Owl Meat's Tipsy Tuesdays: What are the best breakup songs?
A personal confession: One time after a nasty breakup in college, I played "It Makes No Difference" by the Band on loops, hundreds of times. That song's a gut-wrencher. Today, Owl Meat tackles breakup songs in all their guilt, rage and glory:
Breakup songs come in different varieties. I think they can be categorized by the five stages of grief: Denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance.
Maybe you could speed things up by matching your music to the stages. I blame my lingering emotional dysfunction on improper musical programming after my last breakup. Yeah, that's it.
There is so much material that I wouldn't dare suggest the best. It's a very personal choice. Right now, I'm about as happy as I get, so I'm having a hard time coming up with examples.
Oh happy day. I don't need to access my own emotional history, because allmusic.com will do it for me. So paralyzed by grief that you can't connect any music to your mood? Allmusic.com to the rescue with their "mood" function ...
I scoured the emotions related to the stages of grief on allmusic.com and picked out these highlights:
Denial – Uh oh, this is just a river in Egypt for Allmusic.
Anger (Way too easy) – Metallica, Dead Kennedys, Elvis Costello, Public Enemy, Pixies, Guns N' Roses, the Stooges, Ministry
Bargaining – No luck
Depression (Sad) – Albums: Bob Dylan, Blood on the Tracks; Joni Mitchell, Blue; George Jones, Cup of Loneliness; any Smiths; any Leonard Cohen
Songs: Gram Parsons, "$1000 Wedding"; Mazzy Star, "Fade Into You"; George Jones, "He Stopped Loving Her Today"; The Carpenters, "Superstar"; Roy Orbison, "It's Over"
Acceptance (Calm/Peaceful) – Bread, Anthology; Young Marble Giants, Colossal Youth; The Doobie Brothers, Best; Van Morrison, Moondance;
Richard and Linda Thompson's album "Shoot Out the Lights" may be the best breakup record ever. First, it covers all five stages of grief. Second, it was written and recorded while they were breaking up. It's fearless and daunting. "Wall of Death" is one of my favorite songs from it.
I agree that Dylan's "Blood on the Tracks" is a powerful album. I also like shoe-gazer bands like Mazzy Star and Slowdive when I want to wallow in it.
Allmusic.com isn't completely compatible with the stages of grief model, despite having 200 different moods. Still, you might want to check it out the next time you are bittersweet, melancholy, fractured, plaintive, or yearning.
Can you imagine that your job is to assign moods to thousands of songs for allmusic.com?
Now it's your turn. What kind of music have you turned to when the fat, naked baby smacked you around?
(Photo by Getty Images)
Erik Maza is a features reporter at the Baltimore Sun. He writes for several sections of the Sun paper and contributes weekly columns on music and nightlife. He also writes and edits the Midnight Sun blog. He often covers entertainment, business, and the business of entertainment. Occasionally, he writes about Four Loko, The Block, the liquor board, and those who practice "
Comments
Eamon - F*** it (I Don't Want You Back)
I'm not really usually that angry after a breakup. It's just a hilariously awful song that says f*** a lot. Which tends to make me feel better.
Posted by: Liz | March 30, 2010 8:51 AM
I tend to go with "good riddance" in the form of "Don't Think Twice" (from my youth) or the Eagles" "I'm Already Gone."
Posted by: City Redux | March 30, 2010 9:20 AM
Reel Big Fish- You Don't Know
Posted by: it's me | March 30, 2010 9:35 AM
Top 3 songs about breaking up:
1. Song for the Dumped - Ben Folds Five
2. I'm Walking Away - Craig David
3. It's Over Now - Neve
Posted by: Jen | March 30, 2010 9:39 AM
Elliott Smith - You're Just Somebody that I Used to Know
Headphones - I Never Wanted You
Angry-ish, I-don't-give-a-[hoot]-about-you break up songs.
