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October 7, 2008

The Sneaky Leaker

Brace yourselves. I have a post prepared that is sure to shock and appall you. In the interests of public discretion, I will give you a chance to stop reading now, if you wish. You can click away and never come back to this post.

Or, you can read on, as I tell you about one of the dirtiest, most devious devices man has ever known ... 

The Sneaky Leaker. I'm not sure if you can still buy one, because the company's Web site,, seems to be down. Maybe that's for the best.

From what I understand, the Sneaky Leaker is a contraption which allows a man to (sneakily) relieve himself without visiting a restroom. I won't get into the details, but it involves a tube which runs down inside the pant leg. Get it? Yeah. EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW.

And no, I've never used it. That is terribly, horribly unacceptable. But I know people who would use it. And I have friends who know people who use it -- namely at Ravens games. That way they can sit in their stadium seats and drink beer all afternoon without getting up. 

I hope this is news to all of you. But something tells me some of you may have heard of it -- maybe even tried it. And, for the same reason people stare at a car accident, I have to know. Well? Have you?

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Posted by Sam Sessa at 12:41 PM | | Comments (15)
Categories: Drink-ology


And meanwhile, technology now allows women the freedom of standing like men:

(I wonder if the Sneaky Leaker and the Whizzy can be combined?)

I am not a fan of the Sneaky Leaker BTW, since *blatant* leaking is already prevalent at outdoor events. (At the first VirginFest, rather than going to the bathroom, a guy peed right next to some picnickers, then threw a punch at me when I called him out on it.) The Sneaky Leaker will only exacerbate the problem (though may cut down on punches).

Guess what? I have friends who sneak a leak under the bar whilst standing there. DISGUSTING. I do not hang my coat under bars any longer.

David Sedaris wrote a pretty funny piece on a similar product.

Yeah..David Sedaris talked about this during his show at Meyerhoff Sunday night. He calls it.."the stadium pal..."

Ewww. Sam you are disgusting.

Someone once tried that whole "sneak a leak under the bar" thing and pissed on my foot instead. It was the first time I'd been out in Baltimore (and more than a year before I eventually moved up here) and let me tell you, not the best introduction I've ever had to a new city.

The builders of Ravens Stadium wanted to put some weird contraption in the women's restrooms. As I understood it, it was like a collapse-able, funnel-like beer bong with a hose attached. The woman walked into the stall, put a sanitary "texas t-shirt" around the opening of the funnel and she would put it between her legs. The person responsible for this device "claimed" it would speed up the line for the women. BTW - You see those troughs at the footstep in old timey bars? (See Tyson Tavern) They are made especially for that. Some say it's for 'spitting' but having to never leave the bar back in the old days (see 17th C) is what it was all about hon. P.S. Heard Bill's light house is up for sale 1.5M. Same goes for the No Idea and Don't know Taverns. Get on it Sam.

The thought of someone peeing at the bar is pretty horrific.

Dare I mention what establishment provided me with that lovely experience?

Do it! Do it!

Bill's Lighthouse has been sale for a while now. Unfortunately, Bill, the owner, passed away a couple of weeks ago. The old Charlottes is for sale as well. I am sure you could buy any bar on Cross Street for the right amount of money. Parking is a big issue with residents as well as business owners in the city. There will be plenty of businesses for sale in the near future.

You out of yo' friggin' mind! $1.5 MILLION for that place! Is that RE broker living on Krypton or just on crack? He must be getting the TV and radio waves from 2001-2005. Wow, wow and triple wow. go terps.

Starts with a "P" and ends in an "ortside Tavern"

Like I alluded to in the other comment, without additional parking (which is less than six blocks from the closest garage) business in general around Fort Avenue and all other bars in the area are going to suffer pretty big time. Count on it.

That is right [female dogs]. I am the owner of the Sneaky Leaker and rest assured, our site will be up soon enough. The whole idea was simple. Pee Where Ya Want...

Stay Tuned, cause we are rolling out new site with a surprise siting of the "Whose Poopy Is It" and games "Whose [expletive] Is it?"


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About Erik Maza
Erik Maza is a features reporter at the Baltimore Sun. He writes for several sections of the Sun paper and contributes weekly columns on music and nightlife. He also writes and edits the Midnight Sun blog. He often covers entertainment, business, and the business of entertainment. Occasionally, he writes about Four Loko, The Block, the liquor board, and those who practice "simulated sex with a potted palm tree." Before The Sun, he was a reporter at the Miami New Times. He's also written for Miami magazine, the Orlando Sentinel, the Sarasota Herald Tribune and the Gainesville Sun. Got tips? Gripes? Pitches? He's reachable at Click here to keep up with the dumb music he's listening to.

Midnight Sun covers Baltimore music, live entertainment, and nightlife news. On the blog, you'll find, among other things, concert announcements, breaking news, bars closings and openings, up-to-date coverage of crime in nightlife, new music, round-the-clock coverage of Virgin Mobile FreeFest, handy guides on bars staying open past 2 a.m. on New Year's Eve and those that carry Natty Boh on draft. Recurring features include seven-day nightlife guides, Concert News, guest reviews of bars and concerts, Wednesday Corkboard, and photo galleries, as well as reader-submitted photos. Thanks for reading.

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