Owl Meat Gravy has come up with a great bar discussion topic. Personally, I'd love to have a beer with George Martin or David Bowie. Take it away, Owlie:

I have a test that I call the Tony Danza test. It basically divides people into whether or not you would like to have a beer with them.

Tony Danza? Sure. Do I imagine that I would have a lot to talk to him about? No, but he he seems beer-worthy. It doesn't have to be a beer. It could be anything.
 
Hillary Clinton? Pass. Bill Clinton? Hell yeah. Keith Richards? You bet. Charlie Watts? No.
 
Today's game goes like this: Name someone alive or dead that you would like to hang out with and what you would do. I think dead people are the more interesting choice, but it's up to you.

Here are some examples that I collected from random people, ranging from the ridiculous to the sublime ...

Continue reading "Owl Meat's Tipsy Tuesdays: What famous figure would you drink with?" »

Posted by Sam Sessa at 7:05 AM | Permalink | Comments (50)
Categories: Owl Meat's Tipsy Tuesdays
        

This week, lions and tigers and bears roam with impunity. Want to thump melons at Safeway as a costumed carnal carnivore? Meow. In a month? Nah, that would be weird.

But in the world of Furries, it's Halloween every day.

Furries are adults who dress up as stuffed/plush animals. This sub-culture has their own animation, music, conventions and literature. There are dozens of conventions and events all over the world. The largest, Anthrocon, attracted nearly 4,000 attendees this year ...

Continue reading "Owl Meat's Tipsy Tuesdays: A hairy situation" »

Posted by Sam Sessa at 7:50 AM | Permalink | Comments (45)
Categories: Owl Meat's Tipsy Tuesdays
        

I must say, I was a little puzzled at first by OMG's column about the origins of hip-hop. Then I read it some more, and started chuckling. Square dancing begot hip-hop? Who knew? Here goes:

Yo yo, Notorious O.M.G. on the blizzy, y'all.

Lemme lay you down some epic truth-swerve: Rap was invented by white people – really, really white people.

Say whaaaat?
 
It's all about the beats and movin' your feets. When I hear some skinky thribby-throb, I gotta throw down some supa-phresh rhymes, like farmer's market fresh ... and call me some square. That's right. Square dance calling is  hip-hop's baby-daddy.

That's some gnarly gristle to gnaw on – rap was spawned by calico dress-wearing, tractor-dancing, barn varmint, not so modest yahoos ...

Continue reading "Owl Meat's Tipsy Tuesdays: Square hop, anyone?" »

Posted by Sam Sessa at 10:28 AM | Permalink | Comments (6)
Categories: Owl Meat's Tipsy Tuesdays
        

Oh man. Owl Meat's guest column brings back some rather nasty memories of bad tequila circa freshman year of college. I was soured on it for years. Here's Owl Meat:

Is there a drink that you over-indulged in years ago that still makes you queasy? Some youthful ill-advised binge splurge whose smell can still turn you green?
 
For me that blunder was Southern Comfort: peachy seductress, Kentucky succubus. Sweet, fruity, and powerful like a Skittles Crown Vic. In the folly of youth we gravitate toward alcohol that is sweet and strong – a formula for ignominious defeat. SoCo deserves a special place in the Bad Ideas Hall of Fame for me along with, well, you know who you are.
 
On a trip to the beach with two friends, I bought my first legal liquor after I crossed the border from Pennsylvania to Maryland. I don't recall what else we bought, but I remember dastardly SoCo, the Snidely Smiley Whiplash of liquors.

In my mind it was a macho drink. Oh so wrong ...

Continue reading "Owl Meat's Tipsy Tuesdays: I'll never drink that again." »

Posted by Sam Sessa at 7:30 AM | Permalink | Comments (41)
Categories: Owl Meat's Tipsy Tuesdays
        

You know, the more I think about it, the more I like Owl Meat's suggestion for a new tipping system. Take it away, Mr. OMG:

Tipping in America is an epic fail.

It foments tension where there should be digestion. It's demeaning to workers. It has whiffs of blackmail and bribery. It's a chance for cheapskates to stiff someone. Good and bad service are often rewarded similarly because of social pressure or mandatory service charges.

