Quickfire Challenge

In the Top Chef kitchen, Padma greets them all with a "Happy Thanksgiving" and a guest judge in tow. Obviously they didn't film this on Thanksgiving, since they don't have time machines (or DO they?), and surely they didn't film this a whole year ago.

The guest de la semaine? Grant Achatz, chef at Chicago restaurant Alinea and a James Beard award winner. Pretty impressive. (Hey, hey, we have some hometown James Beard winners too!) Achatz also is at the forefront of molecular gastronomy. Oh no! I still have nightmares of foams and gels and such since Season 2's Marcel "I have anime hair" Vigneron.

The cheftestnts pull random numbers, which turns out to be pages in the Top Chef cookbook. Product placement! Their challenge? Put a twist on the recipe on their assigned page. Lame.

Don Johnson is cocky about his recipe, fennel-crusted porkchop. He says he can bang it out in 15 minutes. Don't be so sure, presentation boy.

But 5 minutes before he's able to plate his dish -- that's 10 minutes into the challenge, math whizzes -- Padma and Grant come in and say they've changed their minds. They want soup now!

Awesome! Well, not for the cheftestants.

The look on Long Island's (Danny's) face is priceless. Hawaii looks pissed. Fabio is even madder. Carla wears an expression that seems to say, "Yeah, I should have known it wouldn't be this easy."

Padma says they want "creative, delicious soup" using Product Placement #2, Swanson broth.

Leah decides on chilled white asparagus soup for her carpaccio, even though she HATES white asparagus. (I do too.) Carla has to reinterpret oil-poached shrimp. "I feel like I'm MacGuyver," she says. And it's all good, says Miss Hippy Trippy, with her special ingredient, love. (I love her!)

And speaking of love, Jamie LOVES soup. She says she'd be happy if she had to make soup for the rest of her life. (She did hit a home run wth her corn soup last week.)

Quickfire tasting

Stephan's green curry bisque with shrimp and scallop dumplings, a take on the scallop and shrimp burger gets points from Grant for his aromatic broth. He wins by me. I want some of that. Padma and Grant love Long Island's ham and egg soup -- "It's actually a very good compliment to the recipe," Grant says -- I think I would pass. Too heavy. But Grant definitely doesn't like Fabio's mushroom and asparagus soup. "It's a little flat," he says. Fabio says "fair enough," which is a little-known Italian phrase that roughly translates to "Flat? Really? So's your face!" (It's all in the eyes.)

In the end, Jamie's deconstructed falafel soup -- chickpea soup with crispy shallots (it sounded souper good ... get it?!) -- Leah's asparagus entry and Long Island's "rustic" soup are singled out. In the end, Leah wins immunity.

No time to dance though, because it's Elmination time! And what's the challenge?

They're cooking Thanksgiving dinner for the Foo Fighters and their entourage!

Then they cut to commercial, come back, and do a suspenseful reveal that they're ... cooking for the Foo Fighters! Bad editing there. Groundhog Day?

Two teams will cook at the arena, they have to obey the Foo Fighters' rider and must make a menu acceptable for the entourage's 18 vegetarians. The winner gets to watch the concert, the losers get to clean up.

Elimination Challenge

Since Leah won the Quickfire, she gets to pick her teammmates. She doesn't hesitate: Jamie, Hosea, The Euro Duo, Melissa and Radhika. The other team is? Whoever's left.

Cut to the arena in Rochester. Don Johnson says he's psyched, but he doesn't look it. He just looks mad. Fabio is unimpressed about rock stars. He gets straight to the point: "Where's the kitchen?" Hear, hear.

When they see that the "kitchen" is outside, with a bank of microwaves and toaster ovens, no freezers, and one burner, everyone drops a brick. 

Meanwhile, I'm jumping on the couch. Great twist!

Stefan's like it's all good, I've done catering, but Jamie's having a fit. When Stefan says he'll do two gravies, Jamie nearly shrieks, "We have one burner!" She's wearing on me. Take a chill pill.

Meanwhile, on Team Reject, Don Johnson takes charge organizing, just like he did in the last challenge. Ariana's task is turkey, but Alex is worried. On Team Hot Stuff, Fabio makes it all about Europe, saying they'll prove they're the bees' knees if they pull off this American tradition. He's wearing on me too.

At the grocery store, Don Johnson goes on again about organizing. I see where this is going. (*Cough.* Team Leader at elimination?) In other news, Team Hot Stuff is named Team Sexypants (are we in high school?) and Team Reject is named Team Cougar. Not after the animal, but after Ariana. Alex says she's a mom and hot. Herm, OK. Why didn't they just name themselves Team MILF, then?

Back at the ranch, Eugene smartly crafts a grill out of their supplies, and the groups decide on their menus. Stefan bumps heads with Jamie, Jeff worries that he's taken on too many tasks, and Ariane gripes about everyone babysitting her. Fabio frets about his tiramisu when the rain comes pouring down (did Top Chef production see a prediction for rain and throw them out there?), Daniel worries about his potatoes crisping and throws them in the microwave (Ruh roh.) and Carla says Team Reject Team Cougar is out to prove themselves. "We're the people who haven't been chosen," she says.

