We open up the show with the cheftestants in the house, and one of them remarking that they are halfway through the show. Dang, only halfway? This has seemed like a loooong season. But perhaps that's because they've gone from Thanksgiving to Christmas to summer, and back again. And there have hardly been any exciting gifts to break up the challenges. Hmm. But I digress.

The chefs talk about the Leah-Hosea alliance and Ariane going home -- wrongly, I think, but Tom Collichio defends their decision in his blog this week. Seems lots of people though the lovebirds should have been broken up. Well, no worries, there's plenty of struggle this week.

Quickfire Challenge

Steven Starr, wildly successful restauranteur, is this week's guest judge, and he greets the chefs with Padma for this week's Quickfire. I immediately am not a fan, but y'all already know I think Anthony Bourdain is the only one for this challenge. (I was even less of a fan when I realized that his last name is spelled with two R's. What is he, a Vegas performer?)

Since Starr knows restaurants, Padma tells the chefs they must prepare a tasting for him -- basically, a restaurant proposal on a plate. She says nobody will get immunity, but the top two will lead the two restaurants.

"It's gonna be a hot, bloody, nasty war," Fabio says. "In love and war, you're allowed to do anything." Oh, how my heart grows for him each week. Dangit if I haven't fallen under his (fake?) thick-accented spell. I also love that they then showed a shot of him fighting with the refrigerators to get them open. It looks like a slapstick comedy. Hilarious.

Leah scraps her plan because the snapper "smells like ass," Jamie talks about how the focus of her restaurant will be on seasonal local ingredients -- as if that's a novel concept -- (yes, I hate her) and Fabio shares his vision for a lunch-focused restaurant, as that business is so underestimated. Mmhmm, whatever you say Fabio. Just give me that delicious-looking sandwich you got there. (I tried to get a close-up of the sammich, but you'll have to settle for the full-plate view on the right.)

We also had Radhika running around with her hair on fire, saying that Quickfire goes so fast you don't even have time to taste things. I found that telling.

Time's up, and the cheftestants present their food. Judges like a Carla's cod seared in tomato oil -- that is, if it had any salt. (I also thought her restaurant concept was a little boring. New American? Yawn.) Hosea presents his shrimp in morel cream sauce and seafood house focused on Mediterranean flavors; Leah presents her tempura poissin with dashi soy sauce, and mentions to the audience that her mom's from the Phillipines and she'd like to focus on those flavors. Starr compliments her food, but doesn't look too excited. She gives Hosea a hug anyway.

I have to give Leah credit here for surprising us with the ethnic detail --and having not made a huge deal out of it until this point (hi, Radhika, I'm looking at you!).

Stefan says he wants to do "old Europe with an American twist" -- sounds interesting! -- but his trio of asparagus is a little meh, at least to my eyes. (What if producers just got rid of those trio dishes? That might remove the notion from their minds -- these never turn out particularly well.) Jeff's grilled salmon is rated mushy (it didn't look tasty to me), but Radhika scores a home run with her Indian with global influence concept and her pan-seared cod with chorizo and cream sauce. Yum. Meanwhile, Jamie picks the politically incorrect Chilean sea bass with surprise! creamed corn, and Fabio presents his Mediterranean-focused lunch concept with tuna and swordfish carpaccio, roasted veggies and that insanely delicious-looking filet mignon sandwich.

Fabio's comment later was great: "It's a filet mignon sandwich! End of story."

But Starr is not a fan, as he puts Fabio in the bottom for his too-salty sandwich and a concept that had a lot of passion but was unclear. Jeff is also in the bottom for just being plain bad.

In the winners' column are Leah and Radhika, who is noted for her concept, which highlights emerging flavors, according to Starr.

The battle plan

The two pick their teams (Rahika with Jamie, Carla, Jeff; Leah with Hosea, Fabio, Stefan), and Stefan grumbles that Leah is picking friends before business. Word. The editors also insert, for the fifty-millionth time, Radhika commenting that she doesn't like Stefan. We KNOW, dudes, we know. It seems that most people don't like his style. (I still do!) Next topic, please!

