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June 8, 2010

Owl Meat's Tipsy Tuesdays: Earth Bar

who wants a shot of ... THE WORLD?!?!?!

Since I'm still snowed in with post-vacation work, I'm going to skip the usual intro and let Owl Meat Gravy do his thing with today's column:

I had a dream about the best bar ever:

•    The French make the wine (and Cognac and Champagne, but not beer).

•    The Spanish make the bar snacks. ¡Tapas! ¡Olé! Death to American tapas!

•    The English mop the floors and clean the toilets. Drool, Britannia drool. (NSFW)

•    The Scots make the whisky.

•    The Irish tell the jokes.

•    The Germans do the accounting.

•    The bartenders are monkeys. ...

•    The cocktail waitresses are from Barcelona.

•    The bar-backs are penguins.

Then I had a nightmare about the worst bar ever:

•    The English make the wine and cook.

•    The Greeks do the accounting.(Skip to 3:05)

•    The Germans are the hosts/hostesses.

•    Thais make the whiskey.

•    The Spanish and Italians make the schedules.

•    The cocktail waitresses are from New Jersey.

•    The Dutch make the liqueur (Avocado is not a mixer!)

•    The Austrians tell the jokes.

•    The bartender is this guy.

•    The Scots make the bar snacks. (Haggis happy hour, anyone?) 

•    The regulars are drunk thieving monkeys.

Thoughts?

(Getty Images photo)


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Posted by Sam Sessa at 11:39 AM | | Comments (16)
Categories: Owl Meat's Tipsy Tuesdays
        

Comments

Only problem is, nobody made any beer.

For the good bar, the American craft-beer makers make the good draft beers and the British make the cask-conditioned beer (or Olivers/Pratt Street).

For the bad bar, the Chinese make the beer.

And of course I'll fly the St. Andrew's Cross for Scotland by bumping it from bad food to good food with Scotch eggs and fried Mars bars.

D'oh! Forgot the beer.

For the good bar, the American craft-beer makers make the good draft beers and the British make the cask-conditioned beer (or Olivers/Pratt Street).

----

Don't forget those crazy Belgian monks!

But, on a more realistic note... I don't know how you expect anything to get done, ever, with an englishman, a scot, and an irishman working in the same place. Hell, I would be surprised if it was still standing after the first day.

On the bright side, opening day would have a hell of a fireworks show!

Wait, fireworks? Who invited the Chinese?

I don't know how you expect anything to get done, ever, with an englishman, a scot, and an irishman working in the same place.

Ha! Brilliant. Definitely needs German managers and bouncers.

Given that mix of combustible material, maybe we could call it Donnybrook's.

Given that mix of combustible material, maybe we could call it Donnybrook's.

----

Or maybe Boondock Bravehearts.

How about some German beer and Irish whiskey? Ya? Slainte!

" ...call it Donnybrook's"

How about Brewhaha?

Shazam! I love Brewhaha. That now has a place in my pantheon of great bars names along with Rub-A-Dub Club, The Awesome Zone, C.H.U.D.'s – The Place for C.H.U.D.s, and HItlerbarf's.

Still looking for a good name for my combo Irish/German bar.

McKrauty's?

Shamrocks & Swastikas

Hitlerbarf's might work for an Irish/German bar...

Hi, I'm here to take out a loan to open a bar.

What's the name of the bar?

P. J. McHitlerbarf's Krank & Disorderly Pub.

Denied. Security!

Love the planet ice-cube-sphere. Global cooling.

Still looking for a good name for my combo Irish/German bar.

------

Angry Drunks.

More Combo Irish/German bar name also-rans:

The Stout and Kraut
Ich Bin Ein Dubliner
Fritzpatrick's
The Saxon Shamrock
Ostern-Aufstand
Erin Go Bratwurst

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About Erik Maza
Erik Maza is a features reporter at the Baltimore Sun. He writes for several sections of the Sun paper and contributes weekly columns on music and nightlife. He also writes and edits the Midnight Sun blog. He often covers entertainment, business, and the business of entertainment. Occasionally, he writes about Four Loko, The Block, the liquor board, and those who practice "simulated sex with a potted palm tree." Before The Sun, he was a reporter at the Miami New Times. He's also written for Miami magazine, the Orlando Sentinel, the Sarasota Herald Tribune and the Gainesville Sun. Got tips? Gripes? Pitches? He's reachable at erik.maza@baltsun.com. Click here to keep up with the dumb music he's listening to.

Midnight Sun covers Baltimore music, live entertainment, and nightlife news. On the blog, you'll find, among other things, concert announcements, breaking news, bars closings and openings, up-to-date coverage of crime in nightlife, new music, round-the-clock coverage of Virgin Mobile FreeFest, handy guides on bars staying open past 2 a.m. on New Year's Eve and those that carry Natty Boh on draft. Recurring features include seven-day nightlife guides, Concert News, guest reviews of bars and concerts, Wednesday Corkboard, and photo galleries, as well as reader-submitted photos. Thanks for reading.
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