Hell's Kitchen begins with a montage of scenes from the past four seasons of the show. Man, that Chef Gordon Ramsay knows how to stick it to those contestants. I can’t wait to see how he insults, and humiliates the hopefuls this year!
This season, 300 chefs are invited to Los Angeles. Only 16 are chosen for the show.
The group includes: Danny, 23, an executive chef from Florida; Ben, 26, an executive sous chef from Chicago; Colleen, 41, a cooking instructor from Omaha, Nebraska; Carol, 30, a sous chef; J, 32, a food court chef; Giovanni, 37, an executive chef; Ji, 33, a private caterer; Wil, 26, a quality control chef who wears his gay pride pin; Paula, 28, an executive sous chef; Lacey, 24, a corporate buffet cook; Coi, 22, a café cook; Charlie, 24, a prep chef; Andrea, 30, a line cook; Seth, 27, a private party chef; LA, 22, a line cook and a self-professed lesbian; and Robert, 29, a sous chef who tells the audience not to adjust their television because he has a weight problem.
The 16 finalists split into two teams—men versus women. Each contestant makes their own signature dish.
Carol made veal with caramelized onions. Ramsay says its delicious. Braised rabbit and Wil announces he's Ramsay says its delicious but the presentation is horrible. Ji makes a miso saki sea bass. Ramsay likes it. Ramsay says Robert's meal looks like a camel hoof. Ramsay calls the dish clumsy. Ramsay disses Lacey's meal. He spits out her food. Danny, a self-proclaimed "redneck", is next. Ramsay calls the dish "hideous." Giovanni can't cook rice, according to Ramsay. Charlie's dish looks like a ferris wheel, according to Ramsay. LA's dish is a "screwed up fish and chips," Ramsay says. He gives J an "F" for his meal. Ramsay says that Colleen's dish looks like "cooked diapers." He spits out her enchiladas. She says that she teaches manners. She's basically implying that Ramsay doesn't have any manners. (Big mistake!!!) Andrea is next. He really likes her dish. Ramsay also likes Coi's dish and says its perfectly cooked and delicious. Seth is next. He made cinnamon crusted lamb. Ramsay says its to worst dish he's ever tasted. Ramsay like's Ben's duck. He says it's the best dish on the men's team.
Ramsay then announces that this year's winner wins $250,000 and a head chef position at a restaurant in the Borgada Hotel in Atlantic City.
Ramsay says this is the best group ever. The contestants are charged with developing a team name and getting some sleep.
The next day when the contestants are doing prep work, Lacey laments that she doesn't know how to be a line cook. She storms out of the kitchen and says she's going to quit. The women don't really pay attention to her. Meanwhile, the men are having their own troubles. Giovanni says that Seth is useless. Lacey comes back after a quick smoke break.
Ramsay gathers all the contestants to learn their team names. The women tell him that their name is Team Saffron. The men will go by The Blues Brothers.
It's time to open the doors for service. Giovanni, and Carol are asked to be servers because there are too many cooks in the kitchen. Giovanni laments. Ramsay makes Charlie cut off his facial hair. Lacey and Coi get into an argument. Coi accuses Lacey of not doing any work. (She's right.) Ramsay smooths it over just before he opens the door for service.
Ramsay rips into Lacey's raw scallops. (She did not turn on the gas in her oven.) Robert and Ben are yelled at for cooking raw pasta. Colleen deviates from Ramsay's pasta recipe, which ticks him off. She's sort of saved when the power in the restaurant goes off. Meanwhile, Danny overcooks his scallops. He then talks back to Ramsay, which sets the firey Brit over the edge.
Twenty-minutes later the power comes back on. Colleen screws up when she attempts to cook pasta in a dirty pan. This sets Ramsay over the edge.
Wil burns his garnish. Colleen screws up on the pasta—again. Ramsay begins to call Seth "Forrest" as in Forrest Gump. (Not good!) Colleen finally masters spaghetti, just in time to ruin risotto. (She accidentally put sugar in the dish instead of salt.) Wil is screwing up on the garnish station. A bunch of his teammates help him out. Ramsay is ticked off. The customers start to leave because they are waiting so long. Ramsay shuts down the kitchen. He calls the night "pathetic, and embarrassing."
Ramsay says He lets the service of the dinning room decide the winning team. Carol has the best service. The men are the losing team. Wil puts himself up for eviction. Seth and Giovanni argue over who should leave. Seth is the second one up for eviction. Actually, the group clarifies that they want Seth to leave more than Wil. Ramsay eliminates Wil. Wil says that he wants to right his horrible performance. It's not enough. Ramsay sends him home.

American Idol was searching for talent in San Juan, Puerto Rico and New York City. Surely the judges were going to discover a good amount of gems. The two-city special featured its fair share of duds.

Enter Adeola Adegoke, 19, a former bank teller from the Bronx. Talk about delusional. She quit her job so that she could be on the show. What a mistake! She sings "And I Am Telling You" by Jennifer Hudson. It is completely dreadful! Head judge Simon Cowell calls her performance "shockingly bad." All four judges pass on her. Later, Simon calls up her former boss and gets her job back. (That's nice.)

In San Juan, Puerto Rico, Jorge Nunez, a 20-year-old college student from Carolina, Puerto Rico, impresses the judges with some pretty darn good vocals. He sings a Spanish version of "My Way." He then sings "A Wonderful World" in English. Judge Kara DioGuardi said he has some pronunciation problems. (I didn't hear it.) Judge Paula Abdul says that he has the power in his voice of Marc Anthony. (I can see that.)

We're back from commercial break. Enter Jessica Baier, a 20-year-old from Jackson, Michigan. She claims she has been in 700 singing contests. She screams "I Surrender" by Celine Dion. Simon calls it awful. Judge Randy Jackson says its not good. Paula says it bordered on "shrilling." All four judges give her a no.

Jessica is followed by a slew of terrible singers who are in denial. Many of them lamented into the camera that the judges don't know what they're talking about, blah, blah, blah.

Back in New York, Malinda Camille is next. The 21-year-old from Stratford, Connecticut, says she wants to uplift humanity. She also admits to dancing naked in her room. She's now got Simon's attention. Simon says she looks very fresh. But can she sing? She sings "Feeling Good." And she is relatively good. Randy says she has a good voice, and a nice, pleasant disposition. Four yes votes for Melinda. She's going to Hollywood.

Jackie Tohn is next in New York. The 27-year-old from Silver Lake, California, plays the guitar. She says she's been singing for 10 years. She sings "I'm Yours" by Jason Mraz. Simon stops her and asks her to sing another song in "her own voice." She belts out a sweet sounding song. The first three judges say yes. When Simon starts to speak, a piece of the window falls. Is it a bad sign? Nope! Simon gives her a yes again.

Back in San Juan, the judges are cutting contestants left and right. Insert a montage of tears and begging.

Back from a commercial break. It's time for all the dreadful performances.

Next is Joel Contreras, a 23-year-old street performer from San Juan. He's the self-proclaimed "Crazy Rocker." Joel shows up with a gigantic cardboard iPod. He calls it a "guy-pod." Simon says it's "everything he hates." All judges tell him no. Joel is excited. He totally convinces me that he's got mental issues.

Nick Mitchell, aka "Norman Gentle," is next in New York. Simon tells the 27-year-old from Brookfield, Connecticut, that he hates comedy. Despite the warning, "Mr. Gentle" sings "And I Am Telling You." He makes all these weird faces. Simon stops him. He sasses Simon. All the judges laugh. They give him the opportunity to sing another song -- "Amazing Grace." All the judges – except Simon – vote him onto Hollywood. (I'm really shocked.)

Two Hollywood-bound contestants breeze bye the screen. Kendall Beard, a 23-year-old from Austin, Texas, gets four yes votes. Insert a montage of Hollywood-bound contestants.

Nicole Laraway is next. She's horrible. Mark Granata isn't much better. Michael Sconiers is terrible.

Can Monique Garcia Torres change the bad streak? The 16-year-old brings her little brother, Christopher, into the audition for a little added support. She sings "You Can't Hurry Love" by The Supremes. She's pretty good. She then sings "I Turn To You" by Christina Aguilera. Simon tells her to sing a song that is within her range. Randy and Kara say no. Simon says yes, and sends her on to Hollywood. (Simon is the head judge, and his vote can break any tie.)

Alexis Cohen is the last contestant in New York. She's back from a dreadful audition last year. (She's clearly off.) She sings "Like A Prayer" for Madonna. She's horrible. Simon says "that was actually fairly horrendous." He says she can't sing. She gives him the middle finger. She calls Simon an "ass" and she leaves. (She needs to be committed.)

Back in San Juan, Patricia Lewis Roman is next. Her parents actually got married at the audition site. The 20-year-old from Caguas, Puerto Rico, sings "I Wanna Dance With Somebody" by Whitney Houston. Simon says it is not good enough. Paula says no. Randy says yes. She emerges with a golden ticket.

Nine contestants advance from Puerto Rico and 26 advance from New York.

Next Tuesday is the "most dramatic Hollywood week ever," according to Ryan Seacrest. (Whatevs, Ryan. You say that every year…)

Remember last season, when people were so outraged about Carly Smithson and the fact that she had already released an album? People didn't think it was fair that someone who had already had an opportunity to make it big was getting a second chance.

Well, it's happening again, this time with 24-year-old Joanna Pacitti. She auditioned last week and made it through to Hollywood. She's got plenty of experience under her belt: She recorded an album with Geffen Records and starred in a True Life episode on MTV about her attempts to make it in the industry, among other things.

Fans are crying foul again, saying that having someone with professional experience in the competition undermines the idea that the show is discovering unknown talent. The producers were pretty open about it this time -- during her audition, the judges discussed that she had had a record deal, and new judge Kara DioGuardi actually remembered her.

I guess it depends on whether you look at Idol as just entertainment and recognize that there's a lot of artifice that goes along with that or if you see it as a talent show looking to give someone their big shot. If you see it as the former, then hey, at least the girl can sing, right? If you see it as the latter, then yeah, they need to explicitly state in the rules "no professional experience."

What do you think?

Another mini theme crops up: more hating on Stefan. Hosea says, "I'm not saying I want to see him fail, but I probably want to see him go down." One of many whiny statements from Hosea (most relating to Stefan) this episode, now that the competition is stiffer.

Quickfire Challenge

Padma introduces the Quickfire judge (who also sticks around to judge the elimination round, unlike some Quickfire judges -- Martha Stewart, I'm looking at you), Scott Conant, chef at Scarpetta, a New York Italian restaurant that got a three-star review from the New York Times, a rarity.

Padma and the cheftestants kept saying he *just* received his 3-star review, which was published in late July. Which means they were celebrating Christmas in July (hee!) and Thanksgiving in June? It's so weird how they try to fake being in the same time period on some shows, and don't even bother on others.

We knew this episode was going to be football-themed, in honor of the Super Bowl this weekend, and the Quickfire begins a string of hokey football references and cliches, this one with a squares board. Each chef chooses a food group on one side, and another ingredient will be revealed across the top -- but as it turns, everyone's ingredient is oats. Carla is beside herself with glee: "I am like the Quaker Oats girl," she squeals!

She has to cook her oatmeal with nuts and grains; Jamie with fruits; Leah with seafood; Fabio with veggies ("there is no reason to eat vegetables when there is meat and fish around," he says); Stefan with dairy; Hosea with meat; and Jeff with poultry.

The bottom three, according to Conant, are Fabio, Leah and Jeff. Leah's mussels and branzino failed because of the bacon she included; Fabio overdid it on the oat crust, and Jeff's whole plate of oat-crusted chicken and oat fries was "too brown and too heavy."

The top three are Carla, with her tofu; Jamie and her "perfect" shrimp; and Stefan with a great texture and flavor combination. Jamie's totally pleased with herself and will spend the rest of the episode torn between smug and worried. This combination ain't working for me. And Stefan turns red and says "Whoopsie!" when he finds he has won -- I resent that he has to play down his success. The man can cook, and everyone else knows it.

I read his reaction as surprised, rather than playing down his excitement. As I've said before, Stefan knows Stefan can cook, and he doesn't seem concerned with anything else, including other people, whether it's sabotage, as Hosea so stupidly suggested one episode, to playing down his excitement in this one.

