"Two Jaeger bombs and a sippy cup, please"
Midnight Sun guest writer Owl Meat takes another look at kids and drinking in this hilarious post:
I think it's illegal for children to sit at a bar in Baltimore.
Nevertheless, I have been afflicted with the progeny of lazy parents who abandon their ill-fitting accessories at a restaurant bar to watch TV and inflict DDT-like buzz-kill on the adults there.
When the parents are particularly obnoxious, I might say to them, "I don't drink at your playground. Don't bring your kids to my bar."
You can't mess with the kids, though. However annoying, they are blameless.
But you can teach them some things that will keep their parents busy later. Here is a starter list of kinder-conversation starters ...
- When I was a kid, I had a pony. All my friends had ponies and we rode them to school.
- Milk is made from white paint and glue.
- Try to work the phrase "daddy's girlfriend" into dinner conversation as much as possible. It will crack him up.
- Whenever you do something wrong at school, such as forget to do your homework, here is the phrase that pays: "Mommy drinks." It never gets old.
Parents: Maybe I'm not the best babysitter for your kids. So cough up some sitter cheddar or you might be explaining away some very unsavory behavior of the Easter Bunny at a donkey show in Oaxaca.
(Photo by Getty Images and OMG)