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November 3, 2009

Owl Meat's Tipsy Tuesdays: What famous figure would you drink with?

Owl Meat Gravy has come up with a great bar discussion topic. Personally, I'd love to have a beer with George Martin or David Bowie. Take it away, Owlie:

I have a test that I call the Tony Danza test. It basically divides people into whether or not you would like to have a beer with them.

Tony Danza? Sure. Do I imagine that I would have a lot to talk to him about? No, but he he seems beer-worthy. It doesn't have to be a beer. It could be anything.
Hillary Clinton? Pass. Bill Clinton? Hell yeah. Keith Richards? You bet. Charlie Watts? No.
Today's game goes like this: Name someone alive or dead that you would like to hang out with and what you would do. I think dead people are the more interesting choice, but it's up to you.

Here are some examples that I collected from random people, ranging from the ridiculous to the sublime ...

Bob Marley: – Hang out with him, listen to him play, and hear his perspective on things now.
Leonardo da Vinci – So ahead of his time. Would like to pick his mind.
Bumper cars and cotton candy on the boardwalk with Mandy Moore.
Go back in time and tell an inventor such as Ben Franklin or da Vinci what was coming up.
Churchill for lunch, good speaker. Can hold his liquor.
Anna Nicole Smith for various carnal and pharmaceutical pleasures.
Sean Taylor, dead Redskins player, and go [pick up women].
Go back in time and hang with King Leonidas and kill huge tigers.
Golf with Bernie Mack.
I would like to run around Italy with Keats, the Shelleys, and Byron. Marvelous picnics in Arcadia.
Wine Pong with Jesus.
Have tea with Sherlock Holmes and help him solve mysteries.
Lee Harvey Oswald – So what really happened?
Lunch with Kim Jong Il, maybe take in a movie. Hey, there are very few crazy dictators left.
People always surprise me with this sort of thing, in a good way. The formula quickly deviated into time travel and consorting with fictional beings. Who am I to control your fantasy? Hitler, Lee Harvey Oswald, and Leonardo da Vinci were mentioned multiple times.

So Midnight Sunners, who would you like to hang with and what would you do?

(Photos by Getty Images)

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Posted by Sam Sessa at 7:05 AM | | Comments (50)
Categories: Owl Meat's Tipsy Tuesdays


Ernest Hemingway. Just to sit at his place in Key West and listen to stories.

Orson Welles. Kurt Vonnegut. Anthony Bourdain.

pie eating contest with George Washington

I love the assumption that (insert famous person here) would actually want to hang out with YOU, (random Baltimore Sun reader). I'm sure we're all so fascinating that Ernest Hemingway would have a beer with us, no problem.

With that said, Jimi Hendrix. Probably the only rock artist in history who could halfway legitimately claim to be from another planet.

Keith Moon - I always wanted to ask him if the story was true about getting adrenalin shot into his legs while on the drum kit in concert in order to revive him.


Ryan Randle - Talk about winning a national championship, and no one remembering who you were.

Bob Ross. It would be a joy.

Charlie Watts is for me a big yes.

Best Charlie Watts story: The Stones are staying in a hotel and Mick Jagger says to a hanger on "Go tell my drummer to get in here." Charlie over hears him because he's in the hall and comes in and punches Jagger in the face, then says "I'm not your drummer. You're MY singer.".

You may have a point about Charlie Watts. I'm sure he would have more coherent stories than Keith, both in terms of memory and diction.

WC Fields.

"I was in love with a beautiful blonde once, dear, she drove me to drink. That's the one thing I'm indebted to her for."

I'd like to take one of those harbor booze cruises with Tim Gunn, Sly Stone and Sandra Shaw. I don't know why I would do that to poor Tim Gunn. I want to see a satin fashion fight to the death between Weathergirl Sandra and Sly. My forecast, partly awesome with a chance of fabulous.

According to Keith: Charlie heard Jagger say this from Ronnie, so he puts on a Saville Row suit, ties his tie, walked up to Jagger's suite and punched him so hard he nearly knocks Mick out the balcony window. There was a reason those guys didn't tour in the 80's!

Sam Sessa

Maybe Penn Jillette? After all, I've already shared a beer with the late Michael Jackson........... the beer writer, not the singer/dancer.

Ambrose Bierce. You can't be that cynical without some interesting stories.

Golfer John Daly - Seems like a down to earth average Joe that just happens to be really good at golf and know how to party!

Nipsey Russell.

So we are going with dead or alive.

