Chaplin (from SYTYCD!). In rehearsals, she seemed worried about picking things up, but in the performance? Well, that tap-dancing must have helped some because they look confident and comfortable, and the dance looks more complex than most of the ones we've seen so far this season. Carrie Ann: "Way to set the bar! Mya, that was gorgeous!" Len says he was upset about how much time they spent not in hold, and boy is he. He can't get over the choreography. Bruno is not amused and starts yelling over him, saying it was "artistry in motion." Len points at Mya, "You are a fantastic dance." He points at Dmitry: "You have let her down." Yowza! Scores: 8-5(!)-8, for a 21/30

Kathy Ireland, one of the "hardest-working moms in show-business," is partnered with Tony Dovolani for the season. She says that even though she used to be a model, she is not coordinated at all, as she reveals when she tries to do shoulder-shimmies and moves her arms and hips instead. (That's what I do when I try; thankfully, that doesn't come up often, and never on national television.) During the performance, she's game and working hard, but she definitely has some moments of gangliness. Len says she has the potential to develop, but that this lacked energy and was "far too careful." Bruno says she can sell most anything, but not this salsa. Also, he calls it sexless. Carrie Ann says Kathy has great posture, but she needs to let go and shimmy it up and work on loosening up. Scores: 6-5-5, for a 16/30

Natalie Coughlin, Olympic champion swimmer, is paired with Alec Mazo, and their first dance is the salsa. In rehearsal, Alec learns that Natalie's concentration face is intense, scary and involves her biting her lip. He works on getting her to chill out and smile. During the performance, she alternates between the smiley face and the intense face, but overall, she's got energy and hip-action, though parts seem a bit slow. Bruno calls her the million-dollar mermaid and says she started out well and has what it takes, but that she has the tendency to freeze during the performance and then catch up. He tells her to work on sustaining the performance. Carrie Ann says athletes have historically done well on the show and that she knows how to move her muscles and use her body, but she needs to watch her musicality. Len says he is bewildered because the salsa is sexy and steamy, but these gorgeous girls keep coming out and not knocking his socks off. Carrie Ann says he's just getting old. Scores: 7-6-6, for a 19/30

Macy Gray is next, and I can say without a doubt that I am expecting a massive train wreck. She says she signed up because her mom was really excited about the idea, so she agreed. She's partnered with Jonathan Roberts, and their first dance is the Viennese waltz. In rehearsals, she is very all over the place and wants to revolutionize the waltz. "Not in the first week," Jonathan tells her. Hee. She is just so loosey-goosey, but during the performance, she kind of gets it together. My reaction, though, isn't, "Wow, she's such a great dancer," but, "WOW, Jonathan is an amazing choreographer." I think he managed to work with her strengths and give her a few moves where she could be more free and feel comfortable. Basically, I thought it was going to be truly awful, but it was pretty OK. Carrie Ann: "Macy, that was fascinating. There is something fascinating to watch about you. Your technique ... I can't even go there. When you perform, there is a such a natural genuineness to you ... that it was beautiful in its own bizarre way." Len says says she showed vulnerability and charm and that if he was at home, he would be voting for her. Bruno says she is endearing and that "it was like watching a child take its first steps into a scary new world. What's happening here? Who am I? What am I doing? ... Reach out and touch!" (He sings the last part. I can't explain how funny that was.) Backstage, Samantha interviews them, and Macy says she's just so glad to get the first dance out of the way and that she "busted my cherry" (strangely, the censors bleep this by canceling out the word busting). They cut to the judges, and Carrie Ann is DYING laughing. Scores: 6-5-4 (Carrie Ann and Bruno can barely say the numbers.) Going into the break, Tom says, "By the way, Macy's going to have a  little dance jubilee after the show." Laughing ... too ... hard ... can't ... type. I pause to recover, and man, he looks proud of that line! Hey look, it has turned into a train wreck, just not during the dance like I was expecting.

Joanna Krupa and Derek Hough are standing there in open-mouthed shock going into their intro. They are doing the salsa for their first performance. Joanna steps up with energy and hip-action and is having fun for sure. She seems to lack a little precision, but eh, it's the first week, the energy way more than makes up for it. Len says he is happy because "at last we've seen a hot, smoking salsa." Bruno says it was what a salsa should be and that Derek's choreography complemented his partner. Carrie Ann thought it was hot and loved her confidence. Scores: 8-8-8, for a 24/30.

Kelly Osbourne interviews: "I think the best way I could describe my dancing right now is ... crap?" Her partner is Louis Van Amstel, who is determined to turn her into a lady. Their first dance is the Viennese waltz, and their performance is lovely. Kelly is smiling glowingly the whole time, and the dance is very smooth, at least to my eye. Sharon is crying her eyes out in the audience, and she runs over to hug her mommy and Ozzy. Bruno says he can't believe his eyes, that she is transformed. Carrie Ann says her parents should be very proud and that she has chills. Len says it was the best Viennese waltz of the night. Scores: 7-8-8, for a 23/30.

Then, it's relay time.

The first group is Natalie and Alec, Debi and Maks, Kathy and Tony and Derek and Joanna, and their dance is the foxtrot. It's so quick, it's kind of hard to judge, but the judges still have to rank them for score. I'd say Joanna, Natalie, Kathy and Debi; the judges say: Joanna, Natalie, Debi and Kathy. Joanna is so excited that she accidentally hits Debi when she goes to hug Derek. Whoops!

The second group is Kelly and Louis, Macy and Jonathan, Melissa and Mark and Mya and Dmitry, and they're doing the cha cha. That train wreck I was expecting from Macy came out here, big time. Mya, Kelly, Melissa, and Macy are how the rankings come down, which sounds right to me.

So who stood out to you tonight?

(Photo of Mya in rehearsal courtesy of ABC)

 

In case you missed it, here's Tom DeLay looking really uncomfortable having to be "light" on his feet during the dances in rehearsals for Dancing With the Stars:

 

OK, so this link is from July, but I'm sharing it anyway.

Earlier, Justine linked to Rob Kasper's story on Top Chef contestant Jessie Sandlin's event last night, in which she dissed Padma Lakshmi. (Wow, big cast of characters in that sentence. I hope you followed.)

While we're on the subject, check out these clips of Padma playing an alien princess on Star Trek: Enterprise. Funny!

I talked with Dave Durian at WBAL Radio this morning about last night's Dancing With the Stars, mostly about Tom DeLay's performance.

You can listen to the segment here, if you like. (This one's for you, Mom!)

 

Baltimore chef Jesse Sandlin, of fine dining restaurant Abacrombie, talks with The Baltimore Sun's Rob Kasper about being on Top Chef.

 But what really sticks out in our minds is that she trash-talks Padma. 

I know some of our commenters have more love for Padma than the other judges -- is this a case of a cheftestant angry she was kicked off the show, or is there a darker side to Padma that we never see?

 Find the story here.

 

(Photo of Padma at the Emmys by AP)

The ninth season of Dancing With the Stars starts with a bang tonight, with the eight male pros hitting the stage for a group dance to "The Boys are Back in Town." It's good fun, a great start to the season, but I can't help but think that the non-professional males who have to perform in a few minutes are worried they are going to pale in comparison.

Aaron Carter is up first. He had his first hit single when he was 8, and then they cut to make-me-feel-old footage of him at the Grammys in 1999 as a little kid in a yellow suit mugging for the cameras. He's partnered with Karina Smirnoff. Their first dance tonight is the cha cha. In their practice footage, he looks really awkward, but in the performance, especially for the first of the season, he's mostly got it together (lace shirt notwithstanding). He drops Karina a little in their last move. Head judge Len Goodman says it wasn't exactly first class, but it was full of potential. Bruno Tonioli says he is sharp and edgy and he needs to control his energy a little bit. (Host Tom Goodman points out, that's a little like the pot calling the kettle black.) Carrie Ann Inaba says his feet were a little funky, but they were entertaining. Scores: 7-8-7, for a 22/30

Chuck Liddell is paired with Anna Trebunskaya. He interviews that people think fighters are Neanderthals, and he wants to show his softer side. Their first dance is the foxtrot. He is trying so hard, but for a lot of it, his upper body looks so stiff, as does his face. You can see him thinking hard about each next step, though really, who can blame him? I know I would be doing the same thing if I were in that situation. But since he's not a performer by nature, it's hard to cover those nerves, I think. Bruno says it was very rough -- and that they know it. Carrie Ann says he isn't graceful yet, but he was smooth and charming. But yes, fix that footwork. Len says it was better than he thought it was going to be, though it was a little aggressive. He tells Chuck to get in touch with his feminine side, but Anna doesn't look like she thinks that's going to happen any time soon. Score: 6-5-5, for a 16/30.

Mark Dacascos (aka The Chairman on Iron Chef America) is paired with Lacey Schwimmer. He plans to use some of his martial-arts background to feel more comfortable on the dance floor. They dance the cha cha first. They dance to "Kung Fu Fighting," and I can't help but crack up because while I'm watching this, my husband is at prep class for his tae kwon do black-belt test, and I keep imagining if his class suddenly broke into this weird, funky cha cha. (I guess you might have to be me for that to be funny, but I had to share.) His dancing seemed good at some points and kind of odd at others, but I couldn't tell if it was just weird choreography or he was off or what. So let's wait for the real judges. Carrie Ann says he has a lot of potential, agility, flexibility and coordination, but his arms were a little ... I think she was "wu-chu." Len says he isn't a fan of gimmicks, and that it worked pretty well in this particular dance, but he should back off the kung fu in future dances. Bruno says he thought it was going to be like the opening ceremonies of the Beijing Olympics at first, but that it wasn't as much of a treat as he originally thought. But again, potential. Scores: 7-7-7, for a 21/30.

Ashley Hamilton (son of George) is dancing with Edyta Sliwinska, who was also his father's partner. They take on the foxtrot for their first dance. They are decent, but there are definitely stretches where they have pro-dances-literal-circles-around-partner syndrome. (I think we need a pithier name for that because it's definitely going to come up again. We'll call it PDLCAPS for now.) Len says all his basic footwork was "correct," but it was overall in need of finesse. Bruno says he good looks and charm but "total lack of showmanship. It was dead. ... Your Daddy knows how to sell it." Carrie Ann says they look stunning, but with this many people, you have to define yourself, and they haven't done that yet. Scores: 5-6-4, for a 15/30. Yow, a FOUR!

Donny Osmond is partnered with Kym Johnson, and oh yeah, his sister Marie, came in third a couple of seasons back. They foxtrot to "All That Jazz." Lest there be any doubt, this guy knows about showmanship! They are pretty amazing, especially for a first show. Bruno says he played the audience like a master fiddler, but yes, his hold and his shoulders were a problem. Carrie Ann says he is going to be tough to beat performance-wise, but he needs to work on the technique. Len would like to see him tamp down the theatrics and razzmatazz. (I love that "razzmatazz" is in the spell-check dictionary; I don't know why.) Scores: 7-6-7, for a 20/30.

Louie Vito is a snowboarder who has never danced or even watched one episode of Dancing With the Stars. So what is he doing here then? He looks rather hopeless in practice, but on stage, he looks like he is having a good time, with a big, goofy grin on his face while he experiences a case of PDLCAPS. Carrie Ann says she's surprised and that she can tell that he hasn't danced before, but he gave it a really honest, joyful effort. Len gives him trouble for his hair: "I was surprised you could hear the music through all that." He adds that his technique, holds and posture were good. Bruno: "It was like watching a little dancing hobbit ... it lacked fluidity and you fell twice," but he thinks if he sticks around, he will become really, really good. Scores: 6-7-6, for a 19/30.

