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July 8, 2008

Pure Aqua opens

pure aquaMS reader Courtney spotted this story in the Baltimore Business Journal about Pure Aqua, a new club in Canton.

Sound familiar? Pure Aqua is the latest version of Aqua, the pool side club set up in the Merritt Athletic Center after hours.

The new owner is Ali Sadeghi, who has managed Ruth's Chris and The Havana Club, among others. Pure Aqua opened June 21, according to the piece.

I love this one paragraph, which comes near the top of the article. It perfectly sums up the kind of people who go there. You couldn't make this stuff up:

"Look at the women," Terry Christensen, a muscular 29-year-old, said with a smile. His diamond earring, pinky ring and bracelet glistened. "Beautiful women." 

Hee hee. 

(Photo of the original Aqua by Chiaki Kiwajiri) 

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Posted by Sam Sessa at 8:55 AM | | Comments (28)
Categories: Bars & Clubs


LOL, cheese whiz in da house!

"So baby, how's that pomegranite Martini?"

"Oh it's scrumpscious!"

"You know I work out here during the week, I'm sure you can tell."

"Oh I can tell. That shirt looks hot, did you get that from Banana Republic?"

"Yeah babe, this beat and vibe in this place is the s**t."

Count me in-- I would love to receive that kind of attention.

I still can't believe they think they're going to make money on this thing. I really don't see why they feel the need to make it such a production (I work out there and saw them setting up last weekend). If they're determined to have a bar there, they could just roll out the futons (does this mean you can turn it into a bed and take a nap?) and serve drinks? Who the hell needs trapeze artists?

I'd like to point out that the "club" is flanked by Ed Hale's dirt parking lot on one side and what I assume are oil storage tanks on the other. And if you look real hard, you can see the giant mountains of coal in the distance. The worst part is that gym members get no discount. This is ridiculous.

Baltimore needs this and so does America ... it is fueling the resurgance of the economy by giving jobs to out of work bathroom attendants. There is quite a high demand for hair gel, hair spray, flavored condoms and shots of axe body spray at a ritzy club like that ... plus given the laws of supply and demand they can make good money by charging not $1 but $2 a pop, LOL! :-)

I heard some people talking about it last week and I threw up in my mouth a little. "Like you can work out AND drink there!"

Jeff is SO close, but I think he's giving them too much credit. Jeff, you've been married too long. You have NO idea how bad it's gotten.

Imagine this:

Suh, is that like Tommy Bahama?

Uh huh.

The shirt or the rum?



Boat duh shirt end duh rum.


Uh huh ...

Suh, you Ashley?

Muh-ee? Yuh.

Wanna see my pack?

Oh I feel dizzy.

If you don't know the site yet, you MUST check out

Of course, Baltimore douche nozzles can't compare with Jersey boyz, but you'll get the idea.

That guy is a regular at Ful.

Gotta love that BBJ quote...

"It's a place where we choose the people we want in our club"

Hopefully they want every jabrone in their Affliction/Ed Hardy douche gear

I LOVE this kind of place! For the same reason Frank Zappa said he loved disco. He said he loved disco because it kept all those [nasty types] out of his hair. If you can keep all the [nasty types] in their [nasty homes], then the rest of the city is free of them.

I forgot one quote..

"Ease up on the bumps, your nose is bleeding"

Rusty pipes!

I would LOVE to see an informal photo essay on this place Sam. And by photo essay I mean a bunch of photos, which would tell their own obvious story. Do you know anyone intrepid enough to venture in? I think it would make a great tongue in cheek features story or at least some clicks for the blog.

This guy is my favorite. I hope lipstick for men makes it way from Jersey to Bmore:

nice touch sam

here's a preview of the parking lot parties

Sweeeeeeet dance moves! I dig the white belt.

Where is this place located? On the Keybump Highway?

rick's is making a comeback as pure aqua (aka pure ghb if you are a girl).

did anyone catch a glimpse of prince ali sadeghi on the cover of the bbj? i doubt he has the looks to get into his own club.

this officially signifies the end of the 24-30 debate.

What's the 24-30 debate?

This is exactly what I needed to brighten an otherwise busy day. Further proof that Merritt Athletic types are postiively douchetastic!

It's not surprising that Merritt now has a club. I remember when I used to work out at the Fort Avenue club, and it amazed me how some people would dress just to work out.

