Homer's kidnapper is ...
I had hoped it would never come to this.
I had hoped Homer's kidnapper, Bad Guyz, would return my beloved magnetic Simpsons toy. But it was not to be. I gave them an extra week to bring him back, but they did not budge.
So now, I will reveal the captor. Homer was kidnapped by ...
Consuming Interests columnist Dan Thanh Dang.
DAN THANH WHY DID YOU STEAL HOMER? WHYYYYYYYY!?!?! I'M TRAPPED IN A GLASS CAGE OF EMOTION!!!! WE WORKED TOGETHER. WE SHARED LAUGHS. AND NOW YOU BETRAY ME!!??!?! WWWWWWWHHHHHYYYYYYYYYYYY!?!?!?
Wheeze, cough, sputter, tissue, tears, drama.
I need a moment to collect myself.
Dan Thanh, I am giving you 24 hours to return Homer and apologize for your transgressions. Then, Midnight Sun attacks in a whirlwind of teeth and nails.
(Sun photo by Glenn Fawcett)