Americans tip about 42 billion dollars a year in the food industry. Tipping is supposed to improve service, but research shows otherwise:

"this common wisdom might be wrong. Empirical evidence suggests that tips are hardly affected by service quality."

Here at the Owl Meat Drink, er, Think Tank we propose a new system: free market tipping. The concept is simple ...

Continue reading "Owl Meat's Tipsy Tuesdays: The tipping point" »

Posted by Sam Sessa at 7:38 AM | Permalink | Comments (18)
Categories: Owl Meat's Tipsy Tuesdays
        

What happens after last call? Owl Meat has a few ideas. Here he is:

This was inspired by witnessing an older man order a Pink Squirrel for himself at a bar. Sometimes we judge people by what they drink, sometimes unfairly. Seriously dude, a Pink Squirrel? Sadly, I had to tell the bartender how to make it (light cream, white crème de cacao, crème de noyaux).

Jim Beam: Whatcha doin' here, Pink Squirrel?

Pink Squirrel: Someone finally ordered me last night. I've been so lonely, Jimmy.

Jack Daniels: Put a cork in it. No one wants to hear your belly-aching, you has-been girlie drink. Back in your corner ...

Continue reading "Owl Meat's Tipsy Tuesdays: 'Toy Story' meets 'Barfly'" »

Posted by Sam Sessa at 8:13 AM | Permalink | Comments (5)
Categories: Owl Meat's Tipsy Tuesdays
        

I couldn't help but chuckle at some of the delicious- and repulsive-sounding meals that Owl Meat came up with for this week's Tipsy Tuesdays. Football + grilled mascot = awesome.

Here's OMG:

My sports expertise runs the gamut from A to B. That's why I invented a system for picking winners using mascots.

Red Sox versus White Sox? Red Sox win because when you wash them together the White Sox turn pink.

New Jersey Devils versus Penguins? Penguins don't believe in God and therefore not the Devil. Penguins win on an existential level. Play this with a sports fanatic and watch his head explode.
 
This week I adapted the game for tailgating. I crossed "Top Chef" with "Lord of the Flies" to create Top Mascot Tailgate Chef, where mascots go head to head ... on the grill. May the tastier mascot win ...

Continue reading "Owl Meat's Tipsy Tuesdays: Which mascot wins?" »

Posted by Sam Sessa at 9:51 AM | Permalink | Comments (22)
Categories: Owl Meat's Tipsy Tuesdays
        

This week, Owl Meat did some digging and came up with a rather interesting topic: The law on drinking. Personally, I fought the law, and the law won. Owl Meat might have more luck. Here he is:

Twenty five years ago, Americans landed on college campuses and waded into the freedom and responsibility of adulthood. In most states, they had liberty to sip the frothy freedom of a cold beer or other adult libation.

But former Tinseltown party dude Ronald Reagan was about to harsh everyone's buzz. Congress passed the National Minimum Drinking Age Act of 1984.

Oh snap! The party was over and frat boys wept like purple doves.
 
Despite the name of the law, there is no national minimum drinking age nor is there one in Maryland. Dazed and confused?  I was too. ...

Continue reading "Owl Meat's Tipsy Tuesdays: A look at drinking laws" »

Posted by Sam Sessa at 8:25 AM | Permalink | Comments (51)
Categories: Owl Meat's Tipsy Tuesdays
        

I had no idea how wild Panama was until I read this week's guest column by Owl Meat. Wow. I've learned something today: Don't go to Panama. Here's OMG: 

Because I was stuck in Panama City, Panama, I considered  forgoing this week's post. Then circumstance and isthmus weirdness intervened to blow a chunk of Charm City my way in the Land of Unpleasantly Hot Living.  
 
When you've got mad tech skillz, opportunities sometimes plop into your lap. It helps to be genuinely uninterested in any such opportunities.

In a country where businessmen have armed body guards the rules are topsy-turvy. That's why I wear a plastic watch to disguise my American thousandaire status. Despite my reluctance to throw in with shady bankers and ex-black ops wannabes, I will still hang out with anybody with a good story and a drink. ...