Team Radhika decides on Sahana for their name. Apparently it means strong and powerful in Sanskrit. Very nice. Everybody calls not-it for running the front of the house, and Radhika reluctantly takes the job. Not a good move, IMO, and others are showing skepticism about her leadership skills. As Carla says, "It's time to, you know, man up."

The kids spend $5,000 at Pier One for restaurant decorating and then head back to the house to plan their menus.  Neither leader seems particularly take-charge, which makes me sad, since this is a prime time for the women to show their stuff. Well, one woman does -- Jamie -- as Radhika hands most of the planning to her. (OK, fine, a few points for Jamie, well done.)

Stefan derails Leah's planning, because darn it, he won't be fenced in! (Desperadoooo ... ) They settle on some vague Asian focus, hand Stefan the desserts, and Fabio has already been chosen for front of house. (Best idea all day!) (He nominated himself, saying he doesn't cook Asian food very well.) Afterward, Leah and Hosea retreat to talk crap about Stefan. Hosea says he thinks Stefan is looking for things to sabotage, but I'm not so sure about that. He's a bull-headed jerk, yes, but saboteur? In his head, he's too good, so there's no need for sabotage.

Then the "Top Chef" editors cut to the lovebirds snuggling, and pipe in some porny music. So bad! They snuggle and kiss -- it's kinda hard to make out (make out! ha!) at first, but they kiss enough that we do see it. Hosea then tells the audience he regrets the kiss and Leah says she feels weird about it.

Trouble!

The whole thing was particularly cringeful, but I couldn't help but sing "bow chicka bow wow" while it was going down. It had that kind of vibe to it. "I, like, want to sleep right here." Like, squirm! 

The next day, everyone on Team Leah is distracted. The new couple is a quite off-balance, Stefan mentions the distracting tension between the two of them, and even Fabio puts in his two cents: "Leah's in a [bleep] mood, he's in a [bleep] mood. [Indecipherable Italian-accented English] we're going down."

They decide on the name Sunset Lounge as they go shopping for food. UGH. Sunset Lounge?! They must've picked up the Vegas sleaze vibe from Mr. Starr over there.

I've had some experiences I won't recount at more than one place with "Sunset" in its name. Haven't they? Stay away from the cliches!

In the kitchen

Back from shopping, the two decide on their menus.

Sunset Lounge: egg rolls, sashimi two ways, short ribs, coconut curry bisque, seared cod with spicy chili lime sauce, chocolate parfait and panna cotta.

Sahana: Curried carrot soup, grilled scallop with chickpea cake, braised lamb shanks, seared snapper, baklava, spicy chocolate cake and frozen yogurts.

Leah's mind is elsewhere and Hosea comments that their "flirting" threw him off his game. Uh, dude. That was more than flirting. It was you and Leah, sitting in a tree, k-i-s-s-i-n-g. Admitting it is the first step, homie. Leah mentions problems deboning the fish, and Hosea expresses surprise that she portioned out the fish before deboning it. Gar.

Carla worries because he sorbets aren't setting up, and Stefan has similar troubles, remarking that the kitchen is too warm. However, Mr. Stefan does have a point: If stuff doesn't work (like the freezer), you just have to make your own solution. So he pulls out bowls of ice and goes to work.

Stressing a bit, Carla asks Radhika for her opinion on the desserts, and Radhika just passes the buck. She too busy trying to blow a gasket to offer any kind of advice or, say, leadership. In fact, everyone is feeling it from the pressure, from Leah and Co. to Team Sahana. "I feel like a hummingbird on cocaine," says Jeff.

But Fabio is Mr. Saturday Night with his cream-colored suit and Italian charm. "We can serve monkey ass in an empty clam shell" and still win, he proudly proclaims. Hilarious.

Meanwhile, Jamie steps up in the leadership role and lays the smackdown on the waiters. And the food goes out.

