Owl Meat's Tipsy Tuesdays: I'd buy that for a dollar!
Today's column by Owl Meat Gravy made me think of that awesome variety show on "Robocop", where the host's catchphrase is "I'd buy that for a dollar!" I would! Would you? Here's professor Owl Meat, with a dissertation about bar-cenomics:
What if drinks were priced like stocks? What if prices varied by demand from minute to minute? Today's Tipsy Tuesday goes all Wall Street on your assets. Greed is good, but bier ist besser.
Sam Adams' stock (SAM) ranged from $27 to $63 in the last year. A bottle of Samuel Adams' beer, however, has been $5.25 all year at one local watering hole.
Exchange Bar recently opened in the Financial District in Manhattan. They set their prices according to demand, like stocks. The bar has a stock ticker-style display above the bar that shows the current prices of food and drinks ...
All food and drinks have a base price. A pint of Guinness is priced at $6, but could fluctuate between $4 and $8 in 25 cent increments, depending upon how popular it is on a given night.
In my experience bar products that don't move just get older. I'm talking to you dusty bottle of Pimm's No. 1 Cup. Sometimes a bar might put something on special to get rid of it. The innovation here is that they are lowering prices to spur demand and cashing in on high demand.
A review of customer comments shows little interest in the gimmick. It may get attention from the press, but apparently cool bathrooms, awesome wings, and an appearance by some dude named Jeter is making the place a success. Of course, comments on sites like that might be mostly shills. It's amazing how similar the bar scene in back-water Baltimore is to fabulous downtown Gotham.
Sure, it's a gimmick, but it's an interesting one. This system punishes the trendy and die-hard brand loyalists. It rewards the flexible and thrifty. Given the number of unemployed stock brokers in New York, I can see the appeal.
Speaking of gimmicks, if you haven't unloaded your spare Euros at Milan, you might consider doing so soon. The Euro is sinking like a paper canoe. It lost twenty percent of its value against the dollar in the last six months. Nice job, Greece. Thanks for civilization; may we introduce you to the concept of the budget? Opa!
You could also have a system where prices fluctuate based upon the number of people in a bar. That would encourage people to show up when it's less busy. Happy hour does that in a crude way.
Now if only someone would invent a system that had a tool/meathead surcharge. Faux-hawk? Ka-ching. Neck tattoo? Ka-ching. Ascot? Ka-ching-ching. Backwards baseball cap? Bazinga. Popped collar? Bazinga-ching! Of course, if you have all of the above, you drink for free.(Photo by Getty Images)