Continue reading "Owl Meat's Tipsy Tuesdays: Natty Boh in Panama" »

Posted by Sam Sessa at 10:57 AM | Permalink | Comments (35)
Categories: Owl Meat's Tipsy Tuesdays
        

Even if this is true, I don't think I'm going to be wringing asparagus stalks into my mouth the morning after a bender. Owl Meat, however, sounds quite pumped:

News flash – asparagus may cure your hangover. Really. According to new research, minerals and amino acids in asparagus leaves and shoots may actually ease the symptoms of a hangover and protect your liver from the toxins associated with alcohol and its metabolism.
 
“Cellular toxicities were significantly alleviated in response to treatment with the extracts of asparagus leaves and shoots,” said lead researcher B.Y. Kim, in a news release from the Institute of Food Technologists. “These results provide evidence of how the biological functions of asparagus can help alleviate alcohol hangover and protect liver cells.”
 
This could be huge. I'm not aware of any scientific studies that have shown anything to be effective at curing a hangover. Most focus on prevention. Plus every Dr. Obvious says, "Well, you knoooooow, the best cure is to not drink too much in the first place." ...

Continue reading "Owl Meat's Tipsy Tuesdays: The asparagus drip" »

Posted by Sam Sessa at 9:47 AM | Permalink | Comments (9)
Categories: Owl Meat's Tipsy Tuesdays
        

I'm glad OMG turned this topic around to confront the customers. It's only fair. And for the record, I've definitely heard of people snapping their fingers at servers. I even had a roommate who didn't mind tapping his own beers. I told him it was a great way to get his wrist broken by an angry bouncer, but he never seemed to get caught. Here's OMG:

We covered signs that you might be a bad bartender. It's only fair that this week we look into signs that you might be a bad customer.

Where to even start?

1. You semi-joke, "Spill some in the glass this time."

2. You try to come behind the bar. Oh, no you di'int.

3. Two words: bachelorette party.

4. You complain that your Long Island Iced Tea isn't strong enough.

5. You snap your fingers to get the bartender's attention.

6. You have made this threat, "Hey, you want a good tip?"

7. When you pay your bill, you say, "Hey, I'm a little short today. I'll tip you next time." No you won't. ...

Continue reading "Tipsy Tuesdays: 21 signs you're a bad customer" »

Posted by Sam Sessa at 7:54 AM | Permalink | Comments (31)
Categories: Owl Meat's Tipsy Tuesdays
        

My, my, I've certainly regretted breaking the seal too early. Take it away, Owl Meat:

Here at Tipsy Tuesdays, we strive to enlighten and elevate, so I bring you today's topic: Breaking the seal.

This is the idea that after you relieve yourself for the first time while drinking alcohol you have to do it frequently.

Bartender Kyle at Chiaparelli's reminded me of the concept, but I knew it to be intuitively true, as I have often strategically suppressed my micturition urges. This is no trivial matter for anyone doing a mental cost-benefit analysis at a ball game, concert, or other public event.
 
While sipping an avocatini I went all caveman and considered whether there was some evolutionary benefit to this behavior. If this is a real biological process, why would it be rewarded? ...

Continue reading "Tipsy Tuesdays: Breaking the seal" »

Posted by Sam Sessa at 10:33 AM | Permalink | Comments (12)
Categories: Owl Meat's Tipsy Tuesdays
        

I've played (and won, of course) my fair share of drinking games. But I've never heard of Pukes and Staggers. That's probably a good thing. Owl Meat has all the details:

Invent cool drinking game ... check. Create prototype .. check. Come up with an awesome name ... not so much.

I get it. It almost rhymes with Chutes and Ladders, a game that my grandfather may have played. I think if you need a board game to get your drink on, you may have an imagination problem.
 
Here is the manufacturer's blurb:

Have you ever tried to drink a beer upside-down, reveal an embarrassing story about yourself, or mix together every drink in the room? With Pukes and Staggers you can be entertained while you drink. Perform several tasks, drink in the most unusual ways, and have the most fun you've ever had playing a drinking game ...

