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October 28, 2008

Homer's kidnapper is ...

I had hoped it would never come to this.

I had hoped Homer's kidnapper, Bad Guyz, would return my beloved magnetic Simpsons toy. But it was not to be. I gave them an extra week to bring him back, but they did not budge.

So now, I will reveal the captor. Homer was kidnapped by ...

Continue reading "Homer's kidnapper is ..." »

Posted by Sam Sessa at 2:42 PM | | Comments (16)
Categories: The Homer Saga
        

October 21, 2008

Approaching the deadline for returning Homer

Bad Guyz are pushing it. They know they only have until Thursday to return Homer. Then all heck breaks loose. If I were Bad Guyz, I wouldn't want all heck to break loose. So bring him back tomorrow, evil captors. Or face the consequences.
Posted by Sam Sessa at 3:20 PM | | Comments (1)
Categories: The Homer Saga
        

October 20, 2008

Exciting developments in the Homer Saga

homer simpsonWell gang, I have some good news and some bad news.

First, the bad news. As you can see, Bad Guyz have brutally mutilated Homer. They are using scare tactics, and these scare tactics will not work.

As you may well know, we have begun an extensive covert operation to find and rescue our beloved Homer.

And that operation has born fruit. We now hold the smoking gun.

We, Midnight Sun, know who kidnapped and tortured Homer.

Allow me to explain ...

Continue reading "Exciting developments in the Homer Saga" »

Posted by Sam Sessa at 7:50 AM | | Comments (7)
Categories: The Homer Saga
        

October 8, 2008

Midnight Sun strikes back

midnight sun covert opsEnough talk. It's time to act.

All this time, I've been worried about raising the money to get Homer back and when to drop off the money.

Well, we're not paying the ransom money for Homer, my magnetic desk figurine. I'm not willing to pass that burden onto the tax-paying commenters on Midnight Sun. 

Instead, I decided it was time to strike back. So this morning, we dispatched a counter-terrorist strike team (pictured) to root out the evil-doers.

We captured key members of the terrorist organization that kidnapped Homer and are currently holding them for questioning. Want proof we mean business? Here's a photo ...

 

Continue reading "Midnight Sun strikes back" »

Posted by Sam Sessa at 12:50 PM | | Comments (11)
Categories: The Homer Saga
        

September 30, 2008

Is Homer really dead?

Someone named Homer's Ghost left this comment under my 'I'm coming for you Homer' post:

"Too late."

Is it really too late? I need to know, before I leave $10 all willy-nilly at some random coffee shop. It is entirely possible that Homer has perished. The last time we heard from his kidnappers, he was being boiled alive.

Posted by Sam Sessa at 10:47 AM | | Comments (6)
Categories: The Homer Saga
        

I'm coming for you, Homer

Until now, we at Midnight Sun have held onto a no-tolerance policy for terrorism.

We would not negotiate with the kidnappers of our beloved Homer. But time has passed and our rescue efforts have been to no avail. Today at noon, I will deposit $10 in small, unmarked bills, at the coffee shop across the street from The Sun.

I will wait precisely 24 hours before returning to collect Homer. Bad Guyz, if you're reading this (and you'd better be), make good on your offer.

Posted by Sam Sessa at 8:23 AM | | Comments (10)
Categories: The Homer Saga
        

April 26, 2008

Back on the Homer trail

Homer! Can you hear me?

I haven't forgotten about you, buddy.

I'm going to be back on the trail as soon as possible.

Where were we?

Oh, right, I'm supposed to drop off $10 in small unmarked bills at the coffee joint across the street.

Well, Bad Guyz, if you're reading, the money will be there tomorrow.

Signed,

Trembling Sam Sessa 

 

Posted by Sam Sessa at 9:30 AM | | Comments (5)
Categories: The Homer Saga
        

March 23, 2008

Homer is frying alive!

At last, an email update on Homer (which I realized was somehow caught in my junk mail folder):

OK, wize dudes. So's u wanna call the cops, eh?

Youse wanna put a bounty on are hed? We wuz good to Homer.

