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May 25, 2009

I don't like Moon-days

moondaysTake it away, guest poster Owl Meat:

An article in The Guardian reports that the English have lost their minds regarding wine and are nuttier than Donovan riding a lovecoaster powered by unicorn tears:

The idea that the taste of wine changes with the lunar calendar is gaining credibility among the UK's major retailers, who believe the day, and even hour, on which wine is drunk alters its taste. Tesco and its rival Marks & Spencer, which sell about a third of all wine drunk in Britain, now invite critics to taste their ranges only at times when the biodynamic calendar suggests they will show at their best.

Many scientists have little time for biodynamic wine, pointing out that the movement's guru, Rudolf Steiner, claimed to have conceived the concept after consulting telepathically with spirits beyond the realm of the material world. Among his other works are claims that the human race is as old as the Earth and descended from creatures with jelly-like bodies, and a belief that men's passions seep into the Earth's interior, where they trigger earthquakes and volcanoes.

Well pour me a Pinot Noir, smack my butt and call me Krakatoa. I can understand that there is a certain lunatic fringe who will buy into anything, but the idea that major retailers are encouraging people to not drink wine ever is bonkers ...

Perhaps there are better or worse days to plant things. Who knows? The moon does have a serious effect upon the tides, human biology and possibly human behavior. Plus werewolves.
The matter of how wine already in the bottle can be influenced by the moon seems ridiculous. Does a waxing moon change the chemistry of a Spanish Rioja? How would that work?

Moon gravity changing flavor electron orbitals? Perhaps the moon changes the chemistry in my brain so that those leathery undertones on Monday taste like vinyl car seat on Thursday. If this was true, wouldn't food taste vary by some astrological calendar too?
Here's my astro-œnological forecast for the coming week: This is a good time for people to buy wine for Sagittarians. Their sparkling personalities and awesome guest blogging skills will reflect back upon you and make you more attractive to them the more glasses of wine you buy them ... ladies.  And no merlot.

(Getty Images)

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Posted by Sam Sessa at 11:00 AM | | Comments (36)
Categories: Bars & Clubs, Owl Meat's Tipsy Tuesdays


Lasers and wine in outer space! I haven't even read the article yet. Cool.

(gurgle gurgle as my comment swirls down the Sun's blog toilet)

Hey, you ripped off Dimitri Martin ... ladies.

Dude do not mock what you do nit know. I follow the moon when i plant my crops. Okay?

I tend not to agree with anything in the Guardian; however, I will agree with you that it is a great time to buy wine for Sagittarians. I will be eagerly awaiting my gifts.

Owl Meat Gravy..I see your trying to follow in my a owl you are should go to Hooters...because your posts lack any kind of excitement..a laser in outer space with a drink? Are you kidding me chief? This site's ratings are dropping like the stock market! Sam got married 3 weeks ago and he is still off work..I only took 1 off when I got married! The only good thing is Metromix has weaker blogs! You will always beat them out! There blogs are boring! Keep trying Owl man eventually you will be a real good writer..just becasue your OK now doesnt mean you cant improve!!

I see Lumber's back... did they empty out the jails again without warning the populace?

Mr. Lumber, I assume you are the pot. Minimally, I count 5 spelling/grammatical errors in your post. As a wise man once said, "check ya'self before ya wreck ya'self."

.I only took 1 off when I got married!

I thought they only gave 24 hour prison furloughs for weddings.

You certainly are a wise man. I hope become real good some day, just not today. And me talk pretty one day.

I was wondering why you hadn't written any guest posts. Then I found this item you posted elsewhere:

Log onto (I no longer work there) Baltimore Sun Midnight Sun put rude remarks in every one of his columns...ruin his dam career in Baltimore...screw Sam Sessa!!!

Quite a light touch you have.

The mighty qzans has spoken, Fear her, Lumber, or you will be reduced to splinters.

Just like the former President, this blog brings together alcoholics and dyslexics.


If you want to see what a real good writer wears, check out Tim Lumber's Facebook photo for the finest in t-shirts with the sleeves ripped off. Guns gotst to breathe!

My python boot is too tight
I couldn't get it off last night
a week went by, and now it's July
I finally got it off and my girlfriend cried
"You got stinkfoot"

Hmmm... I was just listening to Zappa last night. What a coicidence.

Owl Meat Gravy..your comments STINK just like your breath! Who ever named you Owl Meat Gravy should be shot! What did your mommy go to the Baltimore Zoo when she was pregnant with you? Can you spin your head 360 that kid from poltergise movie..haha? Your comebacks need alot more HOOT behind them if your ever going to compete with me! I still write blogs..I just dont write under you OWL Face! I just got a new job tonight..its like my 5th already..yes the midnight sun will opened a baby door for me..but I am the greatest writing show on earth..your are many miles behind me..hoot..hoot..hahaha!

To answer Owl Mans comment..why havent I written here. Me and Sammy(Sosa) Sessa cant see eye to eye! One of us is cross eyed it appears! Im still thankful for my oportunity here..My Pittsburgh story was like breaking the bank..after I wrote the masterpiece(greatest story ever written) offers came in fast! I actually was talking to ESPN, just 2 days ago, but nothing great has happened! I just came to terms with a new blog..I cant remember the name, I will have to re-check e-mail, its a big site with lots of traffic..also was offered a blog with maryland Gazette..but Rick Hutzel(editor) thinks I will work for free as a hometown wont happen! OWL Meat..when you get 2-3 offers a can speak on my level..your under are just a goat..working for does it feel to be a shadow..hahahaha?

Notice the time of Timmy's posts? Lassie, run boy and gets me a edumication! and some bumps while you're at it.