The Dinner

The judges and the Foo Fighters walk in, and Richard describes how it's cool to see the rock stars roll in, but especially to see "Tom 'hottie gay bear icon' Colicchio." Hilarious. I had to rewind that on my DVR and hear it again, it was so funny. Richard has a crush on Tom!

Team Cougar's dinner is tried first. Dave Grohl and Taylor Hawkins don't like the spoonbread stuffing with figs, cranberries and walnuts. I hear 'em. That dressing seemed too fancypants. The four-cheese mac and cheese is a hit. Dave says he's a big fan of bacon. (Dave: "Whats going on in the middle there?" "Bacon." "F-- yeah there is!" Most excellent TV.)  Chris Shiflett says he loved the smoked ham and how Eugene rigged the smoker as if he was MacGuyver. Did MacGuyver pay them for a product placement too? Taylor says the mashed potatoes are a little too al dente, which means he doesn't like them. Saw that coming a mile away.

For Team Sexypants, the standout dish is the vegan stuffing. What? Dave says the burnt marshmallows on the yams were awesome too.

On to desserts. As they're dishing out desserts, Gail calls Fabio "FAB-io." Weird. And while we're on the subject of Fabio, Padma seemed a little flirty with him as he dished out the roasted corn salad for the entrees. I also liked that Dave called out Team Sexypants for making Fabio their front man. Way to spring out the Italian, homes.

As for the edible desserts, Tom loves the tiramisu twist on pumpkin pie. Every Sexypants dessert is a thumbs up. The Cougars ... not so much. When Don Johnson mentioned that the desserts weren't warm, I heard the warning bells. The peach cobbler is meh. The vanilla cream/foam on the banana smores (a twist on the frozen chocolate-covered bananas on the Foos' rider) looks like spit. The fresh fruit salad with pumpkin mousse is disgusting, from texture to flavor combination. Taylor calls it "barfait"! Hee!

As the teams wait to hear the winner, Long Island says he's ready to win. He has his party underwear on. (TMI, dude.) Don Johnson isn't so sure. "Hopefully our proteins* will put us over the top," he says.

But no dice. Though Padma says it was close, Team Sexypants pulls out a win. They're off to party, where Jamie wears some weird braid headband and Leah gets kissed by some mystery man. Team Loser Cougar gets to clean up.

Ariana and Carla try to keep up team morale while all the men just sulk. Eugene looks like he's ready to kick somebody's butt. Richard fears that someone will throw someone under the bus.

Elimination

Back in the steamroom, Team Sexypants gloats over the concert, and Long Island gives the finger. I feel him. Team Sexypants comes in like conquering heroes when they won by a tiramisu. 

At the judging table, Don Johnson is labeled as the leader, but Richard tries to minimize that. He was more an organizer, which was valuable, he says, and all of Team Loser Cougar messed up, he says. Good job. Don Johnson -- OK, Jeff -- is simply upset that they lost. "We had a lot of heart sir," he says to Tom.

The turkey is declared perfect. The spoonbread is dry. Tom winces when Long Island tries to defend his potatoes as "al dente." When Long Island says he didn't omit the potatoes because they needed a starch, a chorus of judges name ALL the other starches they had. 

Then the judges pile on the desserts. Carla defends the cobbler. She says the crust was good, albeit too sweet with the dried cherries. Gail goes on some more about the disastrous pumpkin mousse. Grant Achatz stomps all over Richard's banana s'mores. There was no burnt sugar, there was no melted chocolate, it's a failed concept. Richard lamely defends his s'more by saying the focus was on the banana.

In the end it comes down to Long Island, for the potatoes; Jeff, for taking on too many dishes; and Richard for the poor s'mores.

And the loser is?

BUT! Before we talk about that, we have to talk about the pre-announcement drama.

In the steamroom, Long Island eats a PBJ and drops peanut butter on the floor. (How are you a chef and aren't able to construct a structurally sound PBJ?) Jamie doesn't hold back. "You're the reason flies are all over the place," she says. They have a little back and forth, and in their solo shots, Jamie admits that Long Island gets on her nerves. Long Island suggests that the close quarters are getting to Jamie or "maybe it's that time of the month." HE DID NOT! You lose five billion cool points there sir.

But back to the loser.

Boyfriend's call? Long Island. He made a pretty big gaffe with the potatoes.

My call: Richard. All the reality show signs are pointing to him.

Who packs their knives and leaves?

Richard. It's sad that in his attempt to save Jeff from the Elimination Express, he got hit himself.

He's teary eyed, but he says he's ready to go home, keep growing, keep learning. As he leaves, he hugs Jamie and tells her to "Kick ass baby girl, kick ass."

Maryann's highlights

Best moment: So many great bits in this episode, from Ariane's comeback to the delicious drama (and hints of future drama). I also loved how Team Loser Cougar stayed together at the elimination table. So good to see! But my heart holds out for Richard's description of Tom Colicchio as "Tom 'Hottie Gay Bear Icon' Colicchio."

Worst moment: When Team Loser Cougar lost. I'm a fan of underdogs.

Who to watch: Jamie. Looks like she may become the seething angry center of this reality show truffle.

(Photo courtesy of Bravo)