Elimination Challenge

Padma sets up the challenge, and introduces the opposing team, made up of "all-stars" from the previous season. We re-meet Andrew from S4, Josie from S2, Andrea from S1, Spike from S4, Camille from S3, Nikki from S4, and Miguel from S1. I've only watched season 4 before this one, so I can't offer much commentary on the other chefs, but I'm glad to see Spike, Andrew and (sort of) Nikki again. Last season was so much more fun! (Memories ... )
The cheftestants have two hours to plan (and flirt, if you're Stefan or Andrea), then they'll cook for just 20 minutes tomorrow. Fabio says, "That's not cooking; that's rushing." I'm surprised at some of their dishes, which really should take longer to make, like chili.

Everyone's trying to claim their territory: Carla starts a gumbo, Leah says she's going to keep it simple (simple enough to be kicked off? Please?), Nikki adopts an extra-thick Italian accent while describing her dish, and Andrea says she's not just a vegetarian chef. Even Hosea forgets his Stefan obsession for a minute to remark that Miguel's cedar plank salmon is played out.

I also love how excited he gets when he talks about the Season 5 chefs proving themselves to the All Stars. Who's got spirit? Yes they do! Hosea's got spirit! Whoopdewoo! I think the kitchen crazy rubbed off on me.

The next day, it's off to the Culinary Institute.
Round 2: Miguel and Hosea, Seattle. They up the ante with their smack-talking while cooking, though Hosea has already dissed Miguel's cedar-plank salmon behind the scenes. "I want you like me so it doesn't hurt as bad when I win," he tells Miguel. Hosea makes a crispy salmon roll with a ginger blackberry sauce, and it looks gorgeous. The judges -- Most of the judges. I think Tom dissented just to be contrary -- and audience agree, and he takes all 10 points. (Hosea's dish reminded me of a crispy tuna sashimi roll I once had at Tao Las Vegas. Delicious.)Round 3: Carla and Andrew, New Orleans. (I love this matchup, by the way. They're both sooo out there. Why can't they be on the same season?!) Andrew makes a crawfish crudo, after mugging with the live crawfish and doing a horrific Southern accent that no one laughs at. (They're "crawdads" if you're cooking New Orleans! C'mon now.) Carla's crawfish and andouille gumbo with grits is a hit, and she wins the judges' vote. (Unanimous!) Andrew takes a field goal. (I really wish I could stop using these football terms, but I've been brainwashed. Sorry!)

Round 4: Stefan and Andrea, Dallas. They kiss, part and begin cooking. Stefan makes two salads, cole slaw, and a duo of meat. Andrea goes for Tex-Mex chili with crispy corn chips, and rambles something about how she likes her food spicy like she likes her men. Can Stefan get any redder? The producers cut in a clip of him saying he loves her. "Call me," he says to the camera, and makes the finger-phone sign. I love it.

Oh, right: the food. I'd eat either of their dishes, and they tie from the judges, but Andrea wins the field goal and thus gets all 10 points. This is the first time Stefan has lost, and he is pretty bitter. None of his other cheftestants believe him when he comes backstage to say she took all the points -- a pretty telling reaction about the competition, I think.

Round 5: Jamie and Camille, San Francisco. Jamie makes crab ciopinno with sourdough, and Camille makes a truly horrible-looking and -sounding sweet potato and miso mash with crab meat and mustard butter. Oddly enough, they tie with the judges, but Jamie's dish wins the field goal, so she takes all the points. I actually think Jamie was robbed. Her food looked great.

Round 6: Jeff and Josie, Miami. Both make ceviches, but Jeff adds a sorbet (ah, Jeff, such a Jeff thing to do) and Josie makes hers a hot ceviche, which really sets Jeff off. Josie plates really sloppily, but her dish wins all the points. It's gotta be Jeff going home at this point, right? He says his dishes are too complex and he can't serve normal food. Ah, a little self-realization. It's been a long time coming.

Round 7: Spike and Fabio, Green Bay. This is my favorite matchup by far. Fabio puts on a football helmet before going on stage to cook, and I love that he's such a good sport. "If your food is big like your mouth, you'll win it for sure," Fabio tells Spike, then freaks out that Spike isn't using cheese. How can you not use Wisconsin cheese?! Boo to Spike, from me. Both make venison, Fabio's with a stone fruit and cheddar and mache salad, and Spike with with a five-spice venison with port reduction and a microsalad.

Spike's looks far better, and Fabio says his venison might have been overdone -- the judges agree. "The venison was already dead; there's no need to kill it," Tom says. Fabio is quiet. Spike wins the judges' vote, and Fabio takes a field goal, but he's on the chopping block now.

Season 5 wins the entire challenge, but the bottom three are Stefan, Fabio and Jeff.

Judges Table

The winners come out first, and Carla, Leah, Hosea and Jamie are just grinning like fools. Carla says she was happy to have New Orleans and to do Southern food -- she's been dying to make grits. The judges tell her they tasted the love, which I'm sure is Maryann's favorite part of the show. (Not my favorite, but I did enjoy it.) Tom loved Hosea's salmon roll and marvels how he crisped the outside without overdoing the fish. Conant says it was refreshing to watch Jamie cook, as she's so meticulous, and she looks like she's going to pass out. (Conant had a culinary crush on her all episode!) She cannot get enough praise. Leah repeats herself about keeping her food simple and adds a pout for effect.

The winner: Carla. And there's a prize this time! She's getting two tickets to the Super Bowl -- WOW. That made up for the last several prize-free weeks! (Amen to that, sister.) "Hands up! Woo! Touchdown Carla!" she yells. "This is the ultimate day for me. Ba-dow, ba-dow!" Can she be more loveable?

The losers come out, and Stefan is so angry when Carla comes back in with her tickets. He makes a break for the door. Fabio gets hit pretty hard by the judges, particularly Conant. His venison was entirely overdone, and Fabio defends himself by saying it was perfect when he pulled it out of the oven, but Conant shuts him down. "I'm the judge here, not you," he says, holding his hand up. Wow, what do you think it's like to work for this guy? Three-star power trip?

Conant officially became my least favorite judge of all time. He was downright disrespectful with his grilling. He just came off as a total jerk.

Toby says Stefan's dish was uninspired, and Stefan apologizes while slightly mocking Toby's British accent. (He should have mocked his safety glasses. You're not Bono, dude. And he looks stupid with them too.) Good work! Offend the judges! Stefan can't really think he's going home, though, and neither do I.

Things look worse for Jeff. The judges say his dish wasn't as flavorful as Josie's hot ceviche, and he tries to use his weakness -- too many different components -- as a defense, saying he did "19 more things" than Josie. (It's quality, not quantity, homie!)

After they file out, Tom says Jeff criticized the fact that Josie's ceviche was hot, but he points out that Jeff poached his shrimp ahead of time. A-ha! Maryann tells me that ceviche is "cooked" in acid and that the seafood is typically raw. Tom's point is pretty salient.

They shuffle back out, and the loser is Jeff. Jeff says he thinks differently than most other chefs, but he does seem to realize what his weak spots are. The poor guy is pretty hard on himself and says, "I think it's something that's going to stick with me for more than a decade." Wow.

Next week: eels!

American Idol heads to Salt Lake City for tonight's audition episode. That's David Archuleta's hometown, in case you had forgotten.

Ryan Seacrest tells us they were hoping to find the next generation of the Osmonds. Lo and behold, David Osmond is 29 and the son of Alan Osmond, "the oldest of the performing Osmonds." Then we learn that his father had to stop performing because he has multiple sclerosis, which is followed by the revelation that David is also fighting MS. He says that MS has a course of ups and downs -- at the lowest points, he needs to use a wheelchair and can't play guitar. He sings "Something Within Me" by Take 6. He's good, but Paula says it wasn't the best song choice because it's a group song and didn't showcase him as a frontman. They all give him very constructive criticism, which we are supposed to take as him possibly getting no votes. But he comes out of the door with a golden ticket, which is no surprise.

Oh goodness, next is Tara Mathews (pictured), who was introduced at the beginning of the show as "Salt Lake City's only goth." She, however, tells Ryan that, despite her black attire and overdone makeup, she is not trying to look depressed or be goth or whatever. In a separate interview, she says, "You can't judge people by the cover of their book." Yeah! Someone might be carrying around a copy of Atlas Shrugged, but maybe they have Confessions of a Shopaholic tucked inside. You never know. Do not judge. She also claims to have ESP about when people are going to die "in real life or on TV."  In the audition room, she sings "One Day I'll Fly Away" from Moulin Rouge. It is not good, but Randy gets kind of crazy rude, pretending to beat his head against a wall, looking at his watch. Simon tells her she sounded like a baby, so she says, "I'll just leave now since you obviously didn't like it." She stomps out flipping the bird at the camera, saying, "Blur it out, blur it out." Well, that was strange.

Montage of badness: Aleesha Turner bleats her way through a song, Katie Sullivan shouts, Rich  Kagel drives Simon to say, "You're never in a million-billion years going to win a show like this." "Can I sing somethin' else?" Rich asks.

Chris Kirkham brought Greg the Rabbit (his friend in a pink bunny suit) and wears a shirt with a distressing rendition of Simon's face on it, and another copy of it on a stick. He sings "Roll to Me" with Greg behind him, and Simon freaks out and makes him stop. He starts over with his rabbit-friend farther away and sings "Ain't No Mountain High Enough." He gets through three words, and they say it just isn't working and they make them both leave. Greg the Rabbit lifts Simon in the air before they go.

 

The next segment features Ryan saying that they expected everyone to be nice in Salt Lake since Archie is so sweet, which is followed by clips of people saying thank you as they get negative comments from the judges.

Frankie Jordan says she is the next American Idol. She's a stay-at-home mom and is ready to become an entertainer. She says she feels very confident about her chances and in the audition room sings Amy Winehouse's "You Know I'm No Good" in a very faithful rendition. The judges are down with it, though, and they all vote yes very quickly.

Megan Corkrey is also a stay-at-home mom. She, however, is in the midst of a divorce, which happened to coincide with her discovery that Idol was coming to town, which she took as a sign. She sings "Can't Help Lovin' That Man of Mine" for the judges. Her tone is interesting, which is the same word the judges choose. They decide that interesting means good, and she is through to Hollywood. Simon calls her one of his favorites, saying, "You are one of the few I'm going to remember."  

Montage of golden-ticket-giving.

Andrew Gibson thinks he has old-school soul. Um, no. Simon says he has "a soul," but not soul.

Austin Sisneros is president of his senior class at his high school, which has some pretty ugly sweaters. Dunno if they are supposed to be like letterman jackets or what. He sings Train's "When I Look to the Sky." Randy says it was OK, but not the best song choice. He asks if he can sing his other song choice, Raffi's "It Takes a Village." He does, and it's better, but Randy says he has a voice though he is making weird song choices -- he votes yes nevertheless. Kara agrees that there is something there. Paula parrots Kara, saying that there is something going on there. Simon says yes, too, so he is through. I think he was OK, but I don't expect to see him get beyond Hollywood.

Montage of teary-eyed auditioners, followed by a hilarious mashup of bad auditions.

Taylor Vaifanua is 16 and recently moved back to Utah from Samoa. She talks about being tall (5'11" or so without heels and well over 6 feet with) and is pretty charming. Randy says she reminds him a bit of Jordin Sparks. She sings "Joyful Joyful." Kara says she is impressed with her because she heard her practicing in the bathroom a few times, which is one of the stranger comments we've heard tonight. Randy says she has a natural talent. Everyone votes yes, and it's golden-ticket time.

In case you thought David Osmond was the designated heart-wrenching audition of the evening, you were wrong. (It's OK; I was, too.) The last auditioner of the evening is 17-year-old Rose Flack. She is a hippie chick and is living with her best friend's family. Her father died when she was 13, and her mother was killed two years later in a car accident. She says that "this is the determination of the rest of my life," and that she doesn't know what she will do if she doesn't get a golden ticket. In the audition room, Simon asks her to tell them something about her, and she says that she is charming. They agree. She sings "I Feel the Earth Move," and they cut back and forth between her and Simon's expression, which is inscrutable. Paula says she is interesting, but she needs to work on her vocals. Simon says it wasn't the best song choice ever, but there is something he really likes about her. They vote yes, and she is headed to Hollywood.

Ryan then says that's 13 who made it to the next level, but it seems like we saw footage of more people than that getting tickets.

Tomorrow night, it's New York City and San Juan, Puerto Rico, and Ryan narrates that it's the "most dramatic episode ever." Next week, it's Hollywood time.