Continue reading "Tipsy Tuesdays: Pukes and Staggers" »

Posted by Sam Sessa at 9:30 AM | Permalink | Comments (25)
Categories: Owl Meat's Tipsy Tuesdays
        

This week, Owl Meat Gravy tackles one of the saddest (but truest) parts of Baltimore's nightlife scene: the service. I'm actually not surprised that most of these examples are based on real life experiences. Take it away, OMG:

How do you know if you're a bad bartender? Here are 19 examples I have observed:

1. You pick fruit flies out of a drink and then serve it. Extra points if you use your fingers.

2. You hate making frozen drinks, so you put a fork in the blender and destroy it.

3. You badger me to help you study for your biology test. More drinks, fewer flash cards.

4. You ask a customer if he wants to do a shot with you and then charge him for both drinks.

5. You whine about your problems. Hey, I had a tough day; I don't care that your girlfriend did a guy behind the Royal Farms in Highlandtown.

6. When someone asks for a Makers Mark neat you say, "Do you mean straight up?" Extra points for, "What?" ...

Continue reading "Tipsy Tuesday: You know you're a bad bartender when ..." »

Posted by Sam Sessa at 9:38 AM | Permalink | Comments (38)
Categories: Owl Meat's Tipsy Tuesdays
        

I took a little time yesterday and tried my darndest to sort out some of the digital mess that is Midnight Sun. Was I successful? Meh. But hopefully I made things a little easier to find ...

Continue reading "A few new bells and whistles" »

Posted by Sam Sessa at 9:31 AM | Permalink | Comments (1)
Categories: Owl Meat's Tipsy Tuesdays
        

Ladies and gentlemen, I'd like you to give a warm round of applause to Owl Meat Gravy, who, for the forseeable future, will be writing a weekly column called Tipsy Tuesdays.

You may remember him from such columns as Funtastic Thursdays and various guest blogs while I was away. Now, please put your hands together, for OMG!

I don't like fruit in my beer. I don't want to taste a raspberry wheat beer, a peach ale or a prune IPA. Of course a lemon slice in a good wheat beer is fine, so I'm not exactly a purist. That brings us to today's topic – shandies.

A shandy is beer with ginger ale, ginger beer, lemonade, or other soft drink. It was originally called a shandygaff in England. There is a long tradition of mixing beer with fruit and other things there ...

Continue reading "Introducing Owl Meat's Tipsy Tuesdays" »

Posted by Sam Sessa at 10:44 AM | Permalink | Comments (36)
Categories: Owl Meat's Tipsy Tuesdays
        

Take it away, guest poster Owl Meat:

An article in The Guardian reports that the English have lost their minds regarding wine and are nuttier than Donovan riding a lovecoaster powered by unicorn tears:

The idea that the taste of wine changes with the lunar calendar is gaining credibility among the UK's major retailers, who believe the day, and even hour, on which wine is drunk alters its taste. Tesco and its rival Marks & Spencer, which sell about a third of all wine drunk in Britain, now invite critics to taste their ranges only at times when the biodynamic calendar suggests they will show at their best.

Many scientists have little time for biodynamic wine, pointing out that the movement's guru, Rudolf Steiner, claimed to have conceived the concept after consulting telepathically with spirits beyond the realm of the material world. Among his other works are claims that the human race is as old as the Earth and descended from creatures with jelly-like bodies, and a belief that men's passions seep into the Earth's interior, where they trigger earthquakes and volcanoes.

Well pour me a Pinot Noir, smack my butt and call me Krakatoa. I can understand that there is a certain lunatic fringe who will buy into anything, but the idea that major retailers are encouraging people to not drink wine ever is bonkers ...

Continue reading "I don't like Moon-days" »

Posted by Sam Sessa at 11:00 AM | Permalink | Comments (36)
Categories: Bars & Clubs, Owl Meat's Tipsy Tuesdays
        

I had to read this guest post from Owl Meat Gravy twice, I was so shocked this even exists:

Kidsbeer! Kidsbeer! Kidsbeer!
 
The Tomomasu company of Japan once made a non-alcoholic drink for kids chock full of the guarana (twice the caffeine of coffee), with enough kick to have the little ones running up the walls.

It didn't sell very well, so they put it in a brown bottle and changed the name to Kidsbeer.

Whoosh ... turning your kid into a kinder-meth-head is much more attractive when it seems like you're getting them drunk. All the chore-doing benefits of kiddie Red Bull combined with the gateway drug priming for later alcoholism.

