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August 18, 2009

Tipsy Tuesdays: 21 signs you're a bad customer

bad customers

I'm glad OMG turned this topic around to confront the customers. It's only fair. And for the record, I've definitely heard of people snapping their fingers at servers. I even had a roommate who didn't mind tapping his own beers. I told him it was a great way to get his wrist broken by an angry bouncer, but he never seemed to get caught. Here's OMG:

We covered signs that you might be a bad bartender. It's only fair that this week we look into signs that you might be a bad customer.

Where to even start?

1. You semi-joke, "Spill some in the glass this time."

2. You try to come behind the bar. Oh, no you di'int.

3. Two words: bachelorette party.

4. You complain that your Long Island Iced Tea isn't strong enough.

5. You snap your fingers to get the bartender's attention.

6. You have made this threat, "Hey, you want a good tip?"

7. When you pay your bill, you say, "Hey, I'm a little short today. I'll tip you next time." No you won't. ...

8. Singing loudly to the radio or jukebox.

9. Singing loudly to a song different than what is on the radio or jukebox.

10. Excessive high-fiving. Enough already. If we win an Olympic relay race, maybe. Because Supertramp comes on the radio? No.

drunk girl 11. Telling me how you are going to be the next Eminem. I do not, repeat, do not want to hear your dope rhymes. Extra points if you read them from tattered scraps of paper you dig out of your Dockers.

12. You want to try four different wines and then decide to have a Diet Coke.

13. Excessive hitting on the bartender.

14. You call the bartender Sport, Cap'n, Big Guy, Skipper, Chief, etc.

15. You tell a woman how hot she would be if she groomed her eyebrows, dyed her hair, wore less makeup or my favorite – smiled more.

16. You look around the bar that has no beer taps and ask what's on tap.

17. You demand an unchilled glass for your Clipper City Loose Cannon (okay, that's me).

18. Making out at the bar

19. "Napping" at the bar

20. Telling someone at a bar how they would benefit from AA.

21. Beergatory

Discuss.

(Photos by Getty Images)


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Posted by Sam Sessa at 7:54 AM | | Comments (33)
Categories: Owl Meat's Tipsy Tuesdays
        

Comments

As a bartender, the worst has to be when (especially when crowded / busy) the patron doesnt know what they are going to order and has a group of people scattered behind them that, after they get your attention to order, then feel the need to turn around and ask everyone what they want. Makes me want to jump over the bar and throw haymakers...Damn it ! Now i'm pissed off...

Ah, yes Poops, that is annoying. As I said, this list was easy and could probably be twice as long and barely scratch the surface.

During my brief bartending career I had more than one request for a frozen virgin daquiri. Eight bucks moron,next!

I completely disagree with #10 and #14 - firstly because I love to high five, secondly because I call most bartenders Boss.

Woo hoo, Evan! Right to high five high five! Slap it high, don't leave me hanging.

I have a friend who used to bartend and he made the mistake of telling me that his pet peeve was when people called him stuff other than his name. As a good friend I, of course, call him almost anything but his name. Ain't that right, Bobby? I mean Hoss.

Here's today's before and after photos for drunk chick photo:
http://owlmeat.blogspot.com/2009/08/odalisque.html

I disagree with #13! Back in the day when I was bartending sometimes getting hit on was a big joke between all us bartenders and we would lovingly identify members of our respective "fan clubs" As in "look who's coming in the door now . . .one of Mike's fan club" We would really laugh it up at the end of night about who got hit on most.

The retouched drunk chick photo brings to mind Luke 1: 28

And the angel came in unto her, and said, Hail, thou that are highly favored, the Lord is with thee: blessed art thou among women.

he said that to a drunk woman?

Was this before or after the smoting?

If you examine the photo you will see that the light is coming out of the martini glass because that's where God lives.

Ordering the drinks you want, one at a time, waiting for each drink to be made separately.

Ordering a "beer". I believe most bars have more than one beer. Would you like me to surprise you?

i agree with Evan. they're the boss of the bar, for that moment at least. why not let them know?

I like when people on TV walk into a bar and order a "beer" and get a "beer".

My new knee-jerk scorn reaction is when I see a grown man ask if the bartender has a martini menu. If no such abomination is available the guy flounders. I once suggested a cojonetini and was given the evil eye by the bartender. Bad customer.

is it a bar-foul when i ask for the cheapest beer they have? i hate going into a bar where i can't ascertain prices and just want the cheapest, coldest brew possible. my friends tease me, but i feel i'm just being honest.

People who incessantly and loudly clap at the game on TV. They can't hear you.

Always loved it when some idiot would stand IN FRONT OF THE TAPS and ask "So, whaddaya have on tap around here?"

Haha! Poops Mc hit it on the head for me! That drives me crazy. But it comes with the territory. My pet peeve for the last decade is actually quite silly, but exasperating just the same...IT'S VODKA AND CRANBERRY PEOPLE!! Not cranberry vodka. :)

What is a martini menu? I thought a martini is just gin, vermouth, and an olive. Why would you need a menu for that?