And I daresay our ransom request was quite reasonable. Your callous failure to act makes us question your commitment to Homer. Word.

So we are upping the ante. Now we want a lot more Doh! to get him back.

If you want to see him in one piece again, if you want to make sure we don't make stew out of him, pay up.

Ten bucks, in small unmarked bills, smart guy. Leave it with the babe at the koffee joint across the street from youse.

Here's a little picture of what we're doin to Homer now.

You mite say we're turnin' up the heet.

Yours turly,
badguyz

I'm thinking of leaving Monopoly money.

Sound like a good idea?

Posted by Sam Sessa at 9:49 AM | | Comments (8)
Categories: The Homer Saga
        

March 14, 2008

Homer's in trouble!

Those thieving thieves sent me this photo of Homer in danger!

Here's the letter:

Now homer is seeing the saw ... Stop being so pickey and argamentive with us...just do what we say ... remember unmarked billz ... where we said. Any more of you're sarcazam and we turn on the sawblade and yule begetting homer back in two peezes yours turly, badguyz 

Hey Badguys, I still don't know where you want me to put the money! 

(If you're new to the whole Homer saga, read this, this and this.)

Posted by Sam Sessa at 12:08 PM | | Comments (1)
Categories: The Homer Saga
        

March 12, 2008

Update on Homer

This email showed up this morning at 8:51 (the photo was attached):

Like i says before, we got your homer, and we be treeting him fine.
Here's some pitchers attashed to this emails what show he's ok -- cep for maybe drinking too mcuh beers.
If you want him to stay OK, do what we tol you to do. No POLICE! Jess keep your mouth shut and put the money where we said.
If we don'ts get the money soon homer won't be so ok.
Know what I'm sayin?
Yours Turly,
badguyz

Thing is, I don't remember them telling me where to put the money!

I don't think they ever mentioned a drop-off point.

(Photo by badguyz) 

Posted by Sam Sessa at 10:51 AM | | Comments (11)
Categories: The Homer Saga
        

March 8, 2008

Homer is gone!

Terrible news: My magnetic Homer has been kidnapped!

Some evil sneak swiped him Thursday morning.

A note was left at the scene.

It read: "Sam, If u ever want Homer back, please get $5 in small bills ready for his ransom. We will let u know where to meet us. Don't contact the police ... Or else!"

It was signed "Bad guys." 

I cried for hours yesterday.

Here is a short video of my reaction. 

After a careful scent analysis of the note, I determined the person who wrote it does not use fragrant hand lotion. 

That leads me to believe the culprit has chapped, flaky skin.

The caper may also have something to do with the Whoopee cushion I placed under Dan Thanh Dang's seat cover a couple days ago. 

What should I do? Where should I turn?

AAAAAAAAAAH!

(Photo by me) 

Posted by Sam Sessa at 1:14 PM | | Comments (5)
Categories: The Homer Saga
        
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About Erik Maza
Erik Maza is a features reporter at the Baltimore Sun. He writes for several sections of the Sun paper and contributes weekly columns on music and nightlife. He also writes and edits the Midnight Sun blog. He often covers entertainment, business, and the business of entertainment. Occasionally, he writes about Four Loko, The Block, the liquor board, and those who practice "simulated sex with a potted palm tree." Before The Sun, he was a reporter at the Miami New Times. He's also written for Miami magazine, the Orlando Sentinel, the Sarasota Herald Tribune and the Gainesville Sun. Got tips? Gripes? Pitches? He's reachable at erik.maza@baltsun.com. Click here to keep up with the dumb music he's listening to.

Midnight Sun covers Baltimore music, live entertainment, and nightlife news. On the blog, you'll find, among other things, concert announcements, breaking news, bars closings and openings, up-to-date coverage of crime in nightlife, new music, round-the-clock coverage of Virgin Mobile FreeFest, handy guides on bars staying open past 2 a.m. on New Year's Eve and those that carry Natty Boh on draft. Recurring features include seven-day nightlife guides, Concert News, guest reviews of bars and concerts, Wednesday Corkboard, and photo galleries, as well as reader-submitted photos. Thanks for reading.
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