Keith Richards, Keith Moon, Hemingway, Sinatra, and Morrison to drink whiskey with. While we are on this fantasy, I would like my 21yearold self to drink with them because I'm sure she (me at 21) could drink all those guys under the table. Me now at twenty-COUGH*COUGH*COUGH-years old would probably pass out after half a bottle of Jameson. I'm either getting old or seriously out of practice.

To drink a couple of beers and shoot the breeze with? Jon Stewart, Stephen Colbert, Ed Helms (the Office, The Hangover), Rod Cordry, Will Ferrell, and Steve Corell.

To have one of my usual nights with (which is a little more wild than a couple of beers and a little less dangerous than hanging out with Keith Moon): Zane Lamprey.

I'd love to spend a morning modeling for Matisse. At some point, we take a cafe au lait break. Then Picasso stops by. A fight breaks out. Invective is hurled.

After calming them down, I slip out of the studio and wander along the Seine. Coming to the Tuileries, I encounter Sartre and Camus in heated debate. Joining in their discussion, I enlighten them about the meaning of existence. By now, it's late afternoon, so I meet up with Henry Miller and Anais Nin in their atelier for a pleasant interlude. All is peaceful and relaxing there, though Anais does smoke too much.

Heading out into the Paris night air, I make my way back to Montparnasse, where I'll have cassoulet at La Closerie des Lilas with Gertrude Stein, Alice B. Toklas, and the Cone sisters. Various artists, dancers, actors, writers, and other worthies stop by our table. All are welcome, the Pernod is plentiful, and the evening never ends.

Abe Lincoln, JFK, Socrates, Oscar Wilde, Amelia Earhart, Joseph Campbell, Carl Jung, Elvis

Still Alive:
Muhammad Ali, Chuck Yeager

Sturmy, thanks for the detail. I'd heard the story long ago so It got muddled over the years.

The most crazy combo would have to be Klaus Kinsi and anyone. Kinski was a complete maniac and yet made a lot of movies, some of them great. I would also invite Werner Herzog so that he could finally shoot Kinski (who is dead). I would also invite young Marlon Brando and effete young Lawrence Olivier for the best actor's throw down ever. Much whiskey gets drunk and some sherry for Sir Larry. The evening ends with Brando throwing Olivier out of a window, Kinski bludgeoning Brando with an elephant leg umbrella stand and Werner Herzog standing over Kinski's body with a smoking gun ... and .... Scene.

Riding the whirlwind with T.E. Lawrence. Then sharing a drink of cool water.

Christopher Walken should be at every event ever. Ooo! Oh, Wernah I. Can't. Believe you. Shot. Kuh-laus. Oh.

Hunter S. Thompson. I don't think I need to qualify that.

DEAD: Adolf Hitler, Divine, Lucille Ball, John Wayne Gacy, Rudolph Valentino, Ted Bundy, Beatrice Arthur, John Daly (The news commentator-- not the golfer), Bennett Cerf, John D. Rockefeller, Rudy Vallee, Helen Kane, Ray Kroc.



Define "living".

Can I invite Abe Vigoda if I'm not sure if he is alive or dead?

johnnycat, that list is unconscienable. how could you include one of the most terrifying figures in human history, a monster who changed the course of history forever. yes, I'm talking about Bea Arthur.

Dead: Peter Lorre. Richard Feynman.

Alive: Hillary Clinton, but only if she was four drinks drunker than me when we start.

Buddah, Jesus, and Mohammed.

I'd punch each one in the face and ask, "Do you realize what you've done?"

Henry Ford - take him for a ride around the beltway at rush hour, let him drive. He'll be ready for a drink when that's over, at which time you can explain the concept of the designated driver.

Galileo - visit the Space Telescope Science Institute where he can review all the data collected from Hubble. Then climb St. Leo's campanile and watch the moon rise over Little Italy.

Pheidippides - the first marathon man who ran to Athens to announce the defeat of the Persians, then collapsed and died. Give him another chance in the Baltimore Marathon; he probably just needed some gatorade.

Ghengis Khan - stop by the Institute of Genetic Medicine to get a fresh DNA sample tested. Then take The Khan for a night on the town.

Paganini - attend a concert at the Meyerhoff, where he can hear his "caprice in A minor" played by hometown girl Hilary Hahn. He'll be bowled over by Maestra Alsop. And pleased to learn that musicians still know how to party.

Henry VII - tour the Basilica of the Assumption, America's first cathedral. Then swing by Old St. Paul's so he can see the church he founded still prospers in the New World. Ask him what he would do about disaffected Anglicans joining the Roman Catholic Church. Go on a pub crawl through Fells Point to scout out any potential new brides. Ask Henry whether he thinks The People should vote on who he gets to marry.

I nominate Laura Lee as our time travel cruise director.

