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December 21, 2009

If you opened a bar, what would you name it?

We've talked about the best bar names in town. We've even toyed with the best fake band names.

Now, I bring you this question: If you opened a bar, what would you name it? ...

There have been so many new bars with hilariously awful names this year, I almost want to dub 2009 the Year of the Bad Bar Name.

Now, let's counter all the bad bar names and make a list of the best hypothetical bar names out there.

Mine would be Sam's Seaside Shanty Shack. If you say the name 37 times fast, you get a free shot of Q Tonic.

What are yours?

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Posted by Sam Sessa at 11:49 AM | | Comments (45)
Categories: Bars & Clubs


The Awesome Zone

Or possibly East Baltimore Beverage, Comestibles and Social Gathering Area or EBBC&SGA.

Slow & Fruity, like my ride.

My bar would be "Shot in the Dark" for any number of fun reasons.

The Alibi.

The Fu Bar

H1N1 - the sickest bar in town!

Josh's Place. I know, boring. But I'm an egomaniac.


The Mynah Bird or just Bird's

Donald J.'s (after my father)


Fart Bar

Hahaha Fart Bar hahahha!

Closed for Renovations

P.E.T.A - Pour Everyone Twice Asmuch

Closed for Renovations sounds like a Jason Zink bar.

For Sale

El Baracho


Opening Soon

Mt. Vernon Arts and Entertainment LLC.


I have always liked the name Purgatory.

Valhalla is another name that I've always liked for a bar.

Halfway House....I can't take credit for that though. That was my cousin's suggestion.

D. T. McShakeys

Harry Benjamin's

Not Sure;)

Beware of Dog



How about

Space Available For Lease

or insert any neighborhood like one of the previous posters with the Arts and Entertainment LLC.

Druid Hill Park or North Avenue Arts and Entertainment LLC. has a nice ring to in, would put Baltimore on the nightlife map worldwide. Live and in technicolor..

I would name my bar "The Hardware Store." That way when a guy tells his wife he is going to the hardware store, he isn't fibbing. And to be even more truthful he could say he is getting a screwdriver.


I like the "Hardware Store", but how about "The Tool Box" and we can find a nice cetral location in Federal Hill!

Stumble Inn.

The Angry Wife Saloon.

The Regal Seagull

Ted's Dad's Tavern

Stealing one of these when I buy the Red House Tavern next month. muahaha.

Dan's Woooootering Hole

Fake Band Name

The Tool Box.....and I'd put it right in the middle of Fed Hill!

The Asshattery

The Ultra Baltimore Lounge...

...just because Sam loves those Ultra Lounges. :)

Fell's Pint

© LB


The word-of-mouth marketing takes care of itself.

I got it, I got it............

The Moderation Pub.

"You should only drink in Moderation......."

Tomato Head's Halfway Inn


Third Base. "The last place you go before you steal home,"

Wher do you want to go?
I don't know.
Third Base!

Apologies to Abbott & Costello.

The Office.

"Where have you been all night?"
"The Office."

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About Erik Maza
Erik Maza is a features reporter at the Baltimore Sun. He writes for several sections of the Sun paper and contributes weekly columns on music and nightlife. He also writes and edits the Midnight Sun blog. He often covers entertainment, business, and the business of entertainment. Occasionally, he writes about Four Loko, The Block, the liquor board, and those who practice "simulated sex with a potted palm tree." Before The Sun, he was a reporter at the Miami New Times. He's also written for Miami magazine, the Orlando Sentinel, the Sarasota Herald Tribune and the Gainesville Sun. Got tips? Gripes? Pitches? He's reachable at Click here to keep up with the dumb music he's listening to.

Midnight Sun covers Baltimore music, live entertainment, and nightlife news. On the blog, you'll find, among other things, concert announcements, breaking news, bars closings and openings, up-to-date coverage of crime in nightlife, new music, round-the-clock coverage of Virgin Mobile FreeFest, handy guides on bars staying open past 2 a.m. on New Year's Eve and those that carry Natty Boh on draft. Recurring features include seven-day nightlife guides, Concert News, guest reviews of bars and concerts, Wednesday Corkboard, and photo galleries, as well as reader-submitted photos. Thanks for reading.

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