After brief introductions (we don't even meet everyone yet -- there are 17 of them), the contestants learn they have a Quickfire Challenge. (For photos of the cast of Season 5 of "Top Chef," click here). They're to peel an apple with a paring knife, and we get the requisite complaints from the chefs, who say they're not used to using paring knives. Too bad! The first nine chefs who are done are safe, and the rest will then have to chop them finer -- Maryann, what was that technique called? -- and then make a dish in 20 minutes to prove their worth on the show.

The key moment for me here is that Long Island Richard cuts into his thumb while he's paring and continues. There's blood everywhere, all over the apples, but he winds up being safe, and I still am not sure why Tom Colicchio let that fly. Ick.

The four who have to cook "something that will convince me you should stay" include Radhika, who goes on a spiel about not wanting to be pigeon-holed for making Indian food and proceeds to directly make a chutney. Well-played, Radhika.

But her pork passes muster, and we learn that Patrick, the youngest at 21, and Lauren, a friend of his from culinary school, are on the chopping block. Lauren's salad with apples, blue cheese, bacon and vinaigrette isn't interesting enough for the judges, and she's sent home before she even makes it to the Top Chef kitchen. Ouch.

She had me at "Everything's better with bacon." I was sad to see her go so soon.

Before tomorrow's challenge, which will feature pairs competing against each other by making cuisine inspired by New York's ethnic neighborhoods, the cheftestants (hee! I love that) ooh and ahh over their Brooklyn pad and start to build factions (gays vs. Europeans vs. everyone else). We'll see how long that lasts.

The six cuisines for the challenge are Middle Eastern, Indian, Jamaican, Latin, Chinese, Russian, Greek and Italian. The cheftestants have to shop in the neighborhoods, and Hosea and Carla, who go to Brighton Beach for Russian ingredients, seem to be at the biggest disadvantage. Hosea says he's never been to Russia or eaten Russian food, and Carla seems lost in the store, saying, "I want to be led to do this dish basically by my spirit gods." Let us know how that works out, K?

We also learn that Eugene has never cooked Indian food, Melissa has never cooked Italian food, and Ariane consistently second-guesses herself.

The biggest drama of the kitchen comes with three minutes left, when Jeff, who previously noted that he's always making the wait staff tell him his hair looks good, realizes he has to start plating. He'd added more food to his plan when he was ahead of the game earlier, and it catches up with him, when he doesn't get to finish putting everything on the plate. Less time on the hair, Jeff.

Before we get to the final dishes, I just want to note the super-awkward moment with Gail Simmons is caught with her ankles twisted, posing, struggling to find the right camera to look at. Gail! Pull it together! 

Haha, I saw that and thought maybe Gail tippled a bit too much before the show started. 

On to the food. First, Jillwatch: She was assigned to cook Jamaican food, and makes seasoned scallops with plantain fritters and three kinds of sauce. This would be normal, if she hadn't created sauces in red, yellow and green and then informed the judges that it was in keeping with "the Rastafarian theme that is Jamaican." So the plate is essentially a flag. First, what? And second, why? Jill, we're going to have some fun this season if you're not eliminated soon. Truly, I am not hopeful, and I'm sad, because I'd really like to be.

Mary, I couldn't help but roll my eyes at the "Rastafarian" color scheme with the sauces. She didn't have to be so literal with the challenge, but I'll just talk it up to first-challenge jitters. Jill ended up winning her face-off with Radhika. Gail mentioned that Radhika's Jerk halibut with three bean rice and mango salsa tasted good, but that the texture was off. Jean-Georges agreed. I thought her plate just looked a little too brown. More mango next time?

To the others:

Stefan vs. Ariane, Middle Eastern food. Ariane starts off with her "I don't know much about Middle Eastern food" disclaimer. If there's anything I've learned from watching four seasons of Top Chef, it's that you never say "I don't know about [insert here]." You've gotta own your dish, mistakes and all. Turns out her farro "risotto" wasn't cooked well enough. And Jean-Georges just loved Stefan's lamb chop with tabouli salad and beef onion skewer. Heck, everyone did. Slam dunk for Stefan.

Richard vs. Jamie, Greek. Oh no! Two parts of the Rainbow coalition go head-to-head! The judges thought Richard's lamb sliders were overcooked, so Jamie's sea bass dish wins. I predicted Richard's dish would go down, just because sliders are a little, uh, dated. Heck, Ruby Tuesday's has sliders now. (Yes, I'm a food snob!)

Fabio vs. Jeff, Latin. I really thought Jeff would rule this, since he's from Miami, but his pitiful presentation due to his poor planning skills made it a little dicey (too many P words in that sentence!). But Fabio's mushroom and avocado salad, though quite pretty, just sounded icky to me. His demi-glace pork didn't sound too Latin either -- jalapeno does not = Latin. Seems Tom didn't like Fabio covering up that pretty avocado with mushrooms either. Substance won over style: Jeff's coffee-seared tenderloin with corn and beans put him in the winner's circle.

Hosea vs. Carla, Russian. Carla's spirit gods failed her. Both had smoked fish, but everyone loved Hosea's trio. Carla needed to be a little more generous with the seasoning (and dressing). Hosea won this round, though I have to say I'm so. tired. of trios.

Leah vs. Melissa, Italian. It was a competition of modern vs. traditional: Leah's farro risotto with red snapper and mushrooms (is farro risotto an up-and-coming dish?) vs. Melissa's rib eye with arugula salad and fried mushrooms. Of all the dishes that were displayed, Leah's was my fav. I wanted it in my mouth NOW. The judges liked it in their mouth; they panned Melissa's dish for lacking salt and pepper and gave Leah the gold star.

Long Island Richard vs. Pat, Chinese. Long Island's Asian chicken salad dish was DOA. Not only was it predictable as heck -- I yelled THANK YOU when Tom said "Wolfgang Puck has been making it for some 20-odd years." -- but it was also wet. Ew. Pat's salmon with black rice noodles looked like a winner, but tasted bland. He broke another cardinal rule: Don't base a dish on ingredients you haven't used, when you have another choice. Long Island won by default, on account of Pat's gummy noodles.

Alex vs. Eugene, Indian. Both of these guys said they had no experience with Indian food, but they didn't do that bad. Eugene's masala-rubbed lamb with "tzatziki" and Basmati rice won. I'm still trying to figure out Alex's claim that Latin correlates with Indian. What?

The top three were Stefan, Eugene and Leah; Patrick and Ariane were at the bottom. I thought it was a bit brutal to have all five out at the same time: Hey losers, here's who won! Listen to our compliments to them! In your face! And oh yeah -- Stefan won. Yay. Rah. I was rooting for Leah. (Could you tell? :-D)

Watching the judges decide between Ariane and Patrick, I couldn't help but notice how young Pat was. He's still in culinary school, for goodness' sake! When the judges said Ariane had access to Israeli food, being so close to NY, she replied, "I got books to look at." Oh no she didn't. Tom didn't like that one bit. Even still, Patrick went home for his "sanitized version of Chinese food." Good call judges.

Mary's highlights:

Best moment: Gail's awkward two-step and half-smile looking for the right camera.

Worst moment: Daniel bleeding all over the apples. Ewwww.

Cheftestants (ho!) to watch: Fabio, for the ego factor; Carla, for the spaciness factor; and Stefan, because, well, he could very well win it all.

Maryann's highlights:

Best moment: I liked Gail's awkward two-step, but Eugene's surprise success with his "tzatziki," AKA "curds and rice," was awesome. Hilarious.