We have Nathan from New York, arriving at LAX, who says he'll give you "chic"; Ondine, who has designed sets for Sex and the City; and Shazia, who says her distinguishing factor is that she's "brown." Perceptive. She's Pakistani, she says, and she's not a doctor! I get her. I know how she feels. (I'll volunteer that I'm yellow.)
Then we have Kerry, "Big Daddy," with a Southern accent; Andrea, wife of actor Rick Schroder, trying desperately to become known as not-just-the-wife-of-Rick-Schroder; Eddie, who works for Martha Stewart Living magazine and professes aspirations to pretty much become her; and Natalie ... is 24. Couldn't catch much else about her. Preston has decorated for Janice Dickinson (sounds terrifying) and Kelsey Grammer.
Then they introduce Wisit, who is positively fabulous. He's a former fashion designer who talks very de-li-ber-ate-ly ... then proceeds to regale us with some opera. Oh, my. If I'd been looking away during that song, I would have thought it was a large Italian woman.

They gather as designer Todd Oldham and India Hicks walk in to introduce the first challenge. Very solemnly, India tells them, "The road ahead of you is going to be arduous." Well, she certainly isn't peppy Heidi or Padma.

In teams of three or four, the designers will need to decorate and design an apartment in two days, working for a specific client. As they get going, they introduce the last couple of contestants: Theresa from Vegas, Serge, an nonschooled interior designer, Robert from Houston and Jennifer, an architect. The designers walk into their lofts, and who are their clients? The judges! Head judge Jonathan Adler, and judges Margaret Russell, Kelly Wearstler and India.

Jonathan gets the orange team, with Eddie, Jennifer and Natalie. He wants chic, he says, and he wants the place to be dog-friendly. "I want to walk in my front door and be happy," he tells them. Kelly, with previews showing completely inexplicable hair being a trend throughout the season, gets the red team, with Ondine, Wisit, Nathan and Theresa. She wants her dining room to be an office as well, and she specifies no TVs.
Margaret gets the blue team of Robert, Preston and Kerry. She hates beige, she says, and neutral colors.
What does she want? Hot pink and cobalt blue! India get the green team of Andrea, Shazia and Serge, and says she wants a Caribbean plantation feel, with seagrass and wooden floors (in a loft with concrete flooring).

Each judge leaves his or her team with an envelope, and it turns out, each team's budget is ... $2,000! After a montage of freak-outs, the designers start shopping at thrift stores and a junkyard. The green team shows early signs of tension, as Shazia wants Serge to stop being so artsy as they're picking out furniture, and that tension never quite lets up. They scramble during their first day to get as much done as possible.

The next day, we're treated to some gratuitous shots of contestants getting ready. I'm not saying you have to be a model to be on this show, but really Bravo? Do we need to see everybody dressing first thing in the morning? Blech.

But just as they think they're about to get back to work, there's a surprise! They're brought up to the roof, and they find lots and lots of frames for them to create wall displays that represent themselves.  This short challenge has a covetable reward: two winners get immunity. Everyone scrambles to dump everything out of their personal belongings. A survey of the boxes is as follows: green apples stuffed haphazardly into a case, a peace sign that's actually a Mercedes symbol, forks and knives, monkeys!, Jesus and a bitten apple. What?
After the judging, things aren't looking great for the green team, as Shazia and Serge are both in the bottom. The red team's prospects look better, with Wisit and Ondine winning.

The mishaps continue as the green team ends up with unusable wallpaper. Then, when the sink overflows when Andrea tries to wash their incredibly sad couch, all of their usable wallpaper and fabric gets soaked.
But tensions aren't just limited to the green team. The blue team's Preston and Robert start fighting about art and nonexistent lamps, and Kerry delivers the best line of the night: They're "like two chickens in a barnyard, about to go at it."

Todd pops in to help everyone out. He'll never be Tim Gunn (oh, Tim Gunn), but he's a peppy guy with constructive suggestions for each team.

As time runs out, the green team leaves a giant mirror, lying balanced at an angle against a corner. Ominous. Judging commences, close to the top of the hour in this particularly long episode, and we get a chance to see just snippets of each finished product. The orange team pulled together a comfortable design of light blues and flowy curtains for the downstairs, and a dramatic orange and red palate for the upstairs bedroom. The blue team has a haphazard design with some rich blues and some items that seem to be clearly just junk. It's incoherent and doesn't have any of the bright pink Margaret asked for.

The green team is scared, fighting through smiles about the disgusting couch cushions that scared India, and Andrea is taking credit for everything going well on the team. The upstairs seems to be the only saving grace. The red team has what seems to be a more complete design, with collections of things everywhere: books on the table, plates on the walls. We see the least of their design, but Kelly seems pleased.

We move on to the judging, where a queenly India sits in her own seat, away from the three judges on the other couch. The judges award the red team the "Top Design," and then it's on to the fun part! When questioning the blue team about their design, India tries to get them to scapegoat someone, and nobody will say anything ... until Robert, who goes for Preston, who he says took too long to paint. Burn. Margaret mentions that there was no lighting and no place to put drinks. Then Preston, who wouldn't say anything before, pins the lack of lamps on Robert. Great team spirit, certainly. The green team, however, clearly had the worst design. Just that couch -- which looked like it came straight out of a Dumpster -- should have sealed the deal. Scapegoating begins again as the designers try to defend themselves: Andrea, rightfully, with the gorgeous bedroom; Shazia, with a convoluted stuffing story; and Serge ... well, doesn't say much, and apparently didn't do much either, except putting in the wood floors, and both the women and the judges pick him to go home.

Well, he didn't design anything, really, but he had the bad luck to work with a team that was really not cohesive and seemed incompetent. Tough times.

Nobody seems compelling yet, but I guess we'll wait until next week! I may love Wisit, though, for all of his opera-singing, dress-drawing fabulosity. Certainly not because his name is Wisit. Well, maybe a little bit.