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April 27, 2010

Owl Meat's Tipsy Tuesdays: Tired of fake nice? Come to Rudey's!

rudey's

If Rudey's existed, I think I'd be a regular. What's Rudey's, you ask? Read on, as Owl Meat takes us there.

Tired of robot corporate service? Sick of false pleasantries? Come to Rudey's, where you will be treated like the miserable dog you are.

I hate fake nice service. Genuine nice is great, but fake nice makes my skin crawl. Think hotel bars. I'm talking to you, Harbor East Marriott.

That's where Rudey's comes in. Rudey's is the bar where you and your bartender can be all man-gressive and get yer ya yas out. Think of the Soup Nazi from Seinfeld. Good product, efficient service, and no fluffing your ego. Unlike the Soup Nazi, you get to dish it out too. ...

This is probably a guy thing. I enjoy places where I have street rapport with bartenders. It's a cathartic male bonding thing.

A bartender recently suggested a beer called Arrogant Bastard. Half-listening, I heard yadda yadda Arrogant Bastard. I responded with a mild profanity. Oops, that was a beer not a greeting. We laughed.

At one of my favorite watering holes, a Russian waitress and friend used to greet me at happy hour with, "Hey, you chip baztard." Once I realized that she was referring to my attendance at happy hour and not my tipping habits, it made me laugh.

rudey's 2At the same place, bartenders and I engaged in unspeakably vulgar banter. We competed to embarrass each other. They would type in things like "%*&^  #%&* " as my check name. That backfired when they realized that my food checks went to the kitchen with the bartender's name attached as "Jack molests kittens" (but way more obscene).

There are rules at Rudey's. Neither the customer nor the bartender can be personally abusive. Racial epithets are uncool. In verbal sparring there are rules, mostly no hitting below the belt.

Nice is nice, but sometimes we need some old fashioned aggression outlets. It's a bad idea to yell at your girlfriend or wife. Consider the bartender at Rudey's your surrogate argu-mate.

I'm not suggesting abusive or sadistic service like you might find at the legendary Wiener Circle in Chicago (NSFW). That's just soul staining.

There was an S&M restaurant in New York where they served you dinner in a dog dish on the floor. Too much.

Rudey's ... Where Everybody Knows Your Name ... Is Dumbass

Play me out, Johnny Thunders.

Just for kicks, here are two more masochistic videos from the Velvet Underground and the Descendents.

(Photos by Getty Images)


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Posted by Sam Sessa at 10:02 AM | | Comments (9)
Categories: Owl Meat's Tipsy Tuesdays
        

Comments

I remember going to a place called Dick's Last Resort down in Myrtle Beach a decade or so ago. They had a similar business plan. They served barbeque and other similar comfort food, but the place was a mess - sawdust on the floors, shabbily furnished, and rude waitstaff who yelled at you.

I don't remember it being particularly funny or invective. But i'm guessing the seasonal workers in a South Carolina beach town, aren't working with as much venom and guile as the Milkshakers at Weiner Circle.

These kind of places can be fun, but one drawback is that they are all more or less wiener circles. BA-dam.

Its worth mentioning that there is a mathematically proven formula in which fake-niceness is in direct proportion to the price of drinks.

You'll find the most fake niceness at strip clubs and airport bars.

You'll find the least fake niceness in divey neighborhood bars and Latino joints.

Good one, Chop. Airport bars literally steal a piece of your soul. Is there nothing worse than the fake familiarity of the airport bar slit-skirt cocktail waitress?

You find that link during your Phil Collins "research", Owlie?

You find that link during your Phil Collins "research", Owlie?

Nope. Aaaaaaa... Phil Collins is EVERYWHERE.

Phi-il Collins is watching me he sees my every move ...

Have many other people noticed that for many very popular and successful chain pubs/resturants the service at the bar and table is often better than what i experience at non chain places. The food usually isn't so good but those chains often have drilled the servers well and have headsets making highschool kids into near robots in their checking refill levels, water, offering water etc. This should be noted - these standardized service successes.

Well, Hal, if you want a robot experience that sounds great. I don't consider robot service good service, but maybe you do.I kind of like humans.

Bar encounters

The Hollies - Long Cool Woman in a Black Dress
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lP94PlEtsEQ

Funnier in a Raymond Chandler sort of way,
Bonzo Dog Do Da Band - Big Shot
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KYULQT2ObkU

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About Erik Maza
Erik Maza is a features reporter at the Baltimore Sun. He writes for several sections of the Sun paper and contributes weekly columns on music and nightlife. He also writes and edits the Midnight Sun blog. He often covers entertainment, business, and the business of entertainment. Occasionally, he writes about Four Loko, The Block, the liquor board, and those who practice "simulated sex with a potted palm tree." Before The Sun, he was a reporter at the Miami New Times. He's also written for Miami magazine, the Orlando Sentinel, the Sarasota Herald Tribune and the Gainesville Sun. Got tips? Gripes? Pitches? He's reachable at erik.maza@baltsun.com. Click here to keep up with the dumb music he's listening to.

Midnight Sun covers Baltimore music, live entertainment, and nightlife news. On the blog, you'll find, among other things, concert announcements, breaking news, bars closings and openings, up-to-date coverage of crime in nightlife, new music, round-the-clock coverage of Virgin Mobile FreeFest, handy guides on bars staying open past 2 a.m. on New Year's Eve and those that carry Natty Boh on draft. Recurring features include seven-day nightlife guides, Concert News, guest reviews of bars and concerts, Wednesday Corkboard, and photo galleries, as well as reader-submitted photos. Thanks for reading.
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