Michael Irvin is partnered with Anna Demidova, who won the pro dance competition last season. Michael says he's doing the show because he has a lifetime rivalry with Jerry Rice, so he wants to come in first so he can beat him. (Going into the break, Tom Bergeron drops the bomb on us that Tom DeLay is going to cha cha to "Wild Thing." Oh, dear. I have no words. I guess I better start finding them.) First, Michael and Anna dance the cha cha to "I Feel Good." During the performance, he goes for it and is having a grand old time, but it comes off a bit awkward to me. Len says for him, it wasn't a great first dance at all. Bruno says he has great presence and he's a crowd pleaser, but the footwork, timing and content were "out." I think part of that lies with Anna, who is a new pro, but still. Carrie Ann calls Anna out on the lack of content and says she needs to push him harder. Scores: 5-4-4, for a 13/30.

Tom DeLay is saved for last, of course, since he's the contestant people are most intrigued by. It's all about ratings, you know. He is partnered with Cheryl Burke, who has a painful, beauty-pageant runner-up smile plastered on her face, like she just can't figure out what she did to deserve this. The practice footage? Well, I don't know what I did to deserve that. I do not need to see Tom DeLay learning to shake his moneymaker, and neither do you. (Also, fashion tip: T-shirt tucked into drawstring-waisted sweatpants is not a good look for anyone. Thankfully, he upgrades to tucked in polos pretty fast.) Cheryl is giving him instructions and tells him to go left. He quips, "Going left for me is absolutely outrageous!" OK, that was funny; I can't deny it. They dance the cha cha to "Wild Thing." All right, so ... to my complete surprise, his actual footwork doesn't seem too horrible. He's clearly worked really hard. But the booty-shaking, the mouthing along with the lyrics, the hip-rolls, THE FINGER GUNS AT BRUNO. It's almost too much to bear. I mean honestly, I thought it was going to be worse, but you just know Jon Stewart and all the other late-night guys are watching and just thinking, "comedy gold." Bruno: "You are crazier than Sarah Palin! ... But actually, the little cha cha cha you didn't wasn't too bad. The rest?" Carrie Ann says it was surreal, but that his basic steps were good and he has natural grace. Len says, "Parts were magic, parts were tragic." Scores: 6-5-5, for a 16/30.

Next, there is a first-ever "relay dance," which is supposed to show the dancers alongside one another, but the scoring description is so complicated that I'm not even going to write it down.

First up, for the salsa relay, are Chuck and Anna, Donny and Kym, Louie and Chelsie and Ashley and Edyta. So now the judges are going to rank them first to last. I'd says, best to worst for me is Donny, Louie (who would have thought?), Chuck and Ashley. Carrie Ann says that "side by side, Donny, you smoked them." Len tells Ashley that was a dance only his father could love. Bruno says Donny was great and that he didn't know Chuck had that in him. Backstage with Samantha Harris, Edyta looks peeved, like she can't believe she got stuck with this guy. Len's rankings line up with mine, so Ashley gets 4 points, Chuck 6, Louie 8 and Donny 10.

For the Viennese waltz relay, it's, well, the other four couples. I'd rank them like so: Aaron, Mark, Michael and Tom. Len thought Tom's waltz was "skippy," and he liked Mark's complexity. Bruno liked Aaron's rotation and Mark's lines and thought Michael was better. Carrie Ann agrees about Michael and says Aaron was grounded and had great lines. She adds that Mark has good lines but needs to breathe and that Tom was elegant. And ... the judges agree with me again.

What did you think of the guys tonight? I think it's going to be an interesting season. And I really hope Tom doesn't stick around for long because the hip-shaking is killing me slowly.

(Photo of Cheryl Burke and Tom DeLay in rehearsal courtesy of ABC)

Don't be tardy for the party!

For the challenge on tonight's Project Runway, the designers head to the L.A. Times (hey, family paper!) and learn that they're going to be creating their garments out of actual pages of the newspaper. Well, this challenge wouldn't work at a web-only publication now, would it?

But as a dedicated newspaper addict, I have to say, it was pretty disconcerting to see all the designers maniacally stuffing all these newspaper sections into giant trash bags. Please don't be an omen!

Back at the studio, the designers get good news -- that they can use muslin for structure, but it can't show, and they have access to dyes, paints and markers to decorate the paper further -- and bad news -- that they only have until midnight. 

Also, it turns out that everyone thinks Shirin is annoying, and based on footage of her talking incessantly even when no one responds, it seems pretty on the money.

Some of the designers are going for a papier-mache look, others origami, but they're all a little perplexed by working with paper.

Johnny is proud of his look until Tim comes to tell him that it looks like a bunch of kindergartners did it. Harsh, but totally not wrong. He also says he is "woeful" looking at it and that it looks like "a craft project gone awry." I've had those, but that's why I'm not on national television!

Christopher is working on a show-stopper, and Tim thinks he's on the right track to achieve that goal.

After the constructive criticism from Tim, Johnny goes destructive and throws out his first dress and starts over. When the models come in for fitting time, he gets kind of dejected and starts talking about how the steamer spilled on the paper when he was ironing, but some of his fellow contestants don't believe him, interviewing that there isn't even a steamer in the room. I thought he meant that the steamer of the iron spilled, but Shirin says he spun this big lie and Logan says the timing of Tim's visit doesn't line up with his story.

Runway day, Ramon is worried because he did separates, and Irina is concerned about her coat.  Gordana is confident that she is in good shape and that she's ahead of the game. She calls it "perfectly constructed." Carol Hannah has created a dress that is so heavy she can barely get it off the mannequin. I feel bad for her model!

Then: cattiness! Althea thinks Irina's garment looks too "easy." Nicholas says Johnny's dress is awful and he hopes the judges tear him apart. Johnny says Nicholas' dress is "stump rock" and "dinosaur chic." I don't even know what that means!

The judges' panel tonight includes Tommy Hilfiger and Eva Longoria Parker.

On the runway:

Logan's dress doesn't even look like paper on first glance, and the edging he's done with teal dye even looks like satin at first. The dress is strapless with a small fan along one side at the bust and another one at the hem on the other side. He's done a great job.

Nicholas has created a spaghetti-strap dress with striping done in dye and a layered skirt. His, though, looks way more like paper.

Christopher went for that show-stopper -- his model is wearing a bodice that is in shades of dark gray (and that looks very hard -- maybe he went the papier mache route, too? -- and a long, intricate skirt made of paper cut in featherlike shapes. 

Ramon's skirt and top are also remarkably appearing to be made of fabric, and the colors are great. He looks pretty happy with himself.

Epperson's garment evokes a kimono shape, and it's very clearly made of paper -- you can see type all over it. It's interesting

Johnny hates his dress and thinks his original would have gone over better.

Gordana is proud of her dress, which is intricate and layered, a sleeveless short dress.

Carol Hannah's dress is also a show-stopper -- sweetheart neckline made of paper in different color and then a torso and skirt made of almost ruffled-looking paper dyed red. She says her goal was for it to not look like paper, and she achieved that for sure.

Shirin's dress has a huge skirt made of folded paper; her biggest concern is that it's going to fall apart on the runway, but it doesn't.

Irina is amazed by her trench; in fact, she was breathless.

Althea managed to find a pattern in one of the photos and create a repeating pattern by overlapping those sections that looks really cool. 

Louise wishes her look was more polished and she expects to either be in the bottom or safe.

Johnny, Nicholas, Christopher, Althea, Gordana, Irina are called forward. Everyone else is safe, so Louise's prediction was right.

Eva loves Althea's dress and thinks the shape is very flattering to the bum. Tommy praises her execution, too. 

Gordana decided to make a conventional look with unconventional materials. Heidi says she was a little bored because it was so wearable and normal. 

Eva says she gasped at Irina's dress, too. Tommy didn't like the scotch tape, but he liked it overall. Heidi thinks playing with the paper was great. Tommy: "New alternative to fur: newspaper." Hey, that could save our industry!

Johnny tells his story about the sputtering steamer on the iron destroying his first one. Heidi says this garment looks like he didn't spend much time and says, hilariously, "She looks like she's going to 'work.'" He starts talking about his Dior-esque first dress. Nicholas shakes his head and says that it was not Dior, and quotes Tim about it looking like the origami birds were attacking. "Thanks," Johnny says.

Nicholas tells his punk-rock story, and Tommy isn't buying it. 

Heidi asks Christopher about his top, saying (like I did, that it looks hard). He used rigid pattern paper. Aha! Eva finds the whole thing very creative, and Tommy finds it sexy, glamorous and "wow."

One the designers leave, the judges start dishing. Gordana gets credit for the garment being well done though boring. They laugh at Nicholas' claim of "punk." Tommy doesn't believe Johnny's story entirely ... and with all that cryptic talk, they've made their decision.

Althea is safe, and the winner is Irina. "Your originality and your risk-taking really paid off this time," Heidi tells her. Christopher, thus, is safe. Gordana is in, leaving catfighters Nicholas and Johnny. (Why didn't I see this coming?) Nicholas is safe, and Johnny is out. He gets his Heidi kisses and the Auf Wiedersehen. 

He interviews that giving up addiction was easier than this competition. I sense a bit of hyperbole. 

Oh! Wow, I guess it really is a lie because after he leaves, Tim says: "I'm incredulous at that utterly preposterous spewing of fiction that Johnny did on the runway." Wow. "It was ridiculous," he goes on.

There are 20 contestants of the new season of Survivor, but tonight, we really only got to know two of them: Russell from the Foa Foa tribe and "Shambo" from Galu.

Shambo is basically harmless. She's a former Marine who rocks a Rambo-esque headband and a mullet. She claims to only have street smarts, but she ended up solving a puzzle so fast that she almost caught her team up for the reward challenge win.and bringing home a win for her tribe in the first reward challenge. (Sorry bout that huge error -- blogging after a LONG work day has these hazards. I feel so dumb. Anyway ...) Later, though, she did a great job of alienating herself, opting to stay behind when everyone else was frollicking in the water, saying that she has to remind herself that this isn't the Marine Corps and that she's not used to being around all these kids in their mid-20s. Um, you mean like many of your fellow Marines? (My husband's in the USMC Reserves, and whenever we go to family events for his unit, we're usually among the oldest people there, and we're in our early 30s. But I digress ...) Anyway, she seems to have a good heart and an interesting personality, which probably means she's doomed in this game.

On the other hand, there is Russell. He's shown up in the promos being touted as the most evil character in Survivor history, so I was expecting him to be a jerk, but my word. He told his fellow tribemates a completely false story about being in Hurricane Katrina and losing his dog in the storm, which also featured a lie about him being a fireman. He made alliances with four different people in the first day or so, two of whom he called "dumbass girls" in interviews. Totally charming! Then when Marisa, one of his supposed alliance-mates, noticed him scheming with others and called him out on it, but in a very straight-forward, middle-of-the-road way, he went nuts and said she had "threatened" him. What she really said was that she was "worried" about him, meaning that she was concerned because of his actions that she couldn't trust him. Then he managed to turn the whole tribe against her, somehow. Oh, but let me not leave out that he dumped out everyone's canteens overnight and put Jaison's socks in the fire. (When these things were discovered the next day, he just grinned like a lunatic, but I guess it really was dark enough that everyone else couldn't see his total lack of poker face. Too bad.) 

Russell also calls himself the puppetmaster and says, "My tribe will believe anything I say because they're stupid." It makes me want to kick him, but they didn't do much to prove him wrong.

Chef Mike decided that his best defense was to walk around camp talking about how clearly they needed to vote out the weakest competitor. Mike is, by quite a bit, the oldest contestant at 62 and might want to rethink that brilliant strategy.

At tribal council, Ashley got called out as the weakest physically, and she freaks out, but when she kept  using the word "cardio" to defend herself, she just sounded like a gym rat with little else to offer.

