Tipsy Tuesdays: Breaking the seal
My, my, I've certainly regretted breaking the seal too early. Take it away, Owl Meat:
Here at Tipsy Tuesdays, we strive to enlighten and elevate, so I bring you today's topic: Breaking the seal.
This is the idea that after you relieve yourself for the first time while drinking alcohol you have to do it frequently.
Bartender Kyle at Chiaparelli's reminded me of the concept, but I knew it to be intuitively true, as I have often strategically suppressed my micturition urges. This is no trivial matter for anyone doing a mental cost-benefit analysis at a ball game, concert, or other public event.
While sipping an avocatini I went all caveman and considered whether there was some evolutionary benefit to this behavior. If this is a real biological process, why would it be rewarded? ...
Imagine that you are out all day drinking water, eating berries, and tracking beasts with ribs big enough to tip over your foot-powered car. But what if the hunter becomes the hunted?
Sabertooth creatures stalk the tender meat of the puny cave-painting Neanderthals by scent. If you periodically stop to relieve yourself in the jungle, the cats could track you more easily. My theory is that prehistoric hunters were more likely to survive and pass on their genes if they didn't break the seal. Of course that could just be the 'tini talking.
There is some science to both support and refute the concept. It has to do with the rising level of alcohol in your blood stream.
Alcohol inhibits a hormone that helps your body retain water (Anti-diuretic Hormone or ADH). Urine output increases disproportionately to the volume of liquid when you consume alcohol, and your bladder fills more rapidly. So the higher your blood alcohol level, the faster you make urine. This explains why you wake up dehydrated after drinking all that delicious liquid at Brewer's Art the night before. It does not explain why you have a tattoo of Hello Kitty on your neck.
Unless Fred and Barney are drinking Rolling Rocks or Keystone Lights on their hunting trips, my theory holds no water. Nothing good ever comes of avocatinis. Still ... Mastodon McRibs? Ba da ba ba ba ... I'm lovin' it!
Now that I have uncorked the subject, I will leave it you to comment freely.
(Photo by Getty Images)