Posted by: Becky | March 30, 2010 9:49 AM
Song Is Over - The Who
Posted by: Sparky | March 30, 2010 10:07 AM
Fishbone - Lyin' Ass [Female Dog]
Frightened Rabbit - Backwards Walk
Posted by: Dan | March 30, 2010 10:09 AM
Hurt and Something I Can Never Have by Nine Inch Nails
Posted by: gothaggis42 | March 30, 2010 10:09 AM
I'm looking through you
Beatles
Posted by: amarisa | March 30, 2010 10:09 AM
While this is a crappy song, "Don't Go Away Mad" this lyric from the Motley Crue braintrust is nice..."Girl dont' go away mad, girl just go away."
Posted by: Sparky | March 30, 2010 10:10 AM
Just wanted to give you props for mentioning two such great songs as $1,000 Wedding and Wall of Death in the same post!
Posted by: Enzo | March 30, 2010 10:11 AM
If you're feeling silly and ironic: Take it on the Run by REO Speedwagon
Old School: Go Your Own Way by Fleetwood Mac
Still good: Santa Monica by Everclear
Awesome: I Will Survive by Cake
Go out and dance with your girls:
I Will Survive by Gloria Gaynor
REALLY ANGRY GIRL: You Oughta Know by Alanis Morisette
Makes me cry every time: I Can't Make You Love Me by Bonnie Raitt
Posted by: baltimoregal | March 30, 2010 10:14 AM
I haven't had a real heartwrenching breakup in a while, but I'm with Liz, Eamon's pottymouth breakup song is a classic. My college roommate and I both went through rough breakups around the same time and we used to put that on top volume and dance around our dorm room. One time I got so jazzed listening to it that I yelled "[my ex's name] has a small penis" out of our 8th floor dorm room window at the LaPlata Beach Quad below. Awesome. Very, very classy.
Posted by: kateebee | March 30, 2010 10:16 AM
Lost Cause by Beck. Doesnt get better than that.
Posted by: @shari_tweets | March 30, 2010 10:16 AM
Wilco's "Hate It Here" could fit into the depression category. I know I played that a lot after I had a bad break up.
But the best part is that it doubles as a really romantic love song. It just depends on how you want to take it.
Hope they play it tonight
Posted by: Tyler | March 30, 2010 10:16 AM
You're just a squirrel trying to get a nut!
http://www.angelfire.com/me2/zelsparkbench/song275.html
Posted by: Sparky | March 30, 2010 10:20 AM
Best breakup song: Last Goodbye by Jeff Buckley (hands down, IMHO)
Not sure if it's the best, but a great breakup album: Girlfriend by Matthew Sweet, which he wrote and recorded right after his divorce.
Slightly off topic, but let me also offer up my favorite breakup movie: Swingers.
Posted by: BA | March 30, 2010 10:23 AM
Sparky, I love you for that.
'Cause you cold busted!
Posted by: baltimoregal | March 30, 2010 10:25 AM
Against All Odds - Phil Collins (via the break up episode from This American Life,)
Posted by: CJ | March 30, 2010 10:25 AM
Phil Collins? Noooooooooooooooooooooooooo.....................
Posted by: Owl Meat Gravy | March 30, 2010 10:32 AM
"Love the One You're With" by Stephen Stills. That works on many levels for me.
Posted by: Greg | March 30, 2010 10:33 AM
When I'm sad, I like to get in my jammies, eat Funyuns and blast John Denver
Posted by: Bob Ehrlich's Toupee | March 30, 2010 10:37 AM
"Soul and Fire" by Sebadoh. Look it up - trust me.
I'd also second @shari_tweets and "Lost Cause".
Posted by: neal s | March 30, 2010 10:41 AM
Oh Phil has plenty
Seprate Lives
One More Night
I Don't Care Anymore
Something Happened On The Way To Heaven
Posted by: Sparky | March 30, 2010 10:42 AM
Ben Folds Five "Song for the Dumped" is awesome when you're angry. Pounding drums and keyboards. I'm a pretty raging feminist, but who can argue the feelings of a chorus that rages "give me my money back you bitch"
Matthew Sweet has two whole albums that got me through breakups: Girlfriend and Altered Beast
Oasis has a great track called "Married with Children"
Posted by: Claudlaw | March 30, 2010 11:01 AM
Sing, Theresa Says by Greg Laswell and basically anything off Fiona Apple's Tidal.