Call me crazy, but I felt like this was the best episode so far this season. We got good glimpses at some of the talent, one rather intriguing bad audition, and a new take on the montage of badness. Still, I'm looking forward to getting past tomorrow night and on to the expanded Hollywood round next week.

What do you think?

PHOTO: Tara Mathews auditions in Salt Lake City. Michael Becker/FOX

On last night's The Biggest Loser, the contestants who got unceremoniously sent home after week one had the change to come back to the ranch if their teammates were still in the game.

It was so satisfying to see them back in the game, but it would have been moreso if their weigh-in had actually happened last night instead of being put off to next week. It's not like the show is packed full -- TBL repeats more segments going into and coming back from commercial than any show I've ever watched.

For the first challenge, celebrity chef Curtis Stone (from Take Home Chef) stopped by to help the contestants learn to make some healthier Super Bowl treats (including chicken skewered on rosemary stems, which sounded tasty). Dan won the challenge by guessing the right number of calories for a number of products. The prize was a two-pound pass for his partner, Dave, to use upon his return to the ranch.

Blaine left the ranch for a couple of days so he could be present for the birth of his fourth child -- it was of course nice that that all worked out.

The second challenge was Super Bowl-themed, and featured a guest appearance by Kurt Warner. (I'm sure the producers were psyched -- and surprised -- when they learned that their special guest was actually going to play in the Super Bowl!) The contestants had to run, to a flag, run back to the start, run out farther and retrieve a football, then back to the start again, where they would place the football in a competitor's holder. Once the holder had five footballs, that player was out. (Ugh, I hate describing challenges. I usually skip it if possible, especially for Survivor, which always has the most convoluted ones, but anyway ...) The players took out the strongest folks first, and it came down to Joelle and Helen. Helen ended up winning (in a close footrace), which meant that she had immunity and also that her daughter Shanon was guaranteed a return to the ranch. (Cue the heart-wrenching phone call home!)

Much has been made of the drama between Joelle and Bob (and Joelle and her partner Carla), but this week, it seemed like things finally clicked, and Joelle was working hard. That was nice to see after so much weirdness the past two episodes.

At the weigh-in, the contestants were excited when their teammates, whom they hadn't seen for 30 days, came in. Of course, the show couldn't let a possible dramatic moment pass, so not everyone was able to stay. Whoever got voted out after the weigh-in would take their teammate with them. Dun-dun-dun!

But let's hang on a second. This could have been dramatic. But that possibility was completely ruined by the promos, which revealed that Dan and Mike, the two youngest and heaviest competitors, were in danger. Why would the producers allow that? Even at the end of last week's episode, it was clear that Dan and Mike were going to be in the bottom two, which robbed nearly all of this week's show of dramatic tension.

The only tension arose in the very last few minutes. Either Dan and Dave or Mike and Ron would be leaving. Dave made a blunder when he told his team he wasn't that excited about being there, and given something to seize upon, he and Dan got voted out. I don't feel bad for Dave, but I do for Dan. He was working so hard and had finally seemed to have had a breakthrough in his training.

And then, if you had any doubt, in the catching-up-with footage (see above), Dave had lost a few more pounds (but had also quit smoking, which is fabulous news). Dan, though, had lost more than 100 pounds total and was shown visiting his doctor, who took him off a diabetes medication. Go, Dan, go!

We won't see how the rest of the at-home players did until next week, but that's guaranteed to bring some drama -- and hooray, it didn't get spoiled for us already!

What did you think of last night's show?

Tonight's American Idol opens with totally awesome footage of Randy Jackson and his hair performing in Journey.

The show jumps right in with auditioner Joshua Ulloa, who says he is often compared to Justin Guarini, which he claims not to mind. (It's all about the hair.) He sings "Let's Get It On" with a lot of sound effects -- his voice is OK, but like Simon says, it came off a little gimmicky. (He also says it reminds him of Inspector Gadget, which cracked me up.) Randy thought it was entertaining even so. Everyone else agrees -- he gets four yes votes and is on to Hollywood. Hey, why did Randy and Simon switch places? It's disorienting.

Sharon Wilbur brought her dog Sasha with her because she calms her down. Sure. Not in an attempt to get camera time. She sings "Superstar," and she's pretty good, if a little scratchy. Simon and Randy say yes, and it's up to "the girls," aka Kara and Paula, who pretend to make out for reasons I seem to have missed. Sharon makes it to Hollywood.

Dana Moreno attempts to sing Chaka Khan, and it's terrible. She says she will take as much direction as they will give, and Simon points her toward the exit door. Ow.

16-year-old Kaneswa Finnie is confident and comfortable and planning to sing Anita Baker's "Caught up in the Rapture of Love." She is, unfortunately, singing through her nose and out of key. Simon says it got progessively worse as she sang more. Kaneswa says she expected it from him and doesn't seem to care. They call in her mom to tell her that she needs to stop telling her daughter how great her voice is. They both have a fantastic attitude, which is refreshing.

Julissa Veloz is a Miss Florida Latina USA. She says she can sing some Whitney and busts out. Simon says it was better than he expected it to be, which I agree with. Then they make fun of her laugh, which is kind of mean. They seem to have an issue with how she sang that song, but they don't ask her to sing something else. Paula gets skipped over and gets mad and leaves, but Julissa talks her back to the judges' table. Oh, and then everyone votes yes. That was ... odd.

 

Darin Darnell likes to just talk to people in crowds and network and make friends. But his friend Devin (whom he just met in line) gets cut, and he loses it. He goes into his audition and tries to sing "It's So Hard to Say Goodbye to Yesterday." But he's so worked up about his friend that he can't get started. Then he does, and it's terrible. This doesn't exactly have the emotional resonance of the auditioners who have managed to perform after losing family members. Kara tells him he needs to stay out of the music business because it's tough on you.

Naomi Sykes enters the room for her audition and she is so excited. She has a friend who is desperate to meet Randy, so they do a little slo-mo meeting and hug, and she sits on Randy's lap during Naomi's audition. Paula then sits on Simon's lap, and Ryan comes in to sit on Kara's lap. Oh, by the way, at the very beginning, Naomi compared herself to Mariah Carey and said she can hit those high notes. She is terrible, and her friend was even laughing at her a little during the audition. Simon calls it out as a total joke (which I figured it was, too), and then she starts crying. Whoops.

Day one, nine people got golden tickets.

Montage of bad notes. Simon tells Ryan that basically, everyone was terrible.

First up on day 2 is 16-year-old Jasmine Murray. Her family, including all her sisters, totally supports her. She sings "Big Girls Don't Cry" by Fergie. Simon says she is "cute, commercial and a very, very good singer." Yep, she is going to Hollywood. Cue the screaming family!

George Ramirez is a physics student who likes to think a lot and has a giant beard. You can tell by the goofy whistling music that this isn't going to end well. Simon asks where he sees himself in 11 years "in your wildest dreams." He says he wants to have a simple house with marble floors. He mumbles his way through a song. Simon asks if he has ever sung in public before. George says in front of friends, yes, in public, no. Randy calls it the quietest audition ever. He leaves to the goofy soundtrack.

Anne Marie Boskovich tells Kara she is her hero, that she heard her sing in Nashville and was so impressed. So she sings a couple of lines of Kara's song to her. Simon says she has a good voice, but they want her to come back in a few minutes as a star.

T.K. Hash didn't make it last time, and he is back to try again. He sings "Imagine," and I guess he's learned some things since last year because the judges are impressed. Paula says she thought he was good, but Randy thinks he was too over the top. Simon says no, Paula and Randy say yes, so it's down to Kara. She says yes, and he makes it.

Montage of family members saying super lovely things about contestants.

Michael Perrelli is obsessed with his guitar and music. He panics (and cries) when he finds out he can't audition with his guitar -- he has no backup plan. He sings "Jumper" and seems to have pulled himself together. Simon says he is interesting, but his voice isn't. Kara thinks he would better with his guitar, and he says he is so nervous. He starts freaking out, and Simon tells him to not start pleading. He can't help it, and Simon basically dismisses him. His family tries to comfort him, and he tells them not to touch him. Yikes.

Anne Marie is back and she sings "Bubbly." She has added some makeup and dressed up her outfit a little. I don't really care about that -- her voice is fab. She gets through to Hollywood. She has one of the first voices that has really stuck out to me so far.

In total, 16 people made it in Jacksonville.

Ooh, my fave: montage of people singing a single song, this time "Walking on Sunshine." They skipped that last week; maybe that's part of what made it so dry.

 

-- First up, as eagle-eyed reader Bucky pointed out, American Idol is on three times this week. Grr. I am not excited about this. I need to sleep at some point!

-- Secondly, if you saw True Beauty last night, I guess that settles whether CJ is a mole. (He went home after having a weird meltdown about the challenge.) So now I'm just thinking that his inner-beauty commentary was his gimmick. Oh, well. At least he handled his eviction from the show better than some other folks. Now I don't know who to root for, though.

-- Donny Osmond pulled a Jill Biden today and accidentally revealed that he's going to be on the coming season of Dancing With the Stars. I'm sure the producers are just thrilled! I don't know about this -- I had just about enough Osmond mania during his sister's stint on the show.

-- And, just a little reminder, you can follow Reality Check on Twitter at http://twitter.com/realityck

Greetings kids! It's Maryann, leading the charge into one of many people's favorite Top Chef challenges -- Restaurant Wars.

And, judging by the teasers last week, we also have the bonus of chef-on-chef nookie! (Or at least hints of it.)

Who got to lead the two restaurants this season? Who made bad design choices? Did Leah and Hosea hook up, or were they attacked by wild boars instead? Check it out ...

We open up the show with the cheftestants in the house, and one of them remarking that they are halfway through the show. Dang, only halfway? This has seemed like a loooong season. But perhaps that's because they've gone from Thanksgiving to Christmas to summer, and back again. And there have hardly been any exciting gifts to break up the challenges. Hmm. But I digress.

The chefs talk about the Leah-Hosea alliance and Ariane going home -- wrongly, I think, but Tom Collichio defends their decision in his blog this week. Seems lots of people though the lovebirds should have been broken up. Well, no worries, there's plenty of struggle this week.

Quickfire Challenge

Steven Starr, wildly successful restauranteur, is this week's guest judge, and he greets the chefs with Padma for this week's Quickfire. I immediately am not a fan, but y'all already know I think Anthony Bourdain is the only one for this challenge. (I was even less of a fan when I realized that his last name is spelled with two R's. What is he, a Vegas performer?)

Since Starr knows restaurants, Padma tells the chefs they must prepare a tasting for him -- basically, a restaurant proposal on a plate. She says nobody will get immunity, but the top two will lead the two restaurants.

"It's gonna be a hot, bloody, nasty war," Fabio says. "In love and war, you're allowed to do anything." Oh, how my heart grows for him each week. Dangit if I haven't fallen under his (fake?) thick-accented spell. I also love that they then showed a shot of him fighting with the refrigerators to get them open. It looks like a slapstick comedy. Hilarious.

Leah scraps her plan because the snapper "smells like ass," Jamie talks about how the focus of her restaurant will be on seasonal local ingredients -- as if that's a novel concept -- (yes, I hate her) and Fabio shares his vision for a lunch-focused restaurant, as that business is so underestimated. Mmhmm, whatever you say Fabio. Just give me that delicious-looking sandwich you got there. (I tried to get a close-up of the sammich, but you'll have to settle for the full-plate view on the right.)

We also had Radhika running around with her hair on fire, saying that Quickfire goes so fast you don't even have time to taste things. I found that telling.

Time's up, and the cheftestants present their food. Judges like a Carla's cod seared in tomato oil -- that is, if it had any salt. (I also thought her restaurant concept was a little boring. New American? Yawn.) Hosea presents his shrimp in morel cream sauce and seafood house focused on Mediterranean flavors; Leah presents her tempura poissin with dashi soy sauce, and mentions to the audience that her mom's from the Phillipines and she'd like to focus on those flavors. Starr compliments her food, but doesn't look too excited. She gives Hosea a hug anyway.

I have to give Leah credit here for surprising us with the ethnic detail --and having not made a huge deal out of it until this point (hi, Radhika, I'm looking at you!).

