Owl Meat's Tipsy Tuesdays: The great divide
What's worse when you break up -- dividing up the friends or the bars and restaurants? I used to think friends, but now I'm not so sure. Owl Meat, do your thang:
When you part ways and your other becomes insignificant, the division of assets looms darkly. There is a harsh parceling seldom uttered – your broken social scene. How to we divide up your bars, restaurants, and other haunts?
Unless you wrangle the chupacabra of breakups, the mutual breakup, you have bar terrain to divide. Deal with it.
Rule 1: You get the bars and restaurants you brought with you.
Rule 2: There is no Rule 2.
Rule 3: Nobody talks about Fight Club ...
This was not what you would call an amicable breakup. It was real scorched earth stuff. We both lived in Canton, so it seemed inevitable that we would see each other occasionally. It's amazing that in Baltimore I have seen her only twice in ten years.
In Baltimore there are certain haunts that cannot be divided. The Charles Theater is one. I remember standing in a line there that looped around so that I stared longingly through it at the snack counter. Apparently I was glaring through my ex-girlfriend. I hadn't seen her in several years. I noticed someone in front of me getting out of line and looping around to exit by the far door. It was her. I guess not noticing someone from your past in favor of the popcorn machine is kind of insulting, Sorry.
In the ten or so years since we broke up, the only other time that I ran into her was at Minato's old location. That was a break-up foul. The owner is a good friend of mine and the staff greets me as Sashimi ____.
I was at the sushi bar talking to the owner and I pointed out my former paramour in the back room. "Oh, she's beautiful. Why did you break up with her?" Well, there are other considerations which trump appearance. He suggested I send her some unagi (eel), giant clam, or a spicy tuna hand roll (her favorites). I declined. Gifts of sushi are rife with untethered symbolism.
Has anyone ever listed their hangouts and divided them up in a break-up? I never have. I think common sense and civility provides a decent unspoken guide, but I've moved around a lot, so I may not be the best example. I wonder if people who get divorced document their divided social terrain?. I'll bet some do.
Point of irony: People break up because they can't communicate with each other, yet they can intuit which social assets each other gets. So for things that really matter, like which bars you frequent, communication is easy and unspoken. Oh sweet irony.(Photo by Getty Images)