Today, I'll be known as Sam O'Sessa
Happy St. Paddy's Day, everybody!
Today is a day to celebrate the Irish in all of us, by drinking a Guinness, or a shot of Bailey's and Jameson.
Or, if you like, by dropping a shot of Baileys and Jameson into a glass of Guinness and chugging it -- a delicious concoction named after a despicable act of domestic terrorism.
Wherever people are drinking green beer, I'll be there ... to slap them on the backs of their heads for being such ninnies.
I'm half Italian and half European mutt, which means there's probably some Irish in me blood somewhere.
Growing up, my Italian grandmother kept an old wooden shillelagh in a big jar by the door. That way, if someone she didn't like tried to come in, she could grab the shillelagh and give 'em a good Irish thumpin'. I love my grandmom.
And now, a side-slapper from the Emerald Isles, courtesy of irishjokes.com:
A woman and a man driver are involved in a horrific collision, but amazingly both escape completely unhurt - though their cars are written off.
As they crawl out of the wreckage, the man sees the woman is blonde and strikingly beautiful. Then the woman turns to the man and gushes breathily: 'That's incredible - both our cars are demolished but we're fine. It must be a sign from God that we are meant to be together!'
Sensing a promise, the man stammers back, 'Oh yes, I agree with you completely!'
The woman goes on, 'And look, though my car was destroyed, this bottle of wine survived intact, too! It must be another sign. Let's drink to our love!'
'Well, OK!' says the man, going with the moment. She offers him the bottle, so he downs half of it and hands it back.
'Your turn,' says the man.
'No, thanks,' says the woman, 'I think I'll just wait for the police.'