Owl Meat's Tipsy Tuesdays: The world's worst bar names
This post doesn't even need an intro. Here's Owl Meat Gravy with another hilarious installment:
We've discussed good and bad bar names in the past.
My faves are Rub-A-Dub Club, The Awesome Zone, ZombieBar, and Xtreme Cilantro. One of my bartender friends named Kyle, a Michigan native and Detroit Red Wings fan, wants to open a bar with three of his friends. The proposed name: Quad Wingers.
Oooo, exquisitely bad name.
Quad Wingers is laughably bad, but there are worse names. Ladies and gentlemen, I present the world's worst bar names. Savor ...
Syphilitic Mike's Old Man Keno Bar
Beers for Fears
Claddagh Pub based on the novel Push by Sapphire
The Barf Trough
Sarah Palin's Tundra from Down Under Gentleman's Club
Urine the Money
T.G.I. Enema's
Roofie McPervy's Martini Bar
The Corpse You Came In On
Fraulein Thunderkraut's Brew Haus
Stabby McGee's
Ben Roethlisberger's Cozy Corner
You're A Peein' Lounge
Club Crunk & Disorderly
Bad Hygiene Decisions
Dave & Buster & Hitler's
Scabby's Drinkateria
Grand Crud Wine Bar
Lap Dances & Tech Support
Hard *ock Café
L.P. Cleveland Steamers
Rusty's Scupper
Karaoke-Dokey
The Scrote Pit
Flavio's Brazilian Lounge & Wax
Sauerkraut Belch Factory
Jetset Mafia Presents DoucheBar
Please add your own ideas. As a bonus, I will buy a drink for the authors of my favorite submissions at the next Midnight Sun gathering.*
*Rare cognac and Scotch excluded. Void where prohibited. Not valid in American Samoa or the Marshall Islands. Not open to residents of Michigan, ex-girl friends, Red Wing fans, or investors in Quad Wingers. Judging is completely arbitrary and unfair.
Slainte.
(Photo by Getty Images)
Erik Maza is a features reporter at the Baltimore Sun. He writes for several sections of the Sun paper and contributes weekly columns on music and nightlife. He also writes and edits the Midnight Sun blog. He often covers entertainment, business, and the business of entertainment. Occasionally, he writes about Four Loko, The Block, the liquor board, and those who practice "
Comments
The Fart Box
Posted by: Anonymous | May 4, 2010 10:45 AM
I know that Rusty Scupper is affectionately referred to as the "Crusty Rubber" among some in my circle of friends.
Posted by: Cardwell | May 4, 2010 10:46 AM
B.J. Spittle's
Get Shot 'n' a Beer Urban Lounge
Closed for Renovations (but I guess that could be a restaurant too)
Posted by: fizzy | May 4, 2010 10:46 AM
Tipsy McStagger's Good Time Drinking and Eating Emporium
Posted by: bryanintowson | May 4, 2010 11:03 AM
The Chlamydia Cafe
Posted by: Krulos | May 4, 2010 11:17 AM
Nadd's
Posted by: JTK | May 4, 2010 11:26 AM
Roofies
Posted by: The Sunshine Kid | May 4, 2010 11:44 AM
No Juice Allowed
Sweaterback's
Tetny's Shots
Posted by: BigPhilMD | May 4, 2010 11:45 AM
Hooter's
Rodo's ( called Rodon't in our circle)
Posted by: Baltimocker | May 4, 2010 12:54 PM
Dead Babies LTD
Chode Haüs
WASP'S (a wine bar)
Brohauser's Awesomecave
Lacrossetitute's
Brick to the face Skellar
Chums - a place for chums
C.H.U.D.S. - a place for C.H.U.D.S.
Posted by: Evan | May 4, 2010 1:06 PM
D.T. McShakeys - when you will drink the wringing of the bar rag, and like it!
Emisis Drafthouse - bad beer on 100 different drafts!
White Hats Bar & Grill - no polo popped collar, no service
Bitters & Cordials - house specialty of Irish Cream & Lime juice
Posted by: Stagger Lee | May 4, 2010 2:27 PM
Lots of good ones but I think Evan is in the lead.
Posted by: Owl Meat Gravy | May 4, 2010 2:32 PM
The Fist Pumphouse
Uncle Fester's Meat Room and Billiards Bar
Undead Freddie's
Cancer Bar
Posted by: BA | May 4, 2010 3:24 PM
How about a REAL one, and I should get bonus points for that fact:
The Wharf Rat
Say what you want about the maritime history of Fells Point and Pratt Street, but were they really thinking when they opened up a restaurant bar with the word "RAT" in the name--at a location that put it directly across the street from the main entrance of the Convention Center when the latter expanded?
Posted by: Alexander D. Mitchell IV | May 4, 2010 3:43 PM
Hummers.