Stefan says he wants to do "old Europe with an American twist" -- sounds interesting! -- but his trio of asparagus is a little meh, at least to my eyes. (What if producers just got rid of those trio dishes? That might remove the notion from their minds -- these never turn out particularly well.) Jeff's grilled salmon is rated mushy (it didn't look tasty to me), but Radhika scores a home run with her Indian with global influence concept and her pan-seared cod with chorizo and cream sauce. Yum. Meanwhile, Jamie picks the politically incorrect Chilean sea bass with surprise! creamed corn, and Fabio presents his Mediterranean-focused lunch concept with tuna and swordfish carpaccio, roasted veggies and that insanely delicious-looking filet mignon sandwich.

Fabio's comment later was great: "It's a filet mignon sandwich! End of story."

But Starr is not a fan, as he puts Fabio in the bottom for his too-salty sandwich and a concept that had a lot of passion but was unclear. Jeff is also in the bottom for just being plain bad.

In the winners' column are Leah and Radhika, who is noted for her concept, which highlights emerging flavors, according to Starr.

The battle plan

The two pick their teams (Rahika with Jamie, Carla, Jeff; Leah with Hosea, Fabio, Stefan), and Stefan grumbles that Leah is picking friends before business. Word. The editors also insert, for the fifty-millionth time, Radhika commenting that she doesn't like Stefan. We KNOW, dudes, we know. It seems that most people don't like his style. (I still do!) Next topic, please!

Team Radhika decides on Sahana for their name. Apparently it means strong and powerful in Sanskrit. Very nice. Everybody calls not-it for running the front of the house, and Radhika reluctantly takes the job. Not a good move, IMO, and others are showing skepticism about her leadership skills. As Carla says, "It's time to, you know, man up."

The kids spend $5,000 at Pier One for restaurant decorating and then head back to the house to plan their menus.  Neither leader seems particularly take-charge, which makes me sad, since this is a prime time for the women to show their stuff. Well, one woman does -- Jamie -- as Radhika hands most of the planning to her. (OK, fine, a few points for Jamie, well done.)

Stefan derails Leah's planning, because darn it, he won't be fenced in! (Desperadoooo ... ) They settle on some vague Asian focus, hand Stefan the desserts, and Fabio has already been chosen for front of house. (Best idea all day!) (He nominated himself, saying he doesn't cook Asian food very well.) Afterward, Leah and Hosea retreat to talk crap about Stefan. Hosea says he thinks Stefan is looking for things to sabotage, but I'm not so sure about that. He's a bull-headed jerk, yes, but saboteur? In his head, he's too good, so there's no need for sabotage.

Then the "Top Chef" editors cut to the lovebirds snuggling, and pipe in some porny music. So bad! They snuggle and kiss -- it's kinda hard to make out (make out! ha!) at first, but they kiss enough that we do see it. Hosea then tells the audience he regrets the kiss and Leah says she feels weird about it.

Trouble!

The whole thing was particularly cringeful, but I couldn't help but sing "bow chicka bow wow" while it was going down. It had that kind of vibe to it. "I, like, want to sleep right here." Like, squirm! 

The next day, everyone on Team Leah is distracted. The new couple is a quite off-balance, Stefan mentions the distracting tension between the two of them, and even Fabio puts in his two cents: "Leah's in a [bleep] mood, he's in a [bleep] mood. [Indecipherable Italian-accented English] we're going down."

They decide on the name Sunset Lounge as they go shopping for food. UGH. Sunset Lounge?! They must've picked up the Vegas sleaze vibe from Mr. Starr over there.

I've had some experiences I won't recount at more than one place with "Sunset" in its name. Haven't they? Stay away from the cliches!

In the kitchen

Back from shopping, the two decide on their menus.

Sunset Lounge: egg rolls, sashimi two ways, short ribs, coconut curry bisque, seared cod with spicy chili lime sauce, chocolate parfait and panna cotta.

Sahana: Curried carrot soup, grilled scallop with chickpea cake, braised lamb shanks, seared snapper, baklava, spicy chocolate cake and frozen yogurts.

Leah's mind is elsewhere and Hosea comments that their "flirting" threw him off his game. Uh, dude. That was more than flirting. It was you and Leah, sitting in a tree, k-i-s-s-i-n-g. Admitting it is the first step, homie. Leah mentions problems deboning the fish, and Hosea expresses surprise that she portioned out the fish before deboning it. Gar.

Carla worries because he sorbets aren't setting up, and Stefan has similar troubles, remarking that the kitchen is too warm. However, Mr. Stefan does have a point: If stuff doesn't work (like the freezer), you just have to make your own solution. So he pulls out bowls of ice and goes to work.

Stressing a bit, Carla asks Radhika for her opinion on the desserts, and Radhika just passes the buck. She too busy trying to blow a gasket to offer any kind of advice or, say, leadership. In fact, everyone is feeling it from the pressure, from Leah and Co. to Team Sahana. "I feel like a hummingbird on cocaine," says Jeff.

But Fabio is Mr. Saturday Night with his cream-colored suit and Italian charm. "We can serve monkey ass in an empty clam shell" and still win, he proudly proclaims. Hilarious.

Meanwhile, Jamie steps up in the leadership role and lays the smackdown on the waiters. And the food goes out.

Service

Sahana serves the judges first, with whole wheat naan to start, and the carrot soup that almost looks too pretty to eat (right). Everything that comes out looks delicious, and the judges seem to agree. Tom loves the lamb shank, and the snapper gets high marks, though some people are not fans of the tomato water that goes with it. I'd have to agree on that point. I don't like wet food. Everything is going swimmingly until ... dessert is served.

Carla says her desserts are a hot mess: The sorbets didn't set and she's not too happy with the cake either. "A train wreck is coming," she says. "I know it is."

And the judges agree.

I do like that Carla self-criticizes and self-corrects (OK, that one is arguable). But she's upfront about what's wrong, and also knows how it went wrong, which is often the harder part.

Toby Young says the meal is like Elvis' career -- starts out amazing and then dies on the toilet. That's the best thing he's said all season. And Radhika's hosting doesn't help at all -- she doesn't fix a problem with missing utensils, puts out a harried vibe to customers and spends more time in the kitchen looking at tickets than she does out front. So much so that the judges end up leaving without even a goodbye.

Uh-oh.

Over at Sunset Lounge, Fabio is pouring on the charm. (Although his facial hair is a little questionable.)

The veggie egg roll amuse bouche is discarded as second rate, and the soup is rate as OK. (One guest says her bouche is not amused. !!!) The sashimi is considered "not bad" but could use some salt. The short ribs get a pass, but the cod -- a dish Leah says she's not proud of -- is undercooked. Fabio smartly apologizes and asks if he can bring a fresh plate out, but the judges refuse. But just when it seems all is lost, Stefan's desserts come out! The judges and guests nearly orgasm over the orange-chocolate parfait (which looked delicious, at left), the ginger and lemongrass panna cotta (mmm, not so much) and the chocolate palate-cleanser.

Sabotage, my booty.

(I read that without the comma and was nodding at that. Mine, too. Mmm chocolate.)

Meanwhile, in the kitchen, Carla laments her dessert disaster as Radhika complains that she couldn't be in more than one place at a time. She didn't even try!

Judges' Table

Sunset Lounge is the first to go out, which means they won. This is ridiculous, given the rave reviews that the judges gave most of Sahana's food, but the judges say the diners preferred Sunset Lounge by a slight margin. A little schmooze -- go Fabio! -- goes a long way, apparently. Later, on his blog, Tom smartly notes that endings go a long way, too. If you end with a fabulous dessert and a wink and a goodbye, you leave with a better impression of the restaurant.

Stefan wins, and rightly so, as he pulled Sunset out of the hole. And he gets A PRIZE! An actual prize worth more than $20, the oft-plugged Kenmore kitchen appliances.

Sadsack Sahana is ushered in next, and Radhika starts by saying she isn't sure why her team is up there. Strike one. Carla takes the opposite tack, coming out swinging -- respectfully of course. She says she knew he dishes were a mess and that she tried to stop the train crash as best as she could, saying, "I'm gonna send out some love with what I'm giving you," even if it's crap. Or perhaps, especially because it's crap. Tom looks like he's about to laugh, but they can't really say much to her because she's already said it for them. I love how direct and yet, respectful, Carla is when she's at the chopping block. It serves her well.

(True enough! I commented on this above, but you've summed it up here better.)

But Radhika is a different story. Tom asks Radhika if she thought Carla's mess and the other dishes weren't her responsibility, and she responds that "I thought we were on the same level." Bad move, girl. They lambast her for all her hosting missteps, and calls her on the carpet for simply not following through. In the case of Carla, she could have taken the lead and recast the melted sorbets as a cold dessert soup, instead of simply serving a hot mess. They then send them back to deliberate on the loser.

Toby Young says they should send Carla home for the horrible dessert. "Keep love in the kitchen, send out a good dessert," Starr says. At this point, I'm threatening to burn something if they send Carla home, because Radhika obviously was the worst offender between the two. This was her baby, for goodness' sake.

And the judges agree. They were just playing y'all -- Radhika is the one to go home.

As she packs up her sweet knife bag, Radhika says that she should have put Jeff in the front of the house. "I give more than I take, I'm too accommodating," she says. Hindsight is 20/20.

Boy, I hope tonight's American Idol is better than last night's. What a yawn-fest that was. We saw eight people, two of whom were pretty good and two of whom shouldn't have gotten through and three of whom were totally uninteresting bad auditions. Only one -- the woman with all the anatomical diagrams -- was even remotely entertaining. Some are saying that they purposefully showed a boring episode because they figured everyone would be watching inauguruation coverage. But seriously -- only 12 got through in San Francisco! I think it was just bad.

Enough about yesterday; let's see how tonight -- with auditions from Louisville -- goes.

The night's first contestant is Tiffany Shedd, and her parents think she's going to be just great. They are wrong -- she butchers Mariah Carey's "Hero." She had promised before the audition that if she didn't make it, she would keep a positive attitude, which, uh, did not exactly come to pass.

Joanna Pacitti has been trying to make it in the music industry for a while, but she's hopeful today will be her break. Kara actually remembers her, that she had been signed with AM Records. Simon asks what went wrong, and she says it just didn't work. She sings "We Belong," and she's fabulous. Simon says yes, and Paula says, "I think you're worthy," which makes her cry. Everyone else says yes, too.

Mark Mudd Jr. says he has had some bad luck, including two really bad car accidents, and he hopes this will turn his luck around. He sings "White Lightning," and it's very twangy but semi-OK at first and then he totally loses it. Paula says he isn't bad, but this is not the right competition for him. Simon says maybe Wheel of Fortune is the right one for him. He says, "Take care and be careful," and they interpret it as a threat, and it gets all weird for a while. Finally, he leaves.

Brent Keith Smith sings Bad Company's "Can't Get Enough of Your Love" with no pretense or drama, and he's good. Simon says he should have done a more emotional song, but Paula and Kara get mad. They all vote yes, though. We're supposed to care that Simon and Kara are bickering, but I don't.

Montage of badness -- including a woman who sounds like a goat, a guy who sings about a zebra and a large guy whose shirt says "PATRICK" trying to do Michael Jackson's choreography.

Matt Giraud is a dueling piano player who taught himself to play. He sings Gavin DeGraw's "I Don't Wanna Be." Paula says he has a unique voice and a good tone, and Kara likes him, too. Simon says he reminds him of Elliott Yamin, but he doesn't believe in himself. Matt says he does believe. Randy tells him to get his swagger on and votes yes, and he is through.

Ross Plavsic has styled himself as Super Nerd. He says he has studied everything about singing (though we saw that gimmick last night). He sings an opera song (I guess?), and it's terrible. He says it's because his throat is scratchy, so Paula offers him some water. He drinks all of it through her straw and she freaks out. He tries again, and it's still bad, and it's a no. "Yeah, I was afraid of that," he says as he leaves.

Day 1, 10 got through in Louisville.

Alexis Grace, a 21-year-old stay-at-home mom grew up in a house full of music and says that she wants to make it her career. She sings "Dr. Feelgood" by Aretha Franklin, and her voice is unexpected -- loud and soulful out of this little tiny body. Randy says he thinks she could surprise the world. It's unanimous, she is through.

Montage of boringness.

Aaron Williamson likes to say "woo" a lot. They ask why he's there, and he says he is America's Next Top Model. Hee hee! He sings CCR's "Have You Ever Seen the Rain." Well, at first he shouts it, so loudly that Paula startles and Kara feels compelled to sing back at him. (I really wish she wouldn't do that.) Then they all start wooing back at him, and Ryan can't figure out what is going on from outside the room, so he comes in to see what's going on. Simon says he needs to do something in his life that "involves shouting." They all agree that they like him and think he's fun, but they aren't voting for him.