Posted by: Neighbor | March 30, 2010 11:02 AM
Claudlaw, admit it! You used to date BA. Also Jen. Or are you all the same person?
Also Neighbor- Especially "Sleep to Dream" if you spit out the words like she does. Not that I ever have...
Posted by: baltimoregal | March 30, 2010 11:07 AM
oooh, neighbor just reminded me of a song I played relentlessly a e few years ago, also Fiona Apple: "Get Gone" off of "When the Pawn..." Every woman ever dumped needs to listen to this.
Posted by: Claudlaw | March 30, 2010 11:08 AM
Ditto on BA's post: the Best breakup song: Last Goodbye by Jeff Buckley (hands down, IMHO)
but i also am quite drawn to Todd Rundgren's "Hello It's Me" from my earlier break-ups:
"Hello, it's me
I've thought about us for a long, long time
Maybe I think too much but something's wrong
There's something here that doesn't last too long
Maybe I shouldn't think of you as mine"
It's a sweet but haunting melody, to me.
Posted by: SushiGirl aka Lisa | March 30, 2010 11:10 AM
Classic, sparky. Skip toward the end: "I bought you things you couldn't even pronounce". Great, now I want to go watch that craptastic Don Johnson video with Dweezil Zappa
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ULI5kolBpAk
Posted by: Owl Meat Gravy | March 30, 2010 11:16 AM
Nothing beats the Todd.
Posted by: Owl Meat Gravy | March 30, 2010 11:18 AM
"Cup of Coffee" by Garbage is just brutally heart-wrenching.
Also "Gone for Good" by Morphine.
And for Elliot Smith songs, I like "Everything Reminds Me of Her." It's like a minute and a half of having your guts torn out.
And pretty much any song from any album by Tindersticks.
Posted by: john | March 30, 2010 11:20 AM
'For No One' by the Beatles. Spare and heartbreaking.
'Lost Cause' by Beck. One of the most depressing songs in the world
'Idiot Wind' by Bob Dylan. The whole Blood on the Tracks album but particularly this selection for its' venom
'You Don't Know Me' by Ben Folds for realizing that the relationship probably sucked anyway
Posted by: sdr | March 30, 2010 11:22 AM
"Take It one the Run" REO Speedwagon.. perfect for the cheated upon..
Third on BA's Buckley motion
Posted by: Meekrat | March 30, 2010 11:44 AM
EXACTLY baltimoregal ;) I haven't done that, um, either.
Posted by: Neighbor | March 30, 2010 12:40 PM
For the sake of being redundant..:The Breakup Song" Greg Kihn
Posted by: Sparky | March 30, 2010 1:55 PM
Jawbreaker: 24 Hour Revenge Therapy. Play record and repeat as necessary.
Posted by: The Baltimore Chop | March 30, 2010 2:05 PM
"White Flag" by Dido would work for denial.
Dido, whose birth name is Florian Cloud de Bounevialle Armstrong, was called Dido by her parents after the mythical Queen of Carthage. That Dido killed herself, apparently unable to work through the subsequent stages of grief after being abandoned by her lover Aeneas.
And all she really needed was a good break-up song.
Posted by: Laughs Rain | March 30, 2010 2:23 PM
Best break-up song you've never heard: A Hundred Years by MuleTheme: "I'd have to live a hundred years to let it go"Best Line: "I could use your body now to take it off my mind"Perfect mix of slow and depressing with a powerful drum and guitar bridge to take out your frustrations. Do yourself a favor and listen to it , then save for your next painful breakup.Best breakup song that might lead to suicide: I Know it's Over by The SmithsBest Line "As I climb into an empty bed, oh well, enough said"Both best listened two over a liter of your favorite liquor.
