The good, the bad and the awkward: Handing out the Best of the Best of the Best awards
I know, right? The shock! The horror!
The ... the ... nerve of these people!
Anyhow, I showed them. I showed them but good.
I showed up at their doorsteps yesterday to personally present the awards.
This doesn't sound like much, but some of these awards bordered on insulting. So to hand them out in person was fun, yes, but also incredibly awkward at times.
The first stop, MaGerk's, was the most awkward, actually ...
If you recall, I awarded MaGerk's the Biggest Meathead Magnet Award. It's kind of an insult, but in a friendly, 'hee hee' kinda way.
I rolled in there around mid-afternoon, asked for a manager and was told to walk upstairs and holler for "Erin." Here is a brief recollection of our conversation:
Erin (pictured, right): Who is it?
Me: Sam Sessa from The Baltimore Sun. I have something for you!
Erin: What is it?
Me: I have your award!
Erin: Oh. Yeah. I heard about this.
Me (smiles politely, presents award): Here it is!
Erin (looks at award, frowns): But we don't have any meatheads here.
Me: Uh, yes, well, it's all in good fun, you know.
Second awkward pause.
Erin: Yeah. Well, I'll try and find a place to hang it. Somewhere.
Me: Can I take your picture?
Third awkward pause.
Whew, man, I was glad to get outta there. Yeah I know the photo is blurry. I didn't want to ask her if I could take another one. She didn't take the award as well as I'd hoped she would.
Next stop was the Greene Turtle in Fells Point. They won Second Biggest Meathead Magnet. Co-owner Jill had -- gasp -- a sense of humor! She gave me a big hug and told me she couldn't wait to hang it somewhere. Thanks for saving my afternoon, Jill.
Then I strolled on over to Slainte, where I hoped to find owner Patrick Russell. He also owns Kooper's Tavern and Woody's Rum Bar. Woody's won an award for Best Place to Get Day Drunk.
I walked into Slainte, and asked the first person I saw if Patrick was around. The guy turned to me and goes "Who's askin'?" I told him I was none other than the famed Sam Sessa. He gasped, gave a low, sweeping bow and ushered me to a table where Patrick sat.*
As you can see in the top photo, Patrick was quite pleased with his award. He tried to peel the $4 Dollar Tree sticker off the frame, and I had to stop him and tell him the sticker was part of the charm.
My last stop of the afternoon was Lagers Pub, the Bar We Love to Hate. Backstory here. Lagers didn't look open, but I tried the door anyway. It swung open, and I stepped inside.
All of the lights were off and nobody was there. I called "Helloooooo" a couple times, but no one answered. I set the award on the bar and slowly backed out the front door. For some reason, the hair on the back of my neck stood up. I think someone may be in trouble. I just don't know. My spider sense was going nuts, though. Oh wait, I'm supposed to tell you about my super powers. Shh.
It was a chilling way to end a fun (and awkward) expedition. I still have a couple awards to hand out. Friends wasn't open when I was there, and neither was Club Charles. I'll try them both later.
*This particular story has been altered from its original version. It has been exaggerated for your reading pleasure.
(Photos by me)