Still, Russell managed to change enough minds, and when the votes came in, Marisa was out. Too bad. She seemed like the only one together enough to realize that Russell is bad news.

So far, there are far too many people to get much of a handle on in terms of game play or personality, except for Russell, who clearly wants to be the devil, and Shambo, who I fear is going to find that this experience disproves her quote from early in the episode: " People gravitate toward me, I'm a people magnet. They think, 'That chick rocks, I love her!'"

What did you think of the season premiere? Can we vote out Russell?

I've got a bit of a project afoot, and I'm trying to remember as many of the sendoff lines from reality TV shows as I can. There are the usual suspects:

--Survivor: "The tribe has spoken."

--The Biggest Loser: "You are not The Biggest Loser."

--Top Chef: "Please pack your knives and go."

--Big Brother: "You have been evicted from the Big Brother house."

--America's Next Top Model: "You're no longer in the running to become America's Next Top Model." (Succinct, no?)

--Project Runway: "You're out."

--Design Star: "Your show has been canceled."

Help me remember some others. I know some of the smaller shows have even more absurd lines, but for some reason, my memory is failing.

(Photo of Surivor host Jeff Probst courtesy of CBS)

John-John Williams IV reports on this week's ANTM:

Poor Courtney! She came to America's Next Top Model with a broken foot. After last night's episode she left with shattered dreams. That's right. The lively cheerleader from Plantation, Fla., was sent packing after essentially giving up during a nude photo shoot.

The episode started with a surprise visit to Wilhelmina Models. The contestants each to complete an interview with the president of Wilhelmina Models, Sean Patterson. What they didn't know was that there would be an immediate elimination based on the interview. (I'll get to that in a little bit.)

During the interview, we learned that Jennifer has a lazy eye. (Ouch!)

Rachel was kicked out of the competition because Sean Patterson said she "didn't have what it takes to be a Wilhelmina Model."

Rachel was in disbelief. She started to cry.

"I expecting for someone to pop out and say 'Just kidding'," Rachel said in her confessional. "And they never came. I have to go home."

 

The next day the girls met up with Tyra for an extremely corny exercise in "smiling with your eyes." Tyra took on this superhero persona "Super Smize." It was way over-the-top. The hopeful contestants played along with the it, which made it that much more annoying.

Anywho, the girls split into two teams and challenged each other's ability to smile with their eyes. The winning team got a sit down dinner with Sean Patterson. The losers had to clean dishes.

The winning team of Courtney, Lulu, Bianca, Brittany, Laura and Kara also got to wear lovely dresses hand-picked by Sean Patterson.

After dinner, the contestants went home, where drama unfolded between Bianca and Jennifer who argued about dishes in the dishwasher. (Seriously?)

The next day the girls went to horseracing track, where they found that they had to pose topless with a jockey and a horse.

Jay Manuel said that: Jennifer struggled; Brittany gave him Italian Vogue; Erin did a good job; Courtney looked like Barbarella in a wrestling ring; Bianca looked like a "she-man"; and Bianca did great.  

After the photo shoot, Courtney complained about her experience on the shoot. Brittany jumped in and disagreed with her, which ticked off Courtney.

During the judging panel, the girls were surprised to see that Lauren Conrad of The Hills was the week's guest judge.

Erin, who had a stunning photo, according to the judges, won the competition.

It came to no surprise that Bianca and Courtney were in the bottom two. Bianca had an attitude because she didn't like the blonde wig she was forced to wear. Courtney had an attitude because she was told she needed to wear her protective boot. Tyra said that Courtney sabotaged herself and sent her home.  

 

 

This is the episode we (Justine and Liz, in case you haven’t been keeping track) have been waiting for. We’re SUPER DUPER EXCITED to see whose food Tom spits out. Padma has historically been able to find the smallest scale, shell or complaint about any dish (she’s the Princess and the Pea of cooking!). Tom has always been able to suck it up – even if the dish is ridiculously spicy and his shiny pate breaks out into a sweat. But this week, he caves in to his taste buds. Will the person with the offending dish be told to immediately pack their knives?

Enough with the cutlery talk. On to the cooking!

As we check back in with the chefs, Michael says he, Jerkface Mike and his brother, Bryan, are the most talented chefs there (duh – no love for Jennifer?). Mattin laments about how he failed at the French food challenge last week even though he grew up in the French countryside and apparently had a best new restaurant award from Food & Wine magazine. He could have fooled us. (Justine ponders: if he already won an award AND owns a restaurant, why does he have to be on Top Chef?)

Quickfire

This week’s guest judge is Tim Love, whose specialty is Southwest-style cuisine. For the first time ever, fans got to vote for the Quickfire challenge’s featured ingredient -- cactus, kangaroo or rattlesnake -- and 57 percent picked cactus (Wonder why the viewers opted for the vegetarian option?). The chefs have 45 minutes to cook something succulent with cactus (a succulent … get it? Padma’s punny). The winner gets $15,000 but no immunity.

Michael says he’s worked with cactus once or twice, but he’s confident. JFM tries burying it in salt to pull the gooeyness out. We’re skeptical about that, but it appears to work. (Liz wonders how far she has to go to get cactus to cook with. Think they have it at Whole Foods Baltimore?)

(We pause for a fashion moment: Roy has on red Crocs during the Quickfire – perhaps he wants to match Mattin’s signature jaunty red scarf?)

The challenge turned out to be Battle Ceviche!

JFM makes a ceviche!

Bryan makes a ceviche!

Another ceviche! From Michael! (Maybe Mrs. Voltaggio was a ceviche fan?)

But a ceviche does not guarantee a win. Michael joined Ash and Ron at the bottom of the menu for their dishes. Chef Love wanted to reward cheftestants who featured the cactus instead of just using it as an ingredient. JFM’s salt-bathed cactus apparently hit the spot. He was at the top of the pile along with Laurine (who steered clear of the pasta salad for once) and Mattin. And the winner of the $15,000 is ….JFM!!! (Liz’s neighbors must have heard her scream NOOOOOO when he was named the winner. We know all of you JFM  haters like us were just as upset.)

Elimination

In a rare moment to stray away from the glitzy Vegas theme of this season, the cheftestants must prepare lunch outdoors on a ranch for two dozen cowboys. The ranch is rustic, and they’ll spend the night on the ranch. They’ll have 1 hour and 15 minutes to prep and cook before the guests arrive. They can make anything as long as it’s “high end.” You don’t need a crystal ball to figure out that their cooking accommodations will be limited, but we know someone will still forget and screw up royally.

Jennifer is frustrated because they don’t know what they’ll be working with. What’s new? Deal with it: You’re on a contest cooking show.

Once they get to the ranch, the cheftestants see they’ve got some cast-iron pans, four fire pits and some “crappy” plates (says Michael V. He gets a little uppity by saying he doesn’t think the conditions are good for the food).

Mattin is excited! He grew up on a farm! He still has his scarf on, even though it’s 100 degrees! Somebody asks if Padma is sleeping in a teepee, too. Hilarious.

Eli doesn’t believe in camping: “We’ve got electricity for a reason.” (Liz is even more in love with Eli now. But then the “girlfriend” word is bandied about. “Don’t say girlfriend!” she cried out into the night.)

Ron puts voodoo things in front of the tent to keep snakes away. Ash is fine with that.

(Commercial break: Vote who you’d want to be your tent mate: Ashley, Mattin or the Voltaggio brothers. Of course you know which hott brothers we voted for.)

The hour and 15 minutes isn’t a lot of time, but the cheftestants had time the night before as well as in the morning to sit for and strategize. But some don’t stray too far from the most popular dish from the quickfire …

Mattin is making a ceviche! No, wait, three ceviches!

Ron is making a ceviche! Also, he goes around asking for a sword. Random. Not surprisingly, nobody has one.

The variety of the cheftestants’ dishes raises an interesting discussion point: Do you change your cooking for your audience, or stay true to your culinary point of view? Michael V. says stick to your guns because people coming into your restaurant either like your food or don’t. He adhered to the “high-end” part of the challenge, but will ranch hands enjoy his fancy Japanese dashi dish? We’re a bit nervous for him, since one of the chefs mentions the ranchers look as if they’ve been growing their beards since they were 14.

Tom, Padma, Gail and Chef Love sit down to scrutinize the dishes, and we eagerly await the spit heard round the world. (Tom and Padma share a plate! How cute.) And the offending dish is – Mattin’s cod ceviche! Tom turns a little green and tries to stay classy. But he can’t! He throws the cod into the desert for some unsuspecting coyote to find, saying it’s gross and it tastes completely raw. Is this curtains for the red-scarved wonder? It seemed smart at the time to do a ceviche since space at the fire pits for cooking would be tight, but it doesn’t pay off all the time.

A few higher points of the meal: Bryan’s pork with polenta is a hit. Gail says she’d go camping with him (but honestly, who wouldn’t?). Padma speculates Ashley is the dark horse because the halibut she made was the best thing she ever had so far.

Quote of the night from Generic Burly Rancher in reference to Michael V.’s dish: “I’m not sure what this one is. But I like tequila.”

Random cheftestant factoid: Bearded Kevin loves horseshoes. And apparently he’s pretty good.

Judges’ Table

Seriously, is it still a shock to the cheftestants in the stew room that the first group that gets called before the judges are the winners of the challenge? The best dishes belonged to Laurine, Ashley, and the brothers, Michael and Bryan.

The one dish that represented what Love looked for: Bryan! Chalk up another win for Maryland, and Bryan’s third elimination challenge victory. Go Frederick! (By the way, if you haven’t seen Volt Restaurant’s Web site, check it out. Spoiler alert: lots of shots of Bryan looking cheftastic.)

But not everyone can be on a roll like Bryan. This week’s losing dishes: Robin, Ron and Mattin. (We were surprised they only called out three losers.)

Robin wasn’t surprised to be there; she didn’t taste her prawns before serving them to the judges, which is one of the cardinal cheftestant sins. Mattin was surprised to be there, but we weren’t. Chef Love got sick! And remember Tom’s reaction? (Does Mattin even know yet that Tom spit his food out?) Ron’s take on ceviche was OK but too sweet, but the biggest problem was his mojito was one of the worst drinks ever. Ron said he doesn’t drink, but he didn’t want the coconut to go to waste. Does that mean he didn’t try it? (Sidenote: Justine makes a mean mojito.)

Mattin’s awful, awful ceviche was enough to make him pack his knives and scarf and go home. Tom says he was out of his league, which doesn’t mesh with how Mattin was puffing himself up at the beginning of the episode. What’s the lesson we take home from this episode? Be wary of the ceviche. (Liz put on her red recapping scarf in mourning, and her dog tried to rip it off as if to help her get over her loss. Nice try, Fudge.)

The predictions

Who’s going home next: Justine thinks Robin or Ron have overstayed their welcome. Neither of them have done well at all thus far. At best their food has been mediocre. Liz is kind of shocked that Ashley’s been redeeming herself, so she’ll have to agree with Justine’s loser picks.

Favorites: We’re still rooting for our favorite camping partners: the Voltaggio brothers. We’ve decided to split them between ourselves. Justine’s on Team Bryan, and Liz is Team Michael. Maybe we’ll get shirts made up if it goes to a brother head-to-head finale. Or maybe we’ll just put their names on scarves. (Liz teared up writing that)

What would you make if you were cooking over a fire pit? Where can I pick up a cactus and begin experimenting? Will you ever be able to look at ceviche the same way? Discuss among yourselves.

What a big, bloated finale America's Got Talent put together tonight.

With guest performances by Leona Lewis, Shakira, Rascal Flatts, Susan Boyle and others, montages from the audition rounds, a judges' interviews, group performance of memorable bad auditions, the show was packed full.