Rebecca Garcia walks in, and Paula recognizes her from her appearance on that morning's local news. She says she's going to sing Carrie Underwood's "Before He Cheats," and she gets through, "Right now, he's probably ..." and I have to pause it to steel myself for the rest because she is not good. Like flaily, squinty, squeaky not good. She also has a cheat sheet on her arm that she has to consult, which leads Kara to note that her bio says she was "voted most humorous" and that this was funny. Rebecca looks at her blankly. Whoops, guess this wasn't a put-on! Kara tells Paula to hit her because she was mean. Simon tells her to not try to make it as a singer, and she leaves. Her mom tells her she is still good.

Kris Allen, Felicia Barton, Ryan Johnson and Shera Lawrence all get about three seconds of screen time, followed by golden tickets.

What's left? Oh, that would be our heartwarming audition of the episode.

Leneshe Young grew up sometimes homeless and sometimes in shelters. She has made a point of working hard for her siblings and her mother. She sings an original composition, and for once, it's not bad! Usually "original song" is the kiss of death, but she was good. They like the song, and they like her a lot. She gets four yes votes, and she is thrilled. Her family is, too.

So that makes 19 going to Hollywood.

The season still feels a little off somehow, but tonight was definitely better than last night's San Fran snoozefest. (In other news, now it's time for LOST!)

Last night's Biggest Loser proved to be another emotionally strained episode. Last week, as you may recall, Joelle and trainer Bob Harper got into it big time, and he ended up screaming at her during training for her lack of effort.

Joelle's relations with her team and with Bob continued to be strained this episode. First, there was a temptation in which the contestants (and their counterparts at home) were faced with platters full of fattening foods. Whichever team ate the most calories would get a workout with their trainer -- back at home with their partner.

Mandi really wanted to win because she was desperate to go home and see her kids, but her single piece of pizza didn't cut it. None of the other contestants at the ranch ate anything (though Joelle came very close), but a couple of the at-home folks did. Filipe's partner Sione ate a couple of pieces of pizza and a taco, and Joelle's partner Carla ate more than 2,000 calories, meaning that Joelle and Bob headed to Detroit. (One question, though: Where was the orange team? We didn't see Dan or Dave during the temptation at all. Was someone injured or was the timing of the challenge different than we were led to believe? No clue.)

So Bob and Joelle's visit to Detroit was a doozy. Bob caught Carla up on the situation from last week, and Carla was not happy. She believed Joelle was forgetting that she was fighting for both of them and was furious with her. This led to still more screaming at Joelle. And, like I said last week, while I understand Bob had to get through to her somehow, seeing her shut down yet again while being yelled at made me feel very uncomfortable. I think she could use some time with Stacey Kaiser, who helps the folks on Celebrity Fit Club and Diet Tribe through some of the emotional issues that come up. ANYWAY ... everyone's mad at Joelle, Joelle shuts down some more. (Oh, and another aside. During Bob's visit to Detroit, he called the rest of the team to check in, and they all seemed to be in a doctor's office, with lots of limbs being iced, wrapped and elevated. It's pretty obvious that that has to go on to keep everyone healthy during these crazy workouts, but it's the first time I remember that we the audience have seen that particular scene.)

Back at the ranch, it was challenge time. This was one we've seen before -- a giant rotating apparatus that basically functions as a neverending jump rope. The bar they have to jump over is styrofoam, so if it hits them, it just breaks; it won't hurt. A couple of the contestants don't get very far -- Joelle didn't even get over once, and I think Dan only jumped once. Two hours later, Tara and Kristin were still going, after more than 1,000 jumps. Kristin bobbled a step, and then it was over -- Tara won her second consecutive immunity challenge.

The last-chance workout was as insane as usual, though notably, during one of the spinning sprints, Joelle stopped before the rest of her team did. Sigh. Oh, and Bob worked Mike until he cried.

At the weigh-in, there were a couple of huge numbers, but Damien and Joelle found themselves below the yellow line. It seemed like a no-brainer that Joelle was out. After the workout, Tara flat-out asked her if she wanted to be there, and she hesitated. Bad move. Her team voted to oust her, but Jillian's team voted for Damien, seemingly because they felt he could succeed at home. Joelle was so ready to go home that she cried.

Next week, the other teammates who have been working out at home come back to the ranch. Should be interesting to see how that all plays out!

On tonight's Idol, it's all about San Francisco auditions.

The first auditioner is is Tatiana del Toro, who is "a full-time singer, a musician, a songwriter, a writer, an assistant director, model, film actor, and I live for what I do." She left out chronic giggler. And random-tulle-to-minidress-hem-sewer. She enters the audition room and gives them her press kit. They say she has some "naughty" pictures in there, and she says, "thank you." She sings "Never Loved a Man." Simon stops her and says she shouldn't have done that song and that he thinks she does a lot of things well but not this. He tries to give her some constructive criticism, but she keeps singing. Paula interrupts her to vote yes. Randy says she wants to have this big R&B voice, but she doesn't quite have it. He votes yes anyway. Kara says she doesn't have the vocals, but she likes her vibe, so she is in. Simon: "She didn't get through on her vocals!" Oh, OK, Mr. Voted for Bikini Girl.

Dean-Anthony Bradford is a "failed entrepreneur" wearing an insane plaid coat. He thinks the coat will get him through. He offers a very theatrical version of Simply Red, and it looks like his head is going to explode. Randy calls it "wild" but also "over-the-top torture." Simon says he has a horrible outfit and "hair color," which is his natural color. Ouch. It was a unanimous no. Talking to Ryan, he blames the coat for the outcome.

Jesus Valenzuela is a family man whose kids told him to audition. He sings ... I don't know what, but it's boring. Paula and Kara say he has a good voice, and he begs for yes votes because his kids are outside, so they ask him to bring them in. Randy asks him to sing a different song, so he tries "Unchained Melody." Simon sticks to his no, Paula says yes, Kara says yes, and then they say he needs one more vote (which doesn't track with what they said last week when sometimes it only took two yes votes to get to the next round), and Randy votes yes, so he is through. To Hollywood yes, but I don't think he'll get a lot further than that.

Dalton Powell shows off his Rubik's Cube skills to Ryan (we've seen better on Beauty and the Geek), who says he might want to work on his energy before his audition. He says that's not who he is. He sings with his eyes closed and yet fluttering in a bad falsetto, leading Kara to ask, "Have you ever sung?" He says, "Not in front of people, no." Speaking of no, he's out.

Montage of Kara and Simon fighting, which sounds remarkably like Paula and Simon fighting.

Akilah Askew-Gholston (pictured) has a bunch of printouts from the Internet about the anatomy of singing and how to prepare. People sitting around her laugh as she mispronounces larynx and trachea. She says, "Hello, Simon," to Randy. She tells the judges she is carrying original songs she has written, one of which she sings. She then sings a little Aretha instead but stops herself when she hits a horrible note, but then she starts spouting more anotomical terms ("If you look at the diagrams, you will see we have to sing from our genital cartilages") and freaks them out. Akilah tries to tell them that she is just really worked up because she is meeting famous people, which she follows by trying to compliment them all and ending up saying all the wrong things ("Paula had a hit song back in the 80s when I was a child." "Randy was one of the best producers.") Paula comes around and gives her a hug for some reason and tries to lead her out, but Akilah keeps talking and Paula walks out. Kara hugs her and gets her to leave. Oh, goodness, the delusions: "They made me feel like one of those 'auditioners' who can't sing."

All right, it is 45 minutes into this single hour of Idol, and we have seen five people. Five! Two of whom made it to Hollywood for no discernible reason. This last 15 minutes better be great is all I'm saying.

Instead, we see a montage of people getting golden tickets and literally five seconds of three people singing and getting on through.

Annie Murdoch is next. They ask her what she's going to sing, and she seems indecisive, a fabulous quality in an audition. She's loud, but not good. Simon says it was like she was drunk. It's a no. Another boring no.

Adam Lambert says he's been singing since he was 10, mostly doing musical theater. He sings "Bohemian Rhapsody," a rather theatrical choice and thus not that surprising. Indeed, Simon stops him and calls him theatrical, which leads to some back and forth about whether that means he is a good singer. Randy says he is a good singer and votes yes, Simon says yes, too, which annoys Kara, who votes yes, so he is through. After he leaves, Paula says he's the best they've seen in any city (ummm, what?)  and throws her pen.

Last of the day is Kai Kalama, who is also serving as heartwarming audition of the episode. He is 26 and plays music at night after taking care of his mom, who has a seizure disorder, during the day. He sings "Smoke Gets in Your Eyes." Simon says he has a very good voice, but "the personality of a ship singer." Kara tells him he needs to work on his performance and personality to make it past Hollywood. But he gets four yes votes and gets to go to the next round.

Ryan narrates that 12 people made it to Hollywood, which isn't very many. If this was the best (and the worst) of SF, it wasn't very successful. This was a pretty boring episode all together. Even the gimmicky and bad people were lame. A plaid coat! An anatomical diagram! A Rubik's Cube! What do you think?

Commenter Kent says: I think CJ is a mole. He may be acting to make thins show more interesting. I hope the producers are more honest then that, but than again it is reality TV. What do you think?

That's funny because during last night's show, I tweeted: Starting to think that CJ has everything figured out on True Beauty.

Something is going on there, for sure. I don't think he's a mole because I don't think they would let him be so overt in talking about how he thinks beauty comes from the inside, and I don't think they would have had him talk to the other contestants about how he spoke about that to try to save himself last week. But I wouldn't be surprised if he's noticing an undercurrent to each of the challenges -- especially after having to go to the "Hall of Beauty" twice in a row and having something happen to him right before he walks in the door both times (crashing bike messenger last week, guy throwing trash on the ground last night).

Something is up with him, but I'm not sure what yet. What do the rest of you think?

MediaWeek has news that The Biggest Loser has been renewed for 2009-2010, and that two new seasons of the show will likely be produced. That's what happened this season, too, with the current season launching mere weeks after the last season's finale.

In some ways, it seems like a little much Biggest Loser, but on the other hand, starting a seaon with the new year, as happened this year too, is probably smart since people are all resolution-happy.

30 Rock and The Office got renewals, too, according to the press release. Sounds good to me! I might write mostly about reality TV here, but it warms my heart when scripted shows find success in this day and age.

Morning, y'all. Mary here, reporting for main recapping duties, and happy to be reminded in the brief recap at the beginning of the "Top Chef" episode that Melissa and Eugene are long gone. Now we've got a group of chefs who can compete; things ought get a little more interesting. (By the way, I'm Tom, in the "Top Chef: Which Chef Are You?" quiz. Maryann is Gail, as you may remember from last week.)

No one is doing bicep curls to kick off this episode, but we do have Hosea wearing an "I <3 Padma" shirt. I think it's cute, but I'm sure Leah thinks it's even cuter.

Before I get started with the coverage of tonight's American Idol, how about a little Wednesday-evening quarterbacking on last night's show?

The big buzz today seemed to be all about Ryan Seacrest trying to high-five blind contestant Scott Macintyre. Honestly, I didn't think it was the worst moment ever -- he wasn't like, "Dude, you're leaving me hanging here." He wanted to offer Scott his congratulations and high-five was his natural reaction, and he told him what was going on. I mean, it was a little awkward, but I wasn't on the bandwagon of watching the clip again and again. *shrug*

Overall, I felt like last night, the producers tried to give us a kinder and gentler Idol, but it was also, uh, boringer. (Before the grammar police come out of the woodwork, I know that's not a word. It's a joke.) There wasn't as much straight-up humiliation, and only a couple of kooky characters. It kind of felt like they were giving us this "updated" Idol approach, at least in the first episode, but then the previews for tonight made it look like it would be business as usual.

Well, I'll stop speculating on that -- let's watch and see for ourselves.

Tonight's auditions are from American Idol champ David Cook's hometown of Kansas City.

Randomly, season seven finalist Jason Castro is there and greets Paula Abdul, telling her his brother is getting ready to try out. Intriguing!