Posted by: Drew | March 30, 2010 2:30 PM
Three songs stand out:
Don't Think Twice It's Alright--Bob Dylan
Better Off Without You--The Clarks
Sample in a Jar--Phish
Posted by: Adam | March 30, 2010 2:48 PM
I'm gonna wash that man right outa my hair
Posted by: Nellie Forbush | March 30, 2010 3:52 PM
I had two from a recent divorce:
Art Alexakis from Everclear did "Overwheming" for the movie Permanent Midnight. and also Three Doors Down "When it's Over" Both are good F you [lady] songs.
Posted by: Brien | March 30, 2010 4:00 PM
I don't think anyone has ever broken up with me.
Oh yeah, the 5 million voters of Maryland!
Aaaaa, I'm not gonna cry I'm not gonna cry. Time to eat another box of fudgicles, put on my footie jams and play "Love Hurts" by Nazareth over and over.
Posted by: Bob Ehrlich's Toupee | March 30, 2010 4:31 PM
Breaking Up
Michael Nesmith - Different Drum
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ekWTf_o85CY&feature=related&fmt=18
The Byrds/Gene Clark - I’ll Feel a Whole Lot Better
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XYf2Ik3wJAU&feature=related
The Rumour - Emotional Traffic
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cObvO93LgFw
For Anger
The Beatles/George Harrison - Think For Yourself
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1Fh3v4pNinM
Harry Nilsson - You're Breaking My Heart
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=02lXLiFsRtE
Depression
Sparks - D*ck Around
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=na8oDCKp6AU
The Smithereens - Only A Memory
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Wwl2BTbCu3A&feature=related
Roxy Music - Dance away
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SuXKgLlsQcw
Elvis Costello & Nick Lowe - What’s So Funny ‘Bout Peace, Love, and Understanding
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LeFlPxMTP24&feature=related&fmt=18
Renewal
The Beach Boys - Break Away
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q1WWTOdAqcA
Posted by: GDA | March 30, 2010 8:42 PM
Take The Skinheads Bowling
Camper Van Beethoven
Posted by: RayRay | March 31, 2010 10:42 AM
Basement Jaxx-Good Luck http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zO9I61gYlms
Bonus points for being in the anime Appleseed.
Posted by: Corey | March 31, 2010 10:46 AM
Great comments. Thanks guys. This next track goes out to a boy who is surely about to get dumped. This one's for you Michael Steele, the sultry sounds of X-ray Spex.
Posted by: Owl Meat Gravy | March 31, 2010 10:56 AM
Great topic, OMG. I guess misery loves company.
There definitely are levels or stages to the the whole getting over it thing. I go through the five stages of grief after finishing a box a Capn Crunch or when it's too late to get a pizza delivered. AAAAaaaaaaaa.... the pain
Posted by: kenny banya | March 31, 2010 11:01 AM
Thanks, kenny, but I'm not miserable or lovelorn. I just thought it would be a good topic. Besides, I'm happily married to my Japanese body pillow named Snapple.
Posted by: Owl Meat Gravy | March 31, 2010 11:31 AM
Owlman, I thought you had your heart removed to make room for more Jamesons. N'est-ce pas?
Posted by: Amanda C | March 31, 2010 11:39 AM
It's Too late -- Carole King
Hello it's Me -- Todd Rundgren
Already Gone -- the Eagles
You're No Good -- Linda Rondstadt
Posted by: j dunn | March 31, 2010 5:04 PM
Hasten Down the Wind by Warren Zevon is heartbreaking. The more popular version by Linda Ronstadt is prettier, but that's not really what you want then, is it?
