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July 29, 2010

The review: Dick's Last Resort

I wish I could say Dick's Last Resort was full of unexpected surprises. But the new Inner Harbor restaurant/bar is just what I expected: A tourist zone, with overpriced drinks and "funky" decor.

When you consider the location (next to Hard Rock Cafe and a few doors down from the shuttered ESPN Zone), Dick's is tailored for the neighborhood. I'll bet it does well there.

While Dick's has plenty of dining space, I nabbed a chair at the bar. I set my elbows on the stone-topped bar and immediately realized it was about six inches too high (or the chairs were six inches too low) ...

At 5' 9", I'm of average height, and the bar almost came up to my shoulders. Sitting there, I felt like a kid, waiting for a root beer float at the drug store. I scanned the drink menu, and saw that a bottle of Natty Boh was a whopping $4.75.

Let me repeat that, just so it sinks in: At Dick's Last Resort, a bottle of Boh is $4.75. 

In all my years as a nightlife critic, I've never seen Boh sell for that much. $3 is too much for a bottle o' Boh. I had to order it, just to see if, somehow, the most expensive bottle of Boh tasted any different than the cheaper bottles I'd had at dozens of dive bars around town. It didn't.

To the bar's credit, Dick's had two Heavy Seas brews on tap: Marzen and Loose Cannon. You can order a pint, or a large souvenir glass, which costs upwards of $10, but you get to take it home. Oh boy.


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Posted by Sam Sessa at 7:55 AM | | Comments (38)
Categories: Bars & Clubs
        

Comments

Is 5'9" the new average?

Not that I tend to spend any time around that area of town anyway, but even if I did, Dick's sounds like a place to avoid.

$4.75 would be excessive for a bottle of bud, miller or coors, let alone a bottle of natty boh. The tourists are welcome to it.

All that aside, I'm sure you're right Sam. Given the location, I'm sure Dick's doesn't need any of my money (or yours), and will do just fine.

Yo Sam. Nice review except for one thing. What about the food and/or the service? No review is complete without it.

I feel like the height difference between the bar stools and the bar top at Turps is pretty big, but I like that because I feel less likely to spill food on myself when my chin can be planted right up to my plate. Probably should have asked for a flexi-straw for my beer.

The too high bar is one of my biggest pet peeves right up there with the bolted down bar stool. If I'm not in a pool in a tropical location I reserve the right to move my darn bar stool!

Were the waitresses rude and make you where a funny hat with a rude saying! If not, you didn't experience the true Dick's last resort. A very fun place!

I've been going to the one in San Diego for years. Dicks is a fun place when you're with a large group. The servers have a lot of fun and joke around. You can throw napkins and paper at other tables. The food is a bit pricey and while your first souvenir beer is $10, refills are $6.75 or so. It will fit in quite nice in Baltimore. However, $4.75 is too much for a 6 pack of natty boh.

Is DLR part of a chain? There's a Dick's Halfway Inn on Philadelphia Rd.

I can't believe you even went there! Dick's is only a place you visit in another city with a rowdy group of out-of-towners. Bad form!

For a quarter more, you could have picked up a bottle of Mad Dog 20/20. Seriously, it's n the "wine" list.

My review of Dick's? Well, it doesn't matter what I think of them, they threw me the hell out of there!

I'm sure the visiting Yankees and Red Sox fans will just love it! A good place for all of the Dick's to go.

@new transported man -- As far as I know, the average height for an adult male in America is 5' 9.5"

@John -- Like I said in the piece, this isn't my finished review, it's just my early thoughts. I'm writing the full review now. My bartender didn't give me a lot of sass, which was just fine by me. She was pleasant, though my pint glass sat empty for a little longer than I'd have liked.

I have visited the Dick's in Myrtle Beach and what this review totally avoids is the "comic" atmosphere that Dick's uses to draw people. The drinks are the same as everywhere else, the food is OK, there is a band usually.

At least at other Dick's the staff insult and play with the patron's and give them silly and or insulting hats made of paper that is the fun of the place. It can be fun for a large roudy crowd, in or out of town. Do not go for a quality resonably priced beer, go for the fun, if you like that type of stuff.