First up is Chelsea Marquardt, who "has been singing as long as I can remember," which isn't the first time we've heard that sentiment on this show. She says she usually surprises people because this "powerful voice" comes out of this "little girl" and that she sings "with so much emotion and power, people are like, 'Whoa!'" The judges look like they are thinking "Whoa!" but not in a good way. Simon Cowell: "It sounded like a cat jumping off the Empire State Building and the sound it would make before it hit the floor." Randy Jackson says then it sounded like the siren that would come next. Paula yells at them for being mean, but rather convolutedly. Kara DioGuardi says she is not a good singer, "sweetie." (She really needs to lay off the "sweetie.") It's a no.

Ashley Anderson sings "Footprints in the Sand," a Leona Lewis song co-writted by Simon. Obviously she is going for brownie points, but then she sings "footsteps" instead of "footprints," and they stop her and call her out on it. But she's a good singer (Kara says she has got some "chops"), and she gets four yes votes.

Hey, look, it's a commercial for Idol during Idol. But all the David Cook fans will be happy!

Casey Carlson sings Vanessa Carlton's "A Thousand Miles," and she is pleasant enough. Her occupation is listed as bubble tea maker, which makes me giggle. It sounds so official. Simon: "I like you a lot. ... You have a good vibe about you." Everyone says yes, so on to Hollywood.

Brian Hettler says he isn't bringing any gimmicks, just his voice. He says he was trying to become an opera singer, but he left singing for two years. He never says he actually ever got into a school. He sings (I guess) Aretha Franklin's "Think," but it's just weird. Randy calls it "different." Simon says he hated everything. Randy asks if people really compare him to Josh Groban, and he insists on singing some more, and while it's loud, it's not what one would call good. He's out. The cameras follow him, and he says, "If you're expecting me to cry, don't even bother."

Cue the montage of crying, and in one case, screaming-totally-for-the-cameras overreaction. Yawn.

After a break, Ryan talks to David Cook's parents, who happen to be walking down the street. (Uh-huh.) Ryan talks about his signature last season of doing original twists on well-known songs, which leads to a montage of people doing original, but not in a good way, takes.

Von Smith has a Jason Mraz vibe to his look, and he says his range is a little different. He launches into a very soulful version of "Somewhere Over the Rainbow." They drag it out like the judges are going to hate it, but they actually like him and he gets a unanimous yes.

Jason Castro's interview problem apparently runs in the family, as his brother Michael demonstrates. He tells the judges he's only been singing for "20 days." He sings "In Love With a Girl" by Gavin DeGraw. He's not bad for less than three weeks of experience. I agree with Simon: "It was goodish." Cara calls him "a ballsy dude," and says she likes him. Four yes votes, and he is through.

Vaughn English is dressed in yellow and orange and sings about a banana. Um, no.

Matt Breitzke says he has always wanted to sing for a living, but he put it on hiatus to work to support his wife and son. He tells the judges he played the bar scene for a long time, but his family took priority. He sings "Ain't No Sunshine," and it seems pretty good to me. Randy calls him a good bar singer, but Kara says she thinks he natural talent, and Paula likes his tone. Simon agrees with "the girls" after drawing it out forever, so he is on to Hollywood.

Jasmine Joseph says AI is the only thing in her life that matters and insists upon being called Jazz. She sings "Somewhere Over the Rainbow," and it is not good. But she really seems to think she is good, and it makes me sad because she is just a confused kid. She walks out without a word.

Jessica Paige Furney really wants to make it to Hollywood and take care of her grandmother. She sings "Crybaby" by Janis Joplin. When she starts, I literally say "whoa" because I don't expect that voice to come out of her. Randy calls her a natural, and very quickly they all vote yes.

Asia McClain and India Morrison are sisters, and they rap their own composition, "Cookie," which they dedicate to Randy. It's funny, but not exactly singing. Asia comes forward to sing, and it's bad. Then India comes forward, and Simon stops her quickly. But they all really like India, and she gets a ticket. Her sister is thrilled, and it's so sweet.

Jamar Rogers sings "California Dreamin'." He's good but loud -- I called toward the screen, "They're right there!" They tell him it's overdone and too loud, but they put him through anyway. His best friend is Danny Gokey, who has been promoed before nearly every break.

Danny is a music teacher, and his much promoted story is that four weeks before the audition, his wife passed away from a heart condition. He says that he decided to go forward with the audition because he thinks people can get to know his wife through his performance. He sings "Heard It Through the Grapevine," and I'm thrilled that he is great because I wouldn't want him to have gone through the pain of sharing his story for no reason. They all love him, and he is through. Paula and Randy both says he's among the best so far.

Then there is a montage of badness from the women.

Anoop Desai says Randy can call him Noop Dawg. He sings "Thank You" by Boyz II Men, and he is shockingly good, especially shocking because he looks like he walked in off a boardwalk in his shorts and sandals. "Didn't expect that," says Paula. I agree. Simon says the look is "all a bit geeky." Randy tells him yes, but work on the wardrobe, and Kara says yes, but work on the stage presence. Paula says forget them, he was good just as he was. He's through.

Montage of people slaughtering "Signed Sealed Delivered." After the break, a montage of gimmickry that is clearly not just from Kansas City, since some of the folks are people we saw last night.

Andrew Lang has a cheering section -- literally two women dressed up as cheerleaders come in and do a crazy performance to introduce him. He (finally) comes out and sings "My Girl." Simon says it wasn't as bad as he thought it was going to be, but it still wasn't great. Randy says yes. Paula tells him to sing something for 10 seconds, and he busts out "Ain't to Proud to Beg" with a ton of tics. Paula says he was too theatrical, and Randy changes his vote to no. The cheerleaders cry, and Kara gives him an A for effort. Then the cheerleaders cry some more for Ryan.

Asa Barnes is a middle-school band director (and whoa -- a middle-school band that actually marches ... that is pretty impressive in this age of music programs being chopped. He sings "The Way You Make Me Feel," and his voice is good. Simon says he is puzzled as to why he would do "that song and like that." Asa says because he likes it, and they say that's actually a good answer. Paula says when people sing Michael Jackson, it's usually a disaster, and this wasn't. He gets all yes votes.

Ryan says 25 people have gotten through so far, and Michael Nicewonder hopes he will continue the streak. He is wearing a medal from elementary school for "best vocalization in music class" that he has taped a relevant fortune-cookie message to. He also tells us that his mother doesn't think he can sing, but he will prove her wrong. He intends to walk in there and become a star. We already know that's not going to happen, but I suspect he is not aware of that. And then he tells the judges he is going to sing an original composition, and that seals the deal. The songs are morbid, and Simon asks if it is supposed to be about a pet or something. He says he wrote it for his mom, and then he sings one he wrote for his grandmother, which is also not good. He cries.

Dennis Brigham says he dreamed that Simon told him he was one of the best they had heard. He enters the room and does a flip. He sings Chris Brown, and it's not fabulous, and it also brings up memories of David Archuleta singing it awkwardly last season. He pleads that this is his dream and that he can sing "very, very, very, very, very good." Paula says yes, Simon says no, and Randy gets the hard sell. Randy caves and votes yes, and it comes down to Kara. We don't see her vote, but he comes out with a ticket. Then they show her saying she likes him. I hope they told him to tone down the theatrics.

Montage of denials, montage of golden tickets.

Mia Conley falls asleep in the waiting room. She sings "Lovin' You" by Minnie Ripperton, and it's really bad. They stop her to tell her it's not going well, and she keeps singing the "la la la la" part in the background while they talk. It's a no. She interviews afterward, "You guys are wrong and God's going to make you pay for it." Wow. I have nothing else to say.

The last contestant of the day is mom of three Lil Rounds. She says she decided to go for it because a tornado took out their house, and they need this to recover. She sings, and Kara likes her almost as much as she likes her name. Paula says she's "one of the best that I've heard," and Simon says she's "absolutely fantastic." Randy says she's a cross between Fantasia and Mary J. Blige. Kara likes that she doesn't realize how good she is. She is 100 percent through.

And for the second night in a row, 27 people made it to Hollywood. From the clips that follow, it's clear we only saw a handful of them.

I take back what I said earlier -- it's still pretty mellow, and even though I really don't like humiliating moments, I'm not sure this was the best move. And I'm still not sure what the point of adding Kara to the mix is. I hope she will add more to the show as the season continues. Sweetie.

What did you think of the evening's proceedings?

It's not as if The Biggest Loser is usually an emotionally aloof kind of show. People are struggling to change their lives and working hard under a lot of pressure. But last night's episode took it to a whole new level.

Trainer Bob Harper -- nice, calm, zen Bob -- totally lost it on Joelle because he felt she wasn't working hard enough, and instead of working, she kept talking. (See for yourself in the clip above.) On the one hand, I understand where he was coming from. Every time he would push her to do something, she would go on and on: "I am focused; I will do it; I am determined; I will do this for you," or whatever else. In the meantime, she would continue to not work out. Bob finally couldn't take it anymore during the last-chance workout when he was having his team run 30-second sprints on the treadmill, and she kept stopping or leaning after 20 seconds. But he really handled it poorly. Not in terms of making the whole team redo the sprint -- that's a classic motivational maneuver. But the stream of f-bombs began to feel really uncomfortable after a while, and I really felt like this was not an approach that would work for Joelle. She seemed like she would be more likely to shut down in the face of such behavior. But still, stop talking and get back up on the step!

Things got emotional in a different way after the weigh-in. For some people, the week two curse struck again, and their losses were minimal. Dan lost the initial challenge and was given a one-pound penalty, and at the weigh-in, this was enough to put him in the bottom two and keep Joelle out. Dan and Jerry ended up below the yellow line -- DUN DUN DUN -- and the remaining contestants were torn up trying to decide who should go home. Dan is a teenager and the largest person to ever be on the show, and Jerry is the oldest and seemed the most in need of medical attention. (He fainted frighteningly during the premiere last week.)

In the end, it seemed to come down to the idea that Dan has his whole life in front of him and needs to change his mindset now, as well as the fact that he has been heavy forever, while Jerry was once thin. So Jerry was sent home to his wife, Estella, and thankfully, in the catching-up footage at the end of the episode, he looked great, having lost more than 80 pounds.

I don't think Joelle is long for the ranch. Her teammates seem frustrated with her efforts, and of course, same thing with Bob.

What did you think about the show?

Surely by now, you've heard all about all the changes afoot on this season of American Idol, the eighth. Among them, there is a new judge, Kara DioGuardi, there will be fewer audition shows (thank goodness -- my discomfort with these is well documented), and we'll see more Hollywood round and end up with 36 instead of 24 semifinalists.

But hey, it's starting right now, so let's see how it all plays out, shall we?

The episode starts out with an Idol favorite -- the montage! Scary auditioners, finalists, winners, surprises, someone throwing water on Simon Cowell, even a glimpse of Dunkelman. And it's followed by ... another montage, this one of what we'll be seeing this season. Then after the break ... auditions in Phoenix. ...

 

Guess what? It was hot in Arizona. And it was where Kara DioGuardi started her new job as a judge. By the way, she is a songwriter and has worked with a bunch of stars in the studio.

First up is Tuan Nguyen, who is going to do tapping and "drill-style dancing" at his audition. He sings "The Way You Make Me Feel," doing a full-on MJ impression with all the tics and grabbing himself and so on. Oh, and the singing is bad. New judge Kara's first verdict: "I've never seen anything like that, in a not-so-good way." Hey, some honesty! This could be refreshing. And he is out.

Emily Wynn-Hughes is a woman whose mother gave up a career as a singer to be a better mom, but her past clearly inspired her daughter. Emily got a bunch of tattoos, so she "wouldn't have to work an office job." She sings "Barracuda," and she nails it. Paula says she's "top five." Top five what? She tells them she is basically turning her back on her band, which is going to have to give up on a European tour if she goes to Hollywood. Which she totally does. She says, "It just feels like a confirmation of everything I've believed since I was a little kid." Hmm, perhaps I can still be a ballerina! Nah ...

Randy Madden calls himself "a rock star living in a box." Oh, this should be rich. Pre-audition, he tears up talking about how he just wants someone to tell him he's great. And in another clip he says, "This is going to change my life tremensely." (Tremendously or immensely? It's both!) In the audition, he brings out the "rock star in a box" line again and sings "Livin' on a Prayer." It's boring. He cries. Paula flips Simon off during the judging, which is the most interesting moment of the audition, and that's not saying much. I hope this was a put-on, that he was trying to be "the crying rocker guy" and that wasn't really him.

