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April 6, 2010

Owl Meat's Tipsy Tuesdays: Music math

I was never good at math. But music math? It's all starting to add up now. Here's Owl Meat:

Breaking news -- Scientists prove that Coldplay is boring

A survey of British hotel guests asked what music people played to fall asleep. Coldplay came in No. 1. The first time I heard Coldplay, I thought, "That sounds familiar. It's like Catherine Wheel and Radiohead had a boring baby."

That bit of mental algebra inspired today's diversion: Music Math. The rules are simple: There are no rules or wrong answers. I'll start off with a few of my own, which I hope will amuse you, but I'm expecting a certain amount teeth gnashing.

Coldplay = Radiohead + Catherine Wheel + tryptophan - exciting

Van Morrison = God + Jameson's

Jay-Z = Henry Kissinger + Bill Cosby ...

Black Eyed Peas = ( (Spice Girls) / 5 + Tony! Toni! Toné!) x fist pumping

Lady Gaga = (Madonna + Elton John) / Narnia

Paul McCartney = Angela Lansbury + Dora the Explorer

Yo La Tengo = Velvet Underground - heroin - Nico - cello  + Hoboken

Harry Connick, Jr. = 1955 Frank Sinatra + (lame / gumbo)

Moby = (early '70s Brian Eno + iMac) x sellout

Morrissey (2010) = Morrissey (1984) - 30 percent rage + 12 percent Bryan Ferry + 17 percent Vegas Elvis

Pink = One non-Four-Non-Blonde + (Red Bull x tater tot)

Shakira = Punky Brewster - kitsch + (Viagra x habaneros)
Vampire Weekend = King Sunny Ade + Talking Heads + Blur

Midnight Sunners, I challenge you to create some of your own perverse music math. Now I will retire to the Owl Meat bunker in case Jay-Z is looking for some payback.

(Photo by Getty Images)

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Posted by Sam Sessa at 10:20 AM | | Comments (63)
Categories: Owl Meat's Tipsy Tuesdays


Tony, Toni, Tone? LOL

Points off for your Morrissey homework, Owlie.
Morrrisey 2010 = Manager of Milan + shampoo spokeman

This might be your best yet, OMG.

When I was poking around looking for interesting links, I found a great clip (but with bad sound) of Yo La Tengo and Alex Chilton. The choice of covering the Velvet Underground's "Femme Fatale" with Chilton singing Nico's part seemed crazy but he really made it work.

Then I was shocked to find out that Chilton died suddenly at age 59 on St. Patrick's Day. In my mind, that should have been front page news, but oh well.

Music - Alex Chiton = Sad

As they say at Westerberg High, I never go far without a litte Big Star.

OMG, there's a really good book that you should get from Amazon: "Playing For A Piece Of The Door: A History of Garage & Frat Bands In Memphis", that talks about Alex Chilton in his earliest days.

so goood.

although i would modify:

vampire weekend = paul simon / 10 + (brooks brothers - 60 yr old stock brokers)

Thanks guys, I wasn't sure if anyone would like this.

Good one, ryan97ou. I added Blur to the equation to overlay the wimpy English tweeness. Twee , what a great word. As far I know, only used to describe English men.

I really liked Alex Chilton's late 80s stuff, although Big Star has the mega-cult following. Here's one of my favorite of Chilton's solo albums: "No Sex" (NSFW).

how about this one:

2010 U2 = 1987 U2 - hits - epic vocals + obnoxious world "issue" efforts + 2002 purple sunglasses + close encounters of the third kind live show

"Who the [Flip] is Alex Chilton?"

Colonel, his early days? Wasn't he fronting the Box Tops when he was 16? "The Letter" was recorded at Muscle Shoals when he was 15. There are hints of the expressiveness in his voice then but it is oddly deeper than when he was an adult. I never much liked the Box Tops. Chilton clearly outgrew the rest of the band. Here is an amusing "live" performance of The Letter.

If you want to see a much better version check out this live Joe Cocker performance. Joe in full spastic glory with Leon Russell adding his signature piano part (plus what a bunch of hippie freaks)

"Who the [Flip] is Alex Chilton?"

My friend asked if he was the guy who writes the auto repair manuals.

AC is the most influential musician you've never heard of. For me, he's about 30 times more important than Michael Jackson, but that's just me.

