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January 21, 2009

Tim Lumber: To heck with the Steelers


Here is Midnight Sun guest columnist Tim Lumber's tipsy tirade against the Pittsburgh Steelers, who beat the Ravens on Sunday:

Talk about a perfect night being ruined! Them yellow towell Pittsburgh Steelers beat our Ravens!

I went over my dads, we were all excited drinking our Natty Bo(Baltimore beers) getting drunk and rooting on the Ravens! I will never again in my life drink that Pittsburgh beer Rolling Rock! Im drunk and im ready to raise some [heck]!

I was reading the Pittsburgh newspaper websites talk about class-less trash! They had one story titled 3 Rivers better than Baltimores Inner Harbor! How in the [heck] do they get that?

At the harbor we drink beers and dance and have fun,tourists come from all over the world to see it! What do they do at 3Rivers go fishing for mud carp? ...

There 3 rivers smell like a rotten septic tank! Also a quick note, once this story goes up, i will e-mail 6 Pittsburgh garbage writers and challenge them to a debate on my comment section! I am the worlds first Pirate Writer, so i will take them to school, i am the world trash talking champ!

All in all i guarantee you they will be yellow..just like there wimpy towells they wave! I think Baltimore Bars should start using them yellow steeler towells as toilet paper, for all of us die hard Raven fans! I cant wait to watch the Arizona Cardinals whip them steel bums in the Super Bowl! Hold on, i need a shot of Old Crow!

I am going to mail all them trash talking Pittsburgh columnists a pacifier after them steel bums lose the Super Bowl, because there going to be crying like 2 year olds!

A true story also for yous...3 years ago i was drunk at the Ravens game and a Steeler fan started running off his lip to me! So i delivered a knuckle sandwich to his jaw! He shut up real fast, then the security escorted me out the stadium...all in all my PSL's were taken away from me! Thats O.K. because i will just buy a bleacher ticket next year! Im going to get drunk, and the 1st Steeler fan who lips off...I will go Trailer Park on him!!!!! 

By Tim Lumber

(Photo by Doug Kapustin/Sun photographer)

Follow Midnight Sun on Facebook and Twitter @midnightsunblog
Posted by Sam Sessa at 3:02 PM | | Comments (77)


This guy is a joke.

Sometimes a joke is funny. This guy is just sad.

I think it is nice that Sam is letting a middle school journalism student "intern" by writing columns for the blog. Kid is gaining some valuable experience.

Oh ... he's not in middle school?

And by the way, Rollin Rock isn't made in Pittsburgh anymore.


Who is Tim Lumber?

The steelers will destroy all in their path. One day they will destroy the universe!

Good call. Rolling Rock isn't made in Pittsburgh anymore, and come March Iron City won't be made in Pittsburgh anymore either. Then again Natty Boh hasn't been brewed in Baltimore since '78.

I hate for linking me to this....

As a true Pittsburgh fan, consider me "running off my lips" You gonna hit me?

Who punches someone of trash talk, and who is proud about it......

I guess this makes sense for a drity bag team like the Ravens to have dirty bag friends

Wow. And I thought the people booing GWB at inauguration were sore losers....


Hope you have a good exit strategy for this joke. Otherwise it's a dud...

First off, there is Musky, Smallmouth Bass and Walleye in the Three Rivers. Secondly, grow up!

Spoken like a true Raven's fan, Tim! And, who cares where Rolling Rock is made. Does anyone really drink that stuff??

Ah, Rolling Rock! I remember when it was sold in a egg crate box of 12 seven ounce boxes, which you bought because you got the most bang for your buck when you were short on cash.
Now it's brewed in Newark, NJ across the street from Newark Airport and has acquired a more upscale image, such is the fate of a once humble beer originally from Latrobe, PA.

Tim - since William Burroughs died, the position of Commission of Sewers is open. It's the kinda job that when you say you're to your ass in [feces] it is an accurrate description of your day.

As Hines Ward said, "they (Ravens) asked for the STEELERS. They got the STEELERS."

All I have to say nothing. I will let the SCOREBOARD say it all.

hahahahaha comment goldmine in the making you mind if i call you BURGERMAN? McDonalds has McDoubles on there dollar menu! Hines Ward...Ha Ha..didnt he get hurt? How come he didnt want to come back in and play? say who is Tim Lumber? I am the living legend who wrote this story...who are you? And why is your name Anonyomous? Jeff i guess your buying a bleacher ticket this year? Where are these Pittsburg columnist i e-mailed? Steve Slutsky 3 rivers only has Mud Carp..i should know I am a well respected columnist! E$ my oldest critic Iron City beer is leaving Pittsburg because no body drinks that horrible tasting beer! If your E$ than I am 14 carrot gold! I want to dedicate this story to the Baltimore year we will win the Super Bowl...just like Arizona will this year! I predict Kurt Warner will set a Super Bowl record for most TD passes! Go Arizona!!!!!