Posted by: Rube Goldberg | May 4, 2010 4:02 PM
Under Obama Scare
Biden's Plagiarism
Nancy Pelosi's Minion's
Dead Ed Kennedy's
Strangers to the Truth
Posted by: karlosi | May 4, 2010 4:08 PM
Hobager's
The Douchery
Posted by: Meekrat | May 4, 2010 5:20 PM
The Dining Anus
Food Orifice
Charlie Daniels' Colostomy Bag
The Squeeze-n-Gag
Bork Shank
O'Slammy's
Just Mush
Blort Gourmet
Scrapple Shack Sushi
Coprophagia
Posted by: trainofbutter | May 4, 2010 6:21 PM
The Owl Meat Gravy Bar
Frightening. Almost as bad as the Man Gravy Bar.
C.H.U.D.S. - a place for C.H.U.D.S.
Up high, broseph!
Points to fizzy, Stagger, BA and meekrat. Hobager's! Nice, that's a bit of skankstalgia.
I can't believe nobody parodied Brewer' Art. Too easy?
Posted by: VoodooPork ■|:o) | May 4, 2010 7:39 PM
Bazinga! Way to bring it, trainofbutter. Come on people, get down with your bad selves
Posted by: Owl Meat Gravy | May 4, 2010 7:53 PM
ADMIV, excellent historical perspective. No bonus points! I told you it was arbitrary.
Posted by: Owl Meat Gravy | May 4, 2010 7:56 PM
Hostages
Triage
Boil, Boil, Toil & Trouble
Intake
Pepto's
Happy Endings
Dark Alley
Jailbait
The Big Surprise
Posted by: Colonel Tamar | May 4, 2010 8:01 PM
an unfunny pissing contest of gutter dreck
Posted by: jacqui | May 4, 2010 8:28 PM
Some I want to add:
Glory Hole
Par Tay
Jim Breuer's Brewery & Comedy Factory
Deliverance
Posted by: Colonel Tamar | May 4, 2010 8:51 PM
Deliverance
Trendy's
Glory Hole
Jim Breuer's Brewery & Comedy Factory
Jailbait
Suburban Fun
Corporate
Cross the Velvet Rope
The Big Surprise
MILF
Posted by: Colonel Tamar | May 4, 2010 9:04 PM
Oh, there used to be a bar in Georgetown called Poseurs. At least they were honest.
Here's another name:
Loser Frat
Posted by: Colonel Tamar | May 4, 2010 9:10 PM
Par Tay made me laugh.
an unfunny pissing contest of gutter dreck
Is that a bar name or criticism? I'm gonna bet that a pretty girl wins the contest. ;-P
Posted by: Amanda C | May 4, 2010 9:52 PM
The Chalk Outline
Pretty in Puke
C. Bedgraves' Pride of Baltimore
Ghoulihan's
Auntie Shigella's
Donner's Partytime
B.P. Oilrigger's Sip 'n Spill
P.T. O'Maine's
Bradford Bishop's Hideaway
Projectile
The Orifice Downunder Lounge
DeFenestrationi's Windows on the Inner Harbor
Dismembers Only
Shooters' 2nd Amendment Pub
Posted by: cocoon of self-banishment | May 5, 2010 6:16 AM
Look Behind You
Posted by: bryanintowson | May 5, 2010 8:34 AM
This is fun. Special huzzah to the names trainofbutter and cocoon of self-banishment
Posted by: Owl Meat Gravy | May 5, 2010 10:02 AM
Gangrene Cilantro
Posted by: Skittles | May 5, 2010 10:35 AM
Meathead's Haus of Beer Pong
The Festering Pustule
Posted by: RayRay | May 5, 2010 11:17 AM
Chesticles
Posted by: RayRay | May 5, 2010 11:19 AM
A-hole in the Wall
Genocider House Tavern
Posted by: Anonymous | May 5, 2010 11:37 AM
Rusty Trombone Scupper
Big Ben's Dick's Halfway Inn
Bird Flu of a Feather
The Brewer's Fart
The Bloody Bucket
Posted by: Tony Ravioli | May 5, 2010 11:50 AM
Atrocities
The Cloaca Club
The Nightshade Lounge
(And a note of approval for Auntie Shigella's)
Posted by: Cheap Jim | May 5, 2010 11:52 AM
Colonel Angus'
Posted by: RayRay | May 5, 2010 12:05 PM
Club Baby Seal
Posted by: MR Nacho | May 5, 2010 12:30 PM
In & Out & In Burger
Posted by: Skittles | May 5, 2010 12:39 PM
Helmut's Glistening Bungalow
Lebanese Smegmaverna
Pillowbiters Anonymous
Hair Where it Shouldn't Be
Pickle Stinker's Love Tunnel
Cracksanormous Arts and Entertainment
The Gilded Beef Curtain
Abby's Furburger Bistro
Uncle Lester's Cargo Van
JD's Tainthouse
Posted by: HOZ | May 5, 2010 1:51 PM
The Whistling Oyster
Posted by: VoodooPork ■|:o) | May 5, 2010 2:11 PM
What hath Gravy wrought?
Posted by: Amanda C | May 5, 2010 2:14 PM