Homer's kidnapper is ...
I had hoped it would never come to this.
I had hoped Homer's kidnapper, Bad Guyz, would return my beloved magnetic Simpsons toy. But it was not to be. I gave them an extra week to bring him back, but they did not budge.
So now, I will reveal the captor. Homer was kidnapped by ...
Consuming Interests columnist Dan Thanh Dang.
DAN THANH WHY DID YOU STEAL HOMER? WHYYYYYYYY!?!?! I'M TRAPPED IN A GLASS CAGE OF EMOTION!!!! WE WORKED TOGETHER. WE SHARED LAUGHS. AND NOW YOU BETRAY ME!!??!?! WWWWWWWHHHHHYYYYYYYYYYYY!?!?!?
Wheeze, cough, sputter, tissue, tears, drama.
I need a moment to collect myself.
OK.
Dan Thanh, I am giving you 24 hours to return Homer and apologize for your transgressions. Then, Midnight Sun attacks in a whirlwind of teeth and nails.
(Sun photo by Glenn Fawcett)
Erik Maza is a features reporter at the Baltimore Sun. He writes for several sections of the Sun paper and contributes weekly columns on music and nightlife. He also writes and edits the Midnight Sun blog. He often covers entertainment, business, and the business of entertainment. Occasionally, he writes about Four Loko, The Block, the liquor board, and those who practice "
Comments
This is like finally finding out who shot JR.
And to think I just willingly accepted CI's runner-up prize package from their commentary milestone. I feel sick.
Posted by: Evan | October 28, 2008 2:53 PM
Consuming Interests eh? Sounds like a front. Show no mercy Sam!
Posted by: Drew from Greektown | October 28, 2008 3:05 PM
I seem to remember accusing her way back.
I see my Sherlock Holmes-like powers of deduction are still in tact.
The strike team remains at full readiness. Say the word, Sam.
Posted by: bryanintimonium | October 28, 2008 3:14 PM
Sam, I would never hurt Homer! I'm far too kind and giving and, did i mention kind?, to do such horrible things. But I will confess, badguyz blackmailed me into helping. They had some dirt on me and I'm not ashamed to say that I caved. So call of your minions. (yea, I'm talking to YOU JASON.)
Posted by: dan thanh | October 29, 2008 8:53 AM
Sam,
Dan is a pretty sexy lady, I have seen her out a few times, nice! I might be willing to sacrifice Homer for the dirt on Dan. I can only imagine what it could be.
Posted by: jason | October 29, 2008 11:59 AM
"Dan Thanh Dang?!"
"I would have gotten away with too if it weren't for you meddling kids!"
Posted by: J.M. Giordano | October 29, 2008 1:10 PM
DAN THANH HOW COULD YOU BETRAY ME LIKE THIS? I WOULD TURN OFF CAPS LOCK BUT IM CRYING SO HARD I CANT SEE THE KEYBOARD AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
Posted by: Sam Sessa | October 29, 2008 1:55 PM
doood. suck it up.
crybaby.
Posted by: bad guyz | October 30, 2008 3:53 PM
bad guyz - suck it up? you're the one walking around with a target on your chest just waiting to draw a sniper's bead. i still need your head for my associate's halloween celebration centerpiece and hamlet. it's too late to shrink it, killjoy.
Posted by: karlosi | October 30, 2008 5:09 PM
Sam,
Any news?
Dan Thanh Dang was brought up on charges?
Did karlosi and his associate get their Halloween celebration center piece?
Inquiring minds want to know!
Posted by: GDA | November 25, 2008 10:45 AM
Sam, have you forgotten Homer?
Posted by: Stebbin | March 24, 2009 5:42 PM
Come on Sam,
Where's Homer,
Better yet, where's Dan Thanh Dang?
Please don't forget Homer, who cares about $100 bills and bar time, what about Homer!!!
Posted by: jason | March 25, 2009 1:48 AM
Sam - I assume Homer is hangin' with Jimmy Hoffa these days.
Posted by: Stebbin | June 30, 2009 3:58 PM
Gone the way of the dodo.
Posted by: gone but not forgotten | July 1, 2009 7:39 AM
(cricket.... cricket)
Posted by: Pat | January 21, 2010 11:26 AM
Sam - I'll haunt for the rest of your life.
To minimize your pain you need to offer a donut to the gods every at about 8 o'clock - Homer
Posted by: The Ghost of Homer Simpson | May 28, 2010 7:48 PM