Kidsbeer! And I thought Shirley Temples were weird. Why not rename this an Amy Winehouse?
 
Note: The photo above is from the company's actual ads ...

Continue reading "Japanese beer for kids" »

Posted by Sam Sessa at 11:00 AM | Permalink | Comments (21)
Categories: Bars & Clubs, Drink-ology, Owl Meat's Tipsy Tuesdays
        

I don't know if I'd be a big fan of some of these drinks guest poster Owl Meat has cooked up for us, but they sound pretty funny:

Mom.

Mom.

Moooooooooooooooooooooooom ... get me a Sunny D ... and Grey Goose? On the rocks.
 
Attention swizzlers, guzzlers and dribblers, here's a new trend – comfort cocktails.  Like comfort food, they use flavors and ingredients from childhood to recreate mom's tasty refreshments ... plus a little kick from Aunt Ethyl.
 
Amicci's bar in Little Italy has a drink called a Grown-Up Grape Soda: Three Olives grape vodka, Grape Pucker, and Sprite. It is ridiculously popular ... with men.

People must see something greater than the sum of its parts. I witnessed a burly bearded man order one and rock a sly grin like he was being smothered by puppy kisses. Yikes ...

Continue reading "Comfort cocktails" »

Posted by Sam Sessa at 7:30 AM | Permalink | Comments (21)
Categories: Bars & Clubs, Owl Meat's Tipsy Tuesdays
        

After reading this guest post by Owl Meat Gravy, all I have to say is, yuck: 

Oh baby, you are the total package.

I'm talking about beer and cigarettes together. And not like the time that I took a swig from a bottle of Carlsberg Elephant that someone was using as an ashtray. If only you could combine them in one delicious synaptic cocktail.
 
Good news?

Those crafty Germans have created NicoShot beer which contains 3 milligrams of nicotine alkaloids. NicoShot is brewed like regular beer, with a tobacco-leaf extract added at the end of the brewing process.

Sounds terrible! Nothing says fine German brewing like maker Nautilus GmbH Laboratoriumsbedarf.

You can almost taste the bedarf ...

Continue reading "Marlbrau" »

Posted by Sam Sessa at 11:00 AM | Permalink | Comments (8)
Categories: Bars & Clubs, Owl Meat's Tipsy Tuesdays
        

This. Is. Amazing. Owl Meat Gravy comes through big time with this one, folks. As soon as I get back, I'm hitting up MICA:

Until now I couldn't think of anything I wanted to thank the English for except Mr. Thomas' fork-split muffins and Dame Judi Dench.

As my grandfather Liam O'Hanlon's skeleton spins furiously in his grave, I must add another tip of my derby to the English.  
 
Sam Bompas and Harry Parr have opened a new "architectural exhibit" in London called Alcoholic Architecture.

It's a bar. You are advised to wear protective clothing here. Raise your hands if you have a hazmat suit in your closet.

The bar serves no drinks, because the air is literally your buzz. They vaporize massive amounts of gin into the air ...

Continue reading "Huff, huff huffing on heaven's door" »

Posted by Sam Sessa at 11:00 AM | Permalink | Comments (27)
Categories: Bars & Clubs, Owl Meat's Tipsy Tuesdays
        

Owl Meat Gravy starts this guest post with a confession that could get him in lots of trouble. And for the record, I've always been curious about this shot-taking tradition myself:

First let me say that I'm not from here, even though I have lived here quite a while on and off. I don't like steamed crabs (yeah, yeah, yeah) or Natty Bo.

In my defense, I did drink National Premium when I was in college here (once). Does that count? No?  OK.

After college and graduate school, I figured that all the ways that made me superficially different from Baltimore people were exposed. Wrong 'em, boyo.
 
In the past couple of years, I've gotten to know a lot of people who grew up in Baltimore. Being a thirsty creature of the night, I know them from local watering holes.

I recently noticed something that may have been there all the time, but eluded my occasionally blurry vision. Put simply: I have a problem and need help.  
 
Shots! Shots! Shots! Wanna do a shot? Uh, OK. It seems rude to answer otherwise and if I say "no" then the question of my man-parts is on the table. Ugh, I'm too old for this. Nah. So lately I've noticed that everybody clinks glasses, then taps them on the bar, and then drinks. It freaks me out ...