Posted by: Tralala | March 31, 2010 5:33 PM
You can't get much grittier or low down than B.B. King's "The Thrill is Gone"
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lt2c9Iyq2UQ
Posted by: Shamus | March 31, 2010 6:38 PM
I just heard Art Garfunkel sing Jimmy Webb's song "All I Know". Have a listen if you want to drain your tear ducts. Devastating
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JWT7GuBX-zw
Posted by: you blew it | March 31, 2010 6:44 PM
Seems you've struck quite a chord here, Ouch My Gramophone.My own Shoot Out The Lights moment came eons ago, albeit on a sappy small suburban scale: we bought tickets together for Fleetwood Mac. then we broke up. then, out of chivalry, stubborn pride, mutual makeup fantasy or whatever, we went to the concert together as an ex-couple, only to find former favorites morph into a mixtape of misery. Go your own way, indeed.
Posted by: regno cynarae | March 31, 2010 10:14 PM
Never got much solace from those slick soul songs that would start:"okay, so your heart is broke", except maybe Smokey Robinson's "I Don't Blame You at All"...
During a time of self-imposed misery I clung to U2's "One" like a lifepreserver;now I can't connect with why ...
"Ridin' in my Car" NRBQ, or now by She and Him
"Amplifier" the dBs
"She's Not There" the Zombies
"Graceland" Paul Simon
"No Regrets" Tom Rush
"Lovin Arms" Kris and Rita
"Girl From the North Country" Dylan
"Hot Burrito #1" Gram Parsons
...and the palate-cleansing comicpunk of "Jilted John" by Graham Fellowes
Personal favorite: "Lake Marie" by John Prine, which combines "indian lore", local TV crimescenes, and grilled Italian sausages into a liberating oblivion of loss...
Posted by: gordonisamoron | March 31, 2010 10:49 PM
"Play Crack the Sky" by Brand New
"Answering Machines" by The Replacements
Posted by: Allan | April 2, 2010 10:49 AM
Already Gone - The Eagles
Posted by: MDP | April 2, 2010 11:57 AM
So interesting to see The Eagles "Already Gone" here multiple times. I never thought of it as a breakup song, even though it obviously is. I guess because it seems so light and airy, with the unvengeful punishment of having to eat your lunch all by yourself. I think I just liked the tasty guitar lead.
Posted by: Owl Meat Gravy | April 2, 2010 1:22 PM
Mr Gravy-
agree that "Shoot Out the Lights" is a classic of the subgenre: rock band breakup songs,of which John Lennon's "How Do You Sleep?" is best known. i'm a fan of the imploding Libertines' "What Became of the Likely Lads?" which echoes the Jam's "Thick as Thieves"...
Posted by: loud in a crowd | April 2, 2010 3:18 PM
XTC has a load of songs both celebrating & denouncing love and relationships, such that I eventually created a mix CD called “XTC Love: For and Against” dedicated to them. I haven’t classified them but here are the two groupings. The anti-love songs can get particularly brutal, usually focused around infidelity.
Great XTC songs denouncing romantic love:
• Your Dictionary
• Snowman
• Dear Madam Barnum
• The Disappointed
• Crocodile
• 1,000 Umbrellas
• I’m the Man Who Murdered Love
• Wounded Horse
Great XTC songs singing the praises of romantic love:
• I’d Like That
• Harvest Festival
• Seagulls Screaming Kiss Her
• Burning with Optimism’s Flames
• All Of A Sudden
• Then She Appeared
• The Loving
• My Brown Guitar
• Stupidly Happy
• You & the Clouds Will Still Be Beautiful
Posted by: Patrick Mc | April 5, 2010 10:40 AM
Great list, Patrick Mc. Yeah, Andy Partridge did seem to have a lot of issues. I wonder if things ever worked out for Nigel? Long live the Dukes of Stratosphere
I'm terms of wallowing in misery and rage and heartbreak how coud I have left out Bob Mould, monster shredder, miserablist and Richard Thompson acolyte, and his bands Sugar and Husker Du?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=thyY7p2S5Rc
Posted by: Owl Meat Gravy | April 5, 2010 3:14 PM
Moving on Up - M People
5 times a day, very loud.... You cannot imagine how much it helps!!! :)
Posted by: Eva BreakUpMovies | November 23, 2010 11:50 AM