Tim Lumber is full of more crap than a portajohn at the Preakness. His other "gig" is commenting at B the Site. No ESPN, no other blogs. Dude can't spell or form words into sentences. Nobody will pay him to write anything.

Poor guy, it's gotten to the point I feel bad for him.

Isn't that how the circus geek rants before you throw him a chicken neck?

I bow to your superiority Tim. Just last night they offered to make me Emperor of Glargon 7, but I'm holding out for a bigger planet.

JD..let me prove you wrong! I recently quit the Frederick News Post...and I just got the keys and password today for my new blog which I will write new blog will be at THERE I proved you wrong again! Google my name also...I just did a full story interview at they interviewed me for there readers..what have you done JD? haha..nothing.I think I proved my point..check the national sports review will see my new post and big introduction from the website!

Why didnt my comment to JD go up? JD I will be writing for the starting tommorow! Google my name and you will see the blogs and places I have written at! I was interviewed..nobody wants to interview you fools on here..haha..why would they..ahaha!!

"Sammy (Sosa) Sessa", yehaw you don't git that high brow humor round here much yawl! Dangnabbit, why couldn't I think of somethin as booklerned as that..Oh, I knows... Tim Lumber(Jack)!!! Later, I have to get some Bud Ponies, smoke around my asthmatic kid and then hit him for complaining.

Sparky, are you drinking during the day again?

"I only took 1 off when I got married!"
why was the couch that uncomfortable while your wife hogged the tempurpedic?

"I am the greatest writing show on earth..your are many miles behind me..hoot..hoot..hahaha!"
we thought that was because you were on the bus out of town.

"I bow to your superiority Tim. Just last night they offered to make me Emperor of Glargon 7, but I'm holding out for a bigger planet"
tim's holding out for a bigger ego.

"what have you done JD?"
continuely held the same real job.

"Tim Lumber(Jack)!!!"
no,no,no, it's tim(ber) lumber, the guy who put the numb in number of rants.

Karlosi(weird name) I too have held down a job..I been at my factory job for 3 years now! When it comes to writing..EXPERIENCE counts! I refused to stay at one place too looks better on my resume, I have written for more places! This is supposed to be the up and coming sports website! There were over 300 writers who applied for this! The owner was a fan of mine, he reads my stuff! His first e-mail response back to me this a real e-mail..he couldnt believe..the Living Legend Tim Lumber had applied to his site! You can love me or hate me..but I do draw record crowds where ever I go..I could care less if people hate me..there still reading..thats all that counts! Funy comments Sparky, are you from my trailer park community..haha? Owl Meat Gravy...your name is funny..but your comments lack GAME! Just watch how I comment and take notes..ROOKIE..follow the leader(me)!

Nice try Tim Lumber but it's hard to believe you're for real. Just a stock character drawn from WWF. Let's get ready to Lumber!

Tim, do you EVER use the spell check function?
I can't believe in this age and your supposed great writer status that you continually have such basic spelling and grammar mistakes. The only thing that comes through is the thunder of Lumber's false assumption to bragging rights.

Does anyone think Tim will know the "I Don't Like Moon-days" play on words?

Sparky you assume that he knows how to spell Monday.

Tim Lumber has such a perfect Dickensian ring to it. It does sound made up, with all the built in associations: head of wood, lumbering/oafish, inert

Reason #5 Why I Think Sue Hopper Was Someone I Know Just Screwing With Me:

No sign of her since Sam has returned. You would think there would be a gooey trail of wet kisses all over the blog, but no.

Reason #3 Why She Might Be Real:

I don't know anyone daft enough to refer to Costa Rica as "down the ocean".

While not a definitive reason that you are wrong, OMG, she has been around (and crushing on Sam) a while ago - long before your guest posting run.

She used to type exclusively in CAPS LOCK.

For some reason, I pictured her as a recent divorcee who was looking to Midnight Sun as a way to find out what the young happening singles crowd was up to, then became smitten by Sam's boy-ish charms.

Cool. Caps lockers are screamers.

And they like it Donkey

I have to admit that I never read any of Tim Lumber's posts. They seem to have been posted this winter when my internet connection was down, my PC crahed or when I was away.

You can't break the rules creatively unless you know what they are.

Still don't see you at Tim Lumber. Fake. is open to anyone who wants to write anything, sports related or not. It is not an achievement to have a "blog" there, anyone with an Internet connection can do so.

And I'm sure the Frederick News-Post was sad when you quit your citizen blog.

There are a lot of free places to share your opinion on the Internet. You're finding them all. And it's providing laughs for the rest of us. Thank you.

this topic popped up again on dining at large today. weird stuff

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About Erik Maza
Erik Maza is a features reporter at the Baltimore Sun. He writes for several sections of the Sun paper and contributes weekly columns on music and nightlife. He also writes and edits the Midnight Sun blog. He often covers entertainment, business, and the business of entertainment. Occasionally, he writes about Four Loko, The Block, the liquor board, and those who practice "simulated sex with a potted palm tree." Before The Sun, he was a reporter at the Miami New Times. He's also written for Miami magazine, the Orlando Sentinel, the Sarasota Herald Tribune and the Gainesville Sun. Got tips? Gripes? Pitches? He's reachable at Click here to keep up with the dumb music he's listening to.

Midnight Sun covers Baltimore music, live entertainment, and nightlife news. On the blog, you'll find, among other things, concert announcements, breaking news, bars closings and openings, up-to-date coverage of crime in nightlife, new music, round-the-clock coverage of Virgin Mobile FreeFest, handy guides on bars staying open past 2 a.m. on New Year's Eve and those that carry Natty Boh on draft. Recurring features include seven-day nightlife guides, Concert News, guest reviews of bars and concerts, Wednesday Corkboard, and photo galleries, as well as reader-submitted photos. Thanks for reading.

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