Homer! Can you hear me?
I haven't forgotten about you, buddy.
I'm going to be back on the trail as soon as possible.
Where were we?
Oh, right, I'm supposed to drop off $10 in small unmarked bills at the coffee joint across the street.
Well, Bad Guyz, if you're reading, the money will be there tomorrow.
Signed,
Trembling Sam Sessa
At last, an email update on Homer (which I realized was somehow caught in my junk mail folder):
OK, wize dudes. So's u wanna call the cops, eh?
Youse wanna put a bounty on are hed? We wuz good to Homer.
And I daresay our ransom request was quite reasonable. Your callous failure to act makes us question your commitment to Homer. Word.
So we are upping the ante. Now we want a lot more Doh! to get him back.
If you want to see him in one piece again, if you want to make sure we don't make stew out of him, pay up.
Ten bucks, in small unmarked bills, smart guy. Leave it with the babe at the koffee joint across the street from youse.
Here's a little picture of what we're doin to Homer now.
You mite say we're turnin' up the heet.
Yours turly,
badguyz
I'm thinking of leaving Monopoly money.
Sound like a good idea?
Those thieving thieves sent me this photo of Homer in danger!
Here's the letter:
Now homer is seeing the saw ... Stop being so pickey and argamentive with us...just do what we say ... remember unmarked billz ... where we said. Any more of you're sarcazam and we turn on the sawblade and yule begetting homer back in two peezes yours turly, badguyz
Hey Badguys, I still don't know where you want me to put the money!
(If you're new to the whole Homer saga, read this, this and this.)
This email showed up this morning at 8:51 (the photo was attached):
Like i says before, we got your homer, and we be treeting him fine.
Here's some pitchers attashed to this emails what show he's ok -- cep for maybe drinking too mcuh beers.
If you want him to stay OK, do what we tol you to do. No POLICE! Jess keep your mouth shut and put the money where we said.
If we don'ts get the money soon homer won't be so ok.
Know what I'm sayin?
Yours Turly,
badguyz
Thing is, I don't remember them telling me where to put the money!
I don't think they ever mentioned a drop-off point.
(Photo by badguyz)
Terrible news: My magnetic Homer has been kidnapped!
Some evil sneak swiped him Thursday morning.
A note was left at the scene.
It read: "Sam, If u ever want Homer back, please get $5 in small bills ready for his ransom. We will let u know where to meet us. Don't contact the police ... Or else!"
It was signed "Bad guys."
Here is a short video of my reaction.
After a careful scent analysis of the note, I determined the person who wrote it does not use fragrant hand lotion.
That leads me to believe the culprit has chapped, flaky skin.
The caper may also have something to do with the Whoopee cushion I placed under Dan Thanh Dang's seat cover a couple days ago.
What should I do? Where should I turn?
AAAAAAAAAAH!
(Photo by me)
