We're keeping close watch over Maryland Pirate Master contestant Louie Frase. Thus far, he seems to be the only one on the show with a sense of humor about the proceedings. Hello, other contestants: the phrase is "Jolly Roger"!

Joe Don the "captain" starts out the second episode being just as self-serious and arrogant as last time, assigning duties to everyone -- first Sean (the bartender) as cook and Jay as "chief mate." Jay's all excited about how he's playing both sides, but U.S. district attorney Cheryl has his number. I'm sure he'll talk in interviews a few more times about how much smarter he is than everyone else before he figures out the leaders don't trust him.

Fashion publicist Alexist whines about how awful the gruel that the crew has to eat is. Then she interviews: "I'm kind of a whiner." At least she's self-aware. Meanwhile, the captain gets eggs, bacon and rum for breakfast.

Louie interviews about all the work they have to do on the ship (however, even though he's complaining about it, he looks to be enjoying it), ending with "... if you're a crew member."

Joe Don thinks it's hilarious that he has so much food and the crew is starving. What a prize he is.

Louie: "The captain doesn't do any work, so when the time for expedition comes, the captain's bright and bushy-tailed. The rest of us will be tired, and it's hard."

Speaking of expedition time, here it is. Kendra unlocks the second compartment to the "CHEST OF ZANZIBAR!!!!1!!11!!" There are two maps, so again there will be two crews searching for treasure. This time, though, the captain and his two mates will lead the black crew, and the red crew will oppose them in the search for the gold. If the red crew wins, it will choose a new captain. Louie, by the way, is on the black crew.

The pirates have to swim to shore, hike to a possible sabotage point, run to a snake pit, where snakes guard the tools needed to find the treasure. The black crew is in the lead, mostly due to Kendra's slow swimming. Black hits the sabotage point first and leaves a thorny gate blocking the red crew's path. Then they start the uphill run.

Louie interviews that it's relentlessly uphill, and, "just when you thought it was getting OK and you could take it, it got a little steeper." But they get to the snake pit and try to figure out who's going in there to search for the tools. Nessa decides it's her, and Azmyth follows.

On the red crew, they're having issues. Christian (ex-linebacker) is strong but slow, and then Joy falls and bangs up her knee.

Azmyth finds the compass plate. Louie: "Azmyth was the man. ... That Azmyth is a rock n roll pirate. And the captain did nothing."

On the black crew, they read the clue, and find the "altar" they have to put the compass plate on. And "ex-military" Christa has swimsuit issues to the point that she is basically blurred every time she's on screen during the expedition. Oops. 

Red crew gets in view of black crew and sees they don't have the treasure. They jump in the snake put to look for the tools, but before they find that, black crew finds the treasure. Or rather, Azmyth does.

Sean interviews that they lost because of Joy, or because of Joy's injury.

The black crew counts the money, and this time it's $45,000. Joe Don gets $22,500. He's told he can keep his two officers or replace them with two new officers. He keeps them. Ben and Cheryl split $11,250.

Louie: "The captain had an opportunity to change his officers, which he won't do because those officers are true to him. So they're sitting in there thinking they're going to get fat for weeks. I'd like to cut all three of them adrift at once, and I want them to see the inside of a shark's belly."

The rest of the crew gets $2,250 each.

Cheryl interviews that her strategy is to go with the flow.

Joe Don attempts to make a peace offering by giving some of the crew and additional $200 each. They're not exactly overwhelmed with gratitude. Then he gives "chief mate" Jay $2,000 behind closed doors. Jay says, "He says it wasn't a bribe; it's a bribe."

Time for Pirate Court nominations. (It's like Night Court! Or Divorce Court! Or something!) Kendra, Christian and Joy get "black spots." They aren't happy. And Kendra thinks it's because the captain doesn't like her, but the officers claim it was all about who was weak.

Louie walks around telling everyone that he's ready for mutiny. The he reveals he has an alliance of sorts with Christian.

At court, Joe Don says Kendra revealed she wasn't strong in the water during the challenge, that Christian's size worked against him in the challenge, and that Joy injured herself. Kendra says she had a hiccup in the water, but that "once I hit land, I didn't stop." Joy says her knee is doing better, that she was even able to raise the anchor that morning. Christian says the captain needs to make the crew happy, and that if he is chosen as captain, he won't take 50, 40 or 30 percent. Joe Don says Christian is digging his own hole.

Joe Don says the crew knows how they feel about him and "how I roll," and that he thinks they are happy, and he's good with that. Louie says before the court that they aren't getting paid enough or getting enough food. He says he has about $4,400 in his pockets, but Joe Don has about $40,000. Joe Don says it's less than that because "I've shared money with my [unintelligble]." Based on the look on Jay's face and the rest of the crew, I'm going with "first mate." Jay says Joe Don gave him $1,000, which is half-true. Alexis says she would have preferred not to get the $200 because, "I found it a little offensive coming out of a pocket with 40 grand in it."

It's overwrought ballot time! Stare meaningfully at the captain! Smash those cards over the dagger!

Despite all the staring, no one voted for Joe Don. I'm so confused by these people! Anyway, Joy is safe, as is Kendra. And Christian is out, which upsets Louie greatly.

Joe Don cuts Christian adrift. And we're stuck with arrogant Joe Don another week. But if people don't mutiny, I don't feel that bad for them.