Yes, he was was a young upstart, but the book tells about how that all came together. The story behind the story, if you will.

MGMT = (ELO - 40 yrs ) + (Pink Floyd * cupcakes) + sparkles.

Silversun Pickups = Smashing Pumpkins - an Egomaniac = more boring.

The Killers = Whatever was popular at this moment 20 years ago + Really catchy melodies + an identity crisis + a vegas showgirl

The National - A Can Of Soup/ A girl's birthday cake % five golden eggs + Unicorn Poop = I don't know what the hell he is singing about but it sounds really good.

The Walkmen = Bob Dylan + Frank Sinatra + Sam Kinnison + Fuzz Pedal

Wilco = My Dad + Drugs + Musical Talent /road miles

I could do this all day....

The New Prnographers = The Kinks + Neko Case

nickelback = (feces + urine) x douchebag/ 12 ed hardy shirts + Milan

Awesome, brent and joe! Come on, everybody play.

I think Nickelback could provide an endless series of equations that would all have feces in them.

The National ... hilarious. Extra credit for Unicorn poop

YO! OwlMeat,

The Letter was a monster hit for The Box Tops in 1967:
Cry like a baby:
Soul Deep:

The first two still get airplay on oldies radio.

Story of BIG STAR on NPR:

Daft Punk = (kraftwerk + africa bambatta - humans) * 1000 laser beams

kenny g = (((john coltrane - john coltrane)*0)) + muzak/the chipmunks)

Brent, I'd revise your second one:

Silver Sun Pickups = Sunny Day Real Estate x 0.5

unbelievaboh - hey that's unfair to the chipmunks!

Owl City = Postal Service - UPS

excuse my lack of wit on this one

owl city = vomit in my lap

Nice job, but I'd trade out Elton John for Freddy Mercury in the Lady Gaga equation. (FWIW I originally said she reminded me of FM even before realizing where the "Gaga" came from.

If I may add:
Owl City = Vomit-flavored gumballs shot at you by a t-shirt cannon

I just posted this under the Milan discussion about keeping a good ratio:

A Certain Ratio = Joy Division + suicide (not Suicide) = New Order + chugging Robitussin


Good point, Blob. I presume "Gaga" comes from Radio Ga Ga.

Shame to have lost Alex Chilton on the eve of his planned contribution to the upcoming Soul E-xplosion collection,on which he was to update the Boxtops hit as "The Email", alongside Rev Al Green's "Text Me", and a John Fogerty sung "Heard it Through a Chatroom"...

38 Special = Skynyrd/Styx

// Vampire Weekend = King Sunny Ade + Talking Heads + Blur //

Surely you're not saying that VW is better than any of these artists? Come on...

Surely you're not saying that VW is better than any of these artists?

No, I am not, quite the opposite. Maybe the better expression would be:

Vampire Weekend < King Sunny Ade + Talking Heads + Blur

animal collective = (brian wilson - beach boys)*(beck / kraftwerk)

Rancid = The Clash/Operation Ivy - real rebellion + hairstylists

Led Zepplin = Robert Johnson - real mystique + more drugs + white afros


I'd like to add a little bit of XTC into that Animal Collective equation...

great ones, boh and SL.I always think of Animal Collective as Bryan Wilson + LSD, which makes no sense given BW's habits; your's is better.

Bring back the white afro!

Rolling Stones = Electric Prunes * California Raisins

Mariah Carey = Chock Full O Nuts

Wolfmother = (Black Sabbath*Led Zepplin)+ parent's weed(^drug orgy)/ rehashed sh__ness

Lil Wayne = bad ink + overhyped southern sound / hot topic

Dan Deacon = Disneyworld + The Special Olympics

Chris Sligh = Jonah Hill + wig + Jesus

My apologies to Bryan from whom I stole that comment. I just now stumbled upon the post "Hard times for Chris Sligh" and read the whole thing. Don't know how I managed to miss that one.

I think the scales have fallen from my eyes and I'm finally starting to understand Midnight Sun.