Sykesville singer Drew Stevyns learned when the Top 10 were trimmed to the Top 5 that he had not made the cut. 

"I couldn't ask for anything more than this, these people really deserve to be here, this has been the best time of my life, and I just thank you for the experience," Stevyns told host Nick Cannon, looking unsurprised.

The fifth-place finisher was the Voices of Glory, a singing group featuring three young siblings who had started singing when their mother was in the hospital. Fourth-place was taken by the Texas Tenors, whose name speaks for itself. The act coming in third was Recycled Percussion, a quartet of musicians who make music on found objects.

Susan Boyle, performing in the U.S. for the first time after her stint on Britain's Got Talent, sang her new single, a cover of "Wild Horses." She seemed poised on stage, very natural, and hit all her power notes like a champ. 

After all the buildup, the final two -- Kevin Skinner and Barbara Padilla -- finally learned which of them was the winner.

Taking home a $1 million prize and a contract for a headlining act in Las Vegas was Kevin Skinner. 

I was pretty shocked. I haven't watched this whole season, so I don't know all of Kevin's backstory, but his singing just didn't seem that great, and Barbara Padilla's was amazing. What did you think of the finish?

 

In anticipation of tonight's Top Chef, Liz and I were checking out Maryland boy Bryan's restaurant. And let's just say that the Web site made us dissolve into laughter in our relatively quiet section of the office.

 You can find it here.

The photos! The cows!

Does it make you hungry? I just wonder how he kept his chef uniform so clean.

On tomorrow night's Ace of Cakes, Duff Goldman and crew create a cake celebrating Carnival Pride, whose home port is now Baltimore.

Take a look at the picture above to see the finished product, a replica of the Pride.

The Carnival Cruise Lines episode airs tomorrow night (Thursday) at 10 on the Food Network.

(Photo courtesy of Sandy Hillman Communications)

The first episode of Dancing With the Stars hasn't even aired and already there is an injury to report!

One of the most intriguing contestants, former House Majority Leader Tom DeLay, got a "pre-stress fracture" while practicing for the ABC show this week.

DeLay, who is partnered with two-time winner Cheryl Burke, announced the news via Twitter this week. (How high-tech!)

The new season is scheduled to premiere Sept. 21.

Has a season of The Biggest Loser ever started without waterfalls worth of tears? I don't think so, but last night's season premiere brought new depths of the seas of tears drawn out of viewers.

The new contestants took on a grueling one-mile run after they learned that the season's theme of second chances meant that Dan, who last season was the largest contestant in the show's history, would be returning "to finish what I started." The competition was so intense for the folks that two of them ended up in the hospital.

Later, the rest of the contestants gathered to begin sharing their stories and get to know one another. One young woman, Rebecca, began bawling when discussing how she had been called fat her entire life and how people always said she had a pretty face, closing with, "I'm more than just a pretty face," as she collapsed in tears. I'm sure she felt pretty silly and awful when Abby (pictured above) shared her story: Nearly three years ago, her husband, and her children, ages 5 and 2.5 weeks, were killed in a car accident. I can't even type about it now without starting to tear up, because I just cannot imagine the horror and the grief of that situation. But Abby's attitude is amazing -- she seems to have a very clear idea of what she wants to accomplish and yet is taking everything in  her life one day at a time.

The contestants paired into teams of two based on the order they finished the race. The first finisher, Dan, chose Shay, who at the first weigh-in became the newest "largest person in the history of the show" at 476 pounds. The two contestants at the hospital became a team by default.

Another change this season is that all the contestants will be working out with both Bob and Jillian. That should be interesting, since their approaches are so different.

In the end, the teams weighed in together, and a member of the black team -- Alexandra and Julio -- had to be voted out since they were below the yellow line. It seemed like they might be getting rid of Julio since, as one of the larger contestants, he's a bigger threat in the long run. But Alexandra got sent home, where she seemed to do pretty well, losing 60 pounds between eviction and her catch-up footage.

What did you think about the premiere? I feel like this season's contestants have a lot more severe psychological baggage overall than previous seasons. I hope they're being given the tools to start dealing with it. Also, I felt like many of the contestants were spouting lots of sound bites and platitudes about how their lives were changing, almost like they were preparing now for their post-show careers giving motivational speeches or something.

One last thing: Did anyone else notice that when the pink team was shown stepping onto the scales, the big screen between them already showed their joint weight-loss of 24 pounds? I rewound to make sure, and sure enough, there it was. Technical difficulties!

(Photo of Abby courtesy of NBC)

Chances are you'll probably bump into a camera crew if you go into D.C. There are like a billion reality shows being shot there right now! Okay, maybe like four or five. (In addition to Real Housewives of D.C., The Real World is currently filming, and a couple other shows, including one about Capitol Hill movers and shakers, are in the works.)

Bravo is in town filming its highly anticipated D.C. version of its Real Housewives franchise. The cameras are suppose to start rolling Friday.

Politico.com has posted a "wish-list" of women in the District who would make good castmembers, but it's unlikely any of these women would actually appear on the show.

Several blogs, including this one, have already posted some names of women believed to be on the show.

I just hope that Bravo will be able to field a cast that reflects the rich diversity that D.C. has to offer.

And for those of you who are in love with the current members of the Atlanta cast, you'll get a kick out of this horrible single, "Tardy For The Party," by Kim. It is soooooo bad!

 

First of all, for tonight's finale of Big Brother 11, host Julie Chen appears to be wearing a blue satin Snuggie with a bubble hem. And that starts off this entry of disjoined thoughts about this season-ender.

I can barely stand to listen Natalie speak anymore. How delusional can she be? Nice that she totally didn't address the fact that she's not 18 when it was brought up in jury questioning, glossing right over that while championing how awesome and forthright her gameplay was. Ick.

I love that Jordan won the final Head of Household competition since Natalie and Kevin had written her off as an easy target.

Best part of the jury interaction was that Jeff was really, truly funny. Was he that funny during the season?

Ronnie's [Square Root of] All Evil shirt cracks me up. I'm a geek; it's cool. Also love that he was trying to shock Jordan with the news that Natalie was actually 24 and not 18, but what do you hear? Kevin yelling, "WHAT???"

But the biggest news of all: Jordan is the winner. Who would have predicted that oh, even two weeks ago?

Not surprisingly, Jeff was the winner of the $25K "America's Favorite Houseguest" prize. "It wasn't even close," Julie said.

What do you think of the results? The crowd seems thrilled!

I guess Tyra Banks is hoping that the saying “Big Things Come In Small Packages” will work to her advantage this season of America’s Next Top Model. This cycle, the host and creator of the show has opened up the competition exclusively to women 5’7” and shorter.

The publicity stunt might work to her advantage. Just because these women are pint-sized they are already showing they’ve got the same catty demeanor and dramatic antics that their taller, starved models. 

After we get a quick snapshot of the contestants during a little face-time with Tyra and her trusted sidekicks Miss J. Alexander, and Mr. Jay Manuel, the group of 32 semifinalist is whittled down to the top 20. There is one contestant (Simone) from Hagerstown, Md., but she falls to make the top 20. Oh well.
 

The girls find out if they make the first cut if they find a garment in their garment bag. (Ouch!)

After the dust has settled, and the undesirables have left, Mr. and Miss J lead a runway competition. The girls have to basically pose for the cameras at the end of the runway.
Sundai was horrendous: Her pose of taking one arm and pulling it over the top of her head was tragic. Amber – who winds up making the top 14 only to leave the competition for “personal reasons” -- chose not to take advantage of the five-minutes the contestants were allowed to put on makeup. It didn’t matter. Her bird-like features pleased the judges.

During the next cut, which takes the group from 20 to 14, Tyra – who looks absolutely stunning with a part down the middle of her bone-straight golden hair — says that she has to hold back tears because she understands how hard it is for the shorter models to make it in the fashion industry. (Try not to laugh too loud.)

During the second part of the two-hour season premiere, the models get down to business with makeovers and their first themed photo shoot. The makeovers, which are named Ty-overs, go as expected. Many off the girls are ecstatic with their new looks. At least one – Bianca – throws a fit over the fact that her eyebrows do not look good. (Give me a break!) The biggest surprise is that Lisa, who was not selected to the top 14, is chosen to replace Amber.

After the “Ty-overs” the girls get to see their new house, which has a doll theme. There is plenty of over-sized furniture to accentuate just how short the girls are. (Talk about shoving it down our throat.)

The photo shoot is an editorial interpretation of each of the contestant’s baby pictures. Erin does a good job because she “lucks” into the shoot, according to Mr. Jay. Rae has to wear plastic ballerina point shoes with an 8-inch heel. (Ouch!) She makes the most of the shoot and turns out a “stunning” photo, Mr. Jay said. Lisa is pretty lack-luster. Mr. Jay isn’t that pleased with her effort. Bianca has a horrible attitude on set because she is not pleased with her makeup. Mr. Jay said that her attitude carried over into her photo. (Not good.) Brittany’s first two-thirds of her photo shoot looked pornographic, according to Mr. Jay. She was able to tame it down by the end. Mr. Jay gushed over Ashley’s shoot, saying that she made the picture look expensive. Sundai disappoint Mr. Jay. He said she fell flat. Nicole turned out “hot” photos, according to Mr. Jay. Kara does a great job. Jennifer also does pretty good.

 

During the judging, it becomes apparent that there will be no permanent replacement for fired former judge Paulina Porizkova. Instead, there will be a series of celebrity guest judges to fill the fourth judging slot this season. This episode, uber super model Chanel Iman fils that role.

Tyra informs the contestants that the winner this cycle will receive a modeling contract and management by Wilhelmina Models, a $100,000 contract with CoverGirl cosmetics and a cover and six-page spread with Seventeen magazine.

Rae’s ballerina photo is deemed the best. The bottom two is composed of Bianca and Lisa. Bianca is scolded for her attitude. Lisa just has a bad photo.

 

Here’s a brief breakdown of all the contestants:

Jennifer An, 23, Philadelphia – 5'5” Jennifer is the oldest competitor. She’s probably one of the most feisty. During the interview process, she admits to fist fighting another girl who kissed her then-boyfriend. The judges criticize her for being overly sexy in her photo. During the makeover her long, flowing jet-black hair is cut slightly shorter. 

Lulu Braithwaite, 19, Brooklyn, N.Y. – 5'7.” Lulu is a self-professed lesbian. She’s given a bang and a long weave during the makeover.

Courtney Davies, 22, Plantation, Fla. – 5'4.” Courtney is on crutches because she broke her foot during a cheerleading competition. When Banks announces the top 14 finalists, she tells the contestants that “Top Model” does not discriminate. (Give me a break! Haha!) She gets an edgy punkish spiky hairdo for her makeover.

Rachel Echelberger, 18, Woodland, Calif. – 5'5.” Rachel has the biggest eyes—EVER! They’re huge. But unlike Allison from last season, Rachel’s eyes don’t make her look all that crazy. The judges say that she looks like an anime character, which is spot-on. They also love her face. She has one of the best makeovers of the group. Her brown hair is dyed black, which really makes her eyes pop even more. I predict that she will do very well in the competition.

Nicole Fox, 18, Louisville, Colo. – 5'7.” Nicole is very pretty. Her long, red hair and strong bone structure make her stand out. She’s extremely quiet and reserved, which is off-putting to the other contestants. She’s also weird. She admits to bringing a rusty wheelbarrow to school instead of a book bag. And why does she go around telling people that they were born with a bloody eyeball? Her long red hair is thickened. It’s very high fashion.

Ashley Howard, 22, Chicago – 5'6.” Ashley was picked out of a crowd at a taping of The Tyra Banks Show. (Talk about a plug!) During the makeover, she is given a large part down the middle of her head.