Stebbin you would be a perfect fit for that I'm a world class columnist writer(Very talented!!!) JD I'm not in school..I'm a very talented big league writing prospect! I got A's in writing! Walt Solek sorry to say Kurt Warner doenst think the Steelers are unbeatable! Thank you PAT you are great with your comments! Your the fan that makes me happy! GDA you the man! I like the internet link messages! A MESSAGE TO BALTIMORE...IS THERE ANY TRUE RAVEN FAN NOT AFRAID TO STEP UP AND REPRESENT BALTIMORE? LET THEM KNOW THIS IS RAVEN COUNTRY!

Here is the History of the Baltimore Ravens in a nutshell.
They take Cleveland's team then a few years later with The Brown's players and would have been draft picks they win the Super Bowl.
They spend the next few years crying that they could win more if they only had a QB.
In the years that they miss the playoffs the are GOD awlful and the years they make it they either lose in the first rd or lose to the Steelers somewhere along they way.

Wow I cant believe a baltimore newspaper would let garbled trash like this on their site. It has horrid english, incoheriant thoughts, and its isnt funny or thought provoking at all.

I pity this wannabe writer. I cant see him holding down a job...ever.

I cant wait intil this guy sends' his his trash! talk email to all the pittsburgh sports writer an the mesage board debate begins..he is gonna raise some verbil heck!!..,

The Tim Lumber School of Journalism.

P.S. Is this guy serious?

I think this clown is just trying to be funny & I did have to laugh a bit being a STEELERS fan. 1st off the game wasn't even close, the STEELERS dominated statistically. If it wasn't for the 2 pass interference penalties, I doubt the ravens would have even scored a point! Oh well, who's playing on Feb 1st? News flash, it isn't the ravens! I must be honest here, I do agree that the Inner Harbor is a great place, even for a STEELER fan like me.

Hey Tim: for the record H. Ward, your public enemy #1 didn't get hurt... Ward got a boo boo, McGahee got crushed, I heard they've got a couple of his teeth on ebay cheap! Face it, you guys got beat at your own game, "smashmouth football". As a steelers fan, I can only hope that you guys don't continue to spiral downward, I'd hate for this rivalry to fizzle like the steelers/browns.

Tim Lumber takes lip from no man!

I must admit I have no dog in the Steelers/Ravens fight but this particular blog entry is atrocious.

Even when Sam blogs about urinals his grammar and writing style pours out golden. Tim Lumber? Not so much.

I would recommend asking someone to proofread your writing but I fear there isn't much that can be done to improve senseless drivel. May God have mercy on your Ravens-jaded soul.

Sam, IF this guy is your replacement, the Sun is in deeper trouble then I thought.

I've lived in both Pittsburgh and Baltimore, and I'd never touch inner harbor water, but I'd swim in the 3 rivers any day of the week. And Tim, get a high school degree before you try to write another article. To "heck" with you.

Drew from Greektown you the man! Evan you are one of the leaders of my pack...thanks!!! Jim i already sent them 6 Pittsburgh columnist e-mails 3 were from Pittsburg Post-Gazette(R.Cook,Gene Collier,E.Bouchette) and from Pitt.Tribune(Mike Prisuta,Kevin Gorman,John Harris) they loved talking bad about our city, but the werent man enough to comment on here! I think i may open that school you talked about, thanks for the support! And Bigbadben7 i was ragging on you on steeler haters website,glad you stopped by and left least you were brave enough! Baltimore...we are the greatest city in the world!!!

after that hit on McGahee, even thug Ray Ray was afraid to go on the field

I put a post on the Fan Nation Pittsburgh Steeler Fan club(by S.I.) it tells them to come here and read the story so far its got 500+ i hope when you Steeler fans reads the story you leave me a heart warming messeage! Please dont be yellow(like them steeler towells)!!! I love u Baltimore!!!!!!

Tim - you're right I would be a perfect fit for that job, but so would anyone else who read your post all the way thru. Maybe if I were drunk when reading it, it would have made perfect sense...NAH!

