Owl Meat's Tipsy Tuesdays: Earth Bar
Since I'm still snowed in with post-vacation work, I'm going to skip the usual intro and let Owl Meat Gravy do his thing with today's column:
I had a dream about the best bar ever:
• The French make the wine (and Cognac and Champagne, but not beer).
• The Spanish make the bar snacks. ¡Tapas! ¡Olé! Death to American tapas!
• The English mop the floors and clean the toilets. Drool, Britannia drool. (NSFW)
• The Scots make the whisky.
• The Irish tell the jokes.
• The Germans do the accounting.
• The bartenders are monkeys. ...
• The bar-backs are penguins.
Then I had a nightmare about the worst bar ever:
• The English make the wine and cook.
• The Greeks do the accounting.(Skip to 3:05)
• The Germans are the hosts/hostesses.
• Thais make the whiskey.
• The Spanish and Italians make the schedules.
• The cocktail waitresses are from New Jersey.
• The Dutch make the liqueur (Avocado is not a mixer!)
• The Austrians tell the jokes.
• The bartender is this guy.
• The Scots make the bar snacks. (Haggis happy hour, anyone?)
• The regulars are drunk thieving monkeys.
Thoughts?
(Getty Images photo)
Erik Maza is a features reporter at the Baltimore Sun. He writes for several sections of the Sun paper and contributes weekly columns on music and nightlife. He also writes and edits the Midnight Sun blog. He often covers entertainment, business, and the business of entertainment. Occasionally, he writes about Four Loko, The Block, the liquor board, and those who practice "
Comments
Only problem is, nobody made any beer.
For the good bar, the American craft-beer makers make the good draft beers and the British make the cask-conditioned beer (or Olivers/Pratt Street).
For the bad bar, the Chinese make the beer.
And of course I'll fly the St. Andrew's Cross for Scotland by bumping it from bad food to good food with Scotch eggs and fried Mars bars.
Posted by: Alexander D. Mitchell IV | June 8, 2010 12:44 PM
D'oh! Forgot the beer.
Posted by: Owl Meat Gravy | June 8, 2010 1:45 PM
For the good bar, the American craft-beer makers make the good draft beers and the British make the cask-conditioned beer (or Olivers/Pratt Street).
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Don't forget those crazy Belgian monks!
But, on a more realistic note... I don't know how you expect anything to get done, ever, with an englishman, a scot, and an irishman working in the same place. Hell, I would be surprised if it was still standing after the first day.
On the bright side, opening day would have a hell of a fireworks show!
Posted by: Dave F. | June 8, 2010 2:10 PM
Wait, fireworks? Who invited the Chinese?
Posted by: TS | June 8, 2010 2:22 PM
I don't know how you expect anything to get done, ever, with an englishman, a scot, and an irishman working in the same place.
Ha! Brilliant. Definitely needs German managers and bouncers.
Given that mix of combustible material, maybe we could call it Donnybrook's.
Posted by: Owl Meat Gravy | June 8, 2010 2:25 PM
Given that mix of combustible material, maybe we could call it Donnybrook's.
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Or maybe Boondock Bravehearts.
Posted by: Dave F. | June 8, 2010 2:32 PM
How about some German beer and Irish whiskey? Ya? Slainte!
Posted by: baltimoregal | June 8, 2010 5:48 PM
" ...call it Donnybrook's"
How about Brewhaha?
Posted by: invincible summer | June 9, 2010 6:55 AM
Shazam! I love Brewhaha. That now has a place in my pantheon of great bars names along with Rub-A-Dub Club, The Awesome Zone, C.H.U.D.'s – The Place for C.H.U.D.s, and HItlerbarf's.
Still looking for a good name for my combo Irish/German bar.
Posted by: Owl Meat Gravy | June 9, 2010 9:24 AM
McKrauty's?
Posted by: Dave | June 9, 2010 2:34 PM
Shamrocks & Swastikas
Posted by: Stagger Lee | June 9, 2010 3:08 PM
Hitlerbarf's might work for an Irish/German bar...
Posted by: baltimoregal | June 9, 2010 5:06 PM
Hi, I'm here to take out a loan to open a bar.
What's the name of the bar?
P. J. McHitlerbarf's Krank & Disorderly Pub.
Denied. Security!
Posted by: Owl Meat Von Galway | June 9, 2010 6:25 PM
Love the planet ice-cube-sphere. Global cooling.
Posted by: Camille Quelquejeu | June 10, 2010 7:29 AM
Still looking for a good name for my combo Irish/German bar.
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Angry Drunks.
Posted by: Dave F. | June 10, 2010 8:07 AM
More Combo Irish/German bar name also-rans:
The Stout and Kraut
Ich Bin Ein Dubliner
Fritzpatrick's
The Saxon Shamrock
Ostern-Aufstand
Erin Go Bratwurst
Posted by: Tir na noogie | June 22, 2010 2:14 PM