Laura Kirkpatrick, 19, Stanford, Ky. – 5'6.” Laura says she’s a country girl who’s also high fashion. (I don’t know about the high-fashion part. But she’s definitely country!) In all seriousness, Laura has a fresh, pretty face. (She has really cute dimples!) She should do alright in the first couple of weeks. She brags about being able to being able to castrate up to 100 cows in a day. Laura gets blond highlights.

Sundai Love, 18, Bakersfield, Calif. – 5'3.” Sundai is the shortest competitor, and she is spunky. She admits to being battered, adopted, and living in an orphanage when she was younger. Her long, thick weave is chopped and shaped into a Rihanna-inspired bob.

Brittany Markert, 21, Livermore, Calif. – 5'5.” Brittany is a self-proclaimed book nerd who has been doing math since she was three. During the makeovers, Brittanys’ blond hair is dyed dark brown.

Bianca Richardson, 21, Columbia, S.C. – 5'7.” Bianca attends my alma mater Howard University, which is known for its fashion. In fact, during the show, Miss J says that there is a Howard walk for the runway. Who knew? But getting back to Bianca. She’s pretty, but appears to have a horrible attitude. She moans and groans about her makeover, which only required her to get her eyebrows dyed. And during the photo shoot she pitched a fit because she didn’t like her makeup. Strong photo or not, Bianca needs to improve her attitude if she hopes to stay in the competition.

Kara Vincent, 19, Fort Wayne, Ind. – 5'7.” Kara currently lives in Costa Rica, and admits to being a free spirit. Kara has such an unusual, strong face. I predict that she’ll become a movie star after the show if she has a shred of stage presence. Kara gets her brunette hair lightened. It looks really good.

Erin Wagner, 18, Kenosha, Wis. – 5'6.” Erin says that she does not like to put on lip gloss and go shopping. (I predict trouble ahead.) Her brown hair is dyed platinum blond.

Ashley "Rae" Weisz, 21, Rochester, Minn. – 5'6.” Ashley is a mother of an 18-month-old. She also admits to being abducted and sexually assaulted. The judges are concerned that she looks more like a fitness model than a fashion model.

Lisa Ramos. 19, Queens, NY. Lisa is given a second chance when Amber mysteriously drops out of the competition. Her reprieve is short-lived when she’s the first one sent home. At least she got a free haircut during the Ty-over.

 

Last week, I chatted with Sykesville singer Drew Stevyns as he waited backstage for the America's Got Talent results show to begin so he could learn whether he'd made the finals.

He did.

Last night, the Top 10 performed for votes for the last time, but they won't learn their fates until tomorrow night.

Drew performed "I'll Stand By You," and the judges thought he did an outstanding job.

The judges, however, seemed to think just about everyone did an outstanding job, even when they didn't. They fawned all over chicken farmer Kevin Skinner, but his singing was pretty terrible.

I thought Drew did well, but I think he might be outshone by some of the flashier acts that seem more to scream "Vegas!" than he does, especially Recycled Percussion and the Fab Five.

We'll see how it plays out on Wednesday. (Also, by the way, British everywoman singing sensation Susan Doyle will be performing.)

What did you think of last night's performances?

I, guest blogger Carla, wasn't able to watch "Project Runway," last night, so we have sports reporter Kevin Van Valkenburg pinch hitting. Thanks Kevin! Kevin brings the funny. And his recap is gooood! Read on.

Welcome to Week 4 of Project Runway! I'm Kevin Van Valkenburg, and I'll be guest blogging this week, recounting each one of Heidi's cold German death stares.

Although Mitchell's departure last week was probably the most justified auf Wiedersehen in the history of the show -- just to recap, the man couldn't actually sew, which would be like admitting you can't ride a bike, but entering the Tour de France -- but Mitchell's buffoonery and general incompetence was a source of excellent comedy. I was really hopeful that Fatma, who is playing the role of Angry Model this year, would backhand him and make him cry at some point. But I guess that scenario will just have to exist in my dreams.

The show begins with Epperson admitting that working with Qristyl was "hard on her, and hard on me." I feel you, Epperson. Just typing Qristyl's name has been difficult on me. If Qristyl's name were a word in Scrabble, there is no way it would go unchallenged. Qristyl tells her roomies that everyone is going to think she's a b---- and they try to pretend that's not the case, even though it kind of is. There's nothing wrong with being one on this show, of course. Michael Kors and Nina Garcia are the biggest on the show, but they're also the best characters. But you have to have talent to back it up. Does Qristyl? I'm skeptical.

Cut to the runway, where Heidi is wearing some kind of leopard print and gold chains. On anyone else, this would like ridiculous, but Heidi looks stunning. If someone told me she killed a leopard herself, handed it to a designer and demanded some one make her a blouse, I'd believe it at this point. She's essentially the LeBron James of supermodels, if LeBron James spoke broken, emotionless, sarcastic English. She has no equal. She informs our designers that the challenge this week will be designing for 13 women in the workroom who "know exactly what they want."

"All we know is that there are 13 people. It could be anybody! I could be homeless people, it could be Eskimos, anybody," says Nicolas.

Eskimos? Todd Palin was half-Eskimo, correct? If we go back in the workroom and the entire Palin family is standing there, and the designers have to make snow machine outfits for them, I'm going to immediately declare this the Greatest Project Runway ever.

Alas, it's the rehashed, but always entertaining, challenge during which the models get to come up with a concept and the designers have to go along with it. It's always an interesting challenge because not only are models often kind of dumb, they're almost always suffering from a case of arrested development where they want dresses that they can imagine putting on their Barbies when they were 11 years old. Someone has been telling them how to dress for the most formative years of their lives, so they are essentially children when it comes to their own aesthetic. It's the last time they can remember making decisions for themselves.

Tim Gunn is wearing a fabulous pink shirt with a pink tie, and even though Regis Philbin did his best to ruin that look years ago during "Who Wants to Be a Millionaire" if anyone can bring it back, it's Tim Gunn.

Johnny feels like this challenge is going to be easy because he and his model have a similar aesthetic and vibe. "It's like designing for myself if I was a black girl," he says, wondering if this is an appropriate thing to say even as it comes out of his mouth.

Epperson's model sounds like she's auditioning for the role of "moron graduate student" in the next Weinstein Bros. production as she rattles off a list of things she wants. "Simple but interesting. Sexy but not too much. Show my body but not too much. Not too big but I want it tight."

Louise and Fatma are politely discussing whether or not Fatma can wear a red dress to an industry party, with Louise telling us in the talking head that it would be better if Fatma wore black and gold, even though we all know that Fatma terrifies Louise and will get whatever she wants regardless.

Althea seems like she actually knows what she's doing, and she and her model are in agreement on a three-piece concept, but poor Shirin -- who I'd just like to point out is prettier than any of the models -- learns that her model, Ebony, wants to be dressed like she's just been cast in a Pam Grier film from 1974. She wants a satin, royal blue and gold jumpsuit.

Lastly, Logan seems to be a bit uncomfortable with the fact that his model, Koji, just so happens to believe she's going to be attending a goth prom. Poor Logan. It seems like he's one of the most talented designers here, so if he goes home because his model wanted an emo version of the Little Mermaid, I'm going to be mad.

Cut to Mood, where the waves of panic always make it seem like everyone took a hit of Johnny's crystal meth. (Or perhaps in this case, Qristyl meth.) Seriously, do people actually work at Mood? Because there always seems to be one guy at the register and no one else. Epperson spends half his time looking for orange when it seems like that's the kind of thing an employee could say, "Ugly orange fabric? Yeah, I think we have that in aisle seven."

Happy working song, happy working song! (You know who would be great guest judge? Amy Adams. It would almost make up for the embarrassment of Lindsay Lohan three weeks ago. I think I still have a rash just from watching that episode.) Tim arrives to tell Althea that her outfit looks like it has a real "wow factor potential." He's a little confused when she says she's making a "cigarette jacket," and it's a good thing Koji isn't around or I would bet she'd demand Logan whip up a "cigarette jacket" to go with her emo prom dress. Christopher admits he think Tim is going to say his green dress "looks like a salad," and he does a decent Tim Gunn voice, but it only makes me miss Santino Rice's Tim voice and wonder if Andre and Tim ever did have that date at Red Lobster.

Qristyl shows Tim her wrinkled dress and Tim tells her it looks like her model had been rolling around it bed all day. I'd say that's a kind assessment. It looks like a model pulled it out of her gym bag. Logan shows Tim his design, which Logan worries looks like a "Smurf prom dress," and Tim agrees. You have to think a Smurf prom would be, like, the worst prom ever since there was only one woman in all of Smurf village and only one gay Smurf to design outfits for everyone.

Epperson has a tearful phone call with his wife and kids that actually makes me a little sad. Not as sad as Qristyl is going to be, however, if she sends a plain black dress down the runway. Good lord, don't these designers watch the previous seasons? If Nina Garcia sees a plain black dress made on the runway, she's like a shark smelling blood in the water. Shirin's model seems disappointed her Pam Grier jumpsuit concept has been abandoned for something with a bit less shazam, and Shirin politely explains in her talking head that models don't understand construction, so the hell with 'em. At least that's how I read it.

Morning comes, and Johnny is eating pancakes or danishes. Logan is wearing silver pants and silver shoes to distract Heidi from the emo prom, almost like he's employing a Jedi mind trick. This might actually work, now that I think about it. Heidi does seem to be distracted by bright colors before her brain's operating system reboots. During the night, someone seems to have stolen all of Qristyl's clothes, forcing her to fashion herself a blouse out of the curtains, since that's the only reason I can imagine why she would wear what she's wearing.

Models and make-up. Althea's outfit seems like a home run or a strike out to me. Her model, Tanisha, has ... (how do I put this?) ... big enough breasts that I think they need a little more support. Irina seems to agree, telling us "I think Althea's looks like crap. It would have looked nicer if she stapled it together." God bless the cattiness of the fashion industry, people. Althea seems to feel that breasts are a team concept though, because she's wearing a skin-tight white tank top that has her own assets on prominent display.

Runway show. Heidi is wearing hoop earrings so large it looks like she stole them from the circus. Perhaps the leopard she killed used to jump through them. I can't speculate further. We meet the judges and ... CURSES! No Michael Kors and no Nina Garcia? I feel like a teenager who went to see Hannah Montana and got some second-rate Disney act instead. Marc Bouwer (designer), Zoe Glassner (editor for Marie Claire magazine), Jennifer Rade (stylist) try to fill the enormous void in my heart.

Nicholas tells us he thinks he's going to win, which only makes me hate him and his ridiculous haircut more. Gordana sends an fairly boring but well-made dress down the runway. Logan's emo prom dress is as bad as I suspected. I sort of like Christopher's greed salad dress. Epperson's tears manage to create art, as I'm pretty impressed with his brown, stitched together look. I'm still a little baffled by Althea's outfit and why it appears to be getting so much love from the judges.

Louise, Irina, Nicholas, Gordana, Shirin and Ra'mon are all safe, if unspectacular. Carol Hannah, as she's getting praise for what I think is a weird color combination, uses the phrase "y'all" to describe the judges, which they think is cute in a "you'll never win this competition" kind of way. For some reason, Epperson's dress leads to a running commentary on Heidi's Hall of Fame boobs, which even Marc Bouwer seems to be in awe of. (Gasp! Is Marc secretly straight?) Speaking of boobs, Althea and Team Breasts look like the front-runners, which I still don't quite understand. No one likes Logan's dress. All the judges throw out the dreaded word "prom," and all of Smurfs Village quietly weeps for Logan. Johnny's dress has an even cruel word thrown at it: bridesmaid. Qristyl's outfit gets shredded as boring and old. Jen Rade gets in the line of the night when Qristyl's model Valerie says she likes the dress.