HERE WE GO!!! All the way to the SUPER BOWL! Go cry in your Nasty Bo, I will sip the sweet nectar that is Iron City as I watch the STEELERS win a 6TH SUPER BOWL. One for the other hand! STEELERS will beat the Birdies every time they play them, every year.

I'm a Steeler fan living in Nashville, TN and I will tell you something Tim Lumber. You better get drunk before you try to hit me. I don't think you would want to be fealing anything after I got done with ya! Besides, last I checked, it was just a game and win, lose or draw its about sportmanship. Oh, well we know were you rank in that one....

To SAM,,Who is Tim??? I see a journalist in the making,, weather any of us agree or not with what Tim says in his column at least Tim has enough [gusto] to speak his mind,,how many people really can do that these days?? Its about time don't you think,,after all you all are reading this and making your comments,,so Im guessing everyones reading what Tim has to say,, to see what he will say next. Hummmm...So Tim,,who ever you are,,say what ya gotta say and by the way,, drink one for me . Trouble.

Sam,,tim's a keeper. ya gotta love a person who has no fear,,i can't wait to read what Tim has to say next!!

Well, I'm done with Midnight Sun column. It was fun for a while, but now I may as well listen to talk radio. At least it'll keep me frum havin ta reed.

Anonymous,Stebbin,Jeff Whalen I am a well respected columnist! How about i mail you 3 stooges a free complimentary autograph! I usually charge $19.95 per signature...but since i made yous will be a free gift!

"I am a well respected columnist!" - by who I never heard of you up to 2 weeks ago!
"I usually charge $19.95 per signature" - REALLY! to Japanese tourists?
For someone who talks big about themsleves, how come talking about yourself you never capitalize your "I"s. If someone eyeballed your stuff before it went out, they at least catch and have you correct that.


Being Mysterio, I wonder what the tenor of these postings would sound like if it known you had another job, such as:
Just an idle thought.

Anonymous i will explain my writing style to you! I do not believe in the rules of writing...i make my own rules i could care less about capatilizing my "I" as you put it! I am a pirate writer meaninG my style is against the rules, i will change writing history forever...when the Beatles came into Rock "n"Roll they said the same thing! Newspapers have lost style makes them money...add 1 + 1 and you will find the answer! My writing style is the Future of Writing..we live in a world thats gotten more cruel...nice writers will finish last in the future! Its all about having gutts to say what you want...thats what i do! Join my pirate writing style!

That was a funny one GDA liked the photo! Maybe i should hire butterbean as a security guard next time i go to pittsburgh! I think my now pittsburgh's public enemy #1!!!!

Tim - one of frequent posters has issues with the term free gift which he/she has let you slide on, I won't.
"free gift", if it's truly a gift, it's free. - Zink!

I kicked the crap out of Tim Lumber in Baltimore - my knuckles were bloody and his head had bumps. Do you want some more TIMMAY?

Man, you got bravado down to a "T" but making writing history is know the rules then breaking them only when they get in the way.
Your pirate writing style looks like an unchecked first draft, as Truman Capote once said, "Rewriting is good writing". It's time to take off the eyepatch and get serious. Grrr!

Stebbin and anonymous i will change the history of writing! I love writing, and i couldnt stand to hear about newspapers losing you know at this pace the papers will not survive in 100 years they will be like dinosaurs! So love me or hate me i will change that all..My pirate writing style is the future of newspaper writing! I will one day be considered the innovator! I want to be one of the top writers to ever live! TommyBoy go drink another beer! Go play some more Wrestling video games you hulkamaniac!

All one quick note anonymous i do take writing very seriously! Im actually obsessed with it! I feel strong about getting this pirate writing styla out to the world! Thanks for the comments honestly anonymous..Grrr!

I love free gifts stebbin! I prefer money or gift cars Stebbin! If you want you can mail me a $100 gift card Stebbin in return i will mail you 10 autographs! Peace....Grrr!

pirate style or not, pirates say "Arrggg" not "Grrr"
it's a shame, I was kinda hoping that intelligence and education was the way of the future, not trailer talk.

Even though Pittsburg beat the Ravens (Sadly) there is no way they are going to win the Super Bowl. So sit on your high horses for now then go back to the short bus where you belong. Good Job Tim!

B i want to say thank you very much that was a great compliment coming from you's! I will stop by the site and say thanks you! You's are part of my roots growing into a writer! And here is where things get Bad...ss2 who cares if Blackbeard the pirate said Arrggg! Tim Lumber says...Grrrr(thanks anonymous for that idea) You should feel honored that i responded to you! Now you can tell your kids you once talked to the lengendary Tim Lumber! If you want a autograph you are going to have to fork out $19.95....Plus Tax!!!!!!