@ voodoopork - I'm guessing TV shows refer to beer generically to so they don't give free advertising to any particular brewery. On the other hand, some TV shows seem to feature excessive product placement for certain brands (I'm looking at you, Entourage).

Regarding martinis, I'm convinced a martini is no longer a drink - it's simply a glass. If you ordered a martini from a bar, would you get a classic martini with gin or a now-more-popular vodka martini? Or perhaps you were hoping for an appletini, choco-tini, kiwitini or logan berry-tini.

Even worse, it seems martinis no longer have to be drinks. I've seen mashed potato martini bars at a number of receptions. While delicious, I was disappointed by the complete absence of alcohol.

Owl,
I was going to add "Hoss" to #14, but your comment beat me to it.

anyway, a great read. thanks!

If Supertramp announces that they are going back on tour, I'll be giving out high fives all around.

Speaking of high fives, Owlie, I'm surprised you didn't mention that mutant offsprings of the high five: fist bumps and chest thumps.

or an advocatini...

Thanks PCP Rob and everyone else from D@L. I have noticed a lot more MS regulars on D@L lately. Cool. Working to make D@L/MS the greatest blog duotome ever. Come on, drinks and music go with dinner.

It would be neat to have a blog duo, D@L/MS. After all, they do kind of complement one another. First you go out and dine (D@L) and then you go party (MS).

RoCK, if Supertramp goes on tour again, I'll be giving middle fingers all around. LOL. Seriously though, they did a pretty good job at the Ravens Super Bowl pregame show in Tampa. I was there.

This is NOT funny. Everyone knows high fives are kool! And you are NOT a bartender! I want Sam back.

Let's see, the beer geek's version:

"In a NON-frosted glass, thankyouverymuch....."
"Is that by weight or by volume?"
"How long ago did they change the keg/clean the lines?"

And my favorite, which I've never said outright but called a place or two on a couple times:

"Why are you charging me for what your menu says is a 'pint' when that thick-bottomed shaker only holds 12 ounces with no head? See, here's a 12-ounce beer bottle, watch me pour......"

My "favorite" of the bunch of "bad" customers? The idiots who, when going "WOOOOOO!" for whatever reason (yes, both genders), raise their bottles right into the overhead ceiling fan, sending the Miller Lite or Corona flying over the other customers.

How about the douchbags that buy one drink at a time and pay with thier credit card each time. Start a tab or hit up the A.T.M. people. You all know who you are.

Agreed, chrisg. I'm not even a bartender and that annoys me. And embarrasses me when my friends do it.

I agree with chrisg as well. I also HATE when people that I know and are asking me for favors decide not to tip over and over again. They buy drinks for friends that would tip and continue to not tip. And then after not tipping throughout the evening become more and more demanding and by the end of the night think we are best buddies. It is beyond annoying! Not tipping - not cool - unless the bartender is giving terrible service.

spot on!, off course there are 211 more but 21 is a great # to start. I was suprised that asking "do you make a good margarita" and "hey bartender, get me another bottle of beer, this one had a hole in it" after every beer didnt make the list. I have to say that #14 is 50/50, i'm one who doesn't want people to know my name. people have always (20+ years) called me ponytail.... or boss, big guy, I like barkeep but one I dont like is "hey, whats it take to get a drink around here?" the answer is a good tip.

Owl Meat only came up with this list because he does all these things himself.

yes please, unchilled glass.
a good bar tender should appreciate it!

bartending sometimes can be a little crap

Editor's note: I think this is spam, but it made me chuckle.

Or how about when a customer is adament about watching a certain TV show, so you change the channel for them, only to watch them leave two minutes later.

Or, certain customers will initially sit at the bar, then relocate to a table and ask you to transfer the tab. Inevitably, the customer comes back to the bar for shots.

Or, my personal favorite, "Is this your only job? You could do so much better than this."

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About Erik Maza
Erik Maza is a features reporter at the Baltimore Sun. He writes for several sections of the Sun paper and contributes weekly columns on music and nightlife. He also writes and edits the Midnight Sun blog. He often covers entertainment, business, and the business of entertainment. Occasionally, he writes about Four Loko, The Block, the liquor board, and those who practice "simulated sex with a potted palm tree." Before The Sun, he was a reporter at the Miami New Times. He's also written for Miami magazine, the Orlando Sentinel, the Sarasota Herald Tribune and the Gainesville Sun. Got tips? Gripes? Pitches? He's reachable at erik.maza@baltsun.com. Click here to keep up with the dumb music he's listening to.

Midnight Sun covers Baltimore music, live entertainment, and nightlife news. On the blog, you'll find, among other things, concert announcements, breaking news, bars closings and openings, up-to-date coverage of crime in nightlife, new music, round-the-clock coverage of Virgin Mobile FreeFest, handy guides on bars staying open past 2 a.m. on New Year's Eve and those that carry Natty Boh on draft. Recurring features include seven-day nightlife guides, Concert News, guest reviews of bars and concerts, Wednesday Corkboard, and photo galleries, as well as reader-submitted photos. Thanks for reading.
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