"That's why Valerie's not a designer," Rade says. "Thank god."

Althea emerges as the victor, and goes bouncing (literally) into the other room to celebrate. Qristyl and Logan are in the bottom two, but Logan's silver pants and shoes help him survive, sending Qristyl and her strange vowel arrangements up the the workroom to clean up her stuff.

Auf Wiedersehen, baby.

Oh, Natalie Natalie Natalie. Well done, giving in on round one of the final Head of Household competition on Big Brother because you just know you can beat Jordan at anything in the second round.

*cough*

Except possibly for the challenge of rolling volleyballs with houseguests' names on them in the order that they served as HOH. I loved when you tried to claim it was a mental challenge, and Julie Chen was like, hmmm, actually mental and physical, but you so lost, so moving on ...

Awesome.

I was also amused by Jeff's greeting at the jury house -- I guess I was expecting more animosity, but it seemed fairly good-natured, all things considered, and he didn't seem too bitter.

What did you think of the show tonight?

 

 

Justine and Liz here, your tour guides through this season of "Top Chef," back for another week. The end of last week's episode of "Top Chef: Las Vegas" had us excited for what this week would have in store for the cheftestants, especially a high stakes quickfire complete with an elimination! We did get worried about how Baltimore's own Jesse would do, since she's had troubles with past quickfires.

Our old favorite Jerkface Mike complains about how he shouldn't have been on the bottom, and with a little push, he can take home a win. Likely story, JFM.

But enough hating on Mike. On to the cooking! 

(Photo of the lovely Padma and guest judge Daniel Boulud from bravotv.com)

Quickfire

Tom introduces us to renowned French chef Daniel Boulud who will serve as this week's guest. In this quickfire, the secret ingredient is snails, or escargot if you're Mattin. (Liz wishes they would have unveiled the ingredient with more fanfare like they do in "Iron Chef." All we got were a lot of close-up shots of snails sliding around on glass.) Boulud wants to taste something he has never tasted before. And here's the twist: It's a high-stakes quickfire where the loser goes home! Instead of $15k for the winner, they just get immunity.

It's interesting to see who's cooked with snails in the past. Naturally, since Mattin is from France, escargot was his "whole youth." How unfortunate. JFM has used snails before in Greek cooking. Helpful hint for those at home who want to make escargot themselves: Bearded Kevin says snails don't have much flavor, so you have to boost other flavors around them.

Even though we did get excited that Michael V.'s dish has foam (channeling his inner Marcel), the most exciting part of this quickfire was Bearded Kevin's candied bacon jam. Let us say that again: Candied Bacon Jam. Thankfully, Boulud rewarded Kevin for his creativity and awesomeness with the quickfire win, securing him immunity.

Jesse, Ashley and Robin had the least favorite dishes. They get a second chance: a 20 minute cookoff to make an amuse bouche -- one bite to save your life, as Tom so eloquently put it. Sadly, Jesse's tuna tartar wasn't enough to save her, and she goes home. We saw this coming, but it's still sad to see Baltimore's chance at a Top Chef win pack up its knives and go. Even though it's not the same, we're still rooting hard for Bryan and Michael V. No guys have been eliminated so far, Jennifer points out -- and she was all offended about the gender challenge.

 

Elimination challenge

The cheftestants draw knives (there hasn't been nearly enough of this this season) and get either a protein or a French sauce. They have to cook in pairs -- a six-course meal for very famous French chefs, including Joël Robuchon, who was named the French chef of the century. As if immunity weren't enough, Kevin's quickfire win meant he didn't have to cook AND he gets to eat dinner with the fancy-pants French chefs. It's a surprise that Bravo has brought out the heavy-weight chefs so early in the season. In past seasons, it seems like they wait for the bad chefs to get out of the way before they make the Culinary Gods eat the cheftestants' food. Eli also seems surprised; he expresses skepticism that Roubuchon didn't actually exist -- that he might be a unicorn!

The cheftestant pairings weren't much of a surprise, since the sauces and proteins had natural matches. The strong ended up together: Jennifer and Maryland's own Michael V. (Jennifer seemed excited, or at least as excited as you can get in a monotone), the other brother Bryan working with JFM.

And it's off to Whole Foods, where the chefs stretch their $200 budget to buy as much tasty French stuff as they can. Some tension emerges between Ashley and Mattin. It seems like she's going to use Mattin as a crutch if their dish doesn't do well in the end. After all, Mattin's French. He should be the expert, right?

Back in the kitchen, something's going wrong with Robin and Ron -- Robin's not focused because she wants to worry about plating and garnishes, but Ron wants her to finish the sauce. Also, they're making frog legs. (Liz must have been super hungry tonight because the raw meat Hector was cutting the fat off of looked delicious. Also, there was a lot of butter flying around that kitchen. Julia Childs would have been proud.)

Kevin trimmed his beard for dinner, and we noticed. Another notable French chef at the dinner table was "Top Chef Masters" competitor Hubert Keller! We didn't recognize anyone else just by sight, but the names were French and important sounding. None of the dishes were total fails in the eyes of the diners. Ron and Robin's frog legs were overcooked, but they were commended for putting some thought into the dish. JFM and Michael's trout with a deconstructed bernaise didn't look that appetizing, really. ("But they're going to love it," Liz said.) Mattin and Ashley make seared poussin. Mattin gets a compliment and flounces off. The bacon seems too strong. Tom points out that not everything is better with bacon, but both Liz and Justine beg to differ.

Gail compliments the cheftestants -- they couldn't have had this type of meal so early in any other season. It sounds like the competition is getting tougher as the show gains in popularity.

Judges' table

First, the judge's favorites: Bryan, JFM, Michael and Jennifer. JFM is taking credit for the deconstructed sauce, even though it was Bryan's idea! Also, did it seem to anyone else like Jennifer and Michael were flirting! Will they be this season's Leah and Hosea? Bryan wins! He is invited to work for Roubuchon at his restaurant for a week (and way better than a signed cookbook).

The losers: Mattin, Ashley, Hector and Ash. Mattin starts to throw Ashley under the bus over the asparagus. Hector blames the appearance of the plates on the meat cooking too slow. Boulud blames it on their poor planning. (Mattin made a "bacon-cream sauce." We ask, what's so wrong with that?)

Hector goes home for poorly cooking beef and hacking it apart under pressure. We will miss his accent and Antonio Banderas-esque voice.

 

The predictions

Who's going home next: Justine thinks Ashley's the next to go. We've seen enough of her to get to know her, but she freaks out under pressure. Liz has a feeling Robin's days are numbered. She spent too much time stressing out over little things in this week's challenge, and it may catch up with her in the end.

Favorites: Justine is a fan of Bryan, our almost hometown hero. He could have thrown JFM under the bus, but he seems classy enough and his cooking will pull him through. Liz is starting to take back her dislike of Bearded Kevin because he's redeeming himself by using bacon in creative ways.

Also, we're super-excited for next week. The preview showed Tom spitting something out! Previously, we'd only seen Padma do that.

(Jaunty scarf watch: Liz again wore her red scarf while typing the recap, which seemed only fitting since the whole episode was French-themed. Ooh la la indeed!)

Do any of you have a good candied bacon jam recipe? Are you going to run to Whole Foods (or your local aquarium supply store) and buy snails so you can cook them at home? Do you feel guilty eating cute animals, like rabbits?

Just chanced across this article, which says that Ellen DeGeneres is reported to be the new third judge on American Idol.

I'm pretty shocked. Ellen filled in as an extra judge on So You Think You Can Dance, and while she was amusing, I didn't think she added that much. She seemed intent on her punchlines, which weren't that constructive. On the other hand, she stood up, and passionately, for fan fave Evan Kasprzak when the other judges went a little personal in their criticism.

But say what you will about Paula Abdul's musical career and wackiness at the Idol judges' table, she seemed to give the most applicable, helpful comments -- and she was the only one on the show who had made a living singing.

Ellen's funny, but will she be able to tell people if their pitch is off or their enunciation didn't work or whatever? She can probably handle the rest of it, but it's just ... weird.

What do you think?

Update: People.com has more.

An episode after Amanda was kicked out for essentially being the weakest member of her team, it was clear that Chef Gordon Ramsay was going to remove any excess fat from the competition on Hell's Kitchen.

Enter Andy, who is beyond weak. He’s been horrible all season long. Last night’s episode was no different. He essentially sliced off the tips of his finger while prepping for dinner and had to be treated at the emergency room.

Before Andy’s injury, the women’s team won the team challenge, out-cooking the men in a crepe-making contest. As a reward, the women received mime training (lame) and a French dinner. The men’s team was tasked with preparing both kitchens for the night’s dinner service. They were fed cow's tongue and hog head cheese. (Yuck!)

During the dinner service, Andy used his injury as an excuse, blaming it for using too much salad dressing. Ramsay pointed to Dave and Kevin as examples of contestants overcoming injuries in the competition. (It wasn’t looking good for Andy at that point.)

The women’s team – in particular Sabrina and the hated Suzanne – gave a couple of scares throughout the night. Suzanne undercooked and then overcooked the lamb. Sabrina messed up on under-seasoning the Risotto and frog legs.

Ramsay was so angered by what he saw he threw Sabrina, Suzanne, and Andy out of the dinner service. (I’m pretty sure that was a Hell’s Kitchen first.) He said none of the teams won the competition, which meant that all the contestants were responsible for nominating two chefs for elimination.

Suzanne and Andy were put on the chopping block. And surprise, surprise, Andy was sent packing. In a surprise move, Ramsay sent Suzanne to join the men’s team. I predict major trouble there with Suzanne’s bossy, know-it-all demeanor.

 

 
 

I talked with Sykesville's Drew Stevyns earlier today when he was waiting backstage to find out if he was making the finals on tonight's America's Got Talent.

The producers really dragged it out for ages and made it as tough on him as possible, but Drew did make the cut, along with Hairo Torres, Recycled Percussion, Barbara Padillo and Lawrence Beaman.

Judge David Hasselhoff said, "Drew Stevyns is in the house. You sang from your heart and you went for it, and that's why you're here."

 

It's barely been a month since the end of last season of So You Think You Can Dance. I love this show, but it really feels like we aren't getting any break from it this time. You know what they say about absence and the heart and ... well, you know the rest.

But see, I say that, and then even though I didn't plan to live-blog this audition episode, I can't help myself.

The first contestant in the L.A. auditions is a guy with a half-shaved, half-fauxhawked hairdo who says that he is a trend-setter. He runs around the stage with no music and then stops, yelling "Shatter!" over and over. The judges -- Nigel, Mary and Adam -- can't contain themselves and just crack up. It's a no.

Mollee Gray, who was a principal dancer in High School Musical 1, 2 and 3, hasn't gotten a lot of auditions since then, so her family packed up in Utah and moved to L.A. She's so excited. She's so through. In fact, Adam says to his fellow judges while Mollee is dancing, "She is so this show." She gets a standing ovation from the crowd. She gets a ticket to Vegas, of course.

After the break, we get a montage of goodness. I love those!

Season 5 contestants Ryan Kasprzak and Bianca Revels are back to try again. Bianca said in interviews right after being cut last season, but she has re-evaluated and changed her mind. There's no drama for Ryan because they revealed weeks ago on SYTYCD that he's going straight to Vegas. Adam to Ryan: "You are an artist. That's the best audition I've ever seen on this show." Mary and Nigel loved it, too. Nigel says he has grown "in himself" since last season and gives him his Vegas ticket. Then, Ryan and Bianca have a tap battle. Oh my gosh, I love them. They should have their own show! Bianca gets her ticket, too. Duh.