Anonymous you said Truman Capote said Re-writing is good writing! Who is Truman Capote...he must be some loser from Pittsburgh! Truman Capote is no Tim Lumber...when i die Baltimore is going to build a 8foot golden statue of me holding a ink pen and a piece of paper! Pittsburgh wishes they had a talented writer like me....Tim "the pirate writer" Lumber

Tim Lumber won't go hump tree anc some lumber. You take the purple and you'll see that you are the Cleveland Browns. We have SUPERBOWLS you have one, We are going to win our sixth you will never have a chance to make it to second base for number two. Barack Obama is Steelers Nation ultimate fan representative, You must be Ravens Graves most arrested convict. Hit a Steelers fan agin at Heinz Field we will pound on you like a swarm of Honey Bees.

Ed Bouchette I never been to Hienz Field(why would i want to go that dump) it happened in Baltimore! And Ed have fun watching Kurt Warner make Super Bowl history! You are counting that 6th ring way to soon! Your Steelers will never get a 6th ring!

Does anyone find anything this guy has to say worth reading. I didn't think I could think less of Baltimore. If this is the type of guy they allow to act as a spokesman, heaven help them!

u go tim your the man. STEELERS SUCKS!!!!!!!! CARDINALS ALL THE WAY

ya'll making grim reaper predictions about the other team are all just talkin a lot of smack. braggin rights goes to the winner, whoever.
Tim Lumber - you don't know enough to know Truman Capote wrote "In Cold Blood", your education isn't remotely complete. Time you google his name and learn somethin'.

Karlosi i would recomend you google the name Tim Lumber than maybe you will get a free education! Because Im the real deal...not some bum named Truman! Tim384 you the man! Yeah go Arizona...go Arizona..Go..Go!!! Super Bowl Champions!!!! I bet Kurt Warner gets MVP!!!!

I hadn't guess Truman hadn't counted on the likes of you, 384 drafts and you're still not right or ready for publication.
yeah go to Arizona, everyone needs a destination.

Anonymous...Arizona wishes they had me as a writer! Just because I will be rooting for there football team doesnt mean i want to move there! Im too busy taking the writing World by like a hurricane...whether you Steeler rejects like me or not..i cannot be stopped! I think its about time you dorks give me the respect i deserve!

Tim Lumber is right.

I don't think the intellects on this board have seen how really good Arizona's offense aka Larry Fitzgerald, Anton Boldin, James and Hightower guided by Kurt Warner is compared to lumbering R. You are in for a real treat, people.

Not to mention guidance of Ken Whisenhunt and OC Todd Haley.

Attitude reminds me of the attitude of the old NFC against the upstart Joe Namath and Jets

You are the man carl234!! That was a great response and i agree with you 100%!!! I do think Arizona has some great offensive weapons!!! And they will win the football game!!

Are the Ravens so bad that you have to become fans of another team? Is everyone in Baltimore trading in their purple for Cardinals red? Where I come from, you root for one team. If your team dosn't make it to the Superbowl, you root for no team, you think about the draft and off season and hope for next year. If you were a true Ravens fan you would want the Steelers to win the superbowl, or does it make you happy to think that a 9-7 team from a lousy division would beat a team that beat you 3 times. Be proud that you are in the tough AFC North, you would have been division champs anywhere else.


From The Pere Ubu site, probably applies to sports as well:
"Ars longa, audientes leves (art is long lived, those listening are fickle)."
"Ars longa, spectatores fugaces (art is long lived, the audience transitory)."

Also old saying:
"success has many fathers, failures are orphans"

Read recently that Tony Seragusa lives the next town over, Florham Park.
I suspect I'll never run into him.
My sister in Verona has run into Yogi Berra several times in various stores and once in church, she probably wouldn't know he was if people didn't make some fuss.

Thanks Joe for your 10 cent wisdom! I only will root for the cardinal birds this week because i hate Pittsburgh! After that is Ravens 24-7!!!

You are not the pirate writer. You are, however, "The buttpirate wr-aider". I gotta know something. When the Steelers stomp the Cards will you write a blog eating crow/raven? Doubt it. That would require class and you obviously have none. Just face it all Your precious "cravens" ranting and such means nothing when you play us. All Rays dancing and yelling ends and in the end 7 or 8 times outta 10 we own you. You suck we rule you. One last thing, either you are an idiot or a liar. Get your facts straight before running your mouth about your betters.

