Owl Meat's Tipsy Tuesdays: Earth Bar
Since I'm still snowed in with post-vacation work, I'm going to skip the usual intro and let Owl Meat Gravy do his thing with today's column:
I had a dream about the best bar ever:
• The French make the wine (and Cognac and Champagne, but not beer).
• The Spanish make the bar snacks. ¡Tapas! ¡Olé! Death to American tapas!
• The English mop the floors and clean the toilets. Drool, Britannia drool. (NSFW)
• The Scots make the whisky.
• The Irish tell the jokes.
• The Germans do the accounting.
• The bartenders are monkeys. ...
• The bar-backs are penguins.
Then I had a nightmare about the worst bar ever:
• The English make the wine and cook.
• The Greeks do the accounting.(Skip to 3:05)
• The Germans are the hosts/hostesses.
• Thais make the whiskey.
• The Spanish and Italians make the schedules.
• The cocktail waitresses are from New Jersey.
• The Dutch make the liqueur (Avocado is not a mixer!)
• The Austrians tell the jokes.
• The bartender is this guy.
• The Scots make the bar snacks. (Haggis happy hour, anyone?)
• The regulars are drunk thieving monkeys.
(Getty Images photo)