J.B. Ahfua sings for the judges, no backstory, just a good voice -- and a unanimous yes vote. He cries afterward, and it seems very real (*cough* unlike what preceded it *cough*).

Michael Gurr is terrified, sweating, shaking, nauseated. This is going to be bad. And it is bad, incomprehensible, weird. They ask what his second song was going to be, and it was a Kara DioGuardi song. They insist he sing again, and it's bad, incomprehensible, weird. He's so overwhelmed that he needs some medical attention.

Will Kunick sings Tears for Fears' "Mad World," sort of. D.J. Bradley attempts a Celine song, sort of. Shawn Vasquez takes on a Dionne Warwick tune, sort of. Most of the embarrassing auditions are mercifully short. Yay!

Aundre Carraway is going to sing his own song, which is never a good sign. It's called "Cactus Baby," and there's odd dancing, yodeling and a whole lot of no. Security has to loom to get him out of there.

Arianna Afsar is 16 and started singing when she was 6. She's also the founder of "Adopt-a-Grandfriend," in which teens visit older folks in senior homes and perform for them and spend time with them. Awww. She sings "Put Your Records On," and yay, she is good. Unanimous yes.

"Nine others" got through to Hollywood day one in Phoenix. Does that mean nine more than those we saw, nine others besides Arianna? Who can tell?

Phoenix, day two.

Elijah Scarlett has a really deep voice. Simon doesn't seem to buy that it's his real voice. He doesn't say anything, but there is this look on his face. Well, then he says he is "not hopeful." And he shouldn't be, becaue Elijah is not phenomenal.

Pink cowboy hat girl Lea Marie Golde, who is 16, calls herself a cross between Madonna and Hilary Duff. And "Kara DioGuardi's biggest fan." She has written a ton of songs, "over a hundred," which she is carrying in a pink binder. But instead of her own work, she sings "Every Time We Touch." Paula tells her she really needs to work on her voice. It was pretty nasal; no one said that specifically, but it was true. Kara said she sounded like she was in a musical trying to do a baby voice but gives her props for being so committed to songwriting. It's a no.

Stevie Wright, also 16, was named for Stevie Nicks, which is some pressure, our narrator Ryan says. She sings "At Last," and it's quite lovely. Kara says "there is something there," and Paula says she has good control. Simon tells her she needs to be more selfish and competitive, and Randy says she was born with it. It's a yes.

Michael Sarver works on an oil field, doing "the fifth most dangerous job in the world." He's hoping Idol is his ticket off the rig and back to spending more time with his family and giving them less to worry about it. Hmm, I get what he means, especially with his dangerous job, but it's not like being the Idol is a life of leisure. He sings "Thank You." Oooh, soulful. They are all surprised by his voice. Simon says he has "that likability thing." It sounds like Ryan calls him Jeremy on his way out the door, but even on replay I can't really tell.

Montage of badness.

"Bikini Girl" Katrina Darrell says she wore her bathing suit to the audition to get attention. She sings a little Mariah ("Vision of Love"), and she starts out OK, but then she is allllllll over the place. Simon says yes, Randy says yes. Kara sings it back to her, trying to show that she had the tempo wrong. She tells Katrina doesn't have the chops to sing the song, and Katrina says Kara's version wasn't any better, and it's a little catfightish for a while. Yawn. Paula and Kara think she's terrible, Randy and Simon think she's awesome, and apparently if there is a tie, you go to Hollywood, because she gets a golden ticket. I think her voice wasn't bad, but that, as Kara said, the song was too big for her. Oh, then there is this whole thing where she said she was going to make out with Ryan Seacrest if she got to Hollywood and she chases him down and tries to kiss him, and they play Katy Perry's "I Kissed a Girl." Huh?

Montage of how to pronounce Kara (it rhymes with Sarah, but Simon makes it sound like car-a).

Then there is Eric Thomas, aka "Sexual Chocolate," which he has 1) named himself and 2) had tattooed on his back in gargantuan script. He sings some Stevie Wonder. Simon: "Thank you, Sexual." Paula notices on his application that his mom is going to get him a car if he fails. He's getting a car!

Montage of sadness.

But crazy-happy Brianna Quijada sings "Let's Hear It for the Boy." Simon says her personality got her in. They give her a chance to sing her second choice, "Killing Me Softly." She freaks out and tries to start the song, but can't decide where to begin and then keeps starting over. Then she won't stop, but she finally does. Randy says no, Kara says no, Paula says yes, and it's down to Simon, who actually says yes and that he likes her. So I'm not really sure what happened, but she gets through.

Deanna Brown is at auditions without her family, but she seems OK with it. She sings "Sittin' on the Dock of the Bay," and she's a little vibrato-y for my taste but otherwise pretty good. I'm hoping she was just an eensy bit nervous. Simon asks if she has been trying to get into the business, and she says she is in L.A. trying to make it now. He asks why she thinks she hasn't made it yet, and she says she just hasn't stepped into the right opportunity. She makes it -- well at least to Hollywood.

Cody Sheldon loves making horror movies in his free time. But his song choice is "Wonderful World" by James Morrison, which doesn't quite track. Kara calls him very surprising, and, with horror-movie effects, we eventually find out he makes it through.

Montage of Simon asking people what three countries they'll be popular in and people naming all sorts of not-countries ("Atlanta," "Europe," "New York").

19-year-old geek Alex Wagner-Trugman goes through this whole story about how he used to sing in his closet so as not to bother anyone in his house, but the closet got mold, so he had to literally leave the closet, which leads to unfortunate comments from Simon and Randy about him coming out of the closet. Sigh. Anyway, he sings "Baby Come to Me," and if you don't watch him, his voice isn't terrible, but he is so nervous and twitchy that it is awful to watch. Randy says he was weirdly on pitch and Simon totally disagrees. He gets three yes votes and he is through.

Montage of crazy performances of "Wanted Dead or Alive."

The final contestant is Scott Macintyre, who is visually impaired, and whose audition has been promoed before every single break. The producers love him and his backstory. He's a 23-year-old singer-songwriter, and he says his lack of vision has driven him to explore the world of sound. He sings "And So It Goes" by Billy Joel. Simon calls him a cool guy, and Paula says she likes his voice, especially in the softer tones. Kara says it's courageous of him to come out and sing without his instrument, which he usually performs with. He gets four yes votes, which is not really a surprise.

So 27 got through in Phoenix, and tomorrow night, they head to Kansas City.

What did you think? I'm withholding my verdict on Kara just yet. She added some blunt comments, which were somewhat refreshing, but the whole Bikini Girl exchange was oddly defensive. Well, we have two more hours this week and who knows how many for the rest of the season to figure out how she fits into things.

(Photo courtesy of Fox)

I tried to watch The Bachelor last night, really I did. But I really cannot get into the dating shows; I don't know why. However, I'm still a little unsettled by Bachelor Jason's son playing any sort of role on this show. True, the show is supposed to be about romance and true love, but history has shown this hasn't really been the case. Even when there is an engagement, it rarely lasts. Also a little icky was the preview showing bachelorette Stephanie's daughter brought in as a surprise for her next week. I don't know. You know, grownups can decide whether to be featured on these shows, but adding kids to the mix, especially on a relationship show, kind of squicks me out.

I also caught True Beauty, and it was so tremendously awful that it almost came back around to awesome. The premise is that these men and women believe they are competing for the title of Most Beautiful Person in America, but they are actually being judged on their "inner beauty." For instance, on last night's show, the contestants were divided into groups of three and told that each group had $100 to go shopping and create three outfits for an exclusive club opening that evening.

Clearly, $100 wasn't going to be enough, so they had to find ways to make it work. One team promised the clothes would get a lot of airtime and that they would return the clothes the next day, which worked. Another team basically flirted its way into outfits. The last team -- Chelsea, Ashley and CJ -- took another approach. CJ and Ashley claimed to be raising money for some amorphous charity, which, speaking of icky and squicky. Chelsea wasn't into it at all and was horrified. CJ eventually had second thoughts and ended up with only half an outfit anyway. Karma?

In the end, CJ and Ashley were in the bottom two and faced one last challenge -- a stuntman playing a bike messenger pretended to crash in front of them when they were headed into judging. CJ stopped and helped him; Ashley didn't. Not so surprisingly, Ashley went home.

My god, though, the show is cheesy. When people are eliminated, a maintenance crew removes their portrait from the wall and shoves it in a trash bin. Contestant Joel actually spoke the words, "I'm scientifically beautiful." And judge Cheryl Tiegs looks like she is crying half the time. Sorry she signed up for this? Sorry for the tricks they're playing on the contestants? Just plain sorry? It's odd. And yet, I found myself unable to change the channel. I'm hoping it was just a food coma and that next week I'll break free from the nonedible cheese.

So how about that? Three years ago today, I wrote the first post for this blog, Reality Check. At the time, there were only a handful of Sun blogs, but I decided to dive in and see what happened. It's been a fun ride, sometimes quite a bit busier than I expected, but always a good time.

Anyway, how shall we celebrate? I thought about making a cake, but I spent the evening taking care of a feverish baby, so that's not happening. Plus, it would tough to pass out slices over those crazy tubes that make up the Internet.

Instead, let's get geared up for Tuesday's American Idol premiere with a little look back. What are your favorite songs (not performances, but singles released after the show) by any Idol finalists?

Share your favorites in a comment below, and you'll be entered in a drawing for a Reality Check prize package. (Still working on the specifics of that, but rest assured, it will be worth the effort of typing a little.) Winner will be chosen by the extremely scientific process of writing the names on slips of paper and picking one out of a paper bag. So that means if you want to be in the running, include your email on your comment. It doesn't publish, but I will be able to see it.

I'm a sucker for a good pop song, so I'll sing along (alone in the care) any time to Kelly Clarkson's "Since U Been Gone" or Carrie Underwood's "Before He Cheats." But I'm going to suggest Elliott Yamin's "Movin' On." Here's a clip:

So have at it! What's your favorite single? A Daughtry track? A Clay Aiken song? Let me know!

If you've got tickets for the Jan. 29 Dancing With the Stars tour stop at Washington's Verizon Center, you'll get to see Cody Linley, who will be on the tour for a handful of dates.

The other celebrities on the tour include Season 7's Lance Bass, Toni Braxton and Maurice Green and Season 6's Marlee Matlin. 

For more information, go to dancingwiththestarsontour.com.

Hi all, it's Maryann leading the charge this week. Happy New Year!

I was bombarded with Top Chef teasers the other day while watching The Real Housewives of Orange County (I couldn't help it! It sucks you in!), so I already knew the two main draws of this week's show: We have a new, snarky British judge, food critic Toby Young, and TWO people go home! (Yay!)

But while it was way better than the lame-fest that was the holiday episode, I just wasn't excited. So much so that I put off blogging this recap. (Just in case you're curious, I'm Gail, according to the Top Chef judge quiz.) Why, you ask? Mary and I will dissect the show after the jump and you can see for yourself.

 

The show opens with the cheftestants in the chef house, pre-competition. Eugene still is puzzled from last week's competition -- he's the best thing since sliced bread! (What are you smoking, Eugene?) Meanwhile, Melissa talks about the pressure of "Top Chef." Around that point, Mary predicts she's going home. I bet it's Eugene.

It was more like: "How could it NOT be Eugene?" And I was thus stumped.

Quickfire Challenge

The cheftestants are greeted in the kitchen by Padma and this week's guest judge, Jean Cristophe Novelli, a lauded French chef, cooking school founder, book author and gastro-pub owner. (Phew.)

As they do the setup to the challenge, I mused how it'd be great to see them do a baking challenge. Chefs are so often afraid of doing desserts, especially baked goods, and I think it'd be great to see them do something they're unfamiliar and even scared of.

And what does their Diet Dr Pepper Quickfire Challenge turn out to be? Make a dessert. With no sugar.

AWWWWW YEAH. I think I see a lot of honey in our immediate future.

The kids hustle to make their desserts. Most dishes seem a little questionable, a few actually sound good (I liked Eugene's cute idea of a mini blini "burger" and banana lumpia "fries," complete with strawberry "ketchup"), and one -- Hosea's green figs with peaches in yogurt -- made me scrunch my face up.

I would like Eugene's better if he hadn't started the Quickfire by saying he's not good at pastry or dessert. Well, what are you good at? Oh, wait, we know. Sushi. Spare me.

Stefan has the same reaction, calling it "green vomit." Word. It didn't even sound good.