Hey TheBakerMan when you try and debate me you lose bucktooth! Let me take my pirate eye patch off and sit down this bottle of Old Crow! Maybe you should go to a all you can eat buffet you Pittsburgh loser! I will mail you some diapers after the Super Bowl...and i will even be nice enough to mail you a free complimentary Tim Lumber autograph a $19.95 value just to help ease the pain when them Steeler bums lose!!

I see that Mr. Lumber (aptly named) is identified as a "guest columnist" much in the same way that "dramatic reenactments" are labelled to clearly distinguish them as cheap imitations of the real thing. The only thing that Mr. Lumber has acheived with his imbecilic (and I'm being generous here) "article" is to strengthen the case for compulsary euthanasia and sterilization programs.


I am a Ravens fan and you are an idiot. Your story is a rambling mess about going to your Dad's, getting drunk on cheap beer and surfing the net. Next time collect your thoughts before grabbing the beer.

this isn't a dead issue yet? someone drive a stake throuh it so it doesn't rise again.

Tim Lumber hasn't been heard from in a while. Maybe he is gone?

He's got a new gig - writing comments at B the Site.

Please stop speaking of him though, it may bring him back.

Tim Lumber is a moron who can't spell.
Nuff said.

1st off I want to thank Sam Sessa for allowing me to have done my 1st 4 career blog post's! This blog will always remain my favorite! I think this is the story that put me on the map! I now write my own blog elsewhere,but this blog will always be special to me! I want to thank everyone who read it! Whether you loved it or hated it-this blog was history in the making! I want to wish Sam Sessa good luck with all his future blogs! And thank you reader's! I know most of you are happy Im gone now...haha!

tim's new gig is going exactly like this one did. Everywhere tim posts goes exactly like this did. the consistancy is amazing. just ask Lloydfan4life.

Karlosi...I make people hate me intentionally..if i didnt want negative comments DONT you think I would write something nice? I love talking trash! I tell readers if you like me..DONT comment! I get a big kick out of the haters! If everybody liked me I would quit writing!

My gosh, the football gods were right. The Baltimore Sun has desecrated itself into the abyss of Ray Lewis' bird man outfits.

Tim Lumber, you have brought shame and dismay upon your fellow Raven fans with your incredulous comments. As a Ravens fan I would be forced to hang my head in shame. Crying the Steelers are going to lose is one thing...but not being man enough to applaud them when they win is reserved for the likes of Billy Belicheat. It reeks of classlessness.

The Steelers stomped a mudhole into the Ravens inner-harbor 3 times this year. None bigger than the AFC Championship stomping.

They continued by being the better team in the Super Bowl and beating the Arizona Cardinals. Who, btw, hold the same title as the Ravens. Runners up to the Pittsburgh Steelers from their respective conferences.

Thank heavens I'm not on earth anymore. I'd have my Chicago Bears use you as the football for one of our practices at Soldiers Field.

I ask you to respectfully decline from inciting Steelers fans again. Not until you have at least earned the right to disrespect them. Let's say, after you've surpassed them in Super Bowl victories.

This is not how I planned on spending eternity...reading a blog writer in the Baltimore Sun. Now I know I'm not in Heaven.

Wow. Whatever respect I had left for the Baltimore Sun just went out the window. And you want people to PAY for content like this now? No wonder local newspapers are a dying business.

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About Erik Maza
Erik Maza is a features reporter at the Baltimore Sun. He writes for several sections of the Sun paper and contributes weekly columns on music and nightlife. He also writes and edits the Midnight Sun blog. He often covers entertainment, business, and the business of entertainment. Occasionally, he writes about Four Loko, The Block, the liquor board, and those who practice "simulated sex with a potted palm tree." Before The Sun, he was a reporter at the Miami New Times. He's also written for Miami magazine, the Orlando Sentinel, the Sarasota Herald Tribune and the Gainesville Sun. Got tips? Gripes? Pitches? He's reachable at Click here to keep up with the dumb music he's listening to.

Midnight Sun covers Baltimore music, live entertainment, and nightlife news. On the blog, you'll find, among other things, concert announcements, breaking news, bars closings and openings, up-to-date coverage of crime in nightlife, new music, round-the-clock coverage of Virgin Mobile FreeFest, handy guides on bars staying open past 2 a.m. on New Year's Eve and those that carry Natty Boh on draft. Recurring features include seven-day nightlife guides, Concert News, guest reviews of bars and concerts, Wednesday Corkboard, and photo galleries, as well as reader-submitted photos. Thanks for reading.

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