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October 28, 2008

Homer's kidnapper is ...

I had hoped it would never come to this.

I had hoped Homer's kidnapper, Bad Guyz, would return my beloved magnetic Simpsons toy. But it was not to be. I gave them an extra week to bring him back, but they did not budge.

So now, I will reveal the captor. Homer was kidnapped by ...

Consuming Interests columnist Dan Thanh Dang.

DAN THANH WHY DID YOU STEAL HOMER? WHYYYYYYYY!?!?! I'M TRAPPED IN A GLASS CAGE OF EMOTION!!!! WE WORKED TOGETHER. WE SHARED LAUGHS. AND NOW YOU BETRAY ME!!??!?! WWWWWWWHHHHHYYYYYYYYYYYY!?!?!?

Wheeze, cough, sputter, tissue, tears, drama.

I need a moment to collect myself.

OK.

Dan Thanh, I am giving you 24 hours to return Homer and apologize for your transgressions. Then, Midnight Sun attacks in a whirlwind of teeth and nails.

(Sun photo by Glenn Fawcett) 

 


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Posted by Sam Sessa at 2:42 PM | | Comments (16)
Categories: The Homer Saga
        

Comments

This is like finally finding out who shot JR.

And to think I just willingly accepted CI's runner-up prize package from their commentary milestone. I feel sick.

Consuming Interests eh? Sounds like a front. Show no mercy Sam!

I seem to remember accusing her way back.

I see my Sherlock Holmes-like powers of deduction are still in tact.

The strike team remains at full readiness. Say the word, Sam.

Sam, I would never hurt Homer! I'm far too kind and giving and, did i mention kind?, to do such horrible things. But I will confess, badguyz blackmailed me into helping. They had some dirt on me and I'm not ashamed to say that I caved. So call of your minions. (yea, I'm talking to YOU JASON.)

Sam,

Dan is a pretty sexy lady, I have seen her out a few times, nice! I might be willing to sacrifice Homer for the dirt on Dan. I can only imagine what it could be.

"Dan Thanh Dang?!"
"I would have gotten away with too if it weren't for you meddling kids!"

DAN THANH HOW COULD YOU BETRAY ME LIKE THIS? I WOULD TURN OFF CAPS LOCK BUT IM CRYING SO HARD I CANT SEE THE KEYBOARD AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

doood. suck it up.
crybaby.

bad guyz - suck it up? you're the one walking around with a target on your chest just waiting to draw a sniper's bead. i still need your head for my associate's halloween celebration centerpiece and hamlet. it's too late to shrink it, killjoy.

Sam,

Any news?

Dan Thanh Dang was brought up on charges?

Did karlosi and his associate get their Halloween celebration center piece?

Inquiring minds want to know!

Sam, have you forgotten Homer?

Come on Sam,

Where's Homer,

Better yet, where's Dan Thanh Dang?

Please don't forget Homer, who cares about $100 bills and bar time, what about Homer!!!

Sam - I assume Homer is hangin' with Jimmy Hoffa these days.

Gone the way of the dodo.

(cricket.... cricket)

Sam - I'll haunt for the rest of your life.
To minimize your pain you need to offer a donut to the gods every at about 8 o'clock - Homer

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About Erik Maza
Erik Maza is a features reporter at the Baltimore Sun. He writes for several sections of the Sun paper and contributes weekly columns on music and nightlife. He also writes and edits the Midnight Sun blog. He often covers entertainment, business, and the business of entertainment. Occasionally, he writes about Four Loko, The Block, the liquor board, and those who practice "simulated sex with a potted palm tree." Before The Sun, he was a reporter at the Miami New Times. He's also written for Miami magazine, the Orlando Sentinel, the Sarasota Herald Tribune and the Gainesville Sun. Got tips? Gripes? Pitches? He's reachable at erik.maza@baltsun.com. Click here to keep up with the dumb music he's listening to.

Midnight Sun covers Baltimore music, live entertainment, and nightlife news. On the blog, you'll find, among other things, concert announcements, breaking news, bars closings and openings, up-to-date coverage of crime in nightlife, new music, round-the-clock coverage of Virgin Mobile FreeFest, handy guides on bars staying open past 2 a.m. on New Year's Eve and those that carry Natty Boh on draft. Recurring features include seven-day nightlife guides, Concert News, guest reviews of bars and concerts, Wednesday Corkboard, and photo galleries, as well as reader-submitted photos. Thanks for reading.
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