I like Rube's suggestion, but first would say, "You got some 'splainin' to do." Pow.

I would like to sit Jesus down for a Powerpoint presentation of the last 2000 years. AT the end I would expect him to say, "Huh. I did not see that coming".

Then off to Napa.

I like the idea of bringing people back to show them the consequences of their actions.

Stalin – What do you mean? No one likes me?

Senator Jesse Helms – I would just like to hear him say Barack. Hussein. Obama. Over and over until his head explodes.

Thanks, lawn geese costumer. As has been pointed out on another thread, Baltimore is a great town to bring all sorts of visitors, we have something for everyone.

And of course, I meant Henry VIII, not VII. Who was it that said "one of the most misleading representational techniques in our language is the use of the letter I"?

Touche to you Mr. Alexander Pachinko! You actually made me laugh.

Edgar Allen Poe ~ so we could throw back shots of some black vodka and talk about what all the fuss is over his grave and see how goth he really is..
Frank Zappa ~ So we can shoot the sh*t about music over some units of moonshine and get a little crazy...
Tim Russert ~ so i could get his honest feedback about all the personalities and political figures he interviewed, who he liked, who he disliked.. over some shots of Irish Whiskey.. He seemed like such a likeable, smart and down to earth person.

Alive? Funny People - Bill Mahr, Jon Stewart, Lewis Black, Wanda Sykes, drinking just about anything.. Why ? i don't like angry or tearful drinking partners..

I live to serve, Mr. johnnycat

Tim Russert? Super-excellent choice. Last year's election was not the same without him. How awesome would it be to get him away from the cameras, top him off with Jameson's and hear what he really thinks. There is nobody even close to his level around now. Chupacabra!

Really Alexander Pach-o? Serve huh? Well hmmm.... Are you free this weekend for a few hours?

OMG ~ Thanks for the feedback.. i see you get exectly what would great about sipping some whiskey with Tim ..
i still watch MTP but it's not the same, and you're right, elections are not the same without his exuberant coverage...

Yes, Russert was the master of calling politicians liars in a polite way and then cuing up the video to prove it. he had a way of saying someone's name as if he was scolding a naughty child: Hilary. Rodham. Clinton. Hilary. Rodham. Clinton. Like a magic spell incantation.

OMG ~ Yes. ; o ) Magical, he was.. his personality let him get away with alot that others could not, people actually like him, despite his persistance and courteous calling-out but cunning strategies.. the consummate " I gotcha" Host with a mischievous grin.

Sports bar: Babe Ruth
(Runnerup : Ted Williams)
Tiki bar: Thor Heyerdahl
(Runnersup : Jimmy Buffett
Ted Williams)
Karaoke bar: Johnny Cash
(Runnerup: Jim Morrison)
Revolving rooftop bar: Leonardo Da Vinci
(Runnerup: Ramses II)
Irish Pub: Queen Medb
(Runnersup: WB Yeats
Michael Collins)
Any bar: Ben Franklin
(Runnerup: Groucho Marx)

Oh wait, you said famous figure; then...Mae West

Andy Kaufman for a nosh. Andy, seriously, what was the wrestling thing about?

Anne Frank

Charles the II because I want him to hit on me.

James Dean for the same reasons.

Kiki, you don't want drinks with Ivan the Terrible? I think you would really want to have a cosmo with Kate Goselyn so you could slap her silly.

Richard Burton, Rex Harrison, and Peter O'Toole. Good sirs, I raise my glass to you!

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About Erik Maza
Erik Maza is a features reporter at the Baltimore Sun. He writes for several sections of the Sun paper and contributes weekly columns on music and nightlife. He also writes and edits the Midnight Sun blog. He often covers entertainment, business, and the business of entertainment. Occasionally, he writes about Four Loko, The Block, the liquor board, and those who practice "simulated sex with a potted palm tree." Before The Sun, he was a reporter at the Miami New Times. He's also written for Miami magazine, the Orlando Sentinel, the Sarasota Herald Tribune and the Gainesville Sun. Got tips? Gripes? Pitches? He's reachable at Click here to keep up with the dumb music he's listening to.

Midnight Sun covers Baltimore music, live entertainment, and nightlife news. On the blog, you'll find, among other things, concert announcements, breaking news, bars closings and openings, up-to-date coverage of crime in nightlife, new music, round-the-clock coverage of Virgin Mobile FreeFest, handy guides on bars staying open past 2 a.m. on New Year's Eve and those that carry Natty Boh on draft. Recurring features include seven-day nightlife guides, Concert News, guest reviews of bars and concerts, Wednesday Corkboard, and photo galleries, as well as reader-submitted photos. Thanks for reading.

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