Any word on Johnny Rad's? Thinking of killing some time over there tomorrow afternoon with the rest of the Bones Brigade.

Also, Dick's Last Resort gives out matchbooks with naked bewbs on them.

$4.75 for a Boh? 'scuse me...I just crapped my pants

There are lots of places that do around $5/bottle for all of their beers. But these places are usually food destinations, especially ethnic cafes that have a wine & beer license. They're not getting booze revenue, so they offer the $5 bottle of beer for those folks that just have to have a drink with their food. This Dick's place, however...is a bar in Baltimore. $2 Bohs all day every day or GTFO.

Been to the one in Chi-town on several occasions with large groups. I agree - you don't go there for fine dining.

But the beer is cold and the wings are good - and it is fun to see your friends get insulted.

Re: Johnny Rad's.

Drove by last night and they are open. Has anyone been yet? Looked like there were some people inside at around 8:00.

If I'm not mistaken, a botlle of Boh at the 8x10 Club is in the same ball park (maybe $4.50). Absolutely absurd.

$4.75 Natty Boh's? I guess you gave to pay that crazy rent down there somehow...

does anyone remember what restaurant was at this location prior to DLR?

If the thrust *ahem* behind Dick's is that they purposefully insult the customer, then the $4.75 Natty Boh is evidence of their success.

In other news, definitely going to Johnny Rad's tomorrow.

The real shame isn't the $4.75 Bohs, but rather that its under the "local favorites" section of the beer list. It'd be nice to see some truly great and truly local beers like Raven Lager in place of crappy Boh.

Yeah, I'm pretty sure last time I went to the 8X10 (a couple years ago) a bottle of Boh was $5.00. I literally laughed in the guys face when he said that, then paid up and tipped - not the bartender's fault. But I do think it would be appropriate to warn patrons that they are about to be subjected to such nonsense. Totally outrageous.

Went to one at a conference in Dallas. Had a good time. This is by no means a local watering hole. I've got no issue with them being where they are.

@ Tom etc...Dick's sucked. End of story. The "insult" culture fell flat. I asked for an iced tea at the bar (on purpose) and all the bartender could muster up was "you know this is a bar right" Yawn..I agree with Sam. It is uncons..unconsion...just wrong to charge so much for a Natty. It's odd that Boh is a dollar less than the specialty beers that relatively reasonably priced. It's sad that they are milking tourists looking to "get a taste of Baltimore" by jacking up the price of a local favorite.
On the food, the pulled pork sliders were overly spicy and seemed scooped out of a white Sysco tub. The beer selection was laughably deceptive. It was divided up by "Country" but all it contained was the standards. i.e "Holland: Heineken, Heineken Light... Mexico: Corona, Corona Light."
I think that the attraction here is the over use of the word "Dick" to get Larry the Cable Guy-type tourists who still sport a million variations of the "Big Johnson" line of couture to come in and dine. as of yesterday, it seemed to be working.
Something else I don't get is the insult culture. What's the point? Really. It's not funny, and I image the drunker one gets the more they get ticked off.


Please define: unconsion

Prior to this column, I've no recollection of ever hearing of this eatery chain, sounds like calling it truly a restuarant or bar is making a stretch.
It sounds like a low brow Chuck E. Cheese for adults who barely scraped passed adolescence. Apparently Hooter's is high class in comparsion.

I can't imagine people who usually commenters here either
1) going there, given their usual expectations of the selection of potent potables and pricing.
2) Admitting they actually deigned to there.

I can't say I'd never go there but it wouldn't be on my own of at my suggestion.

Yes, vyinventiv, it is a chain.

The Wikipedia entry: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dick's_Last_Resort

Their website: http://www.dickslastresort.com/

"Low brow Chuckie E Cheese" is a perfect descriptive, and "Sysco Scoop" for the food is completely deserved and true. While they do make a fair bit of their offerings from scratch, when you make said products from Sysco beginnings, well, you get what you get. Garbage in, Garbage out.
I fear for the staff when winter comes and tourism drops off. A local place, it will never be, even if they do offer "repeat customer cards" with a discount. It'll be much more mean to you wallet then subway, by far.