Service

Sahana serves the judges first, with whole wheat naan to start, and the carrot soup that almost looks too pretty to eat (right). Everything that comes out looks delicious, and the judges seem to agree. Tom loves the lamb shank, and the snapper gets high marks, though some people are not fans of the tomato water that goes with it. I'd have to agree on that point. I don't like wet food. Everything is going swimmingly until ... dessert is served.

Carla says her desserts are a hot mess: The sorbets didn't set and she's not too happy with the cake either. "A train wreck is coming," she says. "I know it is."

And the judges agree.

I do like that Carla self-criticizes and self-corrects (OK, that one is arguable). But she's upfront about what's wrong, and also knows how it went wrong, which is often the harder part.

Toby Young says the meal is like Elvis' career -- starts out amazing and then dies on the toilet. That's the best thing he's said all season. And Radhika's hosting doesn't help at all -- she doesn't fix a problem with missing utensils, puts out a harried vibe to customers and spends more time in the kitchen looking at tickets than she does out front. So much so that the judges end up leaving without even a goodbye.

Uh-oh.

Over at Sunset Lounge, Fabio is pouring on the charm. (Although his facial hair is a little questionable.)

The veggie egg roll amuse bouche is discarded as second rate, and the soup is rate as OK. (One guest says her bouche is not amused. !!!) The sashimi is considered "not bad" but could use some salt. The short ribs get a pass, but the cod -- a dish Leah says she's not proud of -- is undercooked. Fabio smartly apologizes and asks if he can bring a fresh plate out, but the judges refuse. But just when it seems all is lost, Stefan's desserts come out! The judges and guests nearly orgasm over the orange-chocolate parfait (which looked delicious, at left), the ginger and lemongrass panna cotta (mmm, not so much) and the chocolate palate-cleanser.

Sabotage, my booty.

(I read that without the comma and was nodding at that. Mine, too. Mmm chocolate.)

Meanwhile, in the kitchen, Carla laments her dessert disaster as Radhika complains that she couldn't be in more than one place at a time. She didn't even try!

Judges' Table

Sunset Lounge is the first to go out, which means they won. This is ridiculous, given the rave reviews that the judges gave most of Sahana's food, but the judges say the diners preferred Sunset Lounge by a slight margin. A little schmooze -- go Fabio! -- goes a long way, apparently. Later, on his blog, Tom smartly notes that endings go a long way, too. If you end with a fabulous dessert and a wink and a goodbye, you leave with a better impression of the restaurant.

Stefan wins, and rightly so, as he pulled Sunset out of the hole. And he gets A PRIZE! An actual prize worth more than $20, the oft-plugged Kenmore kitchen appliances.

Sadsack Sahana is ushered in next, and Radhika starts by saying she isn't sure why her team is up there. Strike one. Carla takes the opposite tack, coming out swinging -- respectfully of course. She says she knew he dishes were a mess and that she tried to stop the train crash as best as she could, saying, "I'm gonna send out some love with what I'm giving you," even if it's crap. Or perhaps, especially because it's crap. Tom looks like he's about to laugh, but they can't really say much to her because she's already said it for them. I love how direct and yet, respectful, Carla is when she's at the chopping block. It serves her well.

(True enough! I commented on this above, but you've summed it up here better.)

But Radhika is a different story. Tom asks Radhika if she thought Carla's mess and the other dishes weren't her responsibility, and she responds that "I thought we were on the same level." Bad move, girl. They lambast her for all her hosting missteps, and calls her on the carpet for simply not following through. In the case of Carla, she could have taken the lead and recast the melted sorbets as a cold dessert soup, instead of simply serving a hot mess. They then send them back to deliberate on the loser.

Toby Young says they should send Carla home for the horrible dessert. "Keep love in the kitchen, send out a good dessert," Starr says. At this point, I'm threatening to burn something if they send Carla home, because Radhika obviously was the worst offender between the two. This was her baby, for goodness' sake.

And the judges agree. They were just playing y'all -- Radhika is the one to go home.

As she packs up her sweet knife bag, Radhika says that she should have put Jeff in the front of the house. "I give more than I take, I'm too accommodating," she says. Hindsight is 20/20.