Finally I know who Chris Sligh is.

whodini - "rrrrrrrrock!" = cameo - "owwwwwe"

i'd sing it but i don't know how to on the interwebs

I think I love Laura Lee a little with her dipping her toe into the insane world of Music Math.

the Hold Steady = whiskey + not wanting an office job + remembering childhood

The Killers = My boyfriend dumped me and now I don't know what to listen to

Phil Collins = OMG in a closet singing "Groovy Kind of Love"

Big talk Sparky, for a guy with a 38 Special tattoo

Actually, I think it's 38 People. 5 drummers, 15 guitar players, 10 bassists, 5 keyboardists and 3 singers. OK I embellished, but they did have a crap load of players in that band.

Genesis = OMG + Rock Band drumming + Michelob Light + 1985 Phil mullet, which I KNOW you can grow.

@Sparky -- You're no son, you're no son of mine.

Sammy, Keep it Dark!

Take me home, Sparky.

No reply at all, Sam

If you follow me, I'll follow you, Sparky.

Please give me just one more night Sam


I blame the gypsy curse

Do you like Phil Collins? I've been a big Genesis fan ever since the release of their 1980 album, Duke. Before that, I really didn't understand any of their work.

Too artsy, too intellectual. It was on Duke where Phil Collins' presence became more apparent. I think Invisible Touch was the group's undisputed masterpiece. It's an epic meditation on intangibility. At the same time, it deepens and enriches the meaning of the preceding three albums.

Christy, take off your robe. Listen to the brilliant ensemble playing of Banks, Collins and Rutherford. You can practically hear every nuance of every instrument.

Sabrina, remove your dress. In terms of lyrical craftsmanship, the sheer songwriting, this album hits a new peak of professionalism. Sabrina, why don't you, uh, dance a little.

Take the lyrics to Land of Confusion. In this song, Phil Collins addresses the problems of abusive political authority.

In Too Deep is the most moving pop song of the 1980s, about monogamy and commitment. The song is extremely uplifting. Their lyrics are as positive and affirmative as anything I've heard in rock.

Christy, get down on your knees so Sabrina can [deleted]. Phil Collins' solo career seems to be more commercial and therefore more satisfying, in a narrower way. Especially songs like In the Air Tonight and Against All Odds.

Sabrina, don't just stare at it, [deleted]. But I also think Phil Collins works best within the confines of the group, than as a solo artist, and I stress the word artist. This is Sussudio, a great, great song, a personal favorite.

You are just Psycho.

Duke was where Genesis went mainstream.

Gabriel rules

Sam - does sparky got the touch or is he sparky because he shocked the monkey?

yeasayer = the decembrists + (soft cell - motown)

Orchestral Manoeuvres in the Gravy

Marry me! (unless you're a dude)

Sorry, I've been out of touch. I was returning some video tapes and then saw Cliff Huxtable on the street and we had a chat.

Sparky, a cat is not an ATM card.

P.S. My business cards are whiter than yours

but do they have a watermark????

Patrick Bateman - don't multi-task in print!
all I can think of now is your pretensive babble with this visual
you bastard!

wow. just wow. how the heck did i miss this post???????? F actually doing work during the day.... hysterical.

you guys have knocked this one out of the park, but I'll give this a shot:

justin beiber = (justin timberlake - talent) / # of 'N-Sync members we wont hear from again until "Behind the Music"

Yay, kateebee.

Justin Bieber = Lesbian haircut model:

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About Erik Maza
Erik Maza is a features reporter at the Baltimore Sun. He writes for several sections of the Sun paper and contributes weekly columns on music and nightlife. He also writes and edits the Midnight Sun blog. He often covers entertainment, business, and the business of entertainment. Occasionally, he writes about Four Loko, The Block, the liquor board, and those who practice "simulated sex with a potted palm tree." Before The Sun, he was a reporter at the Miami New Times. He's also written for Miami magazine, the Orlando Sentinel, the Sarasota Herald Tribune and the Gainesville Sun. Got tips? Gripes? Pitches? He's reachable at Click here to keep up with the dumb music he's listening to.

Midnight Sun covers Baltimore music, live entertainment, and nightlife news. On the blog, you'll find, among other things, concert announcements, breaking news, bars closings and openings, up-to-date coverage of crime in nightlife, new music, round-the-clock coverage of Virgin Mobile FreeFest, handy guides on bars staying open past 2 a.m. on New Year's Eve and those that carry Natty Boh on draft. Recurring features include seven-day nightlife guides, Concert News, guest reviews of bars and concerts, Wednesday Corkboard, and photo galleries, as well as reader-submitted photos. Thanks for reading.

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