This, dear readers, is Owl Meat Gravy's second guest post on Midnight Sun. Enjoy:
Apparently they used to sell candy cigarettes years ago (before the liberals ruined the world).
Ah, think about it: Coming home after a hard half-day at kindergarten, putting your little feet up and dragging deep on a candy Pall Mall. Yeah, puffing out a swirl of powdered sugar. That's living.
Recently I saw a gruff older man (reminiscent of the psychotic father from American Beauty) order a root beer at a bar.
Rebuffed, he barked out, "A Shirley Temple then!" I had to look. Standing behind him was a twitchy boy, maybe 13. I could read his mind: "I hate you, Dad, I hate you, Dad, I hate you, Dad."
Why would he do that? Get the poor kid a soda, not an emasculating trip to the 1930s.
So what's the deal with kiddie cocktails? As far as I can tell they haven't changed in 50 years ...
There's the Shirley Temple: 7-Up (Sprite) and grenadine. Then there's the Roy Roger: Coke and grenadine.
Can't we come up with something more current?
The idea of feeding your antsy kids super-saturated sugar drinks with extra red sugar seems like pure madness. But why teach your kids that it ain't a party without a cocktail? Sure, they are going to get worse messages from the media. But still.
I think the French have a much better idea: Give the kids some watered-down wine. It teaches them how to drink responsibly and best of all – knocks them out cold. Zut alors!
(Photo by Getty Images)