Alright... I had to do it...

Not only do you get to super parlay with my man Ali, but also the man Russian Mike.

Pics are here:

Some of them chicks look used and abused. You even have Steve DeCastro in his all black, old man, club wear.

For more Hot Chicks with Douchebags and Scissor Gang Mafia members, be sure to check out

p.s. - I made out with one of the chicks in 10733__DLP9804.jpg after about 10 RB's and Vodka.


"Of course, Baltimore douche nozzles can't compare with Jersey boyz..."

Don't delude yourself, every state has them in comparable level of attractiveness, even Maryland. After all y'all keep making snide and snarky remarks about the Federal Hill meatheads, that should give you a clue that they roam/infest Baltimore.

An equal opportunity demographic of ......... (you'll delete the actual word anyway).

I don't doubt that Baltimore has it's own crop of nozzle-worthies, but Jerzey just has SO much practice. When I start seeing leather-tanned mesomorphs wearing lipstick and pursing their lips for photos, then I will know we have made it.

If you want to see Pure Skank in full Herpa-Vision go to the link below and check out the Gallery of Skankographs.

You have to register to view the gallery but feel free to use my registration!
user= pureknob
pw = pureknob

It's not pretty.

Owl Meat,

No I think, At least, NYC & LA out rank NJ.
I fail to see the how anyone would find engaging in any social activity looking like they be working for a landscaper all day or spreading asphalt (love this word in this context). If it was me looking like that, I'd strip, shower, and put on something respectable that would make me look like I had at least a couple of dollars to rub together.
What's wrong with these girls. Most of these guys look worthy of a restraining order to keep them away from them.

How gauche!

"Shaved apes" comes to mind. Yeah, I don't think we'll run into each other there GDA.

I liked the comment that it should be called Pure GHB. I was thinking Pure DateRape, but the former is more clever.

Pure Herpes

Where do these pork-heads buy their gear? Is there a Mesh Shirt World somewhere? I'm guessing in a Dundalk or Glen Burnie strip mall?

I love any conversation that beats up on Jersey. There are only 3 reasons to be in Jersey.

1. To get to NYC.
2. You get lost on your way out of a late night in Philly.
3. Pick up girls - For the most part, they breed them well. Stay close to the shore and the northern beaches. You'll have to fend off the greased up scum who's pictures are now permanently linked to this blog, but if she's like any other Jersey girl I know, just act confident and tell her why she deserves better. That's what those guys lack -- they have egos, but no confidence to really back it.


Apparently yours is a lush situation better served by remaining in Maryland and as you gaze into your brew of choice, ponder this Dorothy Parker quote: "You can lead a horticulture, but you can't make her think".

Greetings from Nova Caesarea

Nova Caesarea ... too clever by far.

This is what I want for my make-believe birthday next week.
1) A German shepherd
2) A doggy vest for her that says "DEA".
3) The guts to wander around the parking lot at Pure Aqua with her.
4) An intrepid friend with a video camera.

"What? I'm just walking my dog Dea. Hey, stop that, that was rude, whoa that hurts, .... Attica! Attica!! Attica!"

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About Erik Maza
Erik Maza is a features reporter at the Baltimore Sun. He writes for several sections of the Sun paper and contributes weekly columns on music and nightlife. He also writes and edits the Midnight Sun blog. He often covers entertainment, business, and the business of entertainment. Occasionally, he writes about Four Loko, The Block, the liquor board, and those who practice "simulated sex with a potted palm tree." Before The Sun, he was a reporter at the Miami New Times. He's also written for Miami magazine, the Orlando Sentinel, the Sarasota Herald Tribune and the Gainesville Sun. Got tips? Gripes? Pitches? He's reachable at Click here to keep up with the dumb music he's listening to.

Midnight Sun covers Baltimore music, live entertainment, and nightlife news. On the blog, you'll find, among other things, concert announcements, breaking news, bars closings and openings, up-to-date coverage of crime in nightlife, new music, round-the-clock coverage of Virgin Mobile FreeFest, handy guides on bars staying open past 2 a.m. on New Year's Eve and those that carry Natty Boh on draft. Recurring features include seven-day nightlife guides, Concert News, guest reviews of bars and concerts, Wednesday Corkboard, and photo galleries, as well as reader-submitted photos. Thanks for reading.

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