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May 4, 2010

Owl Meat's Tipsy Tuesdays: The world's worst bar names

This post doesn't even need an intro. Here's Owl Meat Gravy with another hilarious installment:

We've discussed good and bad bar names in the past.

My faves are Rub-A-Dub Club, The Awesome Zone, ZombieBar, and Xtreme Cilantro. One of my bartender friends named Kyle, a Michigan native and Detroit Red Wings fan, wants to open a bar with three of his friends. The proposed name: Quad Wingers.

Oooo, exquisitely bad name.

Quad Wingers is laughably bad, but there are worse names. Ladies and gentlemen, I present the world's worst bar names. Savor ...

Syphilitic Mike's Old Man Keno Bar
Beers for Fears
Claddagh Pub based on the novel Push by Sapphire
The Barf Trough
Sarah Palin's Tundra from Down Under Gentleman's Club
Urine the Money
T.G.I. Enema's
Roofie McPervy's Martini Bar
The Corpse You Came In On
Fraulein Thunderkraut's Brew Haus
Stabby McGee's
Ben Roethlisberger's Cozy Corner
You're A Peein' Lounge
Club Crunk & Disorderly
Bad Hygiene Decisions
Dave & Buster & Hitler's
Scabby's Drinkateria
Grand Crud Wine Bar
Lap Dances & Tech Support
Hard *ock Café
L.P. Cleveland Steamers
Rusty's Scupper
The Scrote Pit
Flavio's Brazilian Lounge & Wax
Sauerkraut Belch Factory
Jetset Mafia Presents DoucheBar

Please add your own ideas. As a bonus, I will buy a drink for the authors of my favorite submissions at the next Midnight Sun gathering.*

*Rare cognac and Scotch excluded. Void where prohibited. Not valid in American Samoa or the Marshall Islands. Not open to residents of Michigan, ex-girl friends, Red Wing fans, or investors in Quad Wingers. Judging is completely arbitrary and unfair.


(Photo by Getty Images)

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Posted by Sam Sessa at 10:17 AM | | Comments (42)
Categories: Owl Meat's Tipsy Tuesdays


The Fart Box

I know that Rusty Scupper is affectionately referred to as the "Crusty Rubber" among some in my circle of friends.

B.J. Spittle's

Get Shot 'n' a Beer Urban Lounge

Closed for Renovations (but I guess that could be a restaurant too)

Tipsy McStagger's Good Time Drinking and Eating Emporium

The Chlamydia Cafe



No Juice Allowed


Tetny's Shots


Rodo's ( called Rodon't in our circle)

Dead Babies LTD
Chode Haüs
WASP'S (a wine bar)
Brohauser's Awesomecave
Brick to the face Skellar
Chums - a place for chums
C.H.U.D.S. - a place for C.H.U.D.S.

D.T. McShakeys - when you will drink the wringing of the bar rag, and like it!

Emisis Drafthouse - bad beer on 100 different drafts!

White Hats Bar & Grill - no polo popped collar, no service

Bitters & Cordials - house specialty of Irish Cream & Lime juice

Lots of good ones but I think Evan is in the lead.

The Fist Pumphouse

Uncle Fester's Meat Room and Billiards Bar

Undead Freddie's

Cancer Bar

How about a REAL one, and I should get bonus points for that fact:

The Wharf Rat

Say what you want about the maritime history of Fells Point and Pratt Street, but were they really thinking when they opened up a restaurant bar with the word "RAT" in the name--at a location that put it directly across the street from the main entrance of the Convention Center when the latter expanded?


Under Obama Scare
Biden's Plagiarism
Nancy Pelosi's Minion's
Dead Ed Kennedy's
Strangers to the Truth


The Douchery

The Dining Anus
Food Orifice
Charlie Daniels' Colostomy Bag
The Squeeze-n-Gag
Bork Shank
Just Mush
Blort Gourmet
Scrapple Shack Sushi

The Owl Meat Gravy Bar

Frightening. Almost as bad as the Man Gravy Bar.

C.H.U.D.S. - a place for C.H.U.D.S.

Up high, broseph!

Points to fizzy, Stagger, BA and meekrat. Hobager's! Nice, that's a bit of skankstalgia.

I can't believe nobody parodied Brewer' Art. Too easy?

Bazinga! Way to bring it, trainofbutter. Come on people, get down with your bad selves

ADMIV, excellent historical perspective. No bonus points! I told you it was arbitrary.



Boil, Boil, Toil & Trouble



Happy Endings

Dark Alley


The Big Surprise

an unfunny pissing contest of gutter dreck

Some I want to add:

Glory Hole

Par Tay

Jim Breuer's Brewery & Comedy Factory




Glory Hole

Jim Breuer's Brewery & Comedy Factory


Suburban Fun


Cross the Velvet Rope

The Big Surprise


Oh, there used to be a bar in Georgetown called Poseurs. At least they were honest.

Here's another name:
Loser Frat

Par Tay made me laugh.

an unfunny pissing contest of gutter dreck

Is that a bar name or criticism? I'm gonna bet that a pretty girl wins the contest. ;-P

The Chalk Outline
Pretty in Puke
C. Bedgraves' Pride of Baltimore
Auntie Shigella's
Donner's Partytime
B.P. Oilrigger's Sip 'n Spill
P.T. O'Maine's
Bradford Bishop's Hideaway
The Orifice Downunder Lounge
DeFenestrationi's Windows on the Inner Harbor
Dismembers Only
Shooters' 2nd Amendment Pub

Look Behind You

This is fun. Special huzzah to the names trainofbutter and cocoon of self-banishment

Gangrene Cilantro

Meathead's Haus of Beer Pong

The Festering Pustule


A-hole in the Wall

Genocider House Tavern

Rusty Trombone Scupper
Big Ben's Dick's Halfway Inn
Bird Flu of a Feather
The Brewer's Fart
The Bloody Bucket


The Cloaca Club

The Nightshade Lounge

(And a note of approval for Auntie Shigella's)

Colonel Angus'

Club Baby Seal

In & Out & In Burger

Helmut's Glistening Bungalow
Lebanese Smegmaverna
Pillowbiters Anonymous
Hair Where it Shouldn't Be
Pickle Stinker's Love Tunnel
Cracksanormous Arts and Entertainment
The Gilded Beef Curtain
Abby's Furburger Bistro
Uncle Lester's Cargo Van
JD's Tainthouse

The Whistling Oyster

What hath Gravy wrought?

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About Erik Maza
Erik Maza is a features reporter at the Baltimore Sun. He writes for several sections of the Sun paper and contributes weekly columns on music and nightlife. He also writes and edits the Midnight Sun blog. He often covers entertainment, business, and the business of entertainment. Occasionally, he writes about Four Loko, The Block, the liquor board, and those who practice "simulated sex with a potted palm tree." Before The Sun, he was a reporter at the Miami New Times. He's also written for Miami magazine, the Orlando Sentinel, the Sarasota Herald Tribune and the Gainesville Sun. Got tips? Gripes? Pitches? He's reachable at Click here to keep up with the dumb music he's listening to.

Midnight Sun covers Baltimore music, live entertainment, and nightlife news. On the blog, you'll find, among other things, concert announcements, breaking news, bars closings and openings, up-to-date coverage of crime in nightlife, new music, round-the-clock coverage of Virgin Mobile FreeFest, handy guides on bars staying open past 2 a.m. on New Year's Eve and those that carry Natty Boh on draft. Recurring features include seven-day nightlife guides, Concert News, guest reviews of bars and concerts, Wednesday Corkboard, and photo galleries, as well as reader-submitted photos. Thanks for reading.

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