Who would have thought that the winner of Rock of Love would end up being chosen by a Solomon-ish choice? But I am getting ahead of myself.

In the most recent episode, nutjob Lacey finally got the boot when it became clear that she was a total phoney and that her parents (visiting for the episode) didn't know her at all. That left rocker Bret Michaels with a top two of Heather and Jes.

I've been rooting for Jes for a while because she just seemed cool and down to earth, whereas Heather struck me as a manipulator and pretty darned trashy.

In the finale, each woman got a one-on-one date with Bret in Cabo. Heather's was first. She and Bret rode dune buggies, during which he started to feel pretty bad from his diabetes and mentioned that he needed to eat. Heather totally didn't get the hint and insisted on taking her turn driving. Then they had a nice dinner and, uh, went back to Bret's room.

For Jes' date, they made out all over a yacht, and during their dinner, he told her he was feeling pretty bad. She felt like she couldn't discuss her heavy issues with him while he wasn't feeling 100 percent, so she opted to let them lie for the time being. And she, too, spent the night in Bret's room.

(Oh, I skipped the part where Heather and Jes had to share a room at the hotel in Cabo and totally trash-talked each other before their dates about who looked like a stripper and who was getting "sloppy seconds" -- more classy behavior from both of them!)

Anyway, back at the house, it was decision time, and Bret asked them if they would mind both being his girlfriend. Heather said yes because she would do anything to be with him. Jes said no because she couldn't handle it. This -- and I think the more compassionate response to his diabetes issues -- made Bret decide on Jes.

And Heather? Heather was pissed. She stomped out and then unloaded in the limo about how she had been "taken advantage of" and called Bret a bunch of names.

You know what I'm not going to miss next week?

The reunion show!