Exciting developments in the Homer Saga
Well gang, I have some good news and some bad news.
First, the bad news. As you can see, Bad Guyz have brutally mutilated Homer. They are using scare tactics, and these scare tactics will not work.
As you may well know, we have begun an extensive covert operation to find and rescue our beloved Homer.
And that operation has born fruit. We now hold the smoking gun.
We, Midnight Sun, know who kidnapped and tortured Homer.
Allow me to explain ...
When Bad Guyz sent their most recent email, Midnight Sun's crack team of Interweb Investigators quickly went to work, trying to trace the source.
And we have the source. And it shocked us to the core.
This source was someone we trusted. Someone who was close to us from the beginning. And this person betrayed that trust.
But we at Midnight Sun are not vindictive by nature. We have not tortured our hostages. Nor do we plan to.
Instead, we would like to make a proposal. Bad Guyz, you return Homer by Thursday Oct. 23 and we will return our hostages. If not, we will disclose your true identity. And may God have mercy on your soul.
Erik Maza is a features reporter at the Baltimore Sun. He writes for several sections of the Sun paper and contributes weekly columns on music and nightlife. He also writes and edits the Midnight Sun blog. He often covers entertainment, business, and the business of entertainment. Occasionally, he writes about Four Loko, The Block, the liquor board, and those who practice "
Comments
Homer Simpson, astronaut. A man barely alive. Gentlemen, we can rebuild him. We have the technology. We have the capability to build the world's first bionic man. Homer Simpson will be that man. Better than he was before. Better, stronger, faster.
Posted by: jason | October 20, 2008 8:15 AM
Why don't you just buy a new Homer?
Posted by: Jeff Mewbourn | October 20, 2008 8:33 AM
The whole deal has to be off now. They harmed the hostage and for all we know - he could have bled out.
Time to send in the strike team, take out the bad guys and put your hostages against the wall.
Posted by: bryanintimonium | October 20, 2008 8:56 AM
A new Homer? Outrageous!
Posted by: Drew from Greektown | October 20, 2008 9:15 AM
It's obviously Jeff Mewbourn who stole him and is now trying to distract us by saying buy a new Homer
Buy a new Homer?? WTF? thats absurd!
Posted by: WheelSee | October 20, 2008 12:45 PM
any idiot can do an IP trace on any email. Duh. D'oh.
Posted by: e-homer | October 21, 2008 1:02 PM
dood, quit threatening us. we got lots of help. we just passed da parts of homer we gots left to another dood. we are everywhere. youse can keep yer hostages. we don't even know them. quit foolin around and pay us. or at least buy us a beer... times are tough out there. our pal sez homer's drinking a lot MOR now that he's hurt. da lush. we gonna cut him off soon.
Posted by: bad guyz | October 22, 2008 5:52 PM