Continue reading "Baltimore shot etiquette" »

Posted by Sam Sessa at 11:00 AM | Permalink | Comments (35)
Categories: Bars & Clubs, Owl Meat's Tipsy Tuesdays
        

Here is Owl Meat Gravy with a rather spooky guest post:

The setting: Asunción, Paraguay October 1995. Last night in a food court in the Brazilian jungle waiting for the bus to Asunción. Strangers danced the lambada, while weary travelers chomped down on greasy fast food.

I arrived at the Central Bus Terminal in Asunción the next day. I saw families of bowl-cut blondes in denim overalls, straw hats, and calico print shirts. What the ...? Apparently there are scads of Mennonites and Amish in Paraguay.
 
After finding a hotel, I settled into the outdoor cafe of a much better old hotel. I was dressed poorly and felt tired and dirty. For this story you need to know that people often think I am German, based on my appearance and name. I am not.

I settled into the stabby rattan chair and asked the waiter for a whiskey, something local. I know, Paraguay whiskey? I was exhausted.

The waiter said in Spanish that I didn't want that and he would bring me a nice whiskey for very little guarani ($) ...

Continue reading "The creepiest drink ever" »

Posted by Sam Sessa at 9:00 AM | Permalink | Comments (10)
Categories: Bars & Clubs, Owl Meat's Tipsy Tuesdays
        

And just like that, I'm off on my honeymoon. Whoosh! Don't worry, though -- I've left you some great guest posts from some delightful guest commenters. Remember Owl Meat Gravy? Here he is:

I was sitting at my desk squirting Purell directly into my mouth on Monday morning when I caught my reflection in the computer monitor.  "What am I doing?" I said to myself. 

Like a message from God, a voice inside me said, "This would be better if it tasted like tequila instead of potpourri." If only there was a way to sanitize my hands and get my gel swerve crankin' too.  Reason number 637 of why America is great: PocketShots.  
 
PocketShots are 50 ml (1.7 oz.) squeeze packets of alcohol gel preferred by discerning ladies in ill-fitting tube tops everywhere. The container looks like the worst (best) tiny IV bag ever. They contain 80 proof alcohol as gin, vodka, rum, tequila or "Kentucky Straight Bourbon Whiskey Aged Four Years."...

Continue reading "Pocketshots: My new squeeze" »

Posted by Sam Sessa at 7:30 AM | Permalink | Comments (21)
Categories: Bars & Clubs, Drink-ology, Owl Meat's Tipsy Tuesdays, Random stuff
        

Editor's note: Ever heard of akvavit? Me neither, until I read this piece, by Owl Meat Gravy:

Akvavit and I go way back. Maybe the berserker in me loves it.

Unlike other spirits, such as whiskey and tequila, there are no personal akvavit stories ending with, "And that's why I can't blink anymore." Someone once said that it's like having a shot of rye bread. That's not a bad thing.

Akvavit or aquavit is 80 proof vodka infused with herbs such as caraway seeds, anise, dill, fennel and coriander.

You can make it yourself using vodka and your choice of aromatic herbs, but getting the right combination is tricky ...

Continue reading "Drink like a viking" »

Posted by Sam Sessa at 8:00 AM | Permalink | Comments (18)
Categories: Bars & Clubs, Owl Meat's Tipsy Tuesdays
        

And now, a personal confession from Midnight Sun guest poster Owl Meat Gravy:

When I was a wee lad in the Keystone state, I remember eating in mom and pop taverns with my parents.

The most memorable thing (other than "shrimp-in-a-basket")? The classic cocktail place mats.

I studied these exotic drinks since I was old enough to read. I never saw adults drink them other than in old movies. The Grasshopper, Gin Rickey, Manhattan, Mai Tai, Singapore Sling, Old Fashioned, and the Sidecar.

It just so happens that in this month's issue of Happening Dude magazine, it says that the Sidecar is the hot new drink for the coolaratti.

Properly constructed, this drink should be made with cognac or brandy, Cointreau, and fresh lemon juice. The problem is that most bartenders will look at you funny, check their Old Mr. Boston book, and make it with brandy, triple sec and (ugh) sour mix ...