 

 

Next is a guy, Christopher Aguilar, who wants to produce a film? With Fred Astaire and Ginger Rogers' spirits? I don't get it. He does a cheesy, overwrought audition that the judges get into even though they thought it was tragically bad. He did a horrible backflip and almost landed on his face, and his technique was bad. Adam says it was awkward for him to have taken on the female roles, and he says that is the thesis of his film. Adam adds that he is an intriguing guy and should keep on studying.

Amber Williams, whose mom was paralyzed during surgery a few years ago, is the first auditioner of the second day. Nigel says she did some beautiful things, but she wasn't engaging with her face during her audition. Mary agrees that she was amazing, as does Adam. She gets that Vegas ticket, though. Her mom is so happy for her.

Then another montage of awesome.

Christina Santana is aiming to do some hip-hop flavored salsa. Nigel: "WOW!" He adds that it was thrilling to watch, and Mary calls her absolutely fabulous. Vegas!

Montage of nuh-uh.

Phillip Attmore is yet another tap dancer hoping to make it through. As it turns out, he was roommates with Ryan on a tour of Fosse, so they are buds. OK, who's up for a season of So You Think You Can Tap Dance? He's awesome, too. Hence: Vegas.

So ... are you guys ready for this to be back? I didn't think I was, but it turns out I am.

 

I just got off the phone with Drew Stevyns, the Sykesville resident who is in the Top 20 on America's Got Talent and finds out tonight whether he is making the Top 10. He was waiting backstage for the live results show to get under way.

On last night's show, he performed a rocking rendition of "Careless Whisper," originally by Wham and currently on the radio as a cover by Seether.

You find out whether you made the finals on tonight's show. How are you feeling?

I'm backstage waiting right now. I'm very nervous, but at the same time I think I put on a great performance. ... I think tonight is even worse than last night because at least last night I had some control over what was going on -- I could just go out and give my best. Tonight I just have to wait.

[Stevyns lived in Sykesville his whole life except for between the ages of 9 and 13, when he lived in England.] What was it like being in the Church of England Choir?

It was a very long time ago, but I think the main thing I got out of it was vocal discipline, working with other musicians.

How did you get started on your current musical career path?

I started writing songs in high school, when I was about 15 years old, played in multiple bands until I was about 25 years old, so then I went solo. Things started taking off, and I realized I could pay the bills playing music, which was a good thing.

Have you tried out for any other performance-based reality shows?

I tried out for American Idol, but I didn't make it, and I'm too old now, so I decided go for this.

How has the experience been?

It's been so amazing. I was't expecting any of this. I can't say enough good things about the experience so far, and my fellow competitors and I have gotten so close.

David Cook and Chris Daughtry got some blowback from viewers when they did harder rock covers of traditional pop songs and didn't get to acknowledge the arrangement's source. Were you worried the same might happen to you last night when the judges credited you with making "Careless Whisper" your own?

They were mistaken; it's actually the Seether arrangement. It's my favorite song on the radio, and I knew I had to do it. I realized as soon as I got off the stage [that I hadn't gotten to acknowledge Seether], and I really wish I had gotten a chance to say that.

You didn't get much airtime at the beginning of the season. Do you feel like that's put you at a disadvantage with viewers compared with some of the other acts?

I think to be honest, it's kind of exciting to come out of nowhere and not have people see you coming.

If you win, what plans do you have for your act?

If I win ... [he laughs]. I don't think I would change anything. I am used to playing four hours a night in bars and restaurants, so I think I would just keep doing what I'm doing, but on a larger scale, I suppose.

Do you have anything to say to your fans back in Maryland?

Basically, thank you for everybody's support. It means so much.

When you do get to come home, what are you most looking forward to in Maryland?

I can't wait to get home and get a real meal and see my friends and family. We've been living off sandwiches here!

(Photo courtesy of NBC)

Some quick Real World DC news. The folks over at Vevmo have been tirelessly digging up Real World news and dirt, and yesterday said they've confirmed via independent sources that Erika Lauren Wasilewski has left the Real World DC cast.

Christopher Wiggins, aka @RealWorldDCNewz on Twitter, also leaked on Twitter that Baltimore's own Ty Ruff is apparently an intern with the Washington Capitals. Ty was at the Washington Capitals Media Day. The Washington Post's D.C. Sports Bog writes about it here.

I have to say, Kevin, Natalie and Jordan seem like a pretty unlikely final three for Big Brother, but here we are.

Too bad for Michele. For a little bit there, I thought her plea that she couldn't possibly win might give her a chance with Kevin. But no.

Since the end of the season continues to be so yawn-worthy, let's take commenter Capt. Jack's suggestion and talk about our faves from past seasons. He wrote:

Favorite Houseguest from which season, and least Favorite from which season. Most memorable memory and least memorable memory from BB.

I'm still thinking on those, but here's my suggested categories ...

Favorite twist: Season 5, Project DNA (Do Not Assume), or at least part of it. Having identical twins switch out for five weeks was genius, though it was too bad that Natalie and Adria ended up being so frustrating once they were in the house together.

Least favorite twist: My least favorite twist is also part of Project DNA. Having half-siblings Nakomis and Cowboy find out about the other's existence and meet on the show was terrible.

Favorite houseguest pastime: Lots of amusing conversation and awkward flirting used to happen in the hot tub, which makes me realize that this season, they've barely been in there.

Least favorite houseguest pastime: (tie) sleeping and playing cards. I watched the live feeds for a couple of seasons, and one of them, they had cards, and the endless shuffling of cards was one of the most irritating sounds ever.

Please share your favorites and least favorites, too, and suggest categories if you want. Best alliance and worst alliance? Best and worst showmance?

This sounds way more fun than anything from this season!

The casts of The Amazing Race and Survivor have been announced, and I don't see any Baltimore-area folks on either season. Guess those two casting calls in March and April didn't garner us any locals to root for. Bummer.

Maybe next time!

The Amazing Race starts on Sept. 27, and Survivor starts Sept. 17.

Big Brother is becoming (or is that continuing to be?) so annoying!

I so wish Kevin had made the move to get rid of Natalie because she's been useless up until this point, and now she is just being so icky. Running around screaming that her HOH win was for Chima? Telling her only ally that she has to put him on the block? Accepting a Pandora's Box challenge (getting to see her boyfriend for a few minutes, but not being able to compete in the veto) and then completely lying about it? Totally being the worst liar ever? Then coming clean and admitting that she got to see her boyfriend and that he proposed? (Which is, by the way, making her lie about being 18 even more suspect and ridiculous.)

I'm just so frustrated that she's still around and wielding her power with so little thought or logic. It doesn't bode well for how the rest of this game is going to play out. There are few satisfying outcomes remaining. But I've been surprised before, so we'll see how it goes.

It's Week 3 of "Project Runway," and I still don't know whom most of the designers are, nor have I seen a single dress that I just have to have. I hope this season heats up ... and maybe it will with this beach-themed episode, in which the designers work in teams (drama!) and, in the words of Tim Gunn, must create a "fun and fashionable surf wear look." All I know is Rachel Bilson is one of two guest judges. I adore her, and she actually knows a lot about fashion. Summer Roberts!

The show starts off with Ra'mon saying he doesn't want to get sent home. Well, obviously. Mitchell, who needs to be sent home stat, is concerned and frustrated that he has been in bottom two for the past two challenges (that's what happens when you send a model down the runway in an almost see-through nightgown). Shirin has immunity, so she's sitting pretty.

Since there's no more clips of the model-selection process (it's done on the semi-entertaining "Models of the Runway," which is on after "PR"), host Heidi Klum gathers the designers to say that no visit to California is complete without a field trip to this destination. "Don't forget your sunscreen!" she says. No mystery there; the designers know they are hitting the beach.

Spotted: Tim Gunn in sandals, sunglasses and a  ... blazer. He's accompanied by Philip the Garnier celebrity stylist. Tim explains the challenge, and also says their models must wow with perfect hairstyle. Philip will apparently create a gorgeous just-off-the-beach style (cough, big advertisement for Garnier, cough). The designers must work in teams of two. Tim picks the team leaders, then the team leaders must pick their partners.

Shirin picks Carol Hannah, Logan picks Christopher, Nicolas picks Gordana, Mitchell picks Ram'on ("I wanted to work with someone who could carry me," Mitchell says. For real.), Althea picks Louise, Qristyl picks Epperson, Johnny picks Irina. The designers get 20 minutes to caucus on the beach and determine which of the two models they'll use. They then have only 15 minutes to get fabric. Epperson and Qristyl are disagreeing, as are some other pairs.

In the work room, there's lots of talk coming from Nicolas about "hombre of macrame." Did I hear that right? My guess is no. Ra'mon is complaining that Mitchell isn't pulling his weight.  Tim then gives the designers a message from Heidi  and the judges -- they are raising the stakes, and each team must create a second look. "Ladies and gentleman, capital WTF" says Ra'mon. Is it just me, or are we getting a lot of him this episode?

The second look will be an avant-garde design (exciting!) that corresponds to their surf-wear-inspired design. Both looks will walk the runway. They have the rest of the night to come up with design, which will have a budget of $200. One designer will go to Mood in the a.m. to pick out fabrics.

At the store, Epperson says his idea is inspired by wet suits. All kind of bad images come to my head right now. Macrame Nic says he's afraid his garmet is going to look like a trannie.

Once everyone's back in the workroom, Tim visits. "The prophet of doom has returned," he says. Model Erica apparently has an issue: She took commerical and won't be present for the fitting. Carol Hannah can have another model. She takes eliminated-last-week Valerie. I'm losing a bit of interest at this point (seriously, this season continues to be a snoozer!), but perk up when I hear Gordana say Nicolas is inspired by "a sea woman that's becoming a human like in the movie "Mermaid."

Time for hair. Garnier's Philip talks, well, hair, and all the designers gush "Yeah, cool, awesome ..." Ok, everyone! Go out and get your Garnier Fructis shampoo and conditioner RIGHT NOW. Shortly after, Tim walks around the room critiquing outfits. Here are two of my favorite quotes. In fact, I loved Tim's interactions here and was so busying typing that I missed whom they were directed at. Forgive me:

"I think we're going to see panties, and all that sophistication went away for me."

"I feel like I'm in a cartoon with a superhero and a Greek goddess."

I'm fairly certain that last one was directed at the wetsuit outfit, so Ra'mon scraps it entirely. This means he needs to create something else, and fast, while Mitchell just basically does nothing. Ra'mon complains that working on two garments at once in unfair and that he's trying to keep Mitchell as focused as possible. There's some doubt whether they'll have an outfit to walk down the runway, but in typical "Project Runway" fashion (unintentional pun there), no one walks down the catwalk sans clothes.

We meet our guest judges, Max Azria of BCBGMaxAzria (hello, Max, I just dropped way too much money at your store the other day for some amazing dresses) and the aforementioned Rachel Bilson, formerly of The O.C. I'm more excited about the judges than the dresses. Sigh.

We see the looks, and again, besides a dress by R'amon and Mitchell, I'm completely underwhelmed. Althea, Louise, Logan, Christopher, Shirin and Carol Hannah are safe and leave the runway. I really loved Althea's avant-garde dress and Louise's surf-inspired dress.

Johnny and Irina are in the top two. Judge Nina Garcia loves the back of their beachy look. Rachel also likes the macrame (gosh, that was popular this episode!); it's her favorite outfit, she says, and she would wear it. Max concurs. Ra'mon and Mitchell (yes, they are actually in the top two) have two great dresses. Everyone especially likes the green avant-garde dress; it plays with volume, has an interesting shape, and looks like it has a print. Mitchell, however, admits that Ra'mon did all the work.

Nicolas and Gordana and Epperson and Qristyl have the lowest scores. Qristyl says Epperson took the lead, even though she was the team leader. Epperson rolls his eyes, and then they argue about whether their concept was good enough. Qristyl says that whatever she did wasn't good enough for her partner. The judges mostly like the surf piece, but hate the avant-garde one (it is awful!). Max smartly adds that if you aren't a team player, you can't be a designer.