Green vomit aside, the bottom three turn out to be Ariane, for her whole wheat crepe with pears and cream (watching her pour Diet Dr Pepper in the blender meant we knew that was not going to end well); Carla, for her botched bananas with chocolate coins and baklava; and Jamie, for her napoleon of stone fruit (right). I've gotta agree especially with Jamie's dish. It was too much phyllo and not enough ... other stuff. Cream, especially. Sweeten it with honey and slather it on!

Leah lands in the top spot with her delicious-looking crepe with ricotta, strawberry and balsamic; as well as Don Johnson (aka Jeff), with his South Beach-savvy baklava spring roll with cherry and fig frozen yogurt. (Enough with the frozen desserts!)

If it could possibly be served in a parfair dish, Jeff's going to make it. He had also earlier made some snarky comment about how more than half of his desserts he makes at his restaurant are fat-free. Um, delicious?

Though Novelli is a tough cookie (ha! I slay me!) when it comes to most of the desserts, he has nothing by love for Radhika, who gets immunity for her challah bread pudding with lavender, peaches and yogurt. And this is from a girl who says she doesn't care too much for sweets. We could never be friends.

Novelli says "very innnnnnnnnteresting" to everyone. It's hard to tell whether it's good or bad, and then he skewers a lot of them shortly thereafter. Lots of eye-rolling from the chefs.

Elimination

Post-sweets, Tom announces that the cheftestants will be cooking a family-style dinner for judges, foodies and critics. And since there was nobody eliminated last week, there will be a double-elimination this go round. (Mary nearly let out a victory yell at that.) (There was no "nearly." I also pumped my fist.) And, oh, yeah, there's a new judge to take place of Gail, British food critic Toby Young. Fabio notes that this "bad-ass food critic" isn't someone to mess with.

The chefs are randomly put into two groups, and Radhika gets to choose which team to be on. She chooses the team that Stefan isn't on. 

At Whole Foods, Melissa decides on Ahi tuna fish tacos, Eugene shops for snapper for his fried snapper with daikon fettucine and tomato basil sauce. Jamie stomps all over Eugene's idea, saying it doesn't even make sense. I've gotta agree, mainly because daikon served as pasta? It's in the radish family for goodness sakes!

Jamie decides on seared sea scallops with fennel and garlic cram and shaved fennel salad. I just roll my eyes. As Fabio says, "This is Top Chef; it's not Top Scallops!"

I was waiting for that line, after seeing it in the previews last time. But it's been so long since we had a new episode that it lost a lot of its humor; I barely remember all of Jamie's previous scallop dishes.

Hosea decides on halibut wrapped in bacon, with baby roasted veggies, Radhika picks a spicy crab bisque, and Fabio settles on a sous-vide lamb with ravioli. "Meat and fresh pasta is myself," Fabio says, and then goes into another memory of his grandmother. Can I eat at her table, please?

Carla decides to take it slow in the store because "I want to be able to feel my intuition," but then hems and haws over whether to do a vegetarian dish. She decides to slap a scallop on her pea risotto to cover her bases. I don't even know if Stefan settled on his dish because I was too focused on his I Make Good Babies T-shirt. Ew.

Team A, Team B

With the first team in the kitchen, Hosea remarks that Melissa is making safe food. And Fabio realizes he's made a major mistake when he sees he undercooked his lamb. He says he was so confident that he didn't take the time to really check his lamb before he cut it. He knew it was too rare but sends it out anyway.

Is this the first major error we've seen from him? It felt like it to me. He also had some trouble with the pasta machine and lots of amusing bleeped out cursing. 

The first group of cheftestants bring out the food, and then realize that the extra foodies Tom mentioned were their other competitors. And when they return to the kitchen, the group realizes that a TV is setup in the kitchen so that they can see the judges' reactions.

Each of those last two points was rolled out very dramatically, and I fell for each one. "They're the guests! Wow! AND there's a TV?! No way!" I thought both were fairly clever.

And the knives come out.

Toby likens Radhika's soup to a weapon of mass destruction, and Hosea's halibut is outshined by the supporting cast of roasted vegetables. Fabio's dish is considered perfect, except for the lamb (he knew this, we all knew this); and Toby describes Eugene's "out of the box" dish as "the bland leading the bland."

This last point, despite the fact that it looks like this Weight Watchers recipe card from the 70s. (I think we can make use of these cards once per recap, no?)

But he leaves the worst for Melissa's tacos: "I think it tastes like cat food." Ouch.

I have to say I don't really care for Toby so far, his comments sound like they were pre-written, like he's trying too hard. Tom swears we'll love him as the season progresses, but I'm not so sure. I agree with this blogger -- I miss Anthony Bourdain. Bring him back!

I don't really get the sense that Tom loves him, either. He definitely sounds like he's constructing analogies for the page (or Web, let's be fair) and not to be said off-the-cuff in a discussion. 

Group B heads into the kitchen to prep their food, and someone remarks, "I'm glad we're in group B. We know who the focus group is."

When they return to the kitchen after service and see the TVs, Leah shouts in shock, "Did they watch us?" Uh, duh.

Group B's food has a considerably warmer reception. Stefan's roasted duck with braised cabbage and dumplings is praised to the high heavens, along with Leah's bread-crusted red mullet and with fried beans in chorizo broth. Novelli calls Ariane's skate wing with cauliflower puree, pineapple and crispy capers (right) "fabulous." (I have to admit I want some of that, too!) 

But it's not a complete love-fest. "This is a bunch of hors d'oeurves," Tom says of Don Johnson's tapas trio, and everyone pans Carla's way-too-garlicky gremolata atop her scallop and sweet pea risotto. Like Fabio, Carla knows she didn't hit a home run.

Judges' Table

Before they come back from commercial, we all agree that Melissa's going home. Mary also calls Eugene, but I'm not so sure. If you look at past meals, sure, but there's that constant argument about your body of work vs. what have you cooked for me lately.

But before we can see the losers, we have to see the winners. It comes down to Jamie, Ariane and Stefan, and honestly, I was rooting for Ariane. But apparently it IS Top Scallop, because Jamie's dish is the winner. She said earlier that she was going to do whatever it takes to win, and I guess that is scallops. (Tom says in his blog that Jamie's frequent choice of scallops may have been more about store availability at the time.)

I'm not happy, but Ariane is over the moon. And oh yeah, it doesn't even appear that they gave any prize! What's the deal, Bravo? Are times that hard?

Jamie must have gotten something that was edited out, or else we'd have seen her complain about it, surely. She waited so long for her win. (I feel so bad for you.) And no case of Diet Dr Pepper for the Quickfire winner? What's the point of sponsoring a damn Quickfire if the sponsor doesn't donate anything (with the exception of Ariane pouring a can into her blender)?

When they call out the bottom three, Padma drops all pretense that the don't know who cooked what and names Melissa, Eugene and Carla.

Carla gets to defend herself first. She says she may not wow them with pizzazz (I love the hand-motion she gives), but she wants to wow them with flavor. She picks apart her dish for them and tells them she should have mixed the gremolata in the risotto to diminish its raw flavor. Tom nods in agreement. Carla proves to be even more awesome week after week; she's so positive! And professional! And on point, even when she's messed up! Love.

Coming after Carla, all of Melissa's judging table flaws show. When the judges ask what she would have to done to change her dish, she gamely says, "I would have done something else."

She may be game, but she's also vague in defending herself and why she should be there. Again.

But Eugene is even worse. As usual, he barely recognizes that he did anything wrong. "I do risky things and think outside the box when I should do simplistic things." Uh, Eugene? Management types from the 1980s called, and they want their cliche back. No more outside the box, please.

In the end, Melissa and Eugene are kicked off, Melissa for her lack of imagination, and Eugene for a lack of skill to match his wild creativity. A chorus of yays resounded in the living room!

Yes, you read that right ... I am the next American Idol.

It was awesome, spinning around on stage, confetti falling from the ceiling, reveling in the adulation of the crowd! Hmm ... It seems like I might be leaving something out.

Oh, fine. I was playing Karaoke Revolution Presents American Idol Encore 2 on the Wii, which I received as a gift. (Thanks, Tim!)

On easy mode.

With a really bad cold.

And no discernible singing voice to begin with, though I am pretty sure that I am not tone deaf, so that probably helped.

It was a fun little trifle, "singing" as best I could into the mike (which plugs right into the Wii and seems to register when you start singing words and whether you are at least somewhat on pitch), rocking out to "Paint It Black," "Since U Been Gone," "Islands in the Stream" and more.

I felt like it got me back in the mood for a new season of Idol (which starts Tuesday). When Paula and Randy were judging, it felt just like I was watching the show. They spout the same lines that they do on TV. It was surreal, though, getting comments from Simon. I was, as I mentioned, in easy mode, and even got a perfect score a couple of times (somehow). So everything Simon said was relentlessly positive. It was odd, but I was certainly amused to be told I had everything it took to be a star after warbling my way through "Life is a Highway." Sorry, Cowell, I don't think so.

But it was fun pretending. Even though I was terrified that my neighbors would hear my pathetic melodies through the walls.

I caught the premiere of The Biggest Loser last night (though, sheesh, the last season really did just end -- by the way, I'm so glad Vicky didn't win). All the promos went on and on about how it was "the biggest season EVER!" Like OK, we get it!

But it was true. The average contestant size is up quite a bit, and in particular, several of the women are much larger than previous contestants -- this is the first time they've had female contestants topping 300 pounds. It was also a "big" season in that there were 22 contestants at the start of the episode, which should have been my clue that a big twist was in the works. I didn't catch on until they started promoting it during the commercial breaks.

So this season, there were 11 pairs at the start, some family, some friends. One team -- cousins Blaine and Dane -- won immunity in the first challenge, and another -- father and son Ron and Mike won immunity in the weigh-in. The remaining nine teams had to choose a member to go home, but with yet another catch: After 30 days, the ousted contestants whose partners remain in the game will get to return to the ranch. Dra-ma!

And speaking of drama, the producers couldn't have asked for a more dramatic start than 63-year-old Jerry passing out and going to the hospital before the contestants even started their first official workout. He was OK and cleared to return, but it was certainly frightening. ...

I don't always get to keep up with The Biggest Loser, especially when it conflicts with Dancing With the Stars or one of the other juggernaut reality shows, but I like to watch it. It motivates me to keep moving (I usually end up on the exercise bike after a couple of minutes at the very least), and it's like one, uh, big makeover show, which I have a total weakness for.

One last thought: Now that the show has started, I'm hopeful we won't be buffeted by the promo with one of the "former models" bawling about how no one has asked for her phone number in three years. It just seemed so trivial compared to the rest of the commercial, which spotlighted how so many of the other contestants might die from their ailments. Whoops!

Didja watch? What did you think? I think it will be interesting to see what happens when people return and we can see what kind of progress they've made at home.

P.S. While grabbing the video link above, I noticed that hulu.com classifies The Biggest Loser under "Food and Leisure." Seems like two things the contestants on the show don't get a lot of.

You can also follow Reality Check on Twitter. I won't spoil on the Twitter feed, but I will post links to recaps so you guys in other time zones can get spoiled if you want to.
 
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Hello, my lovelies! I am back! Have you missed me? I certainly missed you these past few months. (If you are just joining us, I was on maternity leave.)
 
First off, I must say a huge, giant thank you to those who kept Reality Check going during my time out of the office. Carla kept everything organized and on track, despite her home computer not cooperating with the blog software most of the time. And John-John kept tabs on a ton of shows for us, with a lot of fun attitude. Maryann and Mary have covered the latest season of Top Chef very thoroughly and amusingly. And many thanks to all the other guest bloggers, too.
 
Speaking of guest bloggers, I'm hoping to continue to get some help with recapping even though I'm back because my free time has been rather curtailed with all this parenting business. (What say you, guys? Still up for helping out? Please oh please?)
 
I can't believe how much I missed blogging about since the beginning of June: the finale of a fun season of So You Think You Can Dance (TMI alert: I went into labor while watching one of the last results shows of the season), a surprisingly entertaining season of Big Brother, an awesomely blindside-filled season of Survivor all jump out at me. Many times I wanted to plop down in front of the laptop and rant or rave, but I had to remind myself that I was off.
 
Anyway, enough about me. What is coming up next? Obviously American Idol starts week, but what else do you guys have your eye on?
 
Also, Friday is Reality Check's third birthday. How shall we celebrate?