Continue reading "The sidecar: Unsafe at any speed" »

Posted by Sam Sessa at 9:30 AM | Permalink | Comments (13)
Categories: Bars & Clubs, Owl Meat's Tipsy Tuesdays
        

And now, dear readers, Owl Meat wonders just what's in the gullets of those Somali pirates we all know and hate:

Flashback to third grade ... the future promised personal jet packs, moving sidewalks and robot maids. No luck there. 

But even an imaginative tyke like me didn't anticipate ... Future Pirates! And here we are, ankle-deep into a new century and the villains of the moment arrrr ... Somali pirates.

Arrr ... pirates.

In yore-like days, pirates roamed the seas in tricked-out square-riggers fueled by greed, rotten meat and grog.

The British Royal Navy kept these grog-swogglers in check with, as Winston Churchill said apocryphally, "Rum, sodomy and the lash."
 
What fuels modern Somali pirates with their souped-up dinghies, GPS's and Bat Rope conveyance systems?

Continue reading "What do the Somali pirates drink?" »

Posted by Sam Sessa at 8:00 AM | Permalink | Comments (29)
Categories: Bars & Clubs, Owl Meat's Tipsy Tuesdays
        

Midnight Sun guest writer Owl Meat takes another look at kids and drinking in this hilarious post:

I think it's illegal for children to sit at a bar in Baltimore.

Nevertheless, I have been afflicted with the progeny of lazy parents who abandon their ill-fitting accessories at a restaurant bar to watch TV and inflict DDT-like buzz-kill on the adults there.

When the parents are particularly obnoxious, I might say to them, "I don't drink at your playground. Don't bring your kids to my bar."

You can't mess with the kids, though. However annoying, they are blameless.

But you can teach them some things that will keep their parents busy later. Here is a starter list of kinder-conversation starters ...

Continue reading ""Two Jaeger bombs and a sippy cup, please"" »

Posted by Sam Sessa at 8:00 AM | Permalink | Comments (34)
Categories: Bars & Clubs, Owl Meat's Tipsy Tuesdays
        

This, dear readers, is Owl Meat Gravy's second guest post on Midnight Sun. Enjoy:

Apparently they used to sell candy cigarettes years ago (before the liberals ruined the world).

Ah, think about it: Coming home after a hard half-day at kindergarten, putting your little feet up and dragging deep on a candy Pall Mall. Yeah, puffing out a swirl of powdered sugar. That's living.

Recently I saw a gruff older man (reminiscent of the psychotic father from American Beauty) order a root beer at a bar.

Rebuffed, he barked out, "A Shirley Temple then!" I had to look. Standing behind him was a twitchy boy, maybe 13. I could read his mind: "I hate you, Dad, I hate you, Dad, I hate you, Dad."

Why would he do that? Get the poor kid a soda, not an emasculating trip to the 1930s.
 
So what's the deal with kiddie cocktails?  As far as I can tell they haven't changed in 50 years ...  

Continue reading "Kiddie cocktails" »

Posted by Sam Sessa at 8:00 AM | Permalink | Comments (24)
Categories: Bars & Clubs, Owl Meat's Tipsy Tuesdays
        

From the fingertips of Midnight Sun guest poster Owl Meat Gravy comes the first in a series of off-kilter bar and drink observations.

You may remember Owl Meat from such blogs as Dining@Large, where he is a regular commenter and contributor. In my absence, he'll be regularly writing for Midnight Sun too. Here goes:

I have a problem, and its name is Ice. No, not Rob Van Winkle. We're cool now.

My problem is the American obsession with ice. We love technology so much that we use it fix things that aren't broken. Like beer. Someone even invented a device that will make your beer super-cold in twenty seconds.

I know several people that put ice in their beer. Light beer. Is this a Baltimore thing or some kind of mental pathology?

I don't want to get all judge-y, but drinking Coors Light from a big glass of ice seems like a hate crime ...

Continue reading "Ice, ice, baby" »

Posted by Sam Sessa at 9:30 AM | Permalink | Comments (17)
Categories: Bars & Clubs, Owl Meat's Tipsy Tuesdays