Pocketshots: My new squeeze
And just like that, I'm off on my honeymoon. Whoosh! Don't worry, though -- I've left you some great guest posts from some delightful guest commenters. Remember Owl Meat Gravy? Here he is:
I was sitting at my desk squirting Purell directly into my mouth on Monday morning when I caught my reflection in the computer monitor. "What am I doing?" I said to myself.
Like a message from God, a voice inside me said, "This would be better if it tasted like tequila instead of potpourri." If only there was a way to sanitize my hands and get my gel swerve crankin' too. Reason number 637 of why America is great: PocketShots.
PocketShots are 50 ml (1.7 oz.) squeeze packets of alcohol gel preferred by discerning ladies in ill-fitting tube tops everywhere. The container looks like the worst (best) tiny IV bag ever. They contain 80 proof alcohol as gin, vodka, rum, tequila or "Kentucky Straight Bourbon Whiskey Aged Four Years."...
Ads for PocketShots imply that the best way to consume it is to squeeze it onto the taut tanned belly of a supine nymphomaniac. Why gel? It's difficult to make a Cuba Libre with rum goo. I think the gel form might be quite filling, judging by an ad where the young lady has to open the top of her jeans. Just like after Thanksgiving dinner on the Rock of Love skank wagon.
Here's a great use for PocketShots. You know the angry woman near the Xerox machine at the office who hates Gypsies and has mild OCD? Yeah, Bridget. Replace the contents of her Purell with PocketShots. New office nickname: Gin Fingers.
The company claims that it is "perfect for active activities, outdoor adventures, and glass restricting venues." Outdoor adventures? Yeah, like getting drunk in the parking lot behind Arby's.
Sadly, PocketShots are not available in Maryland. The next time I'm in Delaware or Idaho I will be stocking up on them, because my on-the-go lifestyle demands it.
Where else can you get "Squishable pleasure?"
(Photo courtesy of Pocketshots)