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July 13, 2010

Owl Meat's Tipsy Tuesdays: If BP had a bar ...

who is the man behind the mask? is there a man behind the mask at  all? MINDFREAK!What? Did you think Owl Meat was gone? Nah, he was just on a brief hiatus, doing his Owly thing. He's back now -- and slicker than ever.

Oil pun!

In light of the whole BP potentially stopping the oil spill thing (about freaking time, guys), Owl Meat has put together a list of the Top Ten Cocktails at the BP Cafe.

Feel free to submit your own, folks.

Without further delay, here they are ...

Top Ten Cocktails at the BP Cafe

1) Flintstone Daiquiri -- WILMAAAAAA!!!

2) Italian Gulf Surfer -- Hang dead, dude.

3) Beep Beep - a.k.a. Louisiana Roadrunner -- drops you like an anvil.

4) Rum, Sodomy and the Lash -- a nostalgic cocktail evoking previous English nautical gifts to humanity.

5) Black and Tan and Blue -- Declare passive-aggressive war on Ireland, I mean the oceans.

6) Slow Uncomfortable Screw -- Sloe gin, Southern Comfort, and OJ. Not orange juice. Served by new BP spokesman O. J. Simpson.

7) Really, Really, Really Dirty Martini -- Boodles gin, bayou water ice and shake. (Meaning you will shake until you convulse.)

8) Treme Cocktail* -- Complex, cluttered, and laudable. Order a round for the table to impress people. Travel back to simpler times when New Orleans only had to worry about hurricanes, voodoo, and Harry Conick, Jr. 

9) Dirty Diana -- ironic tribute to the late Princess of Whales.

10) Stiff Upper Lip -- Tanqueray, Pimm's, and Gulf plume water. Caution: may paralyze entire face, not just upper lip. A fave of BP spokesmen.

* Treme drinking game -- the first person at your table to mention "The Wire" has to chug.

(An activist dressed as death holds an  oil covered  globe June 16, 2010 during a demonstration in Washington, DC against BP for their role in the  oil spill in the Gulf of Mexico. Photo by Getty Images)


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Posted by Sam Sessa at 2:33 PM | | Comments (12)
Categories: Owl Meat's Tipsy Tuesdays
        

Comments

Death? Really? I could swear that was Skeletor.

Ooo it just might have been Skeletor, taking a brief vacation from pestering He-Man. I wonder if Panthor came too?

Fergie would be the Princess of Whales

I think the Death activist looks like Laurence Olivier.

Or Ann Coulter.

If wasn't for sheila dixon this city would have truly have been Charm city, or the city that reads, or birdland, or we must protect this house........good to hear you are back gravy

Pretty good for a guy on the mend. Get well soon Owl!

More BP slimy libations for the mending Owl:
On tap: Jethro's Bubblin' Crude Ale
Eccchs on the Beach
House whine:"but we can't regulate big oil companies, that's soooocialism"(pinto greasio)
Hydrocarboni (in our souvenir Catchment Dome plastic cup)
Gloppy Navel
Dead Grey Goose Float
Brooklyn Earl Grey Iced Tea

Get well soon

Most excellent additions, e-scum. Awesome! I kept asking my doctor for awesome pills, but apparently they either don't exist or are street slang for something illegal.

Hey, has anybody seen the Kia car ad on TV that takes place in "Hamsterdam"? (Referencing the fictional West Baltimore open air drug market from The Wire?)

Ooops. Now I have to chug.

Jethro's Bubblin' Crude Ale. Sublime.

To celebrate BP's origin as the Anglo-Persian Oil Co., how about an Omar Khayyam? It's just a glass of wine from a jug. Bring your own poetry, tree limb, bread, and companion.

Mr. Scum,
Not to put too fine a point on it, but I believe the Clampett to whom you mean to refer would be Jed , he of the errant shot which led to his clan's unlikely financial surfeit. I do get a bee in my bonnet when one confuses their BHs.

On the jukebox at the BP cafe:
"... Because it's oil, it's oil
and it's creepin' in the sea
Oil,oil-
Don't buy it at the station,
you can have it now for free;
Just go down to the shoreline where the water used to be..."
Steve Forbert "The Oil Song" (1979)

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About Erik Maza
Erik Maza is a features reporter at the Baltimore Sun. He writes for several sections of the Sun paper and contributes weekly columns on music and nightlife. He also writes and edits the Midnight Sun blog. He often covers entertainment, business, and the business of entertainment. Occasionally, he writes about Four Loko, The Block, the liquor board, and those who practice "simulated sex with a potted palm tree." Before The Sun, he was a reporter at the Miami New Times. He's also written for Miami magazine, the Orlando Sentinel, the Sarasota Herald Tribune and the Gainesville Sun. Got tips? Gripes? Pitches? He's reachable at erik.maza@baltsun.com. Click here to keep up with the dumb music he's listening to.

Midnight Sun covers Baltimore music, live entertainment, and nightlife news. On the blog, you'll find, among other things, concert announcements, breaking news, bars closings and openings, up-to-date coverage of crime in nightlife, new music, round-the-clock coverage of Virgin Mobile FreeFest, handy guides on bars staying open past 2 a.m. on New Year's Eve and those that carry Natty Boh on draft. Recurring features include seven-day nightlife guides, Concert News, guest reviews of bars and concerts, Wednesday Corkboard, and photo galleries, as well as reader-submitted photos. Thanks for reading.
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