The judges love the top on Nic and Gordana's looks, but hate the bottoms. Nina says they went for too sexy. Rachel says at least it's fashion forward. Nina replies that they didn't have to include the garters.

When it comes to debating who stays and goes, Heidi says, "On 'Project Runway,' you actually have to design. create and sew." She's unsure how to judge if someone (ahem, Mitchell) hasn't done anything.

And with that, we get a "Project Runway" first. Ra'mon is the winner -- "Is there a recount that needs to happen?" he asks -- and his partner, Mitchell, is going home. "Three strikes, and you're out," Heidi says.

Won't miss ya, Mitchell.

 

Another week, another Top Chef. Liz and Justine are back again to give you our two cents on this week’s episode. Tonight the cheftestants were cooking for members of the military and their families. There was so much patriotism that maybe they thought about airing this episode around the Fourth of July. For the most part, the cheftestants brought their A game, but of course there had to be some who stumbled along the way.

Enough singing "The Star Spangled Banner." On to the cooking!

(Photo from bravotv.com)

Quickfire

Our guest judge for this week is Mark Peel, a chef from California who prides himself on being Wolfgang Puck's vegetable beeyotch. Peel flexed his cred by saying he was on "Top Chef Masters." Didn’t he know the season was over and he didn't have to plug the show anymore? Neither of us recognized him because we, like the rest of America, didn't watch it.

To honor Peel's past of "peeling" vegetables (clever, huh?) they have 45 minutes to make a potato dish that is "out of this world." Jesse loves potatoes so she's excited. We hoped that meant she would finally redeem herself with her sweet potato soup, but she was heavy handed with the cayenne and made Peel's eyes bug out of his head when he tried it. (Justine wonders if soup leaks out of her lip piercings? Inquiring minds want to know.)

Also, who caught Jerkface Mike really living up to his moniker by patronizingly describing what a risotto is to the viewers at home?

We get our first taste of real kitchen drama (other than railing against the establishment of marriage last week) when Preeti accidentally uses Ashley's boiling water for her gnocchi to cook asparagus. Ashley was mad, but Jennifer mentions she wouldn't be as nice if someone stole her water. We wouldn't be nice, either.

Fun ingredient of the week used in a quickfire: sunchokes. Bryan (of Maryland brothers fame) used them, but we're not sure what they taste like. Anyone out there a huge sunchoke fan? Are they like artichokes, only happier?

Even with Peel's generally complimentary disposition it was hard to tell during the tastings whose dishes were good and whose weren't, Jennifer came out on top with her mussel and potato dish. Earlier in the episode, her competitive side was beginning to rear its ugly head by complaining about not being in the Top 4 in last week's elimination challenge. Her win gives her immunity but no $15,000 gambling chip! Are the producers getting sick of reminding us the chefs are in Vegas?

Elimination

The cheftestants get their marching orders to be ready to cook for 300 airmen at Nellis Air Force Base. The catch: They don't know what products they will have to cook with or what the kitchen has for supplies until the day of the challenge. Seems kind of early to have such a hard challenge, but it's good to weed out the losers early in the show.

Mike takes it upon himself to propose the cheftestants work in pairs and will be responsible for one dish between then. In a surprising turn of events, Maryland's brothers Michael V. and Bryan don't work together! Michael works with Jerkface Mike, which upsets us. And because she's got immunity, Jennifer takes on the executive chef role to direct everyone in the kitchen and help where needed.

When they get to Nellis, surprise! They're working with a lot of canned food! We hate when they're all upset about cooking with canned ingredients and say they only get the freshest ingredients in their kitchens. A real Top Chef can make anything taste good, no matter if it came from a can or a vending machine. And they have limited cooking equipment, which is sure to cause some tense situations in the kitchen. Jennifer keeps the cheftestants in line by showing she has the chutzpah to be a leader in the kitchen.

Some of the dishes seemed like risky choices. Clam chowder on an uber-hot day -- what were you thinking, Jesse and Ron? Pasta salad -- who wins with pasta salad? Who even remembers the pasta salad at a family barbecue?

We have to pause to comment on Padma's outfit this week. Liz loves leopard prints, actually any animal print, but Padma looked like she had joined the USO and was going to be entertaining the troops rather than judging the food. But she's still gorgeous.

Padma, Tom, Gail and Peel all seemed impressed with the variety of dishes the cheftestants came up with even with limited resources and a tight time crunch. Kevin and his beard showed they can really sell a dish. (Liz, while stroking her face, lamented, "I wish I could grow a beard like you, Kevin.")

Judges' Table

If you paid attention to nuance like seasoned (hah) Top Chef recappers, you'd be able to tell that Jerkface Mike, Michael V., Eli and Kevin are the best this week. Tom is very impressed with Jerkface Mike and Michael's bacon cooked like pork belly. Jerkface Mike doesn't take enough credit (remember, he wanted them all to work in teams) and lets Michael bask in the glory of his delicious dish.

And the win goes to: Michael! And Baltimore! The brothers are tied with one elimination challenge each. The rivalry is even for the time being, but we know that's not the end of their competitive nature.

In a shocking twist, Jerkface Mike is brought back to the judges for having a losing dish with a bland Greek salad with shrimp he threw together while Michael was perfecting his pork belly-esque goodness. JFM is super upset and looks like he's going to punch someone out. Preeti and Laurine join him for their lackluster pasta salad. Laurine said she wanted to provide a vegetarian option and actually admitted she forgot about the competition! Word of advice: Always seem hungry and competitive to the judges. Make them think you want to be there.

And the elimination goes to: Preeti, for not understanding what was wrong with the pasta salad. She blames her loss on the competition being tougher this season than in seasons past and doesn't seem too upset about packing up her knives. ("She couldn'tve beaten Richard," Justine said.)

The predictions

Who's going home next: Liz thinks Laurine is going to forget about the competition again and get the ax. Justine thinks it'll be Jesse. Her head hasn't been in the game for the whole competition. She wasn't entirely redeemed because she hasn't been doing well in the individual challenges – she's making mistakes like overcooking and overseasoning.  

We'd both love to have Jerkface Mike go home, but neither of us think it'll happen.

(Unrelated: Liz has a red scarf from Virgin FreeFest she tied around her neck to be like Mattin, not because she likes him, but because it makes her feel "jaunty." She wore it for the whole recap.)

(Photo of Mattin's jaunty scarf from bravotv.com) 

Tonight's So You Think You Can Dance special is revisiting the 15 best dances of the show's history. I'm super excited to see what they come up with and also interested to see if their faves line up with mine.

Here's their list:

-- Destini and Jamile's hip-hop routine to "Shake" choreographed by Shane Spark. That was a good one, but what I realize now that I didn't realize then was that about half of the lyrics were bleeped out.

-- Nick and Melody's Tyce DiOrio Broadway routine to "All That Jazz," Tyce's first routine on the show, and a good showing by all three of them.

-- Benji and Heidi's "Black Mambo" dance, which was a lot of fun, but slightly awkward when it was supposed to be sexy, since they're related.

-- Ivan and Allison's contemporary routine to Annie Lennox's "Why" choreographed by Tyce. This one, I recall, brought a lot new out of Ivan.

-- Mia Michaels' Emmy-winning bench routine with Heidi and Travis, which is definitely one of the most memorable moments of the series for me.

-- Speaking of most memorable moments, next is Hok and Jamie's "Hummingbird and the Flower" dance by Wade Robson. This is so unique and playing to these dancers' strengths, I just knew this would be on the list. Also, Nigel Lythgoe's intro segment that recapped season three reminded me just how amazing that whole season was.

-- Next is my favorite ever-ever, Sabra and Neil's "Sweet Dreams" dance by Mandy Moore, in which they are business people doing a negotiation around a table. I can't tell you how many times I've watched this. I just love it. I watched it twice just now.

-- Lacey and Danny's "Hip Hip Chin Chin," choreographed by Dmitry Chaplin. To get all Randy Jackson on you, that was a hot one.

-- Pasha and Lauren's Transformer dance by Shane Sparks. That one was cool. Also, as Nigel points out, it was very SYTYCD, with it being so far outside the comfort zones of its performers, and yet they totally shine.

-- Mark and Courtney's "Garden" dance from Sonya Tayeh. I don't always love Sonya's routines, especially on first viewing, but this one really worked with the quirky personalities of the dancers, particularly Mark.

-- Mark and Chelsie's "Bleeding Love" dance by Napoleon and Tabitha. I really liked this routine, but I'm still bothered by Chelsie's wardrobe -- she is supposed to be Mark-the-businessman's girlfriend, but I think she looks more like his daughter, which is a little odd. Still like the performance, though.

-- Joshua and Katee's Mia Michaels routine to "Hometown Glory." How could I have forgotten how much I liked these two together? Re-watching that literally just made me cry.

-- Brandon and Janette's Doriana Sanchez disco routine from last season. This one is unbelievably nonstop. 

-- Kayla and Kupono's Mia Michaels addiction dance, which a shining moment for both of them. 

-- Jeanine and Jason's dance by Travis Wall. This was a good performance, and another good moment for the show -- a strong routine choreographed by an alum. 

-- Last is Nigel's all-time favorite, the Tyce DiOrio breast-cancer-themed dance performed by Melissa and Ade. This is a very moving piece, and I'm not at all surprised to see it on this list. 

One I am surprised isn't on the list is the piece that Mia Michaels choreographed to honor her father. What else would you have put on your favorites list?

 

Tonight there is a special episode of So You Think You Can Dance, featuring the 15 best performances from the show's first five seasons. It airs at 8 p.m. on WBFF. I'm excited to see what routines make the cut!

Next Wednesday, the fall season makes its debut. I can't believe it's time for that already.

We were clearly at that part of the Big Brother season where it was getting boring in the house, so they had to spice things up.

So Kevin walked into the Head of Household room to discover a new door and a note that said if he put his hand in "Pandora's Box," $10,000 would be released, but it didn't specify what else might happen. What happened was, Kevin's hand got locked into place so he was stuck in the room, and the money started raining down from the sky, in $1 bills, in the back yard.

The rest of the houseguests went nuts and were gathering the cash. Kevin got another clue that said there was a key to release him somewhere in the house. He yelled and got Natalie's attention and she said she would look for the key, but instead she went back into the yard to gather more money. (What a fabulous ally!)

Then Kevin got Jeff's attention, and he told Jeff that they would only get to keep the money if Kevin was released. (Crafty!) Jeff found the key, but hit it in his trash can and went back out to collect more cash. Finally, they let Kevin out, and I guess he got to get some money, but the other houseguests had been all over it for awhile.

It was funny, though, because Kevin was so outraged about how greedy everyone was, and yet, he was willing to take the risk of putting his hand in the box for $10K (which he seemed to think would go to him).

After Michele won the veto, it seemed like folks might have persuaded Kevin to put Natalie on the block as the replacement nominee. She has been so useless this season -- and revealed how much she cared about Kevin during that Pandora's Box situation -- that I thought for a bit he might go for it.

But no. Jeff and Jordan are on the block, and one of them will be out on Thursday.

What did you think about last night's show?

It's time for TLC to change the name of the show again.

18 Kids and Counting will have to be 19 Kids and Counting pretty soon because Jim Bob and Michelle Duggar are expecting their 19th child.

In addition, their oldest son, Joshua, and his wife, Anna, are expecting a child in October.

We're thinking maybe they're aiming for 20? That's a nice, round number, and we can't figure out why else one would keep on adding to the brood.

"Brood" doesn't seem like a big enough word for this circumstance. Feel free to suggest some alternatives.