Well, at least the former employees of that other bastion of culinary delights at the other end of the strip were able to find a new gig.

Actually, Im a girl standing at about 5'3 and if I sit at the bar, I am fine, so Im just assuming you are physically unproportioned...or you couldnt find anything else to complain about besides the height of the bar and the cost of Boh because apparently you failed to comment on the delicious food made in house. Terrible review, great place!

Actually, Im a girl standing at about 5'3 and if I sit at the bar, I am fine, so Im just assuming you are physically unproportioned...or you couldnt find anything else to complain about besides the height of the bar and the cost of Boh because apparently you failed to comment on the delicious food made in house. Terrible review, great place!

and they have been doing well during the wintertime, so apparently they are doing something right!

In whose house was the delicious food made? How long ago?

When I go out to eat, I usually prefer my delicious food to be made in restaurant.

My date and I were looking for a good place to eat while on a spontaneous trip to the Inner Harbor. We decided to try Dick's because it looked similar to Cheeseburger's In Paradise with a tropical theme. We went in and no one asked us anything like, "how many" or said "hello". There was a girl at the front that just looked at us. Then, the waiter comes up (very rough and loud) and asks us where we wanted to sit. We soon figure out that the theme was very sarcastic and rude. We thought it was kind of humorous and took a seat in the restaurant area. I had a sundress on since it was such a nice day. Then, the waiter starts commenting and says "why are you dressed like that...looks like you want to get laid." He asked my date why he brought me to a place like this and started touching and pulling at his belt buckle because it was shiny. He also said some other derogatory comments to him. Next thing we know, he is slamming a plastic bib around our necks. He slammed it around my date's neck getting it caught on his ears, then mine. He proceeded to use his hand to slit it open down the middle of my chest. Afterwards, he walked away. At that point we both wanted to leave. As we were exiting, he threw up his hands and screamed "come on" so we left and headed for the Cheesecake Factory. In my opinion, this was sexual harassment. He's lucky he didn't get pummeled or thrown into the Harbor. He's even luckier I'm not pressing charges for physically touching me. Its one thing to have a rude and sarcastic restaurant theme, but it’s another to touch guests and make sexual remarks to customers who have never been to the restaurant before. They didn’t ask us if we were aware of the theme either. Personally, I’m embarrassed that Charm City allows a restaurant like this (other reviews claim the food isn’t very good ((I will never know)) and it was not very crowded). DICK’S Last Resort is definitely the last resort for my choice of restaurant. Good luck, Dick.

Cheesecake Factory sounds like your type of place, Molly.

This restaurant is awful! I wouldn't waste my time.

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About Erik Maza
Erik Maza is a features reporter at the Baltimore Sun. He writes for several sections of the Sun paper and contributes weekly columns on music and nightlife. He also writes and edits the Midnight Sun blog. He often covers entertainment, business, and the business of entertainment. Occasionally, he writes about Four Loko, The Block, the liquor board, and those who practice "simulated sex with a potted palm tree." Before The Sun, he was a reporter at the Miami New Times. He's also written for Miami magazine, the Orlando Sentinel, the Sarasota Herald Tribune and the Gainesville Sun. Got tips? Gripes? Pitches? He's reachable at erik.maza@baltsun.com. Click here to keep up with the dumb music he's listening to.

Midnight Sun covers Baltimore music, live entertainment, and nightlife news. On the blog, you'll find, among other things, concert announcements, breaking news, bars closings and openings, up-to-date coverage of crime in nightlife, new music, round-the-clock coverage of Virgin Mobile FreeFest, handy guides on bars staying open past 2 a.m. on New Year's Eve and those that carry Natty Boh on draft. Recurring features include seven-day nightlife guides, Concert News, guest reviews of bars and concerts, Wednesday Corkboard, and photo galleries, as